1,522Hindsight
Summary: "Ten years," James whispered to his wife. "We've been dead for Ten years… how is this possible?" Ten years after the tragedy at Godric's Hollow, James and Lily come back to life and find their world turned upside down.
Chapter 31
"So the Order? That's the second matter of this meeting?"
Kingsley was still staring at the couple, eyes wide and disbelieving. The two were trying their best to move the conversation forward, but it couldn't be helped.
I can't believe it," the man muttered. "I simply can't believe it."
Dumbledore cleared his throat, trying to bring attention back to what was really important. "Yes. We think it prudent to be ready. I know Voldemort has not returned, but it is clear he's making moves to. We must be prepared in the even that he does."
"James and Lily Potter… they're actually alive."
Sirius glowered at his friends, who were more shamefaced than ever. "I hope you two are proud of yourselves. Now,i we can't talk about Voldemort because you've shocked Auror Shacklebolt into delirium."
Harry, try as he may, could not stop laughing at his parents' misfortune.
When he'd gone to his mother's quarters a few days later to discuss Hogsmeade with them, in the hopes that he'd be allowed to go if he was extra cautious, he didn't expect them to be sulking on the couch, discussing their slip-up in front of some auror named Kingsley Shacklebolt. He pestered and pestered until he finally got it out of them and, instantaneously, began laughing in their faces.
"To think, you gave me a- an hour lecture about being c-careful addressing you guys," he said between snorts, "only to be the ones to make a mistake!"
"Very funny, brat," James scowled. "Would you quit it already?"
Harry nodded and straightened up, but very quickly fell into another round of giggling. "I just can't believe it!"
"What are you even doing here, sweetheart?" Lily asked. "Not that we aren't happy to see you."
"Well, I wanted to ask you about Hogsmeade-"
"No," they resounded together.
"But-!"
"Harry," James sighed. "I thought you understood. We don't want to take you away from having fun with your friends, and we certainly don't want you to miss out on these experiences but Hogsmeade is so much easier for Peter to get to. God forbid he used the crowd to his advantage and took you without anyone even noticing? Just listen to us on this one. Wait until Remus and Sirius can go down there with you."
Harry crossed his arms. "Speaking of Remus, I noticed a certain substitute teacher didn't make it to class today."
James fell back and rubbed is eyes tiredly. "Kid, Sirius and I were up all night with Remus. I was exhausted."
"Do you know who filled in for you? Do you?"
Lily murmured a quiet "uh-oh" as she waited for Harry to drop the axe.
"Dumbledore said McGonagall would."
"McGonagall got tied up in something. It was Snape. Snape was our substitute teacher today."
James' sat up. "What?!"
Harry's fist clenched atop the arms of the chair he was sitting on. "Not only did Ron get detention for defending Hermione when Snape called her a know-it-all, he spent the entire class making us take notes on werewolves. I swear, if Remus gets in trouble because of him…" Harry's knuckles went white before he forced himself to calm down. "I've changed my opinion. I wish you had beaten him into a sobbing mess last year. He's the worst!"
"He did what?" Lily hissed. "How could he possibly- I can't believe he would-" She placed her hands on her hips and held her chin high. "I do believe I'll be having a word with your potion's professor."
"Not if I kill him first!" James roared. "That mother fu-"
"James!" she snapped. "Not in front of Harry."
"I'm thirteen, I've heard worse," he muttered, though he grinned innocently when Lily turned to glare at him. "Okay, one last thing."
"What is it?"
"Err, well, I've heard that the weather might not be so good tomorrow at the Quidditch match. Now, I know I haven't had the best of luck in my previous games, but I'm begging you guys here… can you not, you know, react much to a little bit of rain?"
Lily and James gave each other curious glances. What was the boy saying? "What do you mean?"
Harry scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "It's just, well, listen- I know you guys care about me and are super worried all the time about my safety and what not, but it's starting to get a tad bit embarrassing. There's only so many times your friends can tease you about always having mummy and daddy around to give you a cuddle when you scrape your knee." He grimaced as he thought of all the times Ron and the Twins teased him for having such overprotective parents. "You have every right to care, regardless of madmen constantly trying to kill me, but for once can I just be a regular teenager that doesn't have the threat of death looming over his head? It'll rain a bit tomorrow, but I won't die from it, okay? So, you don't have to run onto the field to save the day again or anything."
