1,958Chapter 2: Chaperoning Chaos
Hermione stared desolately at the fireplace of Grimmauld Place, unsure of what to do or what to say. She didn't doubt that Ron was correct in his guesses at what the ministry would offer them.
"What do you think they'll offer me then?" Harry asked after a prolonged silence as Hermione tried to think of something to say to Ron.
"Probably something like Auror training and some coveted position at the Ministry in that department. You know they were already sniffing around you, hoping you'd take the job now that most of the people left in the Ministry have been axed for their involvement during the War," Ron said, "I expect they'll offer me the same thing, probably with a whole lot of Galleons thrown in to sweeten the pot. Who knows, they might even offer us both places on professional quidditch teams or something. Some dream they know we've been chasing will be what they offer us. The ones that are hard to say no to."
"And Ginny?" Hermione asked him seriously.
"A Quidditch team position, for sure," Harry said dully, realising that his girlfriend was more than likely to go for that deal. She'd wanted to be a professional player since she'd been twelve years old.
"And you would go for that?" Hermione heard herself asking Ron, offended by the idea of him knocking up anyone as horrible as Parkinson for money or a job.
"You're going to let Malfoy knock you up," Ron shrugged, "Might as well make the most of the offer. What's two illegitimate children to us in the long run?"
Hermione felt sick.
"Since we don't know for sure what they're willing to offer us and whether or not we'd take that kind of deal, why don't we all go on down to the Ministry and find out what this is all about?" Harry suggested reasonably, clearly sensing a fight between his two best friends. "Even considering having kids is a huge responsibility, let alone thinking of doing so with people we've considered enemies most of our lives."
"I don't know what they're thinking to even suggest this ridiculous idea!" Hermione exclaimed, "It's totally barbaric and irresponsible! How do they think bringing children into the world via two people who hate each other is the answer to the population problem? Why not just offer everyone the five thousand Galleons if they have a child? A lot of people would go for that."
"Exactly," Harry nodded, "I bet me and Ginny would consider that. What do they think they're going to do with kids born of these crazy matches? Imagine it. Me trying to deal with the Greengrass family to see my kid if Astoria didn't want to let me. You having to take the kid from Parkinson to keep it safe and sane, Ron. Hermione…."
Harry trailed off, clearly too disturbed to even voice the horror that would ensue of trying to have Hermione and Malfoy share a child.
"Everything will be explained if we go to the Ministry," Hermione said decisively, "I'm sure they'll have thought of this type of thing. And we can find out just what they want to offer us."
"What does you suppose happens if someone wants to and they're match doesn't?" Harry asked as they all transfigured their clothing and headed for the exit.
"I don't think I want to know," Ron said, shuddering at the idea, "We're going to have to be careful with you Hermione."
"Why?" Hermione asked, staring at him as he took her hand.
"Because if for some reason they offer you something you refuse, I wouldn't put it past Malfoy to try and rape you and force you into having his kid."
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"He's not going to be any more for this notion that I am," Hermione told him, "He'd have to lower himself to the horror of shagging a Mudblood."
"Don't call yourself that," Harry and Ron both scolded before Hermione apparated them all to the Ministry of Magic.
~O~
It was chaos. Complete and utter chaos. There were people everywhere, waving copies of the Daily Prophet, shouting, reporters snapping photos of the chaos, interviewing others on their thoughts over the entire idea.
"Harry Potter!" Someone shouted, before several reporters converged on the trio, snapping pictures of them.
"If you could all get out of the way, we'd really appreciate it," Harry called when the reporters began shooting questions at all of them, "This issue needs to be sorted out and none of you are helping matters. In fact, if you're not here to meet with the Ministry about the articles because your name is on the list of Matches, I think we'd all appreciate it if you could sod off."
Hermione choked back a giggle at the affronted look on some of the reporter's faces to hear Harry's suggestion.
"Now, fools!" Ron snapped angrily when none of them move, causing many people to jump in surprise and more than half of them to disperse slowly, muttering in annoyance when they saw Ron pull his wand threateningly.
"They never quit," The red-head grumbled in annoyance as he glared after one who had demanded to know how he would feel raising Draco Malfoy's baby alongside Hermione. It was no secret to the wizarding world that Ron and Hermione were an item and Hermione could tell the reporter had touched a very sensitive nerve. Not that she liked the idea of Ron having a child with Pansy Parkinson any more than he liked the notion of her and Malfoy. Hermione bit her lip and looked away, torn between her disgust over the idea of getting anywhere near Malfoy, and her yearning to have her parents be once more in her life.
Fighting their way through the crowd, Hermione waited until they reached the help desk where some particularly harried reception staff were trying to sort everyone out. Climbing up on the desk, Hermione magnified her voice and addressed the crowd.
"If I could have everyone's attention?" she began, her amplified voice echoing in the chambers of the Ministry, "Those of you who have arrived here because your name is in the Prophet regarding these Insemination Incentives please move to the right hand side of the desk over here."
