Joe's Note: After some of the other chapters and the permutations on pairings, threesomes, and moresomes that they contained? I kinda wanted to cover territory that I didn't think I'd really covered thus far: people who were pulled together by Halloween but whose reaction wasn't binary. Meaning they didn't fall madly in love nor did they go 'fuck this shit, I'm out' upon waking up. The fact that Cordelia is in a preexisting relationship in all the chapters in the back half of this story added an additional complication to the idea, but that was honestly half the fun here. And so with this, at least until I can think up at least five - probably ten - new costume ideas? I bid you adieu and happy reading.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, MJ, Christopher, Daniel, Brian, Crusifikz70, Rollin, Chris N, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Janne, Joseph, Jason, mpop, Riley, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Timothy, Leigh, Chris, George, Koby, Dimitria, William, Mauday, Stephane, Ken, Warslick, Paul, Pat, Mitch, Joel, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.
"This doesn't even make sense."
"Sure it does. Isabela was involved."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Oh God, are you one of those people who sees a character online and decides to dress up as them without ever playing the game?"
"What? No! I've played Origins and Awakening and Dragon Age 2 and-"
"Then how do you not know?"
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Cordelia Chase stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom and shook her head in disbelief as her girlfriend and nemesis bickered back and forth across her supine body. Given their respective personalities, she couldn't honestly say that she was surprised that Kat and Willow were ruining a perfectly good morning after by arguing… any more than she was surprised by the situation that she'd found herself in. Because to quote Xander, she'd pretty much become the universe's butt monkey ever since Summers had moved to Sunnydale, and it would have been naïve of her to think that she'd get a reprieve from that role for Halloween. So it made perfect sense - at least insofar as the insanity that was her life was concerned - that her picking a costume that was related to Kat's but not a proper couples costume would in turn lead to a magic-fueled threesome with someone dressed as her character's canon other half. Especially given that her girlfriend was vehemently monogamous and would probably dump her over the whole matter. The universe hated her.
Raising her hand up over her face, Cordelia took a moment to admire the way the morning light pouring in through the windows played over her duskier skin and the three rings that she was wearing. While her mixed heritage meant that she was always the darkest of her friends - save for Aura, obviously - her skin was definitely a shade or three darker than it had been before the Halloween spell had mixed some Rivaini DNA into her genetic stew. And the costume jewelry that she'd donned for the night was definitely real now; she could feel the different in the rings' weight as they rested on her fingers. While pretty and expensive jewelry wasn't exactly something she lacked, Cordelia certainly wasn't going to complain about the fact that she now owned even more. Granted her new acquisitions were the gaudy sorts of things that one would expect to find in a pirate captain's finery… but these days, that was a bit less of a failing in her mind.
The slowly increasing volume of her companions' argument pulled Cordelia from her thoughts, and she groaned loudly before rolling over onto Kat, straddling the slimmer girl's hips as she cupped Kat's face in her hands and stared down into her eyes. "Darling? It's Willow. I would be surprised to find out that she's even aware of the group sex options in the game, much less that she's ever encountered them. Now, if you simply must do something other than lay here and enjoy this lovely morning? I can think of much, much better uses for that energetic mouth of yours."
Smirking down at her girlfriend as Kat McKee licked her lips slowly at the proposition, her pupils dilating in arousal, Cordelia abruptly found herself treated to rude reminder that there was someone else in their bed… and she wasn't nearly as much fun as the woman who'd possessed her body the night before. "Ahem! I'm right here, you know!"
"Oh believe me, I know." Ignoring Kat's exasperated sigh, Cordelia turned her head and gave Willow Rosenberg a slow once-over. "If that's your way of saying that you'd want in on the action, I've never tried it for myself but Isabela's memories have a few suggestions on how I could put your mouth to work as well…"
"No!" It was hard to tell who sounded more offended by the offer: Willow or Kat. The two shared a look, as if genuinely surprised that they might possibly be capable of agreeing on anything, and then a hand reached up to cup Cordelia's chin and turn her head to look down at a thoroughly unamused Kat. "Sweetie? I can promise you that if I ever change my mind about threesomes and decide to have one of my own free will? I promise that it will definitely not be with Willow Rosenberg of all people."
Even as Cordelia bit her lip to avoid snickering at the disgusted look on Kat's face, the affronted huff from Willow's direction proved too much for her self-control and she burst into laughter. "Not that I want to have sex with Cordelia or anyone who's ever touched Cordelia… but excuse me? I'll have you know that I'd be an amazing catch."
