Welcome to Crazyville


I watched remorsefully as Rosalie left the den with Kate, Dr.G and a wet screaming Emily, with a pale faced Sam just a couple of steps behind. I sighed, as Christian brought Alex over to where we were sitting. He waved at me to climb over the safety barrier. I pretended to ignore his dripping hand and newly shredded jeans, turning instead to Bella and Alice, the latter who was trying to console a green Esme. Bella and Edward were laughing about something Bella said, their heads close together.

I frowned.

Just because I knocked up his kind-of-sister doesn't mean he has to knock up mine. Even if they had done the deed before.

Carlisle was looking intensely at the bloody streaks Mike had left behind. Or maybe he was looking at the pool that was slowly being drained, the piranhas slipping down a drain that would return them to their enclosure.

"Emmett," he called out suddenly. I hummed a response at quiet tone.

"Two things, one, where can I find trained piranhas like those, and two, why was this such a big event?"

I snorted and got up, moving to a closer seat.

"Well, the piranhas are Alex's, a birthday gift from about thirteen, fourteen years ago, so you'd have to ask her where to get them, and it's a big occasion because no one messes with Alex. Also that dick works for Alex's dad, who's a giant trafficking dick that no one likes, he tried to kill Henri you know. Very ugly moment." I shook my head as the memory of Henri's still form and Jacob and Christopher beating the hell out of Mike played through my mind.

Leah screaming and slapping Henri's face as Jacob and Christopher pulled Mike off him and took turns pounding the hell out of his face and body.

Carlisle was frowning.

"Why would he try to kill Henri?" He asked me, but Bella tore herself away from Edward to answer.

"Well, because Henri's Alex's nephew and Jacob's son. Mike saw this as an opportunity to hurt a member of the family."

Carlisle nodded.

Esme was currently looking at the rapidly emptying room and brushed her hair away from her pale but better looking face. "So when do we meet your actual family Emmett?" I grinned at her, letting the dimples flash.

"Well , that would be at dinner in a couple of hours. Until then, I'll be showing you around the place, with Alice and Bella."

I looked behind me when I felt nails pinching me in the back. Alex's unusually sharp canines gleamed at me..

"Hey Emmie. So, this the family?" She asked, and I nodded. "Cool."

She turned to Carlisle and waved in a true Alexian way, the fingers moving only on a stock still palm.

"How about you guys come over on this side- it's safe don't worry." Christian said to Edward and Jasper.

They shrugged and vaulted over, closely joined by Carlisle, who assisted Esme over with my help. The girls then jumped over and I followed.

"So," Jasper started. "Where are the Guard?" Christian nodded in the direction of the animal cages. "Back there," he grinned. "Y'all be going the same way, mark my words."

Alex and Carlisle shook hands, making introductions.

"Heya buddy. I'm the Alex that everyone goes on about, in case you hadn't figured it out. You've met my hubby, Christian." Carlisle nodded, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Yeah we've met." He turned back to Alex.

"I'm sure you know who we are." He said and Alex raised an eyebrow and the corner of her mouth twitched into a brief smile. She gestured behind her.

"What did you lot think of what you saw of my little display?"

Esme passed a hand over her face violently. "Still trying to forget that." She muttered. We all laughed. Jasper shrugged nonchalantly. "I find it really interesting that you used piranhas, and was even more surprised to see Christian unharmed by them, even during the feeding frenzy. How did you do it?" He asked Christian, who just smirked and winked. Smug bastard.

Edward let out a nervous laugh. "Well, it was fast and mainly very clean. Loved the piranha thing you had going on," he said, making Bella snort and poke him in the side. "You have a phobia of fish, don't you Edward." She giggled, making Alex and Christian raise their brows. I knew exactly how they felt- Bella rarely giggled, at least, not in public.

Alex laughed at that before turning to Carlisle.

"Hey, you wanna come see the rest of my animal collection?" She asked. He nodded, and she started walking towards a small door that led to the private rooms where all the animals stayed.


As Carlisle followed, with Esme's hand in his, he called out to her.

"So how many pets have you got?", receiving a shrug as an answer.

"Who knows, I let Anastasia count them and shit." She ducked down into the enclosure.

I could see their jaws drop as they took in the sight.

"Well, I'll be damned." Esme whispered.

Alex smirked and held her hands out in flourish. "Here lies some of the deadliest creatures in existence." She said with deeply hidden pride.

She wasn't kidding. Upon her arrival, the large dark room was filled with shrieks and hisses, as well as loud snapping sounds. On her left, there was the python cage we had seen coming in.

"These are Bella's babies, Huggs and Cuddles." She leaned over and tapped the glass lightly. The slightly larger snake raised its head and hissed. Alex smiled and thumped the glass, hard. The smaller snake slid off the branch into a small green pool below. Alex waved us over. We cautiously made our way over and peered through the glass.

"What's supposed to hap- ARGHH!" Jasper let out a surprisingly high screech as a small black shape smacked against the glass where he had pressed his face. Bella laughed, sending tingles down my spine. She opened some sort of flap and slid her hand in, capturing the small wriggling shape and withdrew her hand. She held it up as it curled tightly around her hand. "This little angel is Svenn, my little trickster. "

Jasper chocked on his spit at that. "Angel?" He muttered disgusted.

Alex walked over to a pen of sorts, where the fence surrounded a ditch at least 2 feet deep, Bella following, with her 'angel' still curled around her hand. From it, loud scratching and squeaks could be heard. Esme peered in first before rolling her eyes and taking a few steps back. "She has a thing for rodents Carlisle, just like you." She informed him, as he peered down. I joined him at the fence and gaped. There must have been hundreds of giant well fed rats scrambling on and off each other, tails flicking in the air. "Don't get too close," Alex warned us. "They tend to use each other as ladders and if they bite you, you'll most likely get rabies." I backed away hurriedly.

"They're Christian's by the way." She informed us. She then walked around the pit, to where a trap door was propped open. She pointed down. "Down here, you'll find a large pool, with multiple sections and fences attached. Don't touch them. If you do, you'll be shocked with about 250 to 300 volts of electricity." She started to swing her leg over but paused. "You guys still wanna come?"

Glancing at Bella, I nodded and saw Jasper and Carlisle nod also. Alex clambered down, Bella and I close behind. Landing on a circular platform in the middle of a massive pool with clear walls surrounding it, I looked around the darkly lit room. You could tell we were deep underwater as the only light source was the bright lights at the bottom of the pool. Dark shapes could be seen swirling about, each in their own mini pool section. Alex pointed out her piranhas in one section and dolphins in another. My eyes flitted around the pool, and then at Alice and Bella, who were whispering at the back. This family were truly something.