Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Fifteen-year-old Harry Potter was in the Great Hall with his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Hermione was in the middle of lecturing Harry and Ron about the importance of their O.W.L.s examinations held at the end of the school year and coaxing Harry to promise her that he would not lose his temper with their Defense against Dark Arts Professor for the year, Dolores Umbridge. It was just a month into the new school year and Harry had already served detention with Umbridge for nearly two and half weeks with three more days of detention to go to. A hush fell in the great hall as the students saw an exotic bird that would be found only in the tropical regions. Harry felt some dread wondering what Sirius had done this time. Sirius Black, Harry's godfather was supposed to be in London at his Family's house. So the question was how the hell did he get a tropical bird to deliver a letter for him? And Harry had no doubt that it was indeed his godfather who was an escaped convict, who had sent the letter.
The bird landed in front of Harry and lifted its leg up showing a red envelope. Harry's dread increased. What was his godfather playing at? But he had no other choice than to relieve the bird of its burden. Harry exchanged an anxious glance with his friends while the letter started to smoke. The great hall was enveloped in silence with everyone wondering who had sent Harry Potter a howler. After all this was the first time since Harry started Hogwarts that he had received a howler.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER, WHY IS IT THAT I AM GETTING A NOTIFICATION FROM HOGWARTS ABOUT YOU BEING IN DETENTION WITH SOME PROFESSOR CALLED TOADEST UMBITCH FOR NEARLY THREE WEEKS WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH OF YOU RETURNING TO SCHOOL? AND THE REASON FOR THE LATEST SET OF DETENTIONS IS THAT YOU SNEEZED IN THE DEFENSE AGAINST DARK ARTS CLASS AND HENCE YOU HAD DISRUPTED THE PROFESSOR AT A VERY IMPORTANT MOMENT. I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IF YOU HAD RECEIVED A DETENTION FOR PRANKING THE HELL OUT OF UMBITCH! OR OTHER TEACHERS! OR EVEN EXPLORING HOGWARTS AFTER CURFEW! AND THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON COULD BE THAT YOU TRIED TO SNEAK OUT TO HOGSMAEDE DURING CLASS TIME! BUT SNEEZING IN CLASS? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HOGWARTS WHEN A STUDENT RECEIVES DETENTION FOR A NORMAL REACTION OF THE HUMAN BODY?
I HAD REVEICED A NOTIFICATION ABOUT YOU GETTING A DETENTION FOR A MONTH WITH THE POTIONS PROFESSOR LAST YEAR FOR COUGHING IN THE CORRIDOR. BUT I WAS PERFECTLY CONTENT TO LET THAT GO BECAUSE I KNEW SNIVELLUS SNAPE WAS JUST AN IMMATURE CHILD IN A MAN'S BODY WHO HELD A GRUDGE AGAINST A DEAD MAN AND IS TAKING IT OUT ON THE SON OF THE SAID MAN. WELL, HARRY JAMES, THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A DETENTION, I WILL ADVISE YOU TO ACTUALLY EARN IT SPECIFICALLY WITH THE REASONS I STATED ABOVE. IN THOSE CASES YOU WILL NOT GET A HOWLER, JUST A CONGRATULATING LETTER.
NOW YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHO THE HELL I AM AS I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOUR UNCLE'S VOICE IS NOWHERE NEAR AS LOVELY AS MINE. I AM SIRIUS ORION BLACK, THE MOST HANDSOME MAN ON EARTH AND YOUR FAVORITE GODFATHER. THE NEXT MOST OBVIOUS QUESTION WOULD BE WHO SENT ME A LETTER REGARDING YOUR DETENTION AND WHY? WELL THE ANSWER TO THAT IS THAT I AM YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN. I CAN IMAGINE EVERYONE'S REACTION NOW! WELL LET ME EXPLAIN. SINCE I WAS SENTENCED TO AZKABAN WITHOUT A TRIAL, I WAS NOT REMOVED FROM THE RECORDS AS YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN. SO WHEN A LETTER IS SENT FROM HOGWARTS TO THE LEGAL GUARDIAN, I AUTOMATICALLY RECEIVE THOSE LETTERS NO MATTER WHERE I AM.
I MUST SAY THAT YOU SURPASSED YOUR FATHER AND I WITH HOW YU ARRIVED AT HOGWARTS ON A FLYING CAR AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR SECOND YEAR! I WAS EXHILARATED AND LAUGHED SO HARD IN AZKABAN THAT THE GUARDS THOUGHT I FINALLY WENT INSANE. YOUR MOTHER LILY WOULD HAVE ARRIVED AT HOGWARTS BREATHING FIRE LIKE A DRAGON. ONE ADVICE YOUR FATHER AND I WOULD ALWAYS GIVE YOU WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER IS TO NEVER ANGER YOU MOTHER PRONGSLET. NOW YOUR FATHER ON THE OTHER HAND WOULD HAVE TOASTED TO YOU FOR THE VERY MARAUDER-LIKE STUNT AND WOULD HAVE INITIATED YOU INTO THE MARAUDERS IMMEDIATELY GIVING YOU YOUR OWN MARAUDER NAME.
