Don't ask. Just... Don't.

Disclaimer: I don't own Touhou Project or any of its characters. All rights go to Team Shanghai Alice and ZUN.


Hourai Shikaisen

Fujiwara no Mokou cautiously stepped into the Mausoleum, glancing about as she did so.

"So this is where the other immortals live…" she mused. "Flashy place, it seems."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Keine Kamishirasawa, a were-hakutaku and close friend of Mokou's, said nervously as she tailed behind the immortal. "They were at the center of two incidents!"

"They're immortals! I don't have to worry about them dying on me!" Mokou sighed.

Keine snickered internally, though she didn't blame her friend for having such a mindset. After all, Keine couldn't be around forever, and Mokou would be alone again… she couldn't bear to think of it.

"Oh, thou hast arrived!" Keine and Mokou looked over at the source of the noise. A youthful looking girl with grey hair and a colorful old uniform was cheerfully looking at them.

"That's the immortal I met in the forest." Mokou whispered to Keine.

Keine looked at the shikaisen skeptically. She didn't seem bad…

"Come! You hath to meet the Crown Prince!" The girl exclaimed, hopping down from her perch. Mokou and Keine followed her into the main hall of the Mausoleum.

"Crown Prince! The immortal hast arrived!"

"Hm?" A girl, wearing a violet cape and skirt, with brown hair that seemed to defy gravity, turned to the three. "Ah, this is her, Futo?"

"Yes! Come now, greet the Crown Prince!"

"Ah, yes." Mokou remembered that this was her first meeting with the other residents of the Divine Spirit Mausoleum. "My name is Fujiwara no Mokou, ma'am." Mokou spoke politely, but didn't bother to bow.

"Keine Kamishirasawa, your highness." Keine proved to be the more formal of the two, bowing to the Crown Prince without hesitation.

"No need for that." The Prince sighed. "My name is Toyosatomimi no Miko. Futo tells me you are a fellow immortal?"

"Yes!" Mokou said immediately. "Not that I like it…"

"Mokou…" Keine mumbled.

"Can't you just commit suicide, then? What's wrong with living forever?"

"You should know as a fellow immortal that I can't do that."

"You… can't?" Miko looked over quizzically. "Must be a different kind of immortality. Please, tell me more."

Mokou stared at the Prince for a moment, before grinning internally. "I can make use of this…" she thought. "I cannot die, even if I wanted to. Do you intend to tell me you can die, if mortally wounded?"

"Yes…?"

"In that case, would you like me to tell you how to further your immortality to my level?"

"Mokou…" Keine warned. She knew her friend well, and that tone meant that she was going to say something incredibly crazy.

"Yes, of course! Futo, are you listening?"

"Of course, Crown Prince."

"Deep in the bamboo forest where I live, you will come across a Japanese-styled mansion. Living in that mansion is a girl, a very pretty girl, with long, shiny black hair, who can manipulate eternity."

"So we hast to find this girl? What must we do with her?" Futo asked.

"I'm getting to that part. Anyway, kill the girl. Then take three bites from her liver. Each, of course, and make sure to swallow. That will be enough to prevent illness, aging, and death."

"Ah, I see! Because she has power over eternity, eating her would make us eternal! I'm unsure why you specified the liver, but be that as it may! Come, Futo, we have true immortality within our grasp!" The Prince darted off without a doubt, her Shikaisen follower trailing close behind. Keine turned to Mokou as soon as they were gone.

"I knew you were going to say something sadistic…" She sighed.

"Hey, she has been sending assassins after me for who knows how long! Taste of her own medicine, as they say. What's more, Futo cannot get lost, as she has been guided by me. They'll be fine."

"Mokou…"

"Yes, Keine?"

"I hope they don't regret this."

"They seemed quite happy with their current immortality, I would think that they believe immortality is a good thing. Is that not a prime teaching of Taoism?"

"I suppose. So are we just going to wait for them to come back as People of Hourai?"

"Of course!"

"...I really hope this doesn't go awry."


"Ah, 'tis this way, Crown Prince!"

"How do you even know…?"

"I quite simply do!" Futo exclaimed. "Ah, we hast arrived!"

Looming before the Shikaisen duo was a large mansion just begging for an invasion. "Right." Miko said. "Alright, let's find the girl."

The two Shikaisen cautiously entered the old fashioned building, only to be greeted by many, many rabbits.

"Ah, perhaps the rabbits know where she might be!" Futo exclaimed.

"She?" One of the rabbits came to fore. She was a short youkai rabbit, with a pink dress and black hair. "Who might you be looking for?"

"We've been sent to speak with someone." Miko coolly answered. "We do not have her name, but we have been told she has long black hair. Do you know of her?"

"That would be the princess." The youkai rabbit replied. "Her room is this way. Come on."

Miko and Futo followed the rabbit's lead as she led them through the long, winding corridors of the mansion. "This is it," the rabbit said, approaching the doorway and knocking. A tall woman with most definitely not black hair greeted them.

"Tewi?" She said. "Visitors?"

"Yup! They wanna talk with the princess!" Tewi answered. "Can they be let in?"

"Of course. Would they like to be alone?"

"Yes, please." Miko quickly answered.

"Alright… but if you do anything unsavory to the princess, I WILL kill you." The woman and Tewi stepped aside, letting the Shikaisen duo into the room as the door clicked shut behind them.

Miko touched the hilt of her sword. "Ready, Futo?"

"As much as I can, Crown Prince."

With that, the duo stepped toward the princess, ready for the deed they were about to perform.


"...That hurt…" Kaguya Houraisan, the murdered-then-revived princess groaned. "You think you're so clever, sending assassins, don't you?"

"We're so sorry, princess! We did not know that was their intention…" Eirin Yagokoro and Tewi Inaba were bowing respectfully and on the verge of tears.

"It's done now." Kaguya stated. "I'm fine. Relax, Inaba, Eirin."

"Yes, of course." The rabbit and immortal straightened themselves. "Should we go punish them?"

"I think they already gave themselves punishment enough."

"Of course, princess."

Kaguya giggled. "Good luck with the rest of eternity. You two will need it."


"We did it, Miss Fujiwara!"

Mokou turned to the returning shikaisen (former shikaisen?). "You successfully killed her and consumed three bites of her liver?"

"Yes! Sure, it didn't taste very good, but if what you said was truth, we are indestructible now!" Miko said, a tad too cheerfully for someone who assassinated the Eientei princess for immortality.

"I will be the judge of that," Mokou said, standing. "I hope you don't mind heat."

Keine watched as all three girls were completely consumed by flame. Moments later, all three were back, unscathed and completely fine.

"What luck, it worked!" Futo exclaimed. "An impressive form of immortality indeed!"

"Hm, do you plan on remaining here, Miss Fujiwara?" Miko asked. "You truly must be skilled to discover this."

"...I didn't."

"...Huh?"

"I said 'I didn't'," Mokou began laughing. "Hah, take that Kaguya! And all of your assassins! I hope you enjoyed your own medicine!"

"Art thou alright?" Futo said, concerned for the Divine Spirit Mausoleum's new "friend".

"Better than ever!" Mokou replied, still laughing. "Come on now, let's go kill her again! And again! Hahahahaha!"

Miko looked at Keine.

"Is she sane?"

"Just go with it. This is probably the happiest she's been in a while."

Futo, meanwhile, gladly followed Mokou out the door, ready to kill the moon princess over again.


Futo and Mokou hit it off quite nicely in ULiL. So I wrote this for them.

I really hope I got the characters right. Especially Futo and Miko.

Have a nice day~!

~Glace