Suddenly, they understood.
"Oh no, sweetheart," Lily gasped. "We haven't been overbearing, have we? We thought you might like it if we were here, you know, have some assurance that everyone was safe with Peter still on the loose."
"No, of course I'm happy you're here," Harry placated hurriedly. "But I'm also thirteen and I've already got one of my privileges taken away- though I understand why, promise." His hair was going wild from how roughly he was rubbing at it now. "I, uhm- I just want you guys to know that I can handle myself."
"Sure, kid," James reassured. "No yeah, we get it. We'll give you some space, yeah?"
The boy nodded slowly then smiled. "All right… all right, great! Okay, so I'll see you guys at the game tomorrow, then? And mum, give Snape your best."
Lily moved forward to kiss Harry's cheek, but thought better of it and waved him goodbye instead. "Get some rest, darling."
When they were sure the boy was gone, Lily couldn't help her self. She sniffled audibly and rubbed at her eyes before she could cry. "I can't believe it! He wants us out of his life already?"
James let out a chuckle. "I don't think that's what he was trying to get at, love."
"Well, didn't you hear him?! We're suffocating him!"
"Again, Lily dear, I'm not sure that's what he was saying."
"Oh God, he's going to get a girlfriend and forget all about us. He'll forget all about me!" she cried out. "Why is he growing up so fast?"
James didn't answer, a certain sadness settling in his chest as well. They were robbed of the years of Harry's life where his world would have revolved around them. Lily didn't get a real chance to be the only woman in Harry's life. He never got to be a superhero to his son. But he knew there wasn't much they could do but learn how to live with it.
"Now remember, love, you promised him we wouldn't get too over-protective tomorrow," he said instead.
"But my baby's never had to play in rain before," she insisted stubbornly.
"Wait, really? Hasn't he?"
"What if he falls off his broom? What if he can't see?"
"You heard the boy. It'll just be a bit of rain."
It wasn't just a bit of rain.
It was an outright storm. The wind blew strong and the sound of thunder overpowered the students' cheering. Lily was sitting in the teacher's box, gripping the railing like her life depended on it. James was a few rows behind her, green in the face and unable to watch as Harry's broom wavered against the harsh wind. Remus was subtly propping the man up, allowing James to lean against him, and Sirius was muttering prayers to any deity that would listen that Harry would be all right.
"This is madness," James whined. "How could they possibly let the students play in these conditions? Oh, thank Merlin!"
They were confused by his change in mood before they realized that Madam Hooch was blowing her whistle and Wood was calling for his teammates to dismount.
"I wonder what's going on down there," Sirius commented as he checked on Lily, who appeared to be sitting completely frozen in her seat.
On the field, Harry was venting his frustrations to his captain. How had everything gone to hell so quickly? He was sure his family was losing their minds in the stands, there wasn't a chance he'd be able to see the Snitch in this kind of weather, and he'd almost fallen off his broom more times than he could count.
"Oliver, I get that I need to get the Snitch soon, but I can't see anything with my glasses!"
Like a godsend, Hermione appeared behind him, holding a cloak over he head, and snatched his glasses right off his face. She tapped it with her wand, saying a quick "Impervius!" before handing it back to him. "They'll repel water, now win this game before Neville loses consciousness from how much he's hyperventilating!"
Harry hugged his friend tightly in gratitude before hopping back on his broom. The game begun once again, and despite still being numb with cold, Harry was at least able to see. Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff seeker, looked just as determined as he was to end the match. Lightening was now lighting the sky and Harry knew he would have to find the Snitch before his mother died from a heart attack. He chanced a glance in their direction and saw her staring up at him with great anxiety. How could he possibly show her that he was all right without it being too obvious?
"Harry! Harry, behind you!" came Wood's anguished yell.
