4Let's Time Travel
Crayons are normally ordinary objects that muggles use to color pictures. Yet, a knowledgeable seer, who most people considered crazy, created a very surprising group of crayons.
Those crayons now lay on the floor in the Gryffindor common room, just waiting to be found. Most students slept in their dorm rooms that early Saturday morning, and therefore, missed the adventure. But not Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. No, they complained about their least favorite teacher, Professor Snape.
"Snape is the worst DADA teacher ever," Ron moaned, while tinkering with some chess pieces. He threw one in the air. "He waved his greasy hair in my face twice."
"Oh, you're mad about that." Hermione shook her head of gorgeous, wild curls, secretly jealous. She wanted some of that sluggish, dripping hair in her mouth. "How about him marking my 10,000 foot essay with an F."
"He called my father an arrogant berk, an evil douchbag and a crayon," Harry raved. "I'm still wondering what the last insult was about. I like crayons."
"I do too," Hermione agreed.
"What are crayons?" Ron was clueless about muggle stuff.
Hermione jumped up and grabbed a box of crayons from the floor. "These are."
Ron stared at them with amazement. He gasped for a few minutes while twirling the colorful objects until Hermione took them from him. She wanted to bicker with her boyfriend. Before she started, though, she noticed something strange about the crayons. After rocking the box a few times and sketching a beautiful dinosaur on the ground, Hermione revealed, "It's a box of time traveling crayons. Come on. Draw a picture if you want to join me." She threw the crayons on Ron's head.
"Umph," Ron groaned. "Did you have to do that Hermione?"
Hermione just smiled and disappeared. Alarmed, Harry and Ron quickly drew their own pictures. They wanted to be wherever Hermione was. Harry drew a golden snitch and Ron scribbled a stick figure of Hermione. Both waited nervously for a minute and then they popped away.
The first thing Harry and Ron noticed when they arrived in the new place was Sirius Black singing. And he was not the ragged, thirty-eight-year-old escape prisoner they expected. No it was the handsome, sixteen-year-old, and popular student version.
This young Sirius grasped Hermione's hands in his while he sang, "I love you, beautiful girl. Since I first met you a minute ago, I knew all the girls I snogged throughout the years don't mean a thing because you're you. I adore your unique bushy hair and soft brown eyes. I romanticize over your smart turn of phrases. Hermirius forever, oh forever."
Hermione then joined in, "Hermirius forever, forever. I love you, old man now young. I can finally be with you and not my loser boyfriend. Oh, I love you. Your gorgeous and polite, we will never bicker at all because you're too hot to tell off."
"Oi." Ron ran over to them. "Get away from you girlfriend. You pervert."
"Who are you?" A very ugly boy named Peter Pettigrew asked. He secretly hated his three best friends and wanted to turn them all into cockroaches. Too bad for him he sucked at magic.
"My ex-boyfriend Ron Loverboy," Hermione explained, glaring at Pettigrew. "He's a fellow transfer student. Along with the handsome hero over there. His name is Harry Hugginkiss."
"Nice to meet you." Sirius tried to shake Ron's hand, but Ron pushed him to the ground. Angry, Sirius and Ron instigated a duel that Sirius soon won. Hermione Granger provided a congratulatory kiss - to Sirius, of course.
At that point, a ragged, tired and scratched James Potter entered the common room. A laughing Lily Evans and a chocolate eating Remus Lupin followed him. At the sight of Sirius and Pettigrew, James yelled, "Where were you two? Lily just hexed me to death. Some best friends. At least Remus had the balls to stand there and watch and fail worse than a banshee while trying to fix me up."
"Sorry," Pettigrew said. He didn't mean it.
"Sorry," Sirius said. He meant it, but was too excited to focus on his best mate. "James this is my girlfriend Hermione Granger. She is so her wonderful. And this is her ex-boyfriend who sucks at dueling and that is Harry Hugginkiss."
"You look like me," James gasped, staring at Harry.
