A/N: Okay everyone! So, I have watched the show "Revenge" from start to finish…I LOVE IT! That show is nothing short of addicting! It's tragic, beautiful, romantic, treacherous, torturing, action packed, and scandalous in one pop! And you can guess who my OTP (One True Pairing) is…JACK AND AMANDA BABY! JEMILY/JAMANDA FAN HERE TO THE CORE! Those two have tortured me since Pilot! Suffering through those two's other loves and flings until they finally, FINALLY, got together was unbearable! Those 2 looped around like the dang double infinity sign! But after the final episode, I was beyond pleased. I'm happy and proud to say, they are my top number one favorite OTP couple of Television Dramas. Period. So imagine my surprise and utter disgust as a fanfiction reader and sometimes writer, to see that there were little and I mean "I can count on one hand" little number of Jemily fics out there… I was like…"OH HE** NO! REALLY?! THEY'RE ENDGAME! WHY?! FUDGE THIS I'LL DO ONE MYSELF!" So of course everyone's entitled to their opinion for all you Demily, Aimely, Nemily, and Bemily, (who the fudge would?) and Jack and *insert girl here* fans, but for all you fellow Jemily fans: THIS ONE'S FOR YOU! SHOUT OUT! So you can pretend this story takes place right after 4X17 (Loss), but before 4X18 (Clarity). If I get enough views and comments, I'll add an epilogue. So please read and review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Revenge. ABC Studios and Mike Kelley did, and I miss it greatly!
When I was a little girl, I understood that the wonders of life were absolute and thought that anything could be possible by making and believing in the simplest wish of your desire; whether it be upon the first star of the night, or little fables of a wishing well, such a perspective solidified my innocence. But when an adolescent is exposed to the realities of life that were once hidden and misunderstood, usually, he or she adapts to the changes by accepting that there is a reason or explantion behind every occurrence. But as for me, the aspects of magic and miracles faded rapidly even before hitting adulthood. This was especially because after everything I ever held precious was torn from me, I stopped believing altogether…
It didn't matter if the world still knew her as the enchanting, mysterious, yet scandalous Emily Thorne, or that she was lately struggling to uphold her infamous identity due to certain events, moments, and people who inadvertently reminded her of the Amanda Clarke she used to be; or rather, who she knew she still was deep down.
Her identity crisis was irrelevant at the moment, but there was one fact that both her personas agreed was true.
Life wasn't fair.
This was never more evident than what happened after the whole mess of Jack being framed and having his son almost taken away from him for good.
A treacherous fate she knew all too well.
She couldn't let that history repeat itself.
And certainly not with him.
Of course Margoux's tactics were futile; the bitter woman was persistent she'd give her that, but she'd been in the vengeance business for far much longer than she had. She had seen and experienced the deepest depths of the dark side until it had practically consumed her soul for good; leaving her to never know the true essences of light, good, and happiness again.
Or so she thought…
It all changed when her father came back. She had her share of high hopes for a chance at happiness only for it to be ripped away from her in the most violent of ways; but when her father came back into her life, she experienced a feeling that she never thought she would have again…
And with that one hope, came many others. She wanted a chance to reunite with her father and she got it. If she was capable of that, what other wonders would await her? What other hopes was she capable of having in her future; especially with a certain someone she secretly held dear to her heart and soul.
But that was too farfetched.
Certainly there was no hope for that chance…Not with him. Not after everything she had put him through…
And still was…
It was evident that Emily's actions had reactions; particularly bad ones; devastating ones. Like a ripple effect in the midst of a hurricane. It started out as the purest of intentions, her vengeance for her father was backed and fueled with the purpose of avenging him along with the perks of payback, but it all changed when the domino effect kept cycling. Over and over, loss after loss, it wouldn't stop. Not then, and certainly not now…
Which is why David wanted her to end it.
And why she agreed to do so.
She tried to end it well. Oh she tried! The number one fact that was the key to her undoing in her vengeance purpose was her identity. It was vulnerability and an exposure risk at its best, and she handed it right to Margoux on a silver platter for her to do as she wished. She thought it was the perfect chance for freedom of the cycle for both of them.
But the woman would not be swayed. It wasn't what she wanted.
She could understand that. Daniel was Margoux's first love after all, and the impact of having a first love was something Emily understood completely. So she agreed to find a way to clear his name with her, as long as they could find a way that wouldn't involve putting more lives at risk.