Hermione pointed where she wanted everyone to go, noticing almost everyone in the crowd moving that way.
"Anyone who works here at the Minsitry that is trying to reach their office beyond the crowd, please do so now, while we clear a path."
Approximately ten individuals did so, the crowd parting to let them all by.
"Is there anyone else here who has other matters regarding the Ministry today?" she asked and a few people raised their hands.
"Alright then, you," she pointed to one of the reception staff, a woman in a bright purple blazer with pink hair, "Would you be so kind as to deal with these lovely people."
The woman nodded eagerly, clearly thrilled to avoid the furious crowd of Matchees.
"And you," Hermione pointed to another woman behind the desk, this one with long dark hair pinned up in a smart bun, "Where do you want us all to gather to speak with someone about this matter. I assume most of us are here to find out what we're being offered?"
There was a roar of agreement from the crowd.
"Erm… the Representatives are already speaking with some people about it currently. They weren't expecting such a response so quickly…" the poor receptionist, whose name tag read "Linda" admitted, "We've been instructed not to let anyone through unless both parties for each match are present."
"Alright then," Hermione said, scowling at that, "No one gets through unless their designated partner for this matter is here. So if you do not know your partner by name or face, please move to the left. Those of you who do know your partner, please try to locate them in this mess. If they aren't here you will need to contact them. I'm sure the Ministry would be happy to allow you use of their owls to do so. Linda, do you have some nametags we can use for the people over here on the left who don't know their match so we can all go about locating one another?"
Linda handed her a roll of stick on tags and a quill.
"Everyone on the left, please come forwards, write your name on a tag and attached it to your robes so you can all find one another. Any of you who are still here because you're a reporter or some stickybeak, kindly sod off! There's no room here for you at the present time and you're in the way. Go on now."
Everyone set about doing what Hermione had instructed, some of the reporters looking frustrated but unwilling to speak up when Hermione levelled a glare in their direction.
"How are the Ministry dealing with this mess if both parties are in attendance?" Hermione asked Linda, removing her voice amplification to speak with the woman.
"They're seeing matches according to the listing in the Prophet, so alphabetically based on the woman's given name. Anyone not in attendance is passed over and told to contact their match before returning to try meeting with them again."
"How rude," Hermione sighed, frustrated with the Ministry already.
"It was the only thing they could think of when people started flooding in," Linda said, her cheeks pink.
"No matter," Hermione muttered, before amplifying her voice once more. "Your attention again, everyone! The Ministry is seeing people according to their alphabetical listing based on the female's first names, so ladies, please arrange yourselves in alphabetical order only if your listed match is in attendance. Anyone whose match is not here, please make your way to the Owlery. I'm sure the Ministry officials will be with all of us shortly."
"Hermione?" Kingsley Shacklebolt asked in surprise, coming over to the desk when he spotted the way she'd begun to make order out of chaos.
Hermione herself barely noticed the Minister for Magic, having just spotted the white-blonde head of hair belonging to Draco Malfoy across the crowded Ministry hall. He was leaning against a statue of a sprite, his arms crossed over his chest and one ankle curled around the other. He was dressed in black robes and his grey eyes were fixed on her, his expression unreadable as he watched her.
"Minister?" Hermione asked when she undid the amplifying spell on her voice and climbed back down from the desk.
"That was well handled," Kingsley commented, grinning at her.
"Someone had to do something, it was chaos," Hermione shrugged noticing that Harry had found Astoria Greengrass in the crowd and was standing awkwardly beside the blonde young woman who looked a little baffled by the whole situation.
"You'd do well if you accepted a position at the Ministry, you know," Kingsley told her.
"I have a final year of education to complete first. And a ridiculous notion of being bribed into mothering to deal with. Tell me you didn't sign off on this idea Kingsley?" Hermione asked, slipping into old habits and calling the Auror turned Minister for Magic by his first name.
"I did, actually," he told her quietly, "I instigated the idea of allowing everyone the chance to receive a 'Baby Bonus' in the form of five thousand Galleons per child should anyone begin reproducing outside these extra incentives, however the Board insisted on these extra matches being put into place with additional incentives in place to attempt to get people to breed."
"Whatever for?" Hermione demanded, "Surely you don't think people like Draco Malfoy would be a good father at all, let alone to my child?"
"It was not about that, Hermione," Kingsley sighed, "The fact of the matter is that many of these matches were chosen based on blood status and affiliation during the war. The Board thinks this is the perfect plan to circumvent another war. A pureblood like Malfoy is less likely to start another uprising against muggleborns if the mother of his child is a muggleborn."
Hermione could see the logic in that. Not that she had to like it.
"And in order to achieve this you think he's going to want to shag me, and vice versa?" Hermione asked seriously, causing Kingsley to sigh heavily.
"Therein lies the problem with the plan. I tried to tell the Board that most people on this list wouldn't consent to shagging one another for all the bribes in the world, but they seem to think otherwise."
