Less than a month. Less than a month was all it took for Rose and me to fall back into the awkward, pseudo-professional relationship filled with sexual tension and unsaid words. Granted, it was a slow descent, and I had allowed more than a few close moments in private between us. A stolen kiss here, a personal conversation there. Perhaps it wasn't anything incredibly romantic, but there was a certain intimacy in opening up to someone in a way that I hadn't really done before.

However, no matter how hard I tried to block them out, Alberta's words kept running through my mind. I heard them over and over again until I couldn't ignore them any longer. Rose and I had changed one another, just like she had said, and people were starting to take notice. Rose understood when I brought up my concern about others catching on to our relationship, but I thought it best to hide that at least one person had already figured us out. Rose had enough on her plate; I couldn't add to it. That being said, she wasn't happy about it—neither of us were—but we knew our options were limited, and it would have happened eventually. Perhaps it was better to build that wall before it became any more difficult.

It wasn't the Academy. Not really. That was a temporary issue that would be fixed within a few months. Nor was it her age which would be taken care of even sooner. No, the real issue was what we were:

Guardians.

Try as I might, I couldn't figure out a way for us to have a relationship while effectively guarding Lissa together. It put our charge at too much risk, and neither of us would allow her to be put in harm's way.

Guardians simply didn't have the luxury of falling in love and having a normal life with each other, especially guardian partners. I tried to push down my resentment towards that reality, but it was getting harder and harder every day. The closest we could ever hope to come to 'happily-ever-after' was some short-term romance that was liable to be broken apart by transfer at any moment.

We followed our Moroi. They came first.

It also didn't help that Rose was emotionally pulling away from me for once. I almost didn't know what to do with that fact. She had always been the constant in this relationship, waiting for me to get my act together and come around or, more often than not, pushing me past my self-imposed limits until I gave into the madness between us. Having her be the responsible one...well, it left me feeling more despondent than ever. I missed her. Part of me wanted to allow her the space to heal on her own, but the other part of me felt the need to try and be strong for her.

Perhaps it would have been one thing if she was only pulling away from me. I could justify it with the idea that she was trying to create a healthy and necessary separation between us. I could find a way to be alright with her sudden distance. It wasn't just me, though. She was pulling away from everyone. It even seemed like she was spending less time with Lissa. The few moments I did see her with her group of friends, she was always quiet and reserved. It was so unlike her. She was putting on a show of smiles and laughter, but neither would quite meet her eyes.

I knew a whole lot of it had to do with losing Mason. That was natural. Nobody blamed her for feeling upset, but I wished she would talk to someone. It didn't matter if it was me, her mother, Alberta, Lissa, or someone else entirely; she needed to speak to someone. Whenever I tried to get her to open up, she would shut me out. I had done the same thing after Ivan, and seeing my own coping mechanisms portrayed in someone else made it clear just how unhealthy they were. It might have been incredibly hypocritical of me, but I wanted better for her.

I empathized with her. I really did. After Ivan, there had been this odd sensation of wanting to forget the pain and feeling the need to remember because no one else would. At least, they wouldn't remember the way you remembered. Without a good way to settle the conflict, you end up feeling horrible no matter what you choose. There was no winning, only surviving.

For Rose, even surviving seemed to be a struggle at the moment. There was no way of escaping Mason's death. No relief or a chance for her to forget, even for a moment. Not with those tattoos. At least among guardians, her molnija weren't considered a novelty. Since she was a novice, the other students constantly asked to see them, which inevitably led to questions about that night. She always gave the same stoic and clinical answers, never elaborating or giving more information than necessary. One would think that the others would eventually pick up on her mood, but if they did, they didn't care. I tried to offer her respite as often as I could, which included breaking up the occasional conversation whenever I had the chance. Still, I wasn't able to be by her side every moment of the day.

