Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I would love to think that I own Sam. Nathan and Amber belong to me.

*Thanks to LadyWallace for reading over part of this for me!

Raising A Winchester

Chapter 4

Dean settled back against the headboard of the bed in the musty hotel room. The latest hunt had been a difficult one, and while Bobby was a great hunter and a devoted friend, he wasn't Sam. Dean missed having his brother at his back. Bobby had offered to go get pizza while Dean rested his leg. Dean had twisted it when he and Bobby were running through the forest after a wendigo. He picked up his phone from the bed beside him and dialed Sam's number. He called his brother several times a week to check on Nathan, but he'd been really busy the past few days with this hunt; three people had disappeared in the area and the wendigo needed to be stopped.

Sam answered his phone on the fourth ring sounding tired. Dean could hear Nathan screaming in the background.

"What'd you do, Sam, pinch the baby?" Dean asked.

Sam sighed heavily. "I think maybe he's coming down with something. He hasn't slept well the last two nights and he's been fussy all day. I couldn't get much work done." Sam had been lucky enough to find a job where he could work from home. That way he didn't have to find a babysitter for his son. He was able to stay home, raise his son, and make sure Nathan was safe.

Dean was suddenly concerned. Nathan was the closest thing to a son he would ever have, and he hadn't seen his nephew in a month. Sam sounded exhausted. It was time to tell Bobby he needed a break to visit his brother. He couldn't hunt anything strenuous until his leg was better anyway. He winced as the crying got louder. Sam must have picked up the baby.

"I'm coming to stay with you a few days, Sam. It's been too long since I've seen Nathan. Maybe he just needs his Uncle Dean."

Sam grunted into the phone. "I've got to go, Dean. Nathan just made a really messy diaper. It's everywhere."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Sammy," Dean promised with a frown.

Sammy mumbled a goodbye and hung up so he could care for the baby.

Bobby entered the room with a pizza then and grinned at Dean. "I'm starving." His smile faded at the look on Dean's face. "What's up, Dean?"

"I talked to Sam. He's exhausted and Nathan isn't feeling well. I'm heading home for a few days in the morning to give Sam a break." Home. Dean realized that wherever Sam and Nathan were was his home. They had moved into a smaller house since Nathan was born and Amber had left her little family, but Sam had set aside a little bedroom that was just for Dean. He had painted the walls off-white and had chosen a dark green and navy blue bedspread for the bed. The dresser had a framed picture of John and Mary along with a picture of Nathan. Sam had even told him he could leave his things there while he traveled. Yes, Sam's house was Dean's true home, the first one he'd had in years.

"What's wrong with Nathan?" Bobby asked as he placed the pizza on the room's small, round table.

"Sam said he's been fussy and he doesn't want to sleep. He had a messy diaper while we were on the phone." Dean shifted anxiously on the bed. "Maybe I should leave tonight. I could be there by morning."

"Not with that leg, ya idjit!" Bobby protested. "Do you want to kill yourself or wreck that big black car of yours?"

Dean scowled.

"Don't give me that look," Bobby fussed. "You know I'm right. Sam and Nathan will be fine until you get there. Sam's a big boy. He can handle this."

Dean frowned at the older hunter as he accepted the piece of pizza on the napkin Bobby handed him. "Sam didn't sound so good either. He's worn out, and he's hurting over Amber."

Bobby sighed. "Want me to drive you there?" he asked around a bite of pizza as he dropped unceremoniously into a chair by the table.

Dean ran a hand through his short hair in frustration. "If we wait until morning, I can drive myself. You won't have to leave your truck here."

"Who said I was going to leave my truck?" Bobby answered dryly as Dean glared at him.

The hunters ate in silence as they watched television. Dean's mind was not on the horror movie in front of him, but on his brother and tiny nephew.

Sam was nearly at the end of his rope. He was exhausted. "Please stop crying, Nathan," he pleaded as he paced up and down the hallway with his son on his shoulder. He rubbed the baby's back in soothing circles, and Nathan's cries became whimpers but did not stop.

"I know you don't feel good, buddy," he murmured around a yawn, "but Daddy needs some sleep." The baby had only slept a few sporadic hours the night before and then slept a bit this morning. Sam had used the time this morning to get some work done. He was falling terribly behind.

A knock on the door made him jump which caused Nathan to start wailing again. "Please be Dean," Sam murmured hopefully. He made his way to the door and peered through the peep hole, relieved so see his brother on the porch and the Impala in the driveway. Tugging open the door, he gazed gratefully at his older brother.

"Give me my nephew, Sammy," Dean said immediately. "You look like crap." He dropped his duffle on the floor just inside of the doorway and took the screaming baby from Sam's arms. "Are you sure he's not sick?" Dean hollered at his brother over the sound of Nathan's wails.

"I took him to the doctor this morning," Sam sighed. "They said he's teething. His gums are swollen on the bottom. I've tried the things the doctor suggested. They worked for a bit, but now he's just inconsolable."

"Huh," Dean said, trying to get a good look in the baby's mouth.

Sam scrubbed a trembling hand over his face. "I'm going to step out back for a bit. I just need a break from the crying."

"You need to try to get some sleep," Dean pointed, wincing at a particularly shrill cry from Nathan.

"I will. I just need a break first," Sam assured his worried brother. He hurried out of the back door and sucked in a deep breath of the cool evening air. Nathan's cries faded as the door closed behind him. His shoulders relaxed as he headed toward the lawn swing Amber had insisted on having beneath a tree in the back of the yard. He fully relaxed for the first time in days. Dean was the one person he could trust completely with his son.

Sam settled back on Amber's swing and pushed slowly with his feet. The rhythm was calm and soothing at first until Sam's thoughts began to wander to his wife. Anger and hurt warred for a place in his gut. She had pledged "until death do us part." Together they had created a child that she had abandoned and even called a monster. The life she had built with Sam obviously didn't mean enough to her; she didn't even try to work things out or fight for it.

