June 2018: In case you are new to this story, I just wanted to let you know I'm currently rewriting this fic as well as working on new chapters. Plot won't change much, but it's something I decided to do to get back into the fic. Rewritten chapters will be updated along with the new chapter, so once this sotry appears up front again, you're good to go. Thank you.


Re-watching all the season for the start of season 5 and the 'Marry me?' scene from the first episode got stuck in my mind. So trying something new, hope you like it :)

Chapter 1 – the clinic


"I'm sorry," the nurse said, "but we cannot help you, Mrs. Specter."

*one week earlier*

Harvey had given her a couple of days off and she was visiting her sister Alice upstate. She had taken her nieces, Ella and Rosa, to the nearby playground and she wondered about how different her life could have been. If she hadn't agreed to work for him. If she hadn't reinforced her rule; if she had just told him how she felt. But she hadn't and now twelve years later, still nothing had happened. She wondered if it ever would. She looked at her nieces and she sighed. She would have wanted children. She still wanted children, but she didn't even have a relationship and waiting for Harvey or anyone else for that matter, was like waiting for a pig to fly. That afternoon she made the decision to become a mom, one way or the other.

.

Two days after she returned to the city she found herself in the waiting room of the clinic. She looked around at the other women; they were all a lot younger than herself. She wondered why they were there, they probably still had lots of time to find themselves a husband; unlike herself. She continued browsing the very old cosmopolitan when a nurse called her in.

"Please take a seat," the blonde woman somewhere in her forties said. "Tell me what's the reason for your visit," the nurse asked when she wrote down her patients name.

"I want to become a mother," she answered. "I've always wanted to become a mother, but I'm still single and I don't want to wait any longer."

"Then you've come to the right place," the nurse answered with a smile. Hesitantly she smiled back, it was what she wanted, but it didn't feel real yet. An hour later she left the clinic with a stack of papers; examples of potential donors and an appointment for a follow up meeting next Thursday.

She went to the Thai place she loved to grab some dinner before she went to her apartment. She changed into her pyjamas and placed herself on her couch; enjoying her chicken she started browsing the files. The first donor had brown hair, blue eyes, played the guitar and worked as a fire fighter.

Another was an teacher, one that claimed to 6'5", the next was an artist, an athlete. They all sounded great, but nothing really spoke to her until she picked up the last file. Brown hair, brown eyes, 6 feet tall and a lawyer. She stared at the piece of paper and sighed before she threw it back on the stack. It reminded her too much of Harvey.

She was on the verge of crying, was this really what she wanted?

It was, she wanted to become a mom, more than anything. The beeping of her phone woke her up from her thoughts. She looked at the screen, speaking of the devil. It was a message from Harvey asking if she was okay. She had faked being sick, single Demi Moore tear and all, so she wouldn't have to tell him where she was going that day.

*today*

That afternoon she sat across the forty year old nurse again. Nervous, but she couldn't really place why. "Have you already found a donor you liked?" the nurse asked. Her thoughts immediately went to the one that reminded her of Harvey. "No, not yet," she answered.

"Okay, no problem. There's plenty of time. But there is something I would like to discuss with you." Donna tilted her head, wondering where this would lead. "Alright?"

"Our clinic only helps single women."

"I know, that's why I came here," she replied. "I'm sorry," the nurse said, "but we cannot help you, Mrs. Specter." Her mouth fell open at those words and it took her a minute to reply. "That's not my name."

"Mrs. Specter, please stop lying," the nurse asked.

"But I'm not, that's not my name!"

"We do a background check of all our potential clients and this marriage record clearly states that you have been married to Harvey Reginald Specter for the last nine years. We have not found any prove of a divorce or death of your husband."