"You look like Potter," Lily agreed. "But nice. I like you. Let's date."
"No thanks." Harry moved backwards, trying helplessly to miss Lily's hands that were about to grab his face. He was too slow and Lily seized his face with her hands and kissed him on the lips. After a few moments of kissing, Harry started spitting on the ground, struggling to get the taste of his mother out of his mouth.
Lily started crying immediately.
"No one thinks I'm a good kisser," Lily cried.
Harry rubbed her shoulders. "You are wonderful. Its just awkward for me because you look like my mother and I can't kiss my mother."
Lily nodded, whipping the tears off her eyes.
Fire spiraled in the air behind James. The boy shouted, "You must be a Death Eater. You kissed my girl. You made her cry and why else would you look like me? I have no cousins my age and there's no such thing as doppelgangers."
"I'm not," Harry insisted. "And doppelgangers exist. I'm yours. It's nice to meet you." Harry gazed lovingly at his father.
James snorted and waved his hand at Harry's face. "Get away from me Death Eater."
"He isn't a Death Eater," Ron said. "He likes treacle tart."
"What? I like treacle tart." James started hyperventilating. "He must be a Death Eater."
"He's a fabulous Quidditch player," Ron added.
"He must be a Death Eater," James repeated.
"His favorite time of the year is the fall because he doesn't have to deal with You-Know-Who," Ron shared.
"He must be a Death Eater," James said again.
"He always dreamed of meeting you." Ron wondered if that would appease James.
"He must be a Death Eater," James shouted and pointed at Harry. "Death Eater. Death Eater. Death Eater."
"Blimey, how many times are you going to say that?" A new person said named Ginny Weasley appeared out of nowhere. She smoothed her lovely, straight, delightful, ginger hair. "Its getting old."
"Oh my," James murmured. "You look just like my Lily. Except your hair is brighter and you have freckles and your eyes are brown and your skin is redder. I like you."
"Oh no, don't you dare steal my boy," Lily roared. "He loves me. I love him. James I'm ready to date you now."
"No, no, no. I want the only other ginger I ever met," James screamed.
"But I love you now." Lily cried hysterically.
"The wonders of jealously," Hermione muttered. She then came up with a great idea. She would write a book on the effects of jealously and how it changed people. First chapter: it causes people to change their minds about not liking someone.
"But I love you, Prongsie," Lily screamed again. She began pounding her fists on Ginny.
"He's all yours," Ginny said, grabbing the other girl's fists tightly. "I'm with Harry."
Believing the other girl was appeased, Ginny moved to do more important business. She shook her head at Pettigrew and, with a zap of her wand, turned him into a cockroach. So enraptured by her goal, Ginny didn't notice that Lily made her hair blonde.
"Good work," Ron complimented his sister. "Now we don't have to worry about Harry's parents dying."
"Three cheers for Ginny," Harry cried before snogging her senseless.
"Oi, get away from my sister." Ron threw Harry off her.
"Ay," Harry yelled. "I thought we were friends."
"Not anymore we ain't." Ron bellowed. "How dare you treat my sister like a toy."
"You're not the boss of me," Harry shouted back. "I'm through with you too."
"Good."
"Good."
Harry walked over to Hermione and Ron stomped over to the door. Ron glared at the two of them when they started kissing. Ginny threw a Bat Boogey Hex at Hermione. "Get away from my boyfriend."
"I'm not your boyfriend," Harry replied, tugging on Hermione's hair playfully. "I'm a free man. I'm with everyone in Sirius and I's new harem."
"What are you talking about?" James gasped. "Are you now a Death Eater, Sirius?"
"Nope," Sirius snapped. "I'm just through with you and your douchbagness. You're mean and a bully. I am the playful idiot while you're the malicious scumbag. I'm tired of being friends with you. So I'm going to be Harry's best friend now. He is nice, considerate, sweet, and friendly and he actually likes more than one girl."