No dice. Margoux still didn't want to. Okay, she understood that as well…It would take some time to convince her.
But what she couldn't understand, was why did she have to be hit by a car?!
Talk about bad timing in the worst possible way!
Why just then?
Why at that moment?
Just when she was finally making the effort to do the right thing, karma reared its ugly head in the form of an accident and spat on Emily's efforts with a cruel vengeance.
So the question is…what to do now?
It was too late…
No. She couldn't accept that. She wouldn't.
…But what else could she possibly do?
All of these thoughts and reflections rushed through Emily's mind as she walked tiredly upon the shore. The waves crashed softly in the night, but she dared not enjoy its peace as she sighed heavily. She wasn't too far off from her beach house, but far enough to where she found the spot she was looking for. It was a secluded little sand area hidden behind two large sand dunes littered with tall swaying grass. It was an area precious to her as she remembered hiding in it when she was little. She called it her special spot; a spot where she could think and let all of her troubles go. She especially loved it because it was the perfect place to watch the stars as they sparkled and urged her to share her deepest wishes. She never told anyone about that area.
Or so she thought…
"Jack? W-what are you doing here?" She asked softly, but raised an eyebrow in slight defense at the intrusion of her sacred place.
"Well, this is where I come to think sometimes and I had a lot on my mind so…" He shrugged.
"Oh. That's strange…I was actually coming to do the same thing, but I didn't know anyone else knew about this spot since I was the only one who came here when I was little."
"I know." He smiled wistfully. "Well I'm sorry you don't remember, but you weren't the only one to come here. There was a time when we were kids and you looked upset about something; when I asked what was wrong, you said it was nothing and that you had to go somewhere; when I offered to come, you wouldn't let me, but-"
"-You followed me anyways and tried to hide behind the grass so that I wouldn't find you…I remember!" Emily concluded with her eyes widening in realization at the memory.
"Yeah, I didn't think you'd forget about that completely. I mean you yelled at me for five minutes straight and then said I sucked at hiding." Jack deadpanned.
"Well it was kind of true at the time Jack. You were pretty tall as a kid, and the grass could be seen through easily." She chuckled slightly. "But in my defense, I did apologize afterwards and even offered to share my spot with you."
"I know…That's why it sort of became my spot after you were gone…Besides having Sammy, it was the one special thing that I felt kept me connected to you…" He said softly.
She started to smile softly in reply, wanting nothing more than to show her appreciation and devotion to him as well for that comment, but such desires brought her mind back to reality and she sighed as a result, closing her eyes painfully.
"Anyways, what's up? I mean are you okay?" Jack asked, concern reflecting in his ocean blue eyes.
"Huh? Oh yeah…Yeah I'm fine." She said with conviction.
Jack nodded slowly. "Which means that you're not okay…I figured as much. Especially after what happened-"
"What do you mean? I said I'm fine." She snapped defensively, but then sighed once more. "I'm sorry. But seriously Jack, I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me."
"…Meaning that you're not okay, but you don't want to talk about it either." He concluded looking straight in her eyes.
She rolled her eyes in response and looked away.
"Emily, no offense but right now your hiding skills aren't all that great either. The only time you ever wanted to come here when we were young was to get something off your mind or when something was wrong and right now, your eyes are blood shot red, probably from crying no doubt…And after what happened with Margoux and everything…I don't blame you." He sighed. "But it's not your fault…"
He put a hand on her shoulder.
"You tried to make things right...But sometimes, accidents just happen…It wasn't in your control…"
She did a double take as she turned to face him. "How did you-?!"
"David told me what happened…"
She groaned in disbelief and slight embarrassment as she remembered her recent breakdown as she sobbed in her father's arms.
"Don't be like that. It wasn't his fault…I'm the one who asked him about it." He said.
"Why would you do that?" She folded her arms.
"I was worried okay?" He said with slight exasperation. "I mean after you turned down my mom's request to celebrate me not being taken away from Carl and David went after you, I didn't know what was going on until I heard what happened later on…"
She closed her eyes in regret as the events flashed in her mind once more.
"Shouldn't you be checking on Margoux instead of me then?" She asked in a somber tone.
"Well although what happened to her was tragic and as much as I hope she will be okay from it and am hoping for the best, it doesn't change the fact that she almost had my son taken away from me, so she's kind of not really my favorite person to be around right now…" He stated with a bitter chuckle.
Emily flinched inwardly, but sighed outwardly.