Amidst the anger and hurt, a bit of self-loathing began to creep in as well. If only he had told her about his life as a hunter, maybe Amber would have never left. Maybe she would have accepted him as he was and loved their baby, too. Maybe most of this was his fault.

With a roar of anger at himself and Amber, Sam surged to his feet and screamed. He kicked at the awn swing and heaved it end over end across the yard; it wasn't really all that heavy. Picking up a piece that had fallen off, he began swinging it repeatedly against the solid trunk of a nearby tree, screaming as he did so. Sam didn't care that his neighbors were probably hearing him and coming outside to look; he was just so angry and frustrated that nothing else mattered to him. He wanted his son to have a better life than he did, but he'd already managed to screw up Nathan's life. It wasn't fair. Amber wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. He felt the sweat pouring down his face mixed with tears of anger, but still he kept swinging the piece of the swing against the tree as yells and screams erupted from his lips.

"Sam!" Dean ran across the backyard and threw his arms in a bear hug around his younger brother. "STOP IT, SAM!" he hollered as he worked to hold the struggling Winchester.

Sam wriggled against him briefly, but then all of the fight seemed to drain out of him and he sagged limply toward his brother.

"Hey," Dean soothed as Sam crumpled to the ground. He caught his younger brother and eased him the rest of the way until both of them were seated on the damp grass. "What's wrong, Sam? Why the tantrum?"

Suddenly, Sam's anger returned with a vengeance. He pounded on the ground with screams of anger. "I hate her, Dean! How could she leave him? How could she leave us?"

"Sam," Dean sighed as he kept his hand on his younger brother's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Sam brushed Dean's hand off of him and looked up at his brother in the moonlight, his face streaked with tears. "I hate myself, too! If only I had told her in the beginning," he yelled, slamming his hands against the dirt beneath him.

"Then you wouldn't have Nathan," Dean pointed out calmly. He hated seeing his brother like this. Sam didn't deserve the way Amber had treated him, the way life had treated him. "Come on; let's go inside before your neighbors call the cops. Do you think you can stand up?" Dean pushed up onto his knees and reached for his brother's arm.

Sam was suddenly exhausted and nauseous. He swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. His tantrum had used up the last of his energy reserves. "Nathan?" he suddenly asked Dean in a panic, looking up at his brother through sweaty bangs that clung to his face.

"He's asleep. The monitor's right here." Dean patted the pocket of his jacket. "I heard you start screaming after I put him in his crib."

Sam pushed shakily to his feet as Dean tugged gently on his arm. He leaned sideways to wretch miserably into the grass. Then on legs as wobbly as those of a newborn colt, Sam made his way to the back steps and up into the house. The night air had grown cool and the warmth of the small kitchen felt good.

Dean shoved his brother gently down into one of the chairs at the wooden table. "I'll make you some tea with ginger," he informed him, "and then you are going to talk to me."

Sam tiredly quirked an eyebrow at his brother. "You're asking for a chick flick moment?" he asked in surprise.

Dean shook his head. "Dude, you just went postal on a tree in your backyard. I think I deserve an explanation."

"Amber," Sam sighed. "I'm so tired and I was just sitting there thinking." His voice was growing hoarse from all of the screaming and he cleared his throat, wincing as it burned. "At first, I was so angry at her and blaming everything on her. She ruined my life. She tore our family apart. But then….then I realized that it was my fault, too. Maybe if I'd told her everything from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened." Sam propped his head on his hand and allowed his eyes to slip closed.

Dean plunked a mug of hot tea on the table in front of his brother along with the bottle of Tylenol. "Drink this and take two of these."

Sam blinked blearily, but managed to open the Tylenol and swallow it down with the hot tea.

Dean sat down at the table across from his younger brother. "Look, Sam, I've seen you with Nathan. You love that kid with all your heart. He is your life. If there had been no Amber, there would be no Nathan. Maybe you should have told her more about our lives; I don't know. It might have put her in danger to know too much. You and I both know that, Sam."

The younger Winchester sighed and looked at his brother with tear-dampened eyes. "But my son has to pay for my mistakes."

"He's paying for his mother's choices, Sam," Dean pointed out. "But he's going to be okay. He's got you and me."

Sam swallowed hard. "You practically raised me, Dean. Nathan is lucky to have you."

Dean stood and tugged on Sam's arm. "You aren't doing too badly yourself, kiddo," he informed his baby brother, quickly deflecting the attention and praise from himself. "Now, you need to get some sleep. I'm staying until Nathan pops out this tooth that's causing so much trouble."

"Thanks, Dean," Sam yawned gratefully as his brother helped him up the stairs to his room.

Dean quickly folded back the blankets as Sam dropped limply onto the edge of the bed. He bent to remove Sam's shoes, but his younger brother batted him away.

"You don't need to undress me; I'm not an invalid," Sam snorted.

"Fine," Dean replied. "I'm gonna go check on your kid. You get some sleep."

Sam nodded and reached for the t-shirt and sleep pants that were lying on the end of the bed. "Dean?" he called, just as his brother was about to shut the door.

"Yeah?" Dean asked as he poked his head back into his brother's bedroom.

"Thanks…for everything," Sam told him softly, almost shyly.

Dean nodded and winced as Nathan let out a lusty cry. "Get some sleep. Nathan and I are going to get in some manly bonding time," he informed his little brother.

Sam nodded. He changed into his sleep clothes and curled beneath the blankets. Exhaustion took over and he was soon sleeping soundly, oblivious to the broken sobs of his son. Dean had the baby now; Sam didn't need to worry. Nathan was in good hands.