"Unfortunately, they might be right," Hermione sighed in agreement, "If they're offering me what I think they are, I will probably seriously consider it."
"Yes," Kinsgely agreed, "That's what the Board is hoping."
"Do you have any idea how they plan to deal with the fallout when people do go through with this and then realise that they will either be raising illegitimate children out of wedlock, and contributing to the type of reckless parenting that leads to emotional distress in kids? How do you think these kids are going to feel when they learn that the only reason they exist is because the Ministry bribed their biological parents to look past their distaste for each other? What happens when people within each match end up in a battle for custody as the kid grows?"
"Why didn't I think to invite you to the meetings before this nonsense was passed?" Kingsley asked, looking frustrated. Hermione felt her hopes plummet, realising that the idiots had simply put forward the notion of overcoming blood status discrepancies by breeding half-bloods from everyone.
This was going to get terribly messy.
"I'd be happy to attend any follow up meetings to make sure they think of everything. I doubt they've considered the idea of one party being for it and one against it. What happens if say, Malfoy wants to go through with this to collect his reward but I refuse? What happens if he then tries to force me into it?" Hermione asked of the Minister who was looking increasingly distressed.
"We did think of that one. It is stipulated in the meeting with each pairing that unless both consent, neither party will receive anything. That's why they're refusing to meet with anyone unless both parties are in attendance," Kingsley explained, looking a little relieved that they at least had thought of that much.
"Well I suppose that's something. You realise you're going to have an uprising on your hands, don't you Minister?" Hermione asked him.
"I expect I will, but we are prepared for that. After all, there is always the back-up plan to have everyone collect money for breeding if they can't stomach the idea of breeding with the person matched to them for extra rewards," Kingsely said, "I think I'd best be off, Hermione. I need to check some of these details…. Surely they'll have been smart enough to think of most of them."
Hermione watched the Minister for Magic walk away, frowning and rubbing his brow distractedly, ignoring others who called out for his attentions. Sighing heavily, Hermione began to make her way through the crowd, having no doubt that Malfoy would not have moved.
"Learn anything interesting?" Ron asked when Hermione found him in line standing beside a horrified looking Pansy Parkinson, who was pointedly ignoring Ron and studying her fingernails as though they were more interesting that her surroundings.
"I did actually. The Ministry is offering a five thousand Galleons 'baby bonus' to anyone who consents to having children within the next year or so, no matter who they breed with. The matches they've picked are designed with the intentions of dissolving blood mania and dispensing with old grievances that have carried over from the war via the method of giving each party a child in common. That's why they've paired me with Malfoy, because he's an elitist and I'm a muggleborn. They think there is less chance people like him will want to kill off muggleborns if those muggleborns are the parents of their child or children. The same goes for matches like you and Parkinson. You were notably with the Order for the Light while her family were affiliated with Voldemort and she notably wanted to hand Harry over to Voldemort. By putting you two together and asking you to have a kid, you'll have the kid in common and are less likely to go to war with one another over blood mania or any grudges anyone might be holding."
"Do they really think that's going to work?" Parkinson demanded, showing she was listening despite her attention being fixed on her nails.
"It's a valid notion, as far as logic goes," Hermione sighed, "Though Kingsley didn't inspire much confidence regarding what they plan to do once we all start popping out kids and fighting over who gets to raise it…."
"This whole idea is rubbish," Pansy whined.
"Why are you here then?" Hermione asked the pug-nosed girl, "What can the Ministry give you that might convince you to have a kid with Ron?"
"That's private, Granger," Parkinson sneered.
"Not for long. You'll go in there with Ron and will both be told what the other will be offered in return for having a kid together. And when you come out Ron will tell me anyway…"
Parkinson sighed.
"They threw my Father in Azkaban for providing monetary contributions towards You-Know-Who's cause, even though he never took the mark or anything. Since he was the one who earned the money for my family, my mother is a wreck without him. She's been despondent for weeks. If I can get him out of Azkaban I'll…. Well," she glanced at Ron who stared stoically back.
"You'd look past your dislike for Ron," Hermione nodded, sighing heavily again.
Ron's eyes tightened at that and Hermione slipped her hand into his, giving it a squeeze. She felt her heart begin to plummet when he didn't return the affection and instead pulled his hand away.
"Where's Malfoy?" he asked her bluntly and Hermione knew that he believed one hundred percent that Hermione would shag Malfoy and have his kid if she could have her parents back.
"Over by the Sprite statue," Hermione pointed through the crowd to where the blonde haired ex-Death Eater was still leaning and still watching her.
"Your name will probably be called soon Granger," Parkinson inserted when Ron didn't say anything else but proceeded to glare across the room at Malfoy, "They were up to the E's a few minutes ago."
Nodding her head, Hermione took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and began making her way through the crowd towards Draco Malfoy.
A/N: A Huge thank you to those of you who read and reviewed. Much love to all of you. Though please note that this is NOT a Marriage Law trope fic. This one is only about them being offered lots of exciting things to have babies together, not to get married or anything. xx-Kitten.