19Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
"Hermione?"
She hears her name, but it's like she is underwater. Her eyes flit from one object to the next, never really seeing anything. Just moving. Moving. Moving.
Louder, "Hermione?"
She turns her head towards the door and sees Harry. But not Harry. This Harry is broken. This Harry is red-nosed and bleary-eyed. This Harry looks at her in a way she wishes he wouldn't.
"Molly and Arthur are wondering if you are going to come downstairs," this Harry says uncertainly, uncomfortably, un-Harryly.
She snorts to herself.
Harry looks at her strangely. "Hermione? Did you hear me?"
She nods her head intentionally. Then continues nodding. Just moving. Always moving.
"What do I do?" she asks.
"What do you want to do?" Harry questions back.
"Do I continue on like my life hasn't been completely turned on its head? Or do I curl up into a ball and never move because my life has been completely turned on its head?"
Realizing that she is having a different conversation, Harry tries to redirect her. "Hermione, Arthur and Molly would like to see you. They need—," Harry breaks off to clear his throat of the tears that want to make a reappearance.
She stares at him, eyes wide.
"I've been so selfish. They lost a son and brother. Again. And all I've been doing is worrying about how I feel and what I'm going to do. How selfish is that?"
"Hermione, you're not being selfish. They understand. They just want to make sure you're—"
"Rosie asked me if it was okay to laugh," she interrupts. "I didn't know what to say. I don't think I can ever laugh again, but I can't say that to my child."
Stunned she continues, "I didn't know the answer. I always know the answer. How could I not know the answer?"
Harry approaches her, looking at her that way. Again. Why does he keep doing that?
Panic enters her eyes and her hands start to shake. "What's going to happen if I don't know the answers to things? There won't be anyone else who will know the answers."
She has to move. She has to keep moving.
"And who's going to threaten Rosie's first boyfriend? He wanted to do that so much and now he'll never get the chance."
She tries to catch her breath. Air is going in, but nothing is coming out. Need more air. More air.
"She's not going to have all those things she should have with her father."
She looks at Harry and her entire demeanor changes.
Growling she says, "And I'm so mad. So mad at him for leaving me. How dare he leave me like this."
Her snarl becomes trembling chin and lips. "He promised me that he would always be here. And now he's not."
She looks around at everything, stopping on Harry. "I'm lost. I'm lost."
She falls into his arms. Sobs overwhelm her. Pain overwhelms her.
She keeps repeating, "I'm lost."