Sighing as she realized that her attempt to distract Kat from bickering with Willow had failed miserably, Cordelia rolled off of her girlfriend and slid out of bed, unheeding of her nudity as she made her way over to her dresser. After all, it wasn't like anyone was paying attention to her… or her gorgeous, utterly naked body. While normally she was all for cutting people down to size - especially when it was coming from Kat, who was amenable sometimes to the point of being deferential around most people - there was a time and place for everything… and when she was naked and eager was neither the time nor the place. "Seriously, would it kill you two to put aside your differences long enough to get laid? Because I'm not going to lie, it's a hell of a hit to my ego that I'm standing here naked offering to fuck one or both of you, and I'm not getting anything from anyone."
Silence abruptly descended on the room as Cordelia continued to dig through her dresser in search of clean underwear. For some reason - probably the influence of Isabela - she was in the mood for something blue today. And a thong. Unsurprisingly given the extent of her collection of intimates, she found something suitable and then moved onward to the closet in search of a dress that wise likewise amenable to her newfound Rivaini sensibilities. Glancing back over her shoulder, she found Kat staring at her in disbelief as Willow did her best to look anywhere other than Cordelia's naked body… or the equally naked Kat still in bed with her. "Wait, you were serious? And not just having a shades of Isabela moment? You want to have sex… with Willow..?"
"We had fun last night, didn't we?"
"No, the Inquisitor had fun with Hawke and Isabela last night and-"
"Oh really? So then what, you're saying that I regained control of my body and that you were still possessed when I was most definitely having sex of my own free will?" Cordelia arched an eyebrow imperiously at Kat, who blushed faintly before mumbling something under her breath as she looked away. "Mhmm. That's what I thought. Besides, I'm not saying that we should date her. It's Willow, after all. But that doesn't mean we can't have a bit more fun with her before she has to do her Walk of Shame back to the middle class part of town."
Given Kat's firmly held opinions on the subject of threesomes, the mixed look of curiosity and uncertainty - with significantly more of the latter than the former - was honestly the best that Cordelia could have hoped for. "Okay, so, for the sake of argument let's pretend that I hadn't made my thoughts on threesomes abundantly clear like, a dozen times over already. And let's also forget the decade or so of antipathy between you and Willow… oh, and the snide comments that she makes whenever she's around either of us, the shit she started on not one but two Facebook Groups that we're both a part of, and the things she said to my friends about me at WonderCon last spring because she didn't know they were my friends." The Facebook thing was a bit surprising given that Kat barely even used most of her social media accounts. The WonderCon incident, on the other hand? Cordelia had already gotten her revenge and moved on; watching one of the softball players 'accidentally' slam Willow into a locker face-first had been worth all two hundred dollars that she'd bribed the girl. "Why Willow? If nothing else, aren't you worried that she'll tell people at school?"
Cordelia shrugged before wandering into her closet in search of something to wear; at some point today, she was going to need to shower and get dressed. As she sifted through the two dozen or so white dresses hanging neatly in a row, she raised her voice so that they could continue their conversation. "Your Dalish mage Inquisitor was Spirit-heavy, wasn't she? Spirit, Necromancer, and then a few points in Storm and obviously Inquisitor? Oh don't look at me like that, I pay attention to everything that's important to you, even your video games. Now as I was saying… the Spirit school of magic includes mind magic, right? If you're really that worried about her blabbing, we could always have our fun and then you could Obliviate her before I toss her out."
In that moment, she could picture Kat perfectly in her mind's eye: eyes wide but brows slightly furrowed, and her mouth open wide as she leaned forward slightly. "Wow. Just… wow. First of all? We got turned into characters from Dragon Age, not Harry Potter. Even if I wanted to, I can't throw around Memory Charms. Second of all? That's really fucked up. What the hell, Cordelia? I can't even blame this on Isabela because you were kinda a horse before Halloween. Still, I-"
"Horses are terrible people." The answer to Willow's question came simultaneously from both herself and Kat, making Cordelia chuckle as she picked out a white beach dress for the day. Sure it was after Labor Day, but it appealed to her inner Isabela's sensibilities so… eh. Making her way out of her walk-in closet, she held the dress up in front of herself and raised an eyebrow inquisitively; the faintly hungry look that Kat gave her was all the response she needed. "And you're not wrong, Kat, although I'd like to think that I'm a Rivaini Rouncey now. You know, gorgeous mane, fun to ride, many valuable and worthwhile uses..?"