"Ayyyyy," James screamed, furious. The fire behind him spiraled into multiple flames that destroyed the best chair in the common room. "Come on Ron. Let's plot."
After they left, Ginny stomped over to Sirius and asked, "So you really left James just because he has a few flaws that you have too."
"I'm tired of him," Sirius shouted. "There is only room for one wonderful, proud person in my harem."
"So I guess I'm out of it," Ginny gagged.
"Like I ever wanted you in it." Sirius laughed and turned to a much lovelier sight; a stunning girl whose face was covered in makeup. Behind her were the rest of the Gryffindor girls at Hogwarts in the year 1976, besides Lily. At the sight of her, Hermione felt her stomach churn, Lily remembered the worst event of her life and Ginny stomped on a crayon.
The girl smirked. "We want to join your harem, Sirius."
Sirius considered the offer. "Are you sure Miss. Obnoxious Slag? This means you can only be with two boys. Harry and I."
"You know what?" Miss. Obnoxious Slag replied, angrily. A bubble of rage blasted behind her. "I don't want to be in any loser harem anyway. How dare you call me that name? How many times do I have to tell you to not to? Ugh. You make me sick."
The girl stomped away.
Sirius grinned. Miss. Obnoxious Slag was a fun girl, but he liked the nice ones to play with.
"No. No. No." Luna Lovegood appeared out of nowhere. "I told you to stop calling Natalie that. Now she will become evil. Merlin, my visions suck. I hate what will happen and you just made it worst. So, I, as a mysterious voice in your head, told you that James in one reality would treat Harry like shit because he's not the Boy-Who-Lived or that in another he would leave you for Lily, he's still your best friend."
Chapter 2, Hermione thought, jealousy can end friendships.
"Oh, wonderful seer, I …" Sirius began to say.
Luna silenced him. "Now, you're going to apologize to Natalie for calling her a name. All right? And take James and Ron away from the dark, Death Eater path they are on. Am I clear? Got that too Harry."
"Okay. Okay." Harry sighed. "I'm tired of this era anyways."
"And, Ginny, you turned Pettigrew into a cockroach?" Luna shook her head at her best friend since she joined the D.A.
"I wanted him to not be able to do his most horrible deed."
Luna giggled and smirked. "I find him more of a chicken then a cockroach."
Soon, Pettigrew the chicken ran across the room chasing his tail.
555
Meanwhile, James and Ron plotted world destruction in a spacious secret passage. Ron glanced around, admiring the beautiful setting. It included a comfy couch, red and gold streamers, a cornucopia, and weapons. He currently touched all over a strange triangular thing.
"That's a bow," James explained. "I heard from Evans that muggles use these to play a game called archery."
"Cool," Ron said. "We can learn how to use the boas and hurt all our enemies them!"
"Three cheers for my new best mate! Hear. Hear. Hear." James began jumping up and down as he cheered. "Ron is the best. Ron is better than all the rest. He likes eating and having fun and picking up rocks to help his friends."
"No, you're the best." Ron jumped up and down too. "Your so cool and funny and fabulous. You get good grades without ever trying and create the most memorable pranks."
"You know," James wondered. "As the best people in the entire universe, we deserve a break from Hogwarts. We deserve to go shopping in Hogsmeade."
With the decision made, the evil duo skedaddled through another secret passage into Honeydukes and proceeded to eat all the chocolate on the shelves. They ate chocolate rainbows, some milk chocolate, some dark furies and far too many chocolate types to name.
While eating a particularly good chocolate frog, Ron asked a very life-changing question that gave the evil duo a new purpose besides archery and chocolate eating.
"So how do you feel all confident all the time? I always feel like I suck and I hate it. Please tell me your secrets."
"Well," James said with a belated measure. "I take no shit from anyone. I know I'm the best and I let no one make me second guess it. If they do, I hex them."
"What if they're girls? I can't hex a girl. That's not right," Ron asked.
