Dear Diary,

The orange authority continues to insist that I cuddle with him. During this time, he repeatedly chants that I am a good kitty. I cannot take this smothering much longer. I must escape and soon. Pray for my release.

Dear Diary,

Today I successfully climbed to the top of the refrigerator. My song of triumph must have been mistaken as a cry of distress for the orange authority came and removed me from my perch. I will attempt to repeat the arduous climb as soon as the authorities have vacated the kitchen.

Dear Diary,

In hopes of winning the favor of the head authority, I offered him the rat I hunted and killed this morning. He rejected my sacrifice. Perhaps because it resembles him. I will search for a new gift.

Dear Diary,

There is a large square pillow at the end of the couch which I had claimed as mine. Yet when I lay on it I am promptly shooed off by the authorities. Apparently, I am to be denied even this simple luxury. The cruelty of this prison is endless.

Dear Diary,

The orange authority served me a rare dish of milk. It was not fresh enough for my sensitive pallet. I managed to force down two drinks of it before I had to stop. I considered tipping the dish over in protest, but I simply did not have the energy. I must now go nap for several hours to recover from this traumatizing experience.

Dear Diary,

The purple authority has banished me from his laboratory. He assumed that my act of pushing the glass beaker off of the counter was devious in nature. What he didn't realize is that the beaker was already cracked and I was simply putting it out of its misery by knocking it to the floor. Instead of being thanked I am being punished.

Dear Diary,

I will cease the practice of sleeping on the bathroom rug. When the authorities wander in during the middle of the night, they often neglect to turn on the light and I am promptly tripped over. Clearly, they are concerned for no one's safety but their own. I will need to watch out for myself if I am to survive.

Dear Diary,

The red authority refuses to pet me. My efforts to entice him in to doing so by rubbing on his legs are largely ignored. I do not know what I have done to warrant such harsh treatment from him. As an act of revenge, I will scratch at his punching bag.

Dear Diary,

Today I returned from a long voyage in the sewers. Upon my arrival, the orange authority placed me under arrest and dumped me into a sink full of water to torture me with a procedure he calls a bath. I adhered to my instincts and clawed the authority's arms until he released me. While he is tending to his wounds, I will undo the damage done to my own body by licking my fur dry. This could take several hours.

Dear Diary,

I fell asleep in the middle of my favorite book. The blue authority was not pleased. As it turns out, he was trying to read it and not, as I assumed, holding it open for me. His intentions are never clear. We must work on communication.

Dear Diary,

The shower curtain is no longer safe for climbing. I discovered this halfway through my ascent when it collapsed. Luckily, I managed to escape before the authorities arrived. I may need to hide for several days until the incident is forgotten. I will have to fend for myself.