Jack shook his head at her in disapproval. "Ems don't. I told you it's not your faul-"
"Yes it is! And you know it is! So just stop!" She snapped, but then sighed shakenly as she choked back a slight sob. "Please…" She whispered.
"I will make it better Jack! I swear it. I-I can fix this, I just have to think of a plan…" She stated firmly and started to pace back and forth.
Jack watched her actions for a moment until he chuckled grimly and shook his head. "Don't you ever stop?"
"What do you mean?" Emily raised an eyebrow as she turned towards him.
"I mean, don't you ever get tired? All the plotting, conspiring, and even attempts to fix everything and save the world, don't you ever take a break or slow down for even a minute?" He asked seriously.
She gave him a dead "Are you serious?" look and blinked at him tiredly.
Jack shook his head in disbelief and rolled his eyes with a humorless grin. "Right, of course not…"
She went back to pacing.
He sighed for a moment and looked at the sky, silently pleading for the strength and patience to deal with her usual bullheaded stubbornness, until he suddenly paused and looked back at her with a glint of mischievousness in his eyes.
"Hey, Emily." He called out.
She stopped pacing and turned to him once more.
"Come here for a moment." He beckoned with a slight nod of his head.
"What is it?" She asked as she watched him crouch down to sit on the pile of sand in between the tall dunes.
"Come sit down." He pat the spot right next to him.
"What?" She asked incredulously, watching him in confusion.
"I said, coome. Aand. Siit. Doown." He said jokingly as if explaining it to a child, but kept a firm tone.
"Jack. This is serious. I don't have time for this. This is no time to play around! I mean what the he-"
"-If I remember correctly…A certain someone, after making me sift through sixty tons of sand to find her father's ring that she lost when we were young, said that she owed me big time…And I'm sure that there are many, many other favors due to me after all the hell I've been through over the past 4 years…"
He had her there. She had no choice but to nod in agreement. "So…?" She implied.
"So…this is me here to collect." He smirked and pat the spot once more.
She heaved another sigh as she relented and sat down next to the man, feeling foolish as she blushed at the feeling of her arm brushing up against his muscular shoulder and arm as she tried to adjust herself upon the sand pile.
"Okay, I'm sitting. Happy now?" She deadpanned.
"Getting there." He raised his eyebrows in slight amusement. "Now…" He put an arm around her, patting and softly rubbing her shoulder as he pulled her subtly closer to him. "I want you to relax for a moment, and look at the sky."
"Jack this is ridiculous! I don't have ti-"Her protests were cut short and her breath got caught in her throat as her chocolate colored orbs gazed at the numerous bright stars shining brightly in the night sky.
"Oh my go-I mean…wow!" She said breathlessly in awe.
"I know right? That's…quite a sight" He replied in the same manner while switching his gaze from the sky and onto her face.
"I haven't seen the sky shine with these many stars since I was little…" She said softly in a faraway voice.
"Well…Maybe they've always been that way and…you just never took the time out to admire their beauty…" He replied softly, staring at the sky.
"I didn't have the time for such luxuries after everything that's happened…When my dad was arrested and I thought his life ended, mine went along with it…including the many things I used to enjoy…They were taken from me forever…" She sighed. "Once I lost all hope, such activities like this turned into nonsense…It was a waste of time that turned precious memories into painful recollections…"
He looked down, empathizing with her silently, knowing that she would not tolerate pity of any kind. "A-and now?"
"Now…I-I'm starting to see the value of it again…" She smiled softly at him. He returned the sentiment; drinking in her expression, until she shook her head with a chuckle.
It was music to his ears.
"Remember when we stargazed in this spot for the first time, and I said the stars made different kinds of shapes, but you disagreed saying you had to connect the consolations like connect the dots?"
Jack chuckled softly and nodded. "Yeah, you were trying to find shapes in the stars like you would clouds in the sky in the day time...Only you would have such a vivid imagination…You do know you're still wrong right? That didn't make any sense then, and it doesn't now…" He joked.
"It does so!" She protested.
"Does not!" He teased.
"It does too!" She furrowed her eyebrows, getting into the debate.
"Oh yeah? Where's the Big and Little Dipper then?" He challenged.
"Mm…That one. The one shaped like a cup right there." She pointed.
"That's the Cassiopeia, Amanda." He scoffed.
"It is not! It's shaped like a cup look!" She exclaimed and pointed once more.
