In My Wonderland

She had left. She was my life, Chiyuki. Even though I didn't necessarily have a life. I've never died, never lived. So, how could I love her? Maybe it was because of my human emotions. Even though I was simply an arbiter, I really cared about her. In another world, maybe I could have loved her.

She was kind and pretty and I could tell she was a good person. I had learned from her more about respecting a human life and how a life is so fragile. It is unfortunate that I will never understand.

The elevators opened and a young man and an older woman stepped out. I have already received their memories. Once seated at the bar, I gave them drinks and introduced myself.

"Welcome," I states nonchalantly. "I am Decim, your bartender." I bowed. Then, I introduced the game and they choose darts.

Although darts was a nasty kind of a game, it reminded me of the first day I was introduced to Chiyuki, who was to my assistant for the time being. The people started playing. Things seemed to be going well, and although I was observing them, I let my mind to slowly drift to the pretty young mannequin in the chair next to the bar. I thought about how much she meant to me, and how much I truly adored her in every way. I missed her so.

I wanted to treasure these thoughts while I had them. Who knew when they were going to leave me.

Soon enough, the game was over, and I judged them. And led them to the elevators. I thought about what Chiyuki said about bringing out the darkness in someone's heart and then I shook my head slightly. It wasn't a good time to think about that. I had made my decision.

Once the souls were separated into their separate elevators and had left, I started thinking about the time when she has unexpectedly taken over making a meal for the pair of us. I think by that small act, she meant that we were friends. If anything, I wanted her to at least think of me as a friend, even though I quite the silent companion. I laughed out loud when I thought about her first reaction when I showed her my "hobby". I think at first she was scared, but when I explained, she accepted and understood it and respected it. Just as I respected her.

I don't know if I'll ever have the privilege to be the humble arbiter to a person like her before. She lived a good life, and even though she had made a mistake at the end, she recognized her mistake and took responsibility for that. I don't think I'll ever find someone like that. Humans hate to admit that they have done wrong.

I sighed and walked upstairs to my room and just laid on my bed looking up to the ceiling in my despair. Honestly. How could I just not accept that she was gone? She had been my companion for a while but I could never truly understand how she felt. Do I regret not learning more about her? Of course. I would do everything over if I could. But, she's gone. As humans like to say, you never notice something until it's gone. I have learned that the hard way. I can still see her smiling, bright and beautiful.

That was my last memory before she left my mind forever.