"All the girls like me, even Evans does now. You know what? I will accept her when we're back. Your sister is pretty and I, but he is no Lily." James pictured a wonderful first date with Lily at Hogwarts. They would spend the whole date at Zonkos and would play with every joke product available.
"You didn't answer my question," Ron cried.
"I did," James said. "All girl's think I'm awesome so I never have to hex them. Duh."
"Oh," Ron muttered. "Now, how can I be awesome like you?"
James gave Ron a look over for a few minutes. "Well first we need to give you a makeover."
"But those are for girls," Ron said, dismayed.
"Do you want to be confident or not?"
Ron nodded and urged James to help him. James ran the million cosmetic spells over Ron. Including the ones that were meant for girls. In the end, Ron felt like a poof, and liked it. James did too. It was no surprise Ron and James spent the rest of the night snogging.
555
The next day all the students oohed and awed over two boys walking through the doors to the Great Hall. Sirius Black and Harry Potter grinned while many girls ran up to them. Soon a line formed to meet them. The line zigzagged through the entire Great Hall. Ginny felt that every girl wanted to be in the harem. She sat with Natalie, the real name of Miss. Obnoxious Slag, and was surprised to discover how nice the girl was.
"I don't know why everyone dislikes me," Natalie complained. "Just because I will lust over the protagonist's future lover doesn't mean I am a bad person. So I like having sex. I only do it with my boyfriends before I break up with them. I'm not like those girls that joined a cult where they must shag two blokes at the same time."
"I know," Ginny agreed. "So many people dislike me and call me names just because of my crush on Harry. I wasn't the only one. Romilda and Avery and Eliza and Penelope and Bridget and Caroline and Megan and so many others did too. I'm just the most obvious because Harry was my brother's best friend. Its unfair."
"That's Chapter 8 of my book, The Wonders of Jealousy." Hermione jumped into their conversation. "Jealously makes people hate a person who feels the same way as they do."
"Nice," Ginny said and hugged Hermione. "I'm glad you're my best friend."
"You two are so cute," Natalie gasped with joyful tears. Ginny and Hermione immediately hugged Natalie.
"I don't know why I hated you the moment I met you." Ginny said, "You're so sweet."
"I know. Jealousy," Hermione pointed. "Natalie's is a boy's dream and would be a barrier to our dream relationship if our boys weren't already making a harem, so naturally we hate her at first."
Luna walked over to them and sat by Ginny and explained. "Harry and Sirius are stupid. The parrot is whacking their heads, or is it a Crumple-Horn Snoreback. Hmm. Whatever it is, all five of us only have three more hours in the past. My crayons have an expiration time. You both need to make James and Ron good again if you want a good future to return too. Get to work."
"They were your crayons," Hermione cried, completely shocked by the revelation.
Luna nodded friskily and high-fived Ginny's waiting hand.
"Well first I need one last kiss with my boyfriend," Hermione sighed. She ran over to Remus Lupin and sighed into his arms. "I'm so sorry my love, I'm leaving this time soon. I'm going to miss you. I'm just so happy to be with you. The one boy I like who likes to read: Hogwarts: A History. Oh, I'm going to miss our conversations about it."
"Me too," Remus sniffled, patting her hair. "Page twelve mentions that centaurs are free from rabies."
"And chapter two says that love found at Hogwarts is everlasting," Hermione threw her arms around Remus and they had one last magical kiss.
555
Meanwhile, the Sirius-Harry Harem enjoyed a fun game of Exploding Snap. It was a bit hard to play with the large amount of members, but they made do. The group all sat in a circle in the Quidditch Pitch. The Hufflepuff Quidditch Team, that booked the field, watched enviously. None of the defenseless team dared to invoke the rage of Sirius and Harry. They were two scary blokes.
A card exploded in one girl's hand. The rest of the harem laughed while the girl ruffled a multitude of dust off her shoulders. A card exploded in Harry's hand and, immediately, twenty girls rushed to clean his outfit and bit hair.