As Kat groaned and buried her face in her hands, Willow raised one hand like she was in class and used the other to block her view of Cordelia's approaching, completely naked body. She opened her mouth to speak, only to realize that her position left her own body totally exposed and let out a high-pitched squeak before clapping both hands over her own figure. That left her staring wide-eyed at a bemused Cordelia… at which point Willow flopped backward with an embarrassed whine and pulled a pillow over her face and chest. The words that followed were muffled but still clearly discernible. "Why don't I get a say in any of this? I feel like I should get a say in whether or not I'm having sex. Right?"
Dropping her clothing on the end of the bed, Cordelia circled around so that she could lean over Willow, tugging the pillow down just enough to expose the girl's eyes. "Willow, kitten… this is you we're talking about. And this is me doing you a favor. Do you really want to turn down your only chance of having sex again between now and whenever you land a job with a salary allows you to pay for it?"
Willow's eyes narrowed in indignation. "Hey! I resent that!"
"You resemble that?" Kat snickered softly as Willow mumbled something decidedly uncomplimentary into the pillow still covering most of her face, and then looked up at Cordelia as the brunette straightened back up. "Seriously, Cordelia, this is a terrible idea. There are so many ways this can go wrong, I can't even count them all with both hands. On a scale of terrible ideas, this is somewhere around dating one of my best friend's exes. Which - according to him - is only slightly below sticking your dick in a beehive on that scale."
Well, that was certainly an… interesting… image. Although Kat wasn't wrong; Cordelia had met not one but two of Joe's ex-girlfriends at the comic convention that Kat had dragged her to and yikes. One would think that he would have learned his lesson after the first time he stuck his dick in crazy, but evidently not. The brunette shook her head before refocusing on the matter at hand. "We've already had sex with her. What's to stop her from telling everyone about that sex?"
"You're not helping your case here, sweetie."
"My point was more along the lines of… how the hell would Willow even manage to blab about this? She blushes and starts stammering whenever someone else says the word sex." Cordelia paused and glanced back down at Willow in search of confirmation of her words. Sure enough, what little skin could be seen of the top of the girl's face was bright red. "But if she was going to blab? She'd blab no matter what. So what's the harm in having a little more fun?"
A myriad of emotions played over Kat's face as she considered the question. Which again, was pretty much the best that Cordelia could have hoped for in this situation. Before Halloween, she wouldn't have pushed the subject to this extent, but Isabela's influence had further reinforced something that Cordelia had realized for herself not long after losing her virginity: sex was more than a simple physical act. It was both a commodity that could be bartered as well as a weapon that could be wielded. And despite her protestations to the contrary, Willow had proven the night before - and for a good chunk of the early morning hours - that she was willing and interested. The redhead's social isolation meant there was very little supply to satisfy any demands that Willow was willing to admit she had… which meant there was an opening that Cordelia could capitalize on.
Finally, Kat sighed loudly before waving a hand in Willow's direction. "Fine. What the hell. Seeing as how I won't be able to hang out with most people on account of the whole 'elves aren't real and therefore shouldn't exist' thing, I guess I should make the best of things with the ones I can. Maybe she'll turn out to have unexplored depths." She paused, thought for a moment, and then narrowed her eyes at Cordelia. "And don't you dare turn that into an innuendo."
Straightening up, Cordelia raised her hands in surrender even as she did her best to look innocent. She had… totally been thinking that but honestly, who wouldn't have? Although truth be told, she was a bit more focused on the reason Kat was using to justify her sudden change of mind about Willow. "Kat? Darling? They sell concealer specifically made to cover up tattoos. And we can comb your hair to hide your ears. It's not like you turned into a green-skinned Poison Ivy or a Star Wars alien or something."
Her attempt to assuage her girlfriend's concerns only earned her a withering look from Kat. "You pay attention to my gaming and cosplay work, and I pay attention when you talk about makeup." Okay? And? "I'll order a metric butt ton of Kat Von D's Lock-It in Light 16 later today. Now stop shooting holes in my excuse-making, especially when I'm making excuses to go along with something you want." Oh. Right then. Cordelia pantomimed zipping her lips; Kat eyed her for a second longer before turning on Willow and prying the pillow out of the redhead's grip. "And you. Ensuite. Now. We're going to wash your skin, exfoliate it, and use every other product that Cordelia owns that is even remotely skin-related. Because Inquisitor Lavellan might have lax standards, but I refuse to even consider having sex with someone who has blood smeared on her face."