It was getting worse. Rose's temper seemed to flare more and more, even with just a slight provocation. She had snapped at a fellow student last week for pulling her hair aside without her permission so he could see the marks. Apparently, Emil had to break up the shouting match that had ensued afterward, but at least it hadn't come to blows. It was only a matter of time before that changed, however. I had noticed early on that Rose had gotten into the habit of hiding her molnija marks on a day-to-day basis. She would pull her hair up for training, but if it wasn't absolutely necessary, she would choose to leave it down to cover the back of her neck. I even allowed her to wear it down during our sessions as long as it didn't pose any harm to her. I had grown my hair out for a similar reason, so I couldn't really fault her for wanting to hide from the reminder.

Another similarity between us was that she had thrown herself into her training as a means to get by. In the gym, she seemed to lose herself completely. It was rare for her to be late now, and she even beat me to the gym some mornings. I kept her mostly on the heavy bag, cardio, or weight equipment. I thought it was too soon to push her to any more sparring than necessary, and her classes provided most of it anyways.

That was precisely what led to this morning.

I was monitoring the senior novice class at Alberta's request. Apparently, there had been some issues since Mason's death, and several students refused to spar with Rose now. The only one still willing to fight her was Eddie Castile. Not just willing; he seemed almost eager to fight her. He had been suffering Mason's loss in his own way, and it was only natural that they would seek support from one another. It wouldn't have been too much of a concern, except he had ended up in the clinic with a slight concussion in their last class together. One of the instructors who had witnessed the match was worried that it hadn't been an accident, and with a report like that, we needed to make sure that Rose was of a sound mind. I hadn't noticed anything unusual about her behavior—at least, nothing that would be unusual considering the circumstances—but I had been avoiding physical combat as much as possible since the accident.

The students were asked to pair up as expected, and Eddie walked straight towards Rose. His face was blank, like a resigned man walking towards his fate on death row. As the sea of students separated to make way for him, Rose didn't hesitate to get into her offensive position. It was as if she expected him. She was the executioner. She didn't seem malicious in any way, just focused and determined. As far as I could tell, she didn't look at Eddie any differently than she would any other sparring partner.

Other students paired up around them, giving Rose and Eddie a little extra space and more than a few hesitant glances.

As soon as the call was given to start, Rose became someone else entirely. She lunged towards Eddie, attacking viciously and giving no room for weakness. She wasn't fighting to practice technique or strategy. She fought as if her very life was threatened.

Unfortunately, Eddie wasn't doing the same. I could see how some of the other guardians were concerned because he was taking a severe beating at Rose's hands. It wasn't because she was out to harm him, though. No, Eddie was allowing Rose to attack him. He didn't even attempt to block or strike back, despite having the rare opening to do so.

I only allowed the match to go on for about 30 seconds or so, just long enough for me and Alberta on the other side of the gym to see that there was much more going on beneath the surface. I stepped in between Rose and her target (because that was all Eddie was at this point) and caught her arm in my grasp. Alberta was moving in towards Castile.

The moment I had Rose in my hold, she struggled to break free of me, abruptly shouting as if I was her next attacker. When I looked at her in surprise, I was met with a feral spark in her eye. She didn't see me. She didn't see Eddie. All she saw was an enemy and a threat. I had only seen that look once before: in a small house, far away, while she protected the lifeless body of one of her oldest friends.

For her own safety, I decided to remove her. In one swift motion, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, carrying her out of the main gym and into one of the private practice rooms. When I dropped her thrashing body, she fell backward onto the mats, hitting the ground hard and looking up at me in stunned confusion.

"What the hell, Dimitri!" She was practically spitting her words in anger.

"Fight me."

She didn't respond.

I repeated my command. "Fight me, Rose. You apparently need to work through something, so use me. Eddie won't be able to take much more. Hit me instead."

"I don't want to hurt Eddie." Rose shuffled to her feet.

"I know you don't, but you are, and he is letting you. I don't know what's going on with you, but if this is what you need to do, then fight me."

"No." She looked at me defiantly as if expecting me to lash out at her. If that was what she was hoping for, I'd give her the exact opposite: calm and composed silence.

"You know what? Fine!" She was suddenly furious for reasons I didn't quite understand. Whatever the cause, a moment later, she was rushing at me.