He looked around wildly and saw Cedric chasing the snitch upward. With blind panic, Harry flattened himself against his broom handle and zoomed towards his competitor. He begged his Nimbus to fly faster, and it seemed like he would finally be able to catch up when he felt it.
Everything went silent around him, the wind that had been ringing in his ears was suddenly making no noise at all. A piercing cold, one much worse than what he'd already been feeling, crept up his spine and into his veins. He remembered this ache… he'd felt it just a few weeks ago. Without thinking, he took his eyes off the Snitch and looked down at the field…
Where at least a hundred Dementors were staring up right at him.
His chest constricted and he felt something slice at his insides.
And then he heard it.
The screaming. The same screaming he'd heard on the train- but-
"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl… stand aside, now…"
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-"
This wasn't the dungeon. This wasn't what happened in his First Year.
"Not Harry! Please… have mercy… have mercy…"
He felt his clenched fingers slide off the broom. The last thing he heard was a shrill laugh and his mother screaming before everything went black.
When he awoke, he was surrounded by his teammates.
They explained to him that he'd fallen off his broom, some fifty feet, but Dumbledore had ran out onto the field and slowed his fall to save him. Padfoot was lying at his feet, whimpering as he curled around the boy's feet. They all seemed shaken, Alicia going so far as to say they all thought he'd died. They went on to say they lost the match, that Diggory demanded a rematch when he'd realized what had happened, but that even Oliver agreed that it was won fair and square. And then they tried to convince him that it was all right that they'd lost, that it was the first time Harry didn't catch the Snitch. Most of them left after that, but Ron, Neville and Hermione stayed.
Even Ron seemed choked up. "Bloody hell, mate, we really thought we'd lost you," he admitted.
"Dumbledore was furious," Neville whispered. "He did that same spell that Remus did and sent all the Dementors away before putting you on a stretcher and floating you back to the school." He leaned in so that no one would hear. "Your parents are still up in his office. Sirius told us that Dumbledore brought Fudge in. Remus and your mum have been trying to keep your dad from flat out killing him."
"Speaking of, why's he here as Padfoot?"
Hermione rubbed a stray tear away as he reached for Harry's hand. "Something about your parents warning him not to baby you. Says this is the only way you'll let him cuddle without feeling awkward."
Harry laughed quietly as he reached down to pet Padfoot's head. "I'm all right. Did anyone get my broom?"
They all froze, Ron and Hermione looked at each other hesitantly.
"… What? What is it, what's going on?"
"Well… when you fell off, it got blown away," Hermione explained sadly. "And…"
"Err, well, mate, it hit the Whomping Willow," Ron told him.
Neville reached down slowly and picked a bag up from the ground. "It's uhm… Professor Flitwick brought it back just before you came around and-"
Harry felt his throat close as they showed him the contents of the bag. His poor broom was shredded and splintered into broken pieces. Was he about to cry? Was he actually about to cry because of his broom?
"Take it away please," he said weakly. "I ah, don't think I can look at that right now."
They all gave him a sympathetic pat on the leg. "We'll tell the others that you're awake. Chin up, Harry," Neville encouraged before leading the other two out of the room.
Harry took a glance down at Sirius, who was staring up at him sadly. "You know it doesn't matter if you're a dog. It's still weird to have you lying in bed with me."
Padfoot whined and climbed up the bed so that he could place his big head on top of Harry's stomach.
"Pads," Harry breathed out. "I…"
He bit his lip and turned to stare at the wall. "I heard more this time. When the Dementors came near."
Padfoot licked his arm comfortingly.
"I was wrong. It wasn't mom getting tortured… I've been hearing mom dying," he choked out.
And suddenly he was crying.
He covered his face with both his hands and turned his back to the dog as the sound of his mother begging for his life played over and over again in his head. The nightmares he'd been having of her screaming... It had been unbearable when he thought it was the memory of Quirrell torturing her, but now he had to live knowing he could remember the moments before she had died for him.
He knew her last words before she was murdered right in front of him.
He was sure he would die from the guilt of it.
