"What?" She had to ask, she probably just got it wrong right? But as it would appear she did not because he just said it again.

"She is pregnant Regina, and I can't leave my child." It was the sound of his voice that sends her on a spiral.

"Fuck. I mean fuuuuuuck! I can't believe this. Please for love of your so called honor say you are lying to me Robin." She was looking at him with pleading eyes.

"I am afraid he can't sis. I am carrying your soulmate's child. Sorry not sorry." Zelena was practically glowing right now and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy.

"Shit. I need to sit down." Need was an understatement because her knees just could not for the life of them hold her up anymore. So she looks for the nearest couch or something to put her weight on. Hell by this point the floor would do nice. But she manages to get to a chair and sits. Then out of a cloud of purple smoke a bottle of whiskey showed up.

"Regina please calm down. I am so sorry." Who the hell he thinks he is? He even dares to sound a bit uncomfortable with the turn of events.

"Well you should be. Do you know what is like to fight a fucking dragon Robin? Kill it sure as hell is easy for me, but if you want it to calm down and fuck you by the end of the argument. Let me tell you that it is not an easy task." She gives a pause to think about what to say next, the best thing to say. But well alcohol won this one so she went with: "She did not want me here. But I was like, what about Roland, I can't let him with psycho greeny. And she was like: Be aware of consequences Regina. On the outside I was like, bitch I got this, on the other hand inside I already knew I was a dead woman walking. I'm evil they say, big bad Evil Queen. Yet I got nothing on the woman when she decides to punish me without sex. Fuck!"

"WHAT!" Three very speechless people say. Well isn't that just the word of the hour I think to myself.

By now Regina was just drowning on the booze. Yep! Half bottle empty. But she still managed to answer looking strait to Robin. "Well you thought I was losing my mind right now for you? Please. You want to stay? Stay. You want to put Roland at risk? He is not my kid so I can't stop you. You want to keep fucking Greeny? Have at it. All I care is that Maleficent is a very jealous woman and I left her in Storybrook to save you, and all she is going to get from this is that I chose you. But you coming back would mean I was right and you really needed saving. She can't really kill me for thinking about the well being of someone I kinda care right? But since I am heading home empty handed… Holy shit I left her there. In my house. She is going to find out Josh is my neighbor. Shit. I am even more fucked up than I thought possible." I am begging right now. Yes Regina Mills is begging. So if there is a God out there, just please have mercy on my soul once I am back.

"Who the hell is Josh?"

Was that Robin? It had to be. It was a men's voice or was it not? Well I'm drunk by now so nobody can really blame me for not knowing. "Oh! Just owner of the most beautiful dick I have ever seen. And he knows how to use it. So you see why I had to stop Mal from cutting it off him the night she found us in bed. She was so angry, I thought my castle would blow up." As I said this I keep remembering that day. Shit she does have fire. Well she is a dragon so that only makes sense . But when I snap out of my day dreaming I say. "And yes. I am having some sort of a panic attack mixed with the amount of alcohol I consumed in this little space of time so that is why I am saying this shit in front of all you." I stop then look around and for some reason my eyes land on Lily and shit why is she so alike me? Did Mal found a guy to fuck who looked like me? It got to be that. Right. It is either that or…Triple fuck! "And you guys want to hear the worse? We found her daughter and she looks so much like me that I am a little afraid to be the father. How do I explain to Henry that I made a dick out of magic so I could fuck my girl but it kind of backfired and she got pregnant and didn't even told me about it. Which on a second note must also be a bit too much on Swan given she used to have a thing for Lily and if the amount of times I caught her starring at my ass says anything she definitely has a thing for me."

"What? I did not and do not have a crush on a woman. Regina I am not gay!" Emma said on an outraged and very ashamed tone.

I chuckle at that. "Oh please. If you want to pretend you are not dear, you should really watch it for the kind of thing you say and how you say them and also slow down the looks you give me. Even Henry said he thought you liked me when he didn't remember me. I swear to you that shove ice cream down my throat was all I could do to not laugh my lungs out in the middle of the park."

"Hold on you don't care he slept with me? You are with somebody else?"

"You think you are my father or whatever?"

"Wait. Can you really make a cock out of nowhere?"

"I thought you loved me Regina"

See I don't think I have killed enough people to deserve this. "Yes Zelena I'm done whit this thing with you and if he touched you just means he is not worth it. Lily it could be the whiskey talking but yeah believe so." I scoff In my head. Of course Emma would stick to the dick part she is so predictable. "What makes you so curios Savior? Did I get any lesbian kind of ideas in your head? And Robin please could you pretend to me a man and I don't know. Man up? You fuck her yet you expected chastity from me? To cry myself all day and night because you just were not there? Just stop before I lose my patience dear. We all know that is not a good thing." Then I get up and head to the door. But a hand stops me. Its Zelena can't she just let me go?

"You just going to get up and leave? But I stole your happy ending!" I look at her then with pitting eyes because I've been there before. Just lost. With nothing in sight but revenge. "No. You didn't because that is back at Storybrook with a jealous as fuck girlfriend, a very smart son, a crazy looking family. And who knows maybe I'll even find a beautifully daughter in Lily. But even if she is not I will still make sure she finds her way" The last part I say looking at her. She got a tough outside. But so do I. That is why I know it's going to be ok.