I blocked a majority of her strikes, though she had gotten much better through our training, and a fair share still made it through my guard. There was power behind them. She wasn't holding back. She was growling as she fought me. I never struck back, but I wondered if it would have even mattered to her. She was relentless in her advance, even taking me by surprise.

While some people might have praised her for putting everything she had into her attack, she was trained and should know better. Rose was wearing herself out, and she was doing so quickly. Steadily, her strikes became less controlled, and her breathing started to break. It didn't take long before I realized that she wasn't out of breath because of the fight but because she was sobbing.

I rose out of my defensive stance, catching her weak attempt at a jab and pulling her close as her fists continued to half-heartedly strike against my chest. Eventually, those same fists were gripping at my shirt as she buried her face against me. She wasn't struggling anymore. In fact, as her legs gave out in exhaustion, I was the only thing keeping her upright.

I sank to my knees, clutching her to me as she cried. I fell short of what she needed and deserved on many counts, but right now, I'd do anything in my power to ease her pain and support her.

"I see them every time I close my eyes," she sobbed, the words broken as the pain choked her. "I see their eyes. I see Mason staring up at me. I failed. I couldn't save him." She repeated the sorrows like a penance as if it would be enough to free her from their grasp.

I embraced her tighter, hoping that I could be a shield against the demons in her mind. Rose and I had talked about the guilt before and how Mason had made his choice, and she couldn't hold herself responsible for it. However, I knew it didn't stop the whispers in the hallways or the stares in the classroom. It didn't stop the thoughts of "what if?" that came day in and day out. I knew she was still carrying the weight of his death. She always would in some way. Even if he hadn't been a romantic interest to her as I had once thought, he was still one of her closest friends.

"Breathe, Roza. In and out." I whispered the command in her ear, stroking her hair until I could feel her breath becoming a bit more steady. "I know you hurt. I'm so sorry. I would take your pain if I could. I'm right here. Just breathe."

When I finally calmed her down enough to send her to her dorm for the rest of the day, canceling all her remaining classes and evening training in one swoop, I made my way to see Alberta.

Guardian Petrov almost seemed to be waiting for me and my update. "How is she?"

"I think she's stressed. Too stressed. She's hard on herself enough as it is, but I know that others have been suggesting things behind her back."

Alberta sighed, looking as if this wasn't news to her. Still, the confirmation seemed to weigh heavily on her. "Short of having someone follow Rose around every day, I don't know what we can do about the rumors. Typically, she doesn't care what people say about her."

"This is different." Thankfully, I didn't have to explain any further. Guardian Petrov just nodded in agreement.

A short silence dragged on, and an idea struck me. "Perhaps a short outing would help Rose center herself again. I'm leaving for the Voda residence in a few days to discuss those possible security upgrades to the wards. I'd be happy to take her along with me. It wouldn't be much, just a day trip, but that might be enough to set her on the right path again. Maybe all she needs is to get away for a little bit."

I could see Alberta's eyes narrow just slightly. It would have been imperceptible without my training, but I could tell that she was checking me for any deception. I couldn't exactly blame her. She knew there was more between Rose and me, and offering to take Rose off campus sounded like a plan with an ulterior motive. I had none, though. As much as I would like to spend some more personal time with her, I had no intention of taking advantage of the opportunity for Rose to get away from the Academy and breathe freely for a few hours. Honestly, as much as I wanted to be the one to take care of her, I'd gladly let another guardian take my place if it meant that Roza would get to go and clear her mind of all the issues facing her.

Even though I said none of this, Alberta seemed to sense it. "Alright, Dimitri."

I could feel relief spread through me at her permission. I was just about to leave when I saw Alberta hesitate before adding one last comment. "I'm trusting you."

Alberta may not have been a mother herself, but she was quite maternal, especially when it came to Rose. The tone of her voice was so similar to the one my own mother would use to inspire a sense of personal responsibility. Just as a mother's disappointment was a much more damning blow than a mother's anger, Alberta was securing my best behavior with her trust more than any threat could have.