Author's Note: Just a bit of fluff. Golly, it's been a while. I'm nothing if not rusty, so thought I'd have a stab at something nice and simple in a scripted format. Think of it as a warm-up, I guess. I also wanted to give more insight into Elphaba's famous "or you wouldn't be so unhappy" line, which I always wished had received more explanation in the musical. Oh, how I've missed writing these two :)


"Don't poke him, for Oz's sake."

"I wasn't!"

"Stop shaking his cage."

"Oz, woman, relax. I'm doing my best here."

"How many times to I have to tell you to –"

"- not call you Elphie, yeah, I know "

"- WATCH OUT FOR THE -!"

"Aw, great. Didn't see that coming. What a m –"

"- Oz-damnit, give me that."

"Why don't we just let him go?"

"There is no we, Tiggular, and of course we can't, we have to find someplace safe, someplace he'll be protected – what, exactly, is so funny -?!"

"- Elphie, come on, he's a freakin' lion, not a baby mouse."

"- Lion, Tiggular, Lion, he's no ordinary animal! And that's still no excuse to handle him like a sack of potatoes!"

"Ouch. Huh, would you look at that. He snapped at me."

"Dear Oz, why am I not surprised?"

"Hey look – what's that up ahead?"

"The Wizard's palace, what do you think it is."

"Whoa, how far have we walked –"

"Far enough. Poppy fields, edge of the grounds."

"'K, let's let him loose there and head back."

"Out in the open? Are you mad? Didn't I just tell you -?!"

"Fine, ok! Sheesh! We'll figure something else out! Oz, is it just me –"

"- yes, most likely -"

"- is it just me, or have you got it into your head that I'm really stupid or something?"

"No, of course you're not really stupid."

"Ouch! Low blow, Thropp. Wounded me to the core."

"Oh, I'm sure. Ninety-five per cent of Oz's female population drooling over you day and night? Oz, I can't even begin to imagine the devastating affect my contribution has had on that ego of yours."

"Are you just trying to start a fight here, or what?"

"I'm not trying to start anything -"

"Seriously? You've been the cause of more commotion at this school so far than I've been at all of mine put together. And that's saying something!"

"I don't cause commotions, I am one. There's a difference."

"You this rude to Glinda all the time?"

"Oh, now I'm the villain –"

"- I never said -!"

"- You think I want to be like this? You think I want to care this much?"

"- Oz, woman, let me f –"

" - You think I want to let every insignificant, stupid little thing set me off?! You think I enjoy feeling like the only Oz-damned Animals rights supporter in the room?! You think I don't wake up every morning and wonder what my life would be like if I didn't -!"

" – talk so much?!"

"Yes – no -!"

" – Let me have at least one word to defend myself, for Oz's sake!"

"…I…"

"One. Word."

"…"

"…"

"…All right. Sorry."

"The Lion –"

"- Can I just say one more thing?"

"Now she asks."

"One thing, I swear by Oz."

"Yeah? I'll believe that when I hear it."

"Tiggular."

"…"

"…"

"…Yeah?"

"You could have walked away back there."

"Huh?"

"I said, you could have walked away back there. Let me be. Gone off and told Morrible, earned yourself some much-needed credit. Make up for all the missed deadlines and detentions."

"Ha-ha."

"Tiggular, I'm serious."

"When are you not?"

"What I'm saying is – no matter how shallow and self-absorbed you always pretend to be –"

"- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that last part? I'll have you know, Thropp, there's no pretence here. I happen to be one-hundred per cent genuinely self-absorbed and deeply, deeply shallow…oh, hey, double-meaning, that's kind of cl –"

"You're not."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not…those things. Not on the inside. I'm not stupid, Tiggular."

"Uh, yeah, I think pretty much the whole of Shiz knows that –"

"I don't buy it. Nobody could, if they put the pieces together."

"Listen, Thropp – ask anyone, listen to the rumours, read the magazines, I am the definition of –"

"Then why are you so unhappy?"

"…Hm?"

"I have read the magazines. I have heard the rumours. And sweet Oz, if that doesn't convince anyone with half a brain that there's more to you than – than this – well. I don't know what will."

"No idea what you're talking about –"

"Kicked out of every school in the Vinkus? Family cut you off, too embarrassed to even take you back for Lurinemas? Packed you off to boarding school in Gilikin? Morrible's made no secret of it, half the class knows exactly how much your father paid her to take you on, to put up with you, to bare the utter humiliation of –"

"– Fine."

"…Fine?"

"Yeah. Fine. I said fine. You don't want my help – fine. I get it. I get it. You think that little of me? Fine. You're on your own."

"Tiggular, I didn't mean –"

"Whatever. See if I care."

"For Oz sake, I -!"

"See you around, Thropp –"

"- Fiyero -!"

"Get out of my way!"

"- Fiyero -!"

"Let go of my – let –"

"- I just – I want –"

"- I…"

"…uh…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…I just. I was, um."

"…"

"…Lion – the Lion cub, I'll just –"

"…"

"- oh sweet Oz, his little heart. Damn it all. I didn't mean to frighten him."

"…"

"…"

"…What did you mean to do."

"Mm?"

"I said, uh…I said. What did you mean to do. And –"

"And?"

"And why was I the only one you didn't do it to."

"You weren't."

"I was."

"Was not."

"Elphaba Thropp, I may be brainless, I'm not blind –"

"- You're bleeding."

"…Wait, what? I am? Where?"

"Just there."

"I don't feel anything, where's –"

"Your cheek. Right there. Right…right…here."

"…"

"…"

"…Feels like it must have, um…must have scratched you."

"Yeah, or maybe it, uh…"

"…Mm…?"

"…Maybe it…you know…scratched me, or something."

"…Mm-hm."

"…"

"…"

"…Elphaba…"

"…Fiy –"

"- Right! So! I'd better get to, uh, safety. I mean the Cub. Take the Cub safely to – I mean, safely take the – Cub to – safety."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"So."

"I'll go."

"All right."

"I'll take the cage."

"Of course."

"I'll just, uh – I'll be careful."

"You'd better be."

"Ha, yeah, I'll…I'll be, um…right back."

"…"

"Right back."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"See y -!"

"- Fiyero, w –"

"…"

"…I…yes. Yes…see you."