So he sobbed and cried and yanked at his hair in misery until he felt the weight of the bed shift and then Padfoot was gone and he was in Sirius' arms, being rocked back and forth.
And that was how their family found them minutes later.
"This spell is highly advanced, Harry," Remus warned. "Well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level. I don't want you to get frustrated if you can't get it your first time."
"Whatever," he grumbled. "I'll be fine. Let's just start this."
"Harry," he said softly.
"Moony, please," Harry pleaded, a tinge of anger in his voice. "I can't… I can't keep listening to her dying," he croaked before pressing his lips together and shaking his head. "How does this work?"
Remus sighed, but begun going over the basics of what the Patronus Charm was. When he was done, Harry took a few minutes to absorb the information.
"All right so, maybe I won't be able to produce a corporeal Patronus just yet," Harry was willing to admit, "but there's a chance that I can make that… that shield that you were able to make on the train?"
"Hopefully, yes," Remus answered. "Again, don't get your hopes up, Harry. It's a difficult spell. It'll take a lot of practice to produce anything."
Despite the mood he was in, Harry couldn't help but grin at his uncle. "You could pretend like you have some faith in me, Moony."
Remus rolled his eyes. "I made a mistake in encouraging your father's cockiness. I can't do the same with you."
Harry snickered and readied his wand. "Okay, so the incantation is… what again?"
"Expecto patronum."
He cleared his throat and became serious once more. "Okay. Expecto Patronum. Expecto patronum."
"The happy memory, Harry? Do you have it?"
Of course, he had it. It was the day he was reunited with his parents. Harry swallowed nervously and nodded. "Expecto patronum. Expecto patrono- no, expecto patronum." A silvery wisp of mist shot out of wand and he looked at his uncle excitedly.
"Did you see that? Something happened!"
He could care less about getting Harry too overly excited. He was proud of the boy. "Very good, kid. Right then, you want to try it against a Dementor?"
"You bet I do."
Remus reached over and ruffled his hair. "Stay strong."
He led Harry into the middle of the classroom, where a suitcase trembled slightly as a boggart fought hard to escape its confinement. Very quickly, Harry began to lose his confidence. In a few seconds, he'd be hearing his mother's death again. Could he handle it this time? Would he be able to stop the Dementor before it got to that point? His wand hand shook and he tensed in his spot.
He could do this. He would do this.
"Wand at the ready, Harry," Remus instructed before opening the case.
He was stumbling back and lost in a memory before he could even blink. When he regained his bearings, he gave Remus a slurred apology. Remus stared down at him with worry.
"Harry are you sure you want to-"
"Yes," he said immediately. "I have to. It's getting worse- clearer."
"How's it going in here?" a new voice said.
They looked up to see Sirius, Lily and James shuffle in together and close the door behind them. "Are you doing all right, darling?" Lily asked her son worriedly.
Harry forced a smile onto his face. "Just fine. I was able to produce something just a bit ago, right, Moony? Okay, another go?"
Remus breathed out deeply, feeling rather guilty for being the one to unleash Harry's fears on him. "Okay, you ready?"
"Ready."
The boggart flew out and Harry shouted out the incantation, but it ended as soon as it started. Harry fell against the desk behind him and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes snapping shut.
"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"
In the blink of an eye, he was on the floor, unconscious.
"Harry!" James roared. They all flew forward and crowded the boy, Lily pulling him into her lap as James tapped his face. "Harry? Harry, wake up."
He groaned as he came to.
"What was it, son? It was that strong?"
"It was you this time," Harry explained somberly. "I can hear you."
"Me? You heard..."
"You told mum to take me and go, and then I can hear him- I can hear…" he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Lily and James looked utterly dejected that they couldn't help their son. They stepped back as he got to his feet and gazed at his uncle determinedly. "One more try, Remus."
"Harry, are you sure?" Lily asked.
"Yes."
Remus stood in front of him. "Listen to me, Harry. You're distracting yourself with what you know is about to come. I want you to really concentrate on that happy memory. Think of nothing but that moment, how you felt, what it was like. Live it out again." Harry stared, closed his eyes and, after a few moments, smiled. "Good."