Willow squealed, flailing fruitlessly to try and recapture her pillow, only to flop back down onto the bed and sulk as Kat casually hurled the pillow across the room. "Two things. First and most importantly? Still haven't agreed to this. At all. And Cordelia, frick you very much for insinuating that I'm so awful that I'd have to pay for sex." Seriously? Frick? After some of what had come out of Willow's mouth the night before, Cordelia had assumed that Hawke had burned that particular quirk out of the redhead. Evidently not. "Secondly? I really don't understand what you're so freaked out about, Kat. It's just fake blood that I picked up from Party City."
"…yes, and my pointy ears are still just latex. Oh, and this is eyeliner drawn onto my face and definitely not a true vallaslin made of ink embedded in my skin." Kat leaned over Willow and took a deep sniff before wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Yeah no, that's blood. And since you evidently won't clean it off yourself?" Rolling nimbly out of bed, Kat scooped her staff up off the floor and thrust it in Willow's direction. With a twist of her wrist, the redhead floated up off the mattress, the sheets sliding off her to pool on the bed as the naked redhead squealed and writhed in midair. "Why do I always get stuck having to be the mom of the group?"
While her newfound prowess with the twin daggers that were still very much sharp and metal after Halloween would undoubtedly come in handy going forward, as would Isabela's skill at picking locks… the ability to move fluidly and - at times - even stealthily was definitely the gift that Cordelia would benefit from the most. If she was honest with herself, she hadn't been the most graceful girl on the cheerleading squad before Halloween. She hadn't even been in the top five in that regard, or probably even the top ten. Which wasn't to say she was a klutz or something, because she wasn't. But between her considerably more buxom physique and the fact that she tended to plow through life expecting people to either fall in behind her or get out of her way? Grace and agility simply weren't things that came naturally to her, to say nothing of sneaking around. Now? They did. And so she was. Case in point? She'd made it all the way to the door leading into the pantry without either Willow or Kat realizing that she'd entered the kitchen.
What she found… wasn't exactly what she'd expected.
"Using crayons for pigment? That sounds like a terrible idea."
"I mean, I ate a few when I was a kid and I turned out to be the smartest girl in my class. So they can't be that bad for you. I think." Willow pondered that for a moment before shrugging and gesturing back to the iPad that Cordelia had spent a good twenty minutes searching her room for before coming downstairs. "Besides, if the idea of using crayons really bothers you, the article mentions more organic ways to get color. Nothing green, but I'm sure I can figure something out. Although considering you want to mix ground up magical plants into yours, would melted crayon really be the weirdest ingredient in your lipstick?"
Scoffing, Kat elbowed Willow in the ribs playfully before reaching over and using her finger to scroll down whatever website they were looking at together. "I'm sorry, whose idea was the elfroot lipstick in the first place?"
Willow sighed and shook her head despondently in response. "I made a joke about it when you brought up that your friend cosplays as a basic bi… bio… bitch." Wow, Willow was swearing? Evidently Kat was rubbing off on the redhead in more ways than the strictly literal. "I didn't expect you to take it seriously."
"Well, I mean… literally being able to kiss an ouchie better? It's practical and hilarious. And I have a thing for green lipstick, which will hide any tint from including the elfroot." Sliding out of her chair, Kat made her way into the kitchen and over to the stove, walking right past Cordelia in the process. Huh. Evidently her Stealth scores really were through the roof now. "Granted it's not as efficient as just rubbing it on the wound because it'll be diluted by everything else in the lipstick but… the fun factor makes up for it?"
Setting the iPad down on the table, Willow spun around nimbly and straddled the back of the chair, resting her chin on her arms as she pondered Kat's words. "Until you have to try and kiss a bleeding wound or something."
Kat paused and cocked her head to one side. "…ooh. Yeah. Um, I may need to go back to the drawing board with this idea. Yuck." Shaking her head to clear it of whatever mental images Willow's words had summoned, she went back to stirring the frying pan full of scrambled eggs before… looking straight at Cordelia? "Are you going to join us or just hide in the corner all mor… err, afternoon?"
Wait, what? Cordelia took a hesitant step forward, melting out of what she'd assumed to be some fairly concealing shadows as she looked back and forth uncertainly, her eyes bouncing from Kat to a startled Willow and back. Evidently she'd managed to remain hidden from one of them, but… "…you could see me?"
"Sense you." Kat looked rather impressed with herself even as a rosy blush suffused her cheeks. "I can sense Willow too. Spell residue. From what we were doing earlier."
