Authors note: OK. So this is new, I literally don't think I've posted in three years but I just felt like having a crack at updating the story and just seeing if anyone cared, or would like it so here you are. Enjoy I hope.
I don't own icarly.
When you come across a moment that you've been building up in your head for the past what 9 years of your life, all the things you planned to do and ways you wished to savour it just completely disappear from your mind almost instantly. In fact in this particular moment almost everything left my head without warning. All there was, was the overwhelming sensation that I was dreaming. That this couldn't be real.
It is real.
The realisation came along with all the arguments I've lived by my whole life about why this shouldn't happen. That I don't deserve his love and Its unfair to let him love me. I stopped. Stepped back. I should run.
"Don't." Said Freddie, how is he always able to read my mind? "Please Sam, Samantha-" ugh I shiver at the sound of my whole name. "You've been running away from this from me for so long. I thought things might change 4 months ago when you kissed me, but you act as if nothing happened, you attempt to keep up this persona you've developed that you hate me that our friendship means nothing. You enjoy seeing me in pain. And I've tried to explain it to myself but I don't understand. What happened Sam? Why did you change? Why did our relationship have to change? Why do you carry on putting on this front of not having any feelings for me, then turn around and do this? Don't you understand I love you? I can't help but love you. That's not going to change, OK?"
Wow there's so much going through my head. Maybe I could make Freddie happy, he makes me so happy and no one could ever love him as much as I love him.
"Freddie, this is such a big deal, I love you" Wow I can't believe I just said that. I enjoyed it much more then- ' I hate you dork get out of my face'- anyway. " So much has changed in the past 4 years since we met Carly, and to be honest I've been convincing myself of this defensive Sam way of thinking so long it going to take time for all this to change back. Lets take time, i'm confused, but - I love you, so I think we'll be fine." A lot of this i said to him but I think it was more directed at myself.
We both smiled. " OK" Freddie let out. " I'll walk you to yours then" he said.
I was so tired. This was all so surreal. I finally felt like I was in a different place with Freddie and that gave me such relief. Although right now I really wanted to be alone.
When I got home I went to my room, I looked at my clothes, my drawings on the wall. The stains on the floor, half chewed cover over my bed- a nice gift from the dog of my mothers seventh boyfriend.
What makes up a person? The things they have? how they live? act? Where they come from or their family?
Hope you liked seeing into their heads a bit and just getting a deeper understanding of the characters.
The people they regard as important? There are so many people in my life I was I could deny had any impact on me. Freddie Beson isn't one of those people.