"Let's do this."
"Ready?" A nod. "Concentrating hard?" Another nod. "All right- go!"
And this time, when the boggart-Dementor came at him, Harry bellowed out "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" three times and a huge, silver shadow burst out of the end of his wand, hovering between him and the Dementor. The screaming in his head grew softer and the cold wasn't as bad as before, but he felt himself growing weaker until Remus jumped between them with a loud,
"Riddikulus!"
Harry's Patronus vanished and he fell back into what he thought would be a chair. Instead, his father was propping him up with a beaming grin on his face, Lily clapping beside them.
"Excellent!" Remus laughed. "Excellent, Harry, that was a great start!"
"I'm so proud of you, darling," Lily boasted. "Can you imagine? Our thirteen year old, producing a Patronus!"
"Not a full one," Harry mumbled. "Do you think I can have another go? Just one more?"
"No," Sirius told him firmly. "You've had enough for one night. Eat some of Moony's chocolate will you, you look like you're ready to pass out."
"You did wonderful for your first try," said James. "Rest for now."
He looked reluctant to do so, but he did.
"Sweetheart," Lily greeted with some surprise when Harry walked into her quarters. "What are you doing here? Don't you want to be celebrating your win with your team?"
"Or maybe with a certain Ravenclaw Seeker?" James asked him slyly. "Even showed off in front of her with your amazing Patronus. Or maybe you were showing off the new Firebolt your godfather bought you. Either way, I'm sure that Chang girl is swooning. My boy, the ladies' man."
"Dad," Harry moaned. "Would you please stop? I'm begging you."
"Don't pretend like you weren't staring at her the entire game!"
"And before the game," Lily added.
"And after!"
"Ugh, why did I even come to see you two," he said with a glare.
"Good question, why are you here and not with the Gryffs?"
He rolled his eyes and then stuffed his hands into his pocket. "I just… wanted to talk to you guys again."
"About?"
He smiled toothily. "Any chance you've changed your mind about Hogsmeade?"
Lily dropped her book beside her and crossed her arms. "Don't make me full-name you."
He held his hands up in surrender. "I'm joking, promise. I actually wanted to say… what with how I've been reacting to the Dementors…" Harry's face scrunched up and he began shuffling side to side uncomfortably.
"You can talk to us about anything, Har," James said softly.
"I know," he said quickly. "This is just really humiliating because it's hard to admit something like this." They weren't sure what to say, so they waited for him to gather his thoughts and continue. "Uhm. I… I want to be a normal teenager, you know? I want to go to Hogsmeade and I want to play Quidditch without worrying that I'm gonna die, and I want to be annoyed with my parents for getting jobs at my school. But I can't do that, because there's a mad man after me and I'm constantly worrying that you two will be… will be killed again. I want to try still, to just be a kid, even with the Dementors, even with Pettigrew out there on the loose and so close to Hogwarts."
Lily, not caring if Harry would think she was babying him, reached out and took his hand. "We don't blame you for that. That's all we ever wanted for you."
Harry squeezed her hand in return. "But I don't want you to think I'm trying to push you away, because the last thing I want is to lose you both again. So, maybe we can do some kind of family thing. Like, every Sunday morning or something."
James gave the boy a pat on shoulder. "Of course. That sounds wonderful, kid."
"Cool," he said, cleared his throat and stiffened like he was trying to show he was unbothered by the emotional moment he was having with them. "Cool, okay, well I'm gonna go back to my teammates. Er, good talk."
"Yeah, good talk," James snickered. "Go on, Harry. Don't go asking Cho on a date, you hear? No fraternizing with the enemy today."
"Dad, honestly!" he shouted before rushing out of the portrait hole.
James pulled Lily into his lap and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Still feel like you're losing him?"
"No," she sighed. "No, I suddenly feel very important to him, actually."
James turned to the entrance their boy had just disappeared through. "You're still the number one woman in his life."
Lily felt a mix of happiness and sadness, knowing she couldn't be fully proud of that when Harry was going through such a difficult time. "Yeah, I am, aren't I?"