Ah yes. While she'd anticipated Kat's newfound ability to conjure ice might have some fun bedroom implications, even Cordelia had been surprised by some of the ways her girlfriend had been able to incorporate spellwork into their lovemaking. Making her way over to Kat, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist and rested her chin on the taller girl's shoulder before giggling softly. "Well, I did say that it was a magical experience…"
That earned her a dour look from Kat before the brunette turned her attention back to the stove. "…uh huh. Not sure whether to blame that bad of a joke on CSI: Miami or Joe. Probably Joe and his stupid dad jokes because you didn't do the pause before 'magical'. Either way? Breakfast is almost ready, so go sit down."
Raising her hands in surrender, Cordelia pressed a kiss to Kat's cheek before wandering over to the breakfast nook and taking a seat across from Willow. The two stared at each other in silence for over a minute, occasionally glancing over at where Kat was still working at the stove, and then finally Cordelia rolled her eyes and huffed. "After what we just did, you'd think that you would be comfortable enough to actually talk to me. I'm not going to bite." Pausing, Cordelia thought for a moment before amending that statement. "Well, again. How's your ass, by the way?"
"I'm sitting awkwardly like this because it's fun." Willow shot Cordelia a baleful glare before gesturing down at her body, which was contorted awkwardly in what was obviously an attempt to keep from resting her weight evenly on the chair. "You bit me so hard that you almost broke skin. How do you think my poor butt is?"
Cordelia did her best to look innocent as she glanced from Willow to Kat and then back. "Well, if you and Kat actually pull off this project of yours, maybe she can kiss it better?"
That little rib earned her a mortified whine from Willow as the girl blushed as red as her hair, followed shortly by a groan as Kat set a plate of food down in front of her. "First of all, still not into butt stuff. If anyone would be kissing your handiwork better, it would be you. Secondly, can you stop trying to break her? Her blush is cute and all but it's gonna get old really quickly."
Picking up her fork, Cordelia paused as her girlfriend's words registered. "Get old? How? It's not like we're going to be spending much time with her or anything." She tilted her head to the side curiously as she watched Kat set down plates of food for both Willow and herself before taking a seat. "…are we?"
Kat shrugged, shooting a look that Cordelia couldn't quite decipher over at their redheaded companion. "We talked some things over while you were enjoying your ridiculous hour-long shower. We definitely have a long way to go; I've forgiven her for the shit she's done to me int he past but obviously I haven't forgotten. At the end of the day, though, we've both realized that the other isn't so bad. You're still terrible, mind you, but I'm thinking that maybe with some backup I can even work on that. So I'm thinking maybe we'll keep her."
"Wait, what? Whatever happened to hating Willow? And threesomes? And polyamory?" Cordelia looked back and forth between the two with wide eyes; this wasn't the way things were supposed to go. Willow was supposed to be… well, going. Home. Away. Somewhere that wasn't Cordelia's house, or her relationship for that matter. At least until the skills that the redhead had inherited from Hawke were needed, or they had certain itches that required outside scratching. "I thought she was supposed to be like… at best, maybe some sort of mutual side ho. You know, a companion in our newfound quest to do Buffy's job for her by wiping out the demonic population of Sunnydale who just so happens to occasionally engage in exhausting but very satisfying team building activities with us."
The corner of Kat's mouth quirked upward. "I'm altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further." That earned her a muffled laugh from Willow, which became an outright laugh as Cordelia stared at the pair in confusion. Which meant that it was probably a geek thing and oh God, she was going to be outnumbered now. The geeks were taking over her life and her bedroom. Fuck. What had she done? "You're the one who keeps insisting that I'm demisexual rather than pan. You should have known better than to think that I'd just use someone and then lose them. You get what you ask for, sweetie, and you literally asked for this."
Before Cordelia could think of a suitable retort, Willow cleared her throat and raised one hand nervously. "I kinda feel like all of this is something that we should talk about as equals because it involves all of us, but before we get into the heavy stuff… did I get someone else's plate, Kat?" One of Kat's eyebrows rose as the redhead peered down at each plate inquisitively, her face falling as she evidently failed to find what she was looking for. "You made me bacon?" Kat's other eyebrow rose. "I'm Jewish."
Kat let out a faint snort before reaching down and plucking one of the pieces of bacon off Willow's plate. "Honey, you're a witch now. A witch who has sex with other women. Two of them at once, even. As far as sins go, pork products are the least of your worries." Brow furrowing in thought, Willow let out a faint squeak as Kat poked the piece of bacon against her lips. "Besides, I'm supposedly monogamous, and you and Cordelia supposedly hate each other. Guess it's a day for trying new things all around, huh?"