You are starting to come to the conclusion that summoning an inter-dimensional demon was a bad idea.
You're not sure why it took you so long to come to this conclusion.
It started when the much-hyped meta episode of Gravity Falls aired. The plot was stated to be that Dipper and Mabel found an ancient tome with the help of Bill Cipher which when activated sent them through a portal to the "real world." Because Disney's scheduling was really stupid, the fans had to wait three months for it to air When the episode itself finally aired, reports of a paranormal storm and two pre-teens materializing in a field reached the news. It had been assumed an elaborate publicity stunt on Alex Hirsch's part, and was deemed very effective and cool.
But as an avid conspiracy theorist it occurred to you that it was possible that Dipper and Mabel had ACTUALLY managed to enter your world. You decided to find the ancient tome on this side of the portal, and surprise surprise. You ended up finding it.
The only problem is, the gate is held open by Bill Cipher and he'll only let you through to their side if you make a deal.
I suppose you also might have wanted a chance to ask Cipher to assume a human form for whatever reason under the assumption that he would be an attractive male. Bill Cipher hails from a dimension where there are literally billions of genders, so this is a bit presumptuous on your end if you are thinking this. But no matter.
If you're not thinking this you're probably wondering what the hell this guy is rambling on about, or are laughing about it. Either one, really.
The summoning is underway. Your words start to fluctuate to some extent. You are not sure what is going on but for some idiotic reason you're not scared.
┴ɥǝ snɯɯouᴉuƃ ᴉs nupǝɹʍɐʎ˙ ʎonɹ ʍoɹps sʇɐɹʇ ʇo ɟlnɔʇnɐʇǝ ʇo soɯǝ ǝxʇǝuʇ˙ ʎon ɐɹǝ uoʇ snɹǝ ʍɥɐʇ ᴉs ƃoᴉuƃ ou qnʇ ɟoɹ soɯǝ ᴉpᴉoʇᴉɔ ɹǝɐsou ʎon,ɹǝ uoʇ sɔɐɹǝp˙
Your reverse message ascends into the sky, echoing throughout all of space-time. The sky dims. The world turns monochrome. You take a step back–afraid for the first time. It's really a wonder you've managed to survive in this world so long, making stupid-ass decisions like this one all the time. Really, how are you still alive? Ah well. Another mystery for the ages, and not one likely to be investigated.
The reason that it won't be investigated is of course the fact that there's a distinct possibility you could be dead or worse after the end of this conversation.
But that's just a risk you're willing to take.
The triangle-shaped vortex appears in the sky and slowly fades into the gold creature you adore so much for whatever reason. His little stick arms and legs come out and a cane materializes in his hands.
The summoning is complete.
Bill Cipher is here.
WELL WELL WELL...
What have we here?
The demon floats around nonchalantly. Even though he has no mouth you feel as though he's constantly grinning and it unnerves you. He sets his feet on the ground in front of you and laughs.
Another summon? Wow, I'm pretty in demand nowadays! Ha ha! SO!
Suddenly he's behind you, floating cross-legged and upside-down.
What appears to be the dilemma? You wanna make a deal, huh? I s'pose you're a fan of my work, huh? Well I'm glad you dropped by!
You start to say something but he interrupts you.
Ah! You don't need to say a word! You're in MY realm now! You want my wisdom! You want my sparkling personality! But more importantly, you want me to open a gate to the world of Gravity Falls!
You nod in terror. He flashes red and leans in close to you. You scream and nearly wet yourself. It's hilarious.
SO NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GIVE MY END OF THE BARGAIN!
You politely inquire as to what he wants in return, well-aware that you'll have to force him to be very specific. You know how he operates. Exact words, vague statements, and hypotheticals are his forte.
He laughs. He sure does laugh a lot. -_-
HA! You're funny! Trying to trick me! WELL, I can safely say that I will do everything in my power to make you comfortable. and take you to the other end of this portal. It'll be fun!
You nod, panicked. That's all you want. A chance to meet your favorite characters. Perhaps advise them on whom they should consider falling in love with. You know, because twelve-year olds have romance on their minds all the time. And if they don't have romance on their minds, you'll force them to in whatever way. Brainwashing is fun.