AH! BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND! SO YES, AS YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN ANY MAJOR POINT LOSS OF INCREASING NUMBER OF DETENTIONS IN A MONTH, I WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY NOTIFIED. NOW YOU MAY ASK, ISN'T IT ILLEGAL TO IMPRISON A MAN WITHOUT A TRIAL? THE ANSWER IS OF COURSE YES! THE MINISTRY KIDNAPPED ME AND HELD ME ILLEGALLY BUT THE MINISTRY WOULD NEVER ACCEPT THEIR MISTAKE AND HENCE THEY SOUGHT TO SILENCE ME THROUGH THE DEMENTOR'S KISS. ONE THING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW MY LITTLE GODSON IS THAT YOU ARE THE HEIR TO THE BLACK FORTUNE. YOU WOULD BE THE LORD OF TWO OF THE MOST ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSES (POTTER AND BLACK) AFTER MY DEATH. SO IF I HAD BEEN GIVEN A DEMENTOR'S KISS BACK IN YOUR THIRD YEAR, YOU COULD HAVE SUED THE MINISTER AS WELL AS YOUR POTIONS PROFESSOR FOR ASSISTED MURDER. YOU MAY ASK HOW SNAPE WOULD HAVE ASSISTED IN MY MURDER. WELL HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR LETTING THE TRAITOR PETTIGREW ESCAPE AND LIED TO THE MINISTER THAT I HAD CONFOUNDED YOU. SO THE CHANCE TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE FLEW OUT OF THE WINDOW.
WELL YOU COULD STILL SUE THE MINISTRY FOR KIDNAPPING AND MANHUNT OF THE LORD OF YOUR HOUSE. WELL, I GUESS I SHOULD LET YOU GET TO YOU CLASS. HAVE FUN MY BOY! YOU STILL HAVE TO EARN THE THREE WEEKS OF DETENTION YOU GOT LANDED INTO SO GIVE UMBITCH HELL!
I AM VERY SORRY FOR NOT CONTACTING YOU BEFORE THIS, BUT I HAD TO PREVENT MYSELF SO THAT YOU WOULD NOT GET INTO TROUBLE. BUT I COULD NOT RESIST WHEN I GOT THE NOTIFICATION FOR YOU GETTING A DETENTION FOR SNEEZING! I AM SEARCHING FOR THE TRAITOR TO PROVE MY INOCENCE. SO I WILL BE OUT OF THE COUNTRY TILL THEN. I WILL SEE YOU WHEN I RETURN AND MY INNOCENCE IS PROVED! TILL THEN UPHOLD THE MARAUDER'S HONOR AND PRANK THE HELL OUT OF THE TEACHERS!
SIGNING OFF, SIRIUS ORION BLACK, LORD OF THE MOST ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK, REGENT LORD OF THE MOST ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF POTTER. PADFOOT, GODFATHER OF PRONGSLET!"
Harry sat with his head in his hands when the howler was finished. Everyone looked dumbfounded for a moment before the laughter started and all the students were laughing hysterically. Dolores Umbridge and Severus Snape were slowly turning purple with anger while Dumbledore sat back his eyes twinkling brightly. The Weasley twins slowly got up from their place and knelt before Harry.
"Oh dear Prince of the Marauders, we humbly request you to join us in the noble art of pranking! We pledge to always prank your enemies!" Fred and George said solemnly. All the teachers went pale at the thought of the son of a marauder joining with the already out of control pranksters.
Harry raised his eyes to look at the twins for a long moment before nodding. "I will join you with one condition."
The professors looked on with dread settling in their stomach. "Anything, our dear Prince." The twins replied immediately.
"You help me prank the hell out of my illegally kidnapped Godfather when he returns to prove his innocence." Harry said in a deadly serious voice to which the two seventh year boys nodded their heads.
"Mr. Potter, I demand you tell me where Sirius Black is right now." An irritating voice sounded behind Harry. Once again there was a pin drop silence as though a mass 'silencio' was cast on the students.
"I am afraid I cannot do that, Professor. After all I do not know where he is." Harry replied calmly.
"Then, as the Senior Under Secretary to the Minister of Magic, I will place you under arrest for hiding a criminal and being in contact with said criminal and refusing to give the information." Umbridge said.
A few of the professors stood to protest.
"I am sorry to tell you professor, but I do not have any contact with a criminal and I am certainly not hiding them." Harry replied calmly.
"Of course you are hiding the criminal Sirius Black by refusing the details of where he is hiding." Umbridge said turning purple.
"Ah! But you see Professor, Lord Black is not a criminal as he was never tried to be convicted. After all, it is innocent until proven guilty. So, I ask where is the evidence that my godfather was guilty? I want a written copy of my parents swearing that Sirius Black was indeed their secret keeper and I want the priori incantatem performed on my Godfathers wand to correlate the fact that he murdered thirteen people with one spell and I want the body of Peter Pettigrew as a proof. After all how is it that the twelve muggles bodies are intact where as the only thing that was found of Pettigrew was his little finger? Even if he was blasted to pieces, where were the blood and other pieces of his body? After all a photograph of the crime scene had to be taken."
"If you could produce those evidences, I will withhold from suing the Ministry of which you are a member. As for being in contact with Lord Black, there are hundreds for ear-witnesses when they heard my godfather stating that he was sorry for not being in contact, but it had to be so for my own safety. As for hiding him, well again ear-witnesses heard that he is abroad at the moment and eyewitnesses for the exotic bird that delivered the blasted howler. Finally I can swear that I have never been abroad so could not have searched for a hiding place for Lord Black. Now, if you would excuse us Professor, my friends and I have to go to our classes. As for the part of contacting Lord Black, I am not guilty of that as well. It was Hogwarts who sent the letter, not me." Harry said and left with Ron and Hermione while the others were still frozen in their seats.
A/N: So how was it? Please Review!