"I am looking. That's why I know you're wrong. Look, follow my finger and just connect the alignment, you'll see the pattern." He took hold of her finger and traced the outline of the Big Dipper.
"Oh…well that's different…" She shrugged softly with a giggle in her tone as she acknowledged that he was right. He shook his head at her with a smile.
"Okay, now try to see things from my perspective." She challenged, taking his finger and tracing the different shapes she found in the sky.
"Huh, you're right that does look kind of like a flower." Jack mused.
"Told you." She smirked in amusement. Her eyes widened in excitement as she found a particular shape in the sky.
"Ooh! Ooh! Do you see that one right there?" She pointed to it eagerly.
"Yeah I do! Let me guess, it's shaped like a pentagon or a really expensive diamond right?" He smiled at her.
"No even better! It looks like that beautiful piece of sea glass you gave me recently!" She said brightly, before gasping in horror at the realization of her mistake.
But the damage was already done.
The silence was brief, but painful.
"J-Jack I-"She tried.
"I should be getting back to Carl now…It's really late. But hey, erm…thanks for taking the time out to watch the stars and everything…" He replied strenuously, not giving her eye contact as he pushed down the feeling of heartbreak from remembering that recent and still painful night. He started to get up.
"Jack…" She whispered, looking up to prevent the tears from escaping her eyes as they stung at hearing the hidden agony in his voice.
All of a sudden, however, the drama was put on hold as something bright shot through the sky.
"Jack! Look! A shooting star!" She exclaimed.
He looked up quickly to catch the sparkling streak dash across the night sky.
"Oh! What do you know, it is!" He smiled slightly in amusement at the sight. But once he looked at her, his smile couldn't help but grow.
Her eyes were closed, as if making an earnest prayer, her hands were clenched together, and her soft pink lips were caught slightly between her teeth, as if putting all of her might and effort into her silent desire.
He hadn't seen her with such an expression since they were children. And though he thought it was cute back then, he thought it was the true meaning of beauty now.
He wanted to kiss her so badly…
Completely entranced, he moved closer to her, holding his breath and shifting his bright blue eyed gaze from her tightly shut eyes to her tempting, petal soft lips. But once she opened her eyes, he backed away, not losing the smile.
"W-what?" She asked quietly, yet bashfully as she blushed in slight embarrassment for her sudden childish action and for something else entirely…
"It's nothing." He laughed softly as he shook his head. Giving her one last smile, he rose up from the spot. "Well, I really should be getting back to Carl now…Goodnight."
"Goodnight…" She whispered reluctantly, then called out to his retreating form.
"H-hey Jack! Wait!"
He paused and turned around to face her.
"Y-you umm…You're not going to ask me what I wished for?" She asked quietly, attempting to make it sound like a joke, since she remembered their conversation a year back about Jack calling her out on her secrecy, and wouldn't even tell him what she wished for.
"No…Not this time…" He replied somberly as he shook his head softly.
She looked down once more in sorrow, but nodded at him.
He started to walk away once more, missing the sound of a soft sniffle.
"But…" He called out, making her look up at him, not bothering to prevent the tears that were glistening in her brown orbs.
"-Whatever it was that you wished for…well…I hope it comes true for you." He gave her a warm smile that fully reflected the love he had for her.
He turned to walk away once more, missing the tear that streamed down her blushing cheek.
"Thank you…" She whispered.
When the realities of life's cruelty make itself known, it is easy to stop believing in the good of the world. The sources of light in life are always connected to loved ones, to precious bonds, and to moments that are held dear and precious to the heart. When those sources fade, the darkness is so real that it becomes the only thing known to be true; to come to the conclusion that the world itself is a dark and lonely place where only the ones who can handle its pain can survive…Hopes become fleeting, dreams meaningless, and wishes, pure nonsense. This was a perspective that I defined as fact in my life…Because I defined life as unfair. It's best not to give my hopes up…Especially when there were so many wasted opportunities… It's best not to waste my time.
After all, wishes can't come true.
Emily pondered back and forth in her mind about all of the events that took place. She knew she had work to do. There was no time to spare. Especially now since her brain was already churning with a brilliant plan that she believed would set everything right…
But still, as she got up to walk back to the beach house, she reflected on the wishes she made moments ago.
I wish…I wish that I could make everything right…Not just with Margoux and so many others that I've hurt…But with Jack most of all…
I wish that someday, somehow, he will be able to see and know how much I truly care for him…
How much he makes me feel safe…
How much I need him…
…How much I love him…