I like the way you think! Very fascist! But in order to fulfill my end of the bargain, I'm going to need control of the narrative! SO! Why don't you just go ahead and make the deal?
He extends his hand. Blue fire illuminates the otherwise drab surroundings. You hesitate. In no way is this a good idea. You consider not taking the bait. You consider calling off the deal and fleeing forever. You consider flipping the triangle off and running away. He has no power over you if you don't make a deal with him...right?
AH WHO ARE YOU KIDDIN'? THIS IS THE BEST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD!
Like an utter dumbass, you shake his hand.
The world goes black.
Your eyes open slowly. The world is blurry and mushy, and you suddenly regret everything. Slowly, you come to, dusting yourself off and taking a look around. You appear to be in the middle of the woods. The surroundings are filled with a sickly yellow glow that disorients you and makes your stomach. Slowly, you trace your finger along the eye mark on one of the trees.
Something's wrong here. Something is very, very wrong here.
WELL WELL WELL!
You scream and back away. Bill Cipher materializes behind you once again. His voice reverberates through your head. You clasp your hand to your forehead, crying out.
I spy, with my singular eye, someone who could be described as a S-U-C-K-E-R!
You back up, and crash into a tree. You breathe heavily as Bill looks down smugly at you. You don't know why you let him trick you. You just firmly grasped that Idiot Ball as hard as you could, didn't you? Congratulations.
I can't actually bring you to Gravity Falls! Only denizens of THEIR universe can go between for whatever reason. So instead I got you the next best thing! My own PERSONAL version of Gravity Falls! EVERYTHING here is under my control!
You gulp, and start pleading for Bill to take you back to your own world. You don't want to know what kind of twisted things he'll do.
He seems to consider it for a moment.
Look kid. I may be sadistic and masochistic but I have STANDARDS, dude. Whatever twisted things I come up with are NOTHING compared to what you people can do! OHHHH, you'll SEE some of my trademark humor in this world, but to be honest I'm curious to see what you do! So I've made this...close to the original but NOOOOT QUITE. There are a few...adjustments that you'll notice when you start looking around.
All dignity gone, you start begging for Bill to relent. To take you back to your home. Tears fall down your face. You clasp your hands together, promising to kiss every dollar bill you find if he lets you back into your home dimension, please please please please just make it end-
HEY LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!
You stare into the abyss. The triangle. It consumes your soul. Actually, strike that. Your soul was probably taken long ago. Your soul was so icky that the soul-eater in question decided to go on a diet. That's how bad your soul is. And I honestly have no idea what I'm saying here so you should probably ignore me.
I'm gonna leave you alone for now! Again, don't worry! I made sure to keep it close to the original because I'm a nice guy. So come on! Take a look around! I've made sure to cater to your utmost desires. This...shipping? Incest? Whatever you call it? Never fear. I know ALL the memes, and ALL THE SHIPS! SO LET'S JUST SEE WHAT YOU FIND THEN! See what you can DO!
You rise to your feet, growling. You're going to get out of this. You inform the isosceles monster of this fact.
The demon would probably be grinning right now if he had a mouth.
I'm sure you will! But for now, ciao! I'll see you soooooon!
And with that, the demon vanishes in a burst of light.
You glance around at the sickly woods.
In the distance you can see the Mystery Shack.
You take a deep breath, shaking in your boots.
And deciding that it couldn't possibly get worse, you start walking towards it.
You have no idea what's going to happen next but it's all you can do to press onward.
My entry into the Gravity Falls fandom, everybody. My name is The Sarcasm Master and I'm a pretty big writer over in the Total Drama fandom! It's hard to find good fics in this section, so I found it fitting that this will be a parody of a lot of common Gravity Falls fanfiction trends including but not limited to Pinecest, Bill/anyone, and in general the focus on romance. Anyone has any awesome ideas, let me know and I'll probably parody it in some way!
I advise reading my profile just to get an idea of what "authorverses" are, because those might be popping up in here as well.
Basically: if you aren't capable of poking fun at yourself and get easily offended, this story is probably not for you. But for those of you who are self-aware and are fine with a lot of meta humor and satire, feel free to review and stick around! This might be a flop, it might not! All I can do is to wait and see...
See you all hopefully next time!