Suddenly, they heard a loud, scary and horrific roar. James and Ron zoomed over them on their brooms, doing amazing feats. Well, James was. Ron tried to do them and fell through, halfway. Well, at least he tried. Most of the girls, who previously adored Sirius and Harry, started clapping and cheering for James.
"I'm finished with the Sirarry Harem," one girl cried. "James is my man. He's now evil, I heard. How hot."
"But he's going to be abusive when he's older," Sirius cried. "I'm hotter. I've got the dark family name. Stay with me. Stay."
"No," all the girls shouted. "We're through. James is our man."
James landed. Ron dropped off his broom because he lost control. The broom was too old for him to handle. Thankfully, Harry caught him with a levitation charm. Harry and Ron shook hands.
"Can we just be friends again?" Ron asked. "I'm tired of being evil. James is so confident and I like that, but I miss my good, humble best friend."
"Lets," Harry agreed. "I like Sirius. He's fun, but I prefer a best mate who only loves one girl."
Ron blushed, remembering his previous amazing night. "I might like blokes now."
Harry laughed in disbelief. "Nice try, mate."
At the same time, Sirius and James carried their own reconciliation.
"I'm so sorry James," Sirius said. "I shouldn't have said those things. You're a good person who always had my back. Hah. You saved Snivlly's life when you didn't want to. I shouldn't have listened to that seer."
James grinned. "Ah, I'm what you said I am, but I like being me and I wouldn't have it any other way. Come on, I'm tired of all these fawning girls, lets go find Remus in the common room."
Hermione and Ginny rushed to the scene.
"Ron, James," Hermione gasped. "They're so many benefits to being a good guy. For one, you're with people who love you. Two, good guys don't hurt others and loose their souls. Three, good guys are more remarkable because they survive the harshness of being human and still remain good."
"And," Ginny added. "Good guys start the finest parties."
Sirius, James, Harry and Ron all laughed.
"They're good again," one of the ex-members of the harem explained.
Hermione know knew the perfect topic for the final chapter for her book. That jealously can be overcome.
555
Sirius and Harry hugged. James grinned at Ron's messy hair. Ginny and Hermione chatted with Natalie. Luna marched Lily and Remus to the group. Pettigrew the chicken strutted over.
"Well," Luna sighed. "It's the end of the story. Time to go home. I'm so glad I created those crayons."
"Me too," Sirius agreed. "It was so good making a new friend. Though I'm still curious on why Harry looks like James."
"It's because I'm James and Lily's son," Harry revealed. "I just want to let you both know. That's why I spit, mum. I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings."
"Oh, Harry," Lily squealed. "I'm so happy to know I raised a good boy."
"Same," James cheered. "And your best friend is awesome."
Natalie grinned, "And your girlfriends are the best girls I met. For once I actually had a girl friend. I feel so blessed that you both came back in time."
"Girls can be so catty sometimes," Ginny sighed. "I'm sure you'll be annoyed with me if you knew me longer."
"Oh, Ginny," Hermione said. "Don't be such a downer. We'll see Natalie again in the future. Luna told me earlier that she is still alive."
"Yes," Ginny squealed.
And then the five time travelers disappeared.
They appeared into an empty room. All five ran out the room and searched for someone they knew. Finally they arrived at the Great Hall. They only recognized a few people. The familiar faces included Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy and many other Slytherins.
"Greeting strangers," a man with red eyes greeted them. "Welcome to Voldemort's School For Blood Puritists and Bigotry."
"Oh, crud," Ginny muttered. "I shouldn't have turned Pettigrew into a cockroach."
"No," Luna sighed. "Its because I turned him into a chicken."
A huge hairy chicken flapped its wings and pecked the seer's cheeks.
"All hail Lord Wings. All hail Lord Wings, savior of all that's pure." The room of chicken worshipers began bowing at their leader and started stomping to the wizarding world's version of the Chicken Dance.
The five heroes knew they needed to make new crayons, and quick. The dance was horrific.
AN- I revised this chapter on August 27th, 2016.