"Ian? What are you doing here? Weren't you going on the raid? And what happened to Wanda?" Lily asked.
What happened to Wanda? Why was she asking me that?
"What do you mean what happened to Wanda? What's wrong with her," I said. I realized that my voice didn't feel like my own. It sounded shaky and I knew it was because panic had set in.
Well, she was crying and I tried to stop her and ask her what had happened but she flew right past me, I'm not even sure if she heard or saw me," she responded, looking at me with an almost apologetic view
I stared at her and for a minute I wanted to yell at her and ask her why didn't come looking for me immediately but I knew it wasn't her fault.
"Do you know where she was running from and going to?" I asked instead, impatiently waiting for her answer.
Well, she came from the direction of the hospital where I assumed you were and I'm also assuming she went to the cache for the raid, remember?'' She answered.
The hospital? Wanda was crying. How could I be so stupid?! She saw the kiss, Ana gave me! But that meant nothing. It's not like when I kiss her and the world shakes around me. Like the feeling of being alone and in a timeless place. Wanda is barely understanding human emotions and with what she saw, she must be devastated. I hurt her and now she thinks I have betrayed her. I realized what I had done.
I immediately kicked my head and feet into gear and ran to our room with the hopes that she would be waiting for me there to explain. I banged the door open half expecting her to be sitting on the bed but to my dismay she wasn't there. Her raid bag was missing from the foot of the bed and I knew that she'd gone. The cache! I have to hurry.
I turned around to leave the room and as I did, I was met with a familiar face, a sharp pain, and total darkness.
I hadn't realized how much I loved the outdoors. The real me. I hadn't thought of it before because I was so used to living in the caves but right now, in this moment, with this boy who didn't like me in the beginning but does now, I feel completely at home. I didn't really feel like going into any store, especially not the way I looked.
Jared was driving the car at low speed, I looked over at him and asked him to stop. We were in complete darkness only just a couple of hours before sunrise in the middle of nowhere. But I couldn't go any further.
As he grinded to a halt and set the jeep in park, he looked at me with a quizzical brow. I almost felt how much he really cared and worried about me.
"I just, I really don't feel.., I don't want to go anywhere. I kind of just want to stay right in this spot. Feeling the cool crisp air, the sound of darkness and silence everywhere. I don't want to feel what I feel," I felt like he wouldn't understand how I felt but then remembered that he watched Ian kiss Melanie's body several times, so he must know how I feel.
He stared at me for couple of seconds, nodded his head and faced forward again.
We sat in silence for a while, just pondering our thoughts. I tried to make sense of what I saw, what I felt, and how I would deal with it. I couldn't really find an answer. It was all too much for me, I didn't understand what I was feeling let alone what to do with it. Souls, the real me, my people, we don't deal with these emotions and we don't feel anger or jealousy or hate toward another living thing. We are all about peace, love, and understanding. But right now, I felt anger, anger at Ian for kissing that brunette person. Jealousy at that brunette girl for kissing Ian, and a bit of hatred toward them both. It was an ugly feeling, a feeling I wanted gone.
"What are you thinking about, Wanda?" I heard Jared speak breaking my thoughts and piercing the sweetness of this wonderful silence.
I never asked Jared this question and now that I'm going through something similar, I feel the need to ask him and say sorry.
I sighed a big breath, "How did it make you feel when you saw me kiss Ian, I mean Melanie, well her body?" I almost whispered it but I'm sure he heard me through the dead stone silence.
"I guess I felt jealousy, and frustration. And I also wanted to hurt Ian badly. But for the most part I felt relief, that I had her back with me even if her body was in someone else's arms. It took me a while to understand but I finally did. I knew that inside Melanie, you were there, and that it wasn't really Melanie that was kissing Ian, but you. I knew there was an explanation behind it. I just needed to see it differently, from a different angle," he said, turning to look at me as we could see the sunrise just a few miles ahead.
I thought about what he said and I think I got the message. Maybe I was seeing something that wasn't there. Maybe there was an explanation for the kiss between Ian and that brunette girl. Maybe I just had to look through a different angle.
I was about to tell Jared I understood what he was saying but the noise of a whirring sound caught my attention. Jared and I both looked in the air and spotted a helicopter heading our way. Jared immediately turned the jeep on and started driving heading further away from the caves. My heart was pounding as Jared yelled at me to hang on to something. I had confidence that Jared would outsmart them. For a moment it felt like we were as we were speeding through the rocky roads of the desert. The sirens were the first sign that we wouldn't get out of this one, at least not in one piece. They came out of nowhere, the seeker cars, with their shining and blinding color. Jared turned to look at me with his eyes full of resignation and I knew what they said. "Don't let them catch you". The phrase resonated in my mind. I knew we had those handy little suicide pills somewhere, I reached toward the compartment to pull them out. Thinking of how I would never get to know what happened between Ian and that girl, I wouldn't see Jaime grow up, I wouldn't share stories or adventures with Mel or Jared and I would never again see, touch, smell, or feel Ian, the love of my life ever again. I grabbed the pills, turned to give one to Jared, and the last thing I saw was a seeker car headed straight for a crash into us.
Note: New chapter, again sorry for not posting sooner but I have been seeing all the reviews, likes and I really thank all of you for that because it has pushed me to write new chapters and post them. I'm always pressed for time but I try my best. So thank you all for the support.