AN: So this idea has been going around in my head for a while and I thought I would finally get it down!
Trigger warning for eating disorders, and child abuse.
I am sorry if this is OOC, it's one of my first fics and I'm still getting a feel for writing. Regina will be OOC but that is because eating disorders change characteristics, and when it is found out that also changes a person, so warning Regina will be OOC in this.
The song is Skin & Bones by Picture Me Broken.
Disclaimer, I do not own these characters or the show of Once Upon a Time or the song.
I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine.
Bold means a flashback or dream sequence, and Bold Italics are the lyrics, and Italics are thoughts.
Hey dear, I fear
I'll watch you disappear
I know you'll go
Until you're Skin and Bones
Your reflection's all you're worth
This time it's almost over
I watch you turn to dust
I know it's not much longer
Until you faint
Regina sits on the silk sheets that she and Emma have been using more, however her reason for sitting is less lovely than that of Emma Swan. She wrestles with her body – it tells her she needs the food and the voice of her mind and mother saying no.
"Stupid petulant child! How many times must I tell you! You do not get desert you must look good for a man one day! Skinny for him to love!"
Regina places the fork down with a nod and looks to her mother,
"I know mother, I must have this size of waist and these dresses and…"
with an exasperated sigh Regina faces her mother
"When will it end mother?"
Cora raises her hand as Regina feels the burn to her face without the mark from a hand print.
That was the end of that conversation.
'I must not eat! I can't, no Regina, Emma won't love you anymore. I need this. Control this!'
Regina mutters to herself as she tries to calm the dizziness in her head when she smells it, those wonderful blueberry pancakes Emma makes, and she stands as Emma walks in but immediately has to sit. The blonde rushes over to her yelling down to Henry to keep an eye on the food.
"'Gi, you okay?"
Emma asks softly. They mayor mask is put in place as Regina nods.
"Yes, dear I am fine. I believe I smell pancakes and coffee?"
Emma smiles and grabs the dark eyed woman's hand.
"Yup, there is!"
Henry looks up at his mothers greeting his adoptive parent as they all sit at the table for breakfast.
"Hey mom! Ma makes awesome pancakes!"
Henry says shovelling more food into his 14-year-old mouth.
Regina looks at the pancakes and smiles going to grab her fork
'Regina, don't do it! You can control yourself!'
She slowly lowers the fork, but her body overpowers her, and she lifts the utensil to cut the pancake and places it in her mouth a moan escaping but she covers it up. Grasping for another piece and within a few minutes she looks to her son and girlfriend who are gaping at her.
"Mom? Are you feeling okay?"
Henry asks in concern, as Emma stands and rubs Regina's back, due to the fact that the tan complexion the Mayor normally holds has gone somewhat green as Regina faces an internal nightmare.
'The cake tastes so good, oh strawberries that would be good, ah I love tea so much!'
All of these thoughts racing in Regina's mind in the kitchen quarters at well past midnight. Suddenly a restriction comes upon the young girl and the sensation of a slap to her bottom and face.
"Mother!?"
She cries out in desperation as Cora quickly makes the food and liquid disappear and transports Regina to her room locking the door before yelling outside of the door,
"Three days with no food Regina. I may give you water."
She says with a deep chuckle.
Regina stands and runs to the bathroom before quickly relieving herself of the calories and carbohydrates and fats. Emma runs after her and pulls the hair from her girlfriend's eyes as Henry walks into the bathroom – almost afraid to see his mother ill. Regina wipes her mouth and turns to Henry,
"May you please get me some water?"
Henry nods as he tries not to act nervous at seeing his mom be sick, she has never been physically ill in front of him before.
Emma sighs as she rubs her girlfriends back,
"'Gina, what's up? Did you eat something bad?"
Regina just shakes her head as Henry walks back in with a cup of water,
"Thank you, Henry, and I don't know I just am not feeling well I guess"
'Not feeling well, because I have nothing! No control.'
Emma nods but isn't convinced, as she slowly helps Regina off of the floor and to their bed.
"Just get some rest, yeah? I'll call your secretary and tell her you're sick."
Regina nods and lays down curling into a ball, Emma turns to Henry who is still there standing in the doorway of the en suite.
"You can go Henry, I'll take care of your mom, thank you."
She smiles at him as he goes out of the room presumably to finish his breakfast. As Emma snuggles into Regina, she slides herself as close to her girlfriend as she can, but something catches her and she stops Regina flips over feeling the blonde stop cuddling,
"Em? What's wrong?"
Regina asks as she looks down feeling ashamed
'it's probably because of the fat on my abdomen'
"Regina. You're skinny, like really thin. I-I can feel your spin and,"
she slowly felt around to her lovers front feeling ribs poking beneath what was now ghost like skin –even with the olive complexion.
"And your ribs are right there, I can feel them more than I used too."
Although Emma thought
'Regina has always been quite skinny.'
Regina turns back around and sighs curling into herself she pushes Emma back
"Stop it!"
Regina spits,
"Just leave me be Swan!"
She says trying to sound all madam mayor, but the waver is heard in her fierceness. Emma resigns, leaving the room with a soft
"Okay, Regina."
'Cause you'll never love yourself at all
'Cause everything you touch will fall to pieces
this time it's almost over now
Regina sighs and rolls over onto her side of the bed and starts to cry, she slowly picks up Emma's pillow and holds it to her chest as sobs escape her mouth and wrack her body. As she falls into a slight slumber nightmares invade her subconscious.
Regina lays in her bed – much the same as she is while dreaming – her stomach growls for the food her mother has restricted. She hears a knock to her door cowering up she whispers out a small
"who is it?"
She sighs in relief as her father walks in with some pork from the kitchen.
"Thank you daddy!"
she whispers looking up to her father holding the plate out she grabs it and starts to eat slowly but swiftly too. At that moment Cora storms in
"Henry! What do you think you are doing to my daughter?"
"Your daughter? Cora she is our daughter, and you are starving her!"
Regina tries to back away to the confines of her closet but not before belts attach themselves to her waist and constrict her until she is vomiting…
Regina wakes with a start and sits up before the weakness in her bones pushes her back into the sea of silk that could drown her. The older woman slams her fists into the bed before a growl erupts in her throat
'stupid, worthless, nothing. Out. Of. Control.'
The racing thoughts wouldn't escape but for one thing. She opens her drawer (the magically locked one) and grabs the first thing there, red vines and lots of them she stuffs them into her mouth not finishing one stick before starting the next.
'Idiot. Empty.'
Regina stands and takes two strides towards the bathroom before…
Wake up skin and bones
(Wake up)
Wake up skin and bones
(Wake up)
Henry hears a crash from upstairs but Emma is lost in herself – worrying over her girlfriend – and doesn't hear the noise. Henry rushes up the stairs taking two at a time and races to the room before screaming. Emma's ears pick up on noise and then register what is going on as she jumps from the couch and bounds to the room.
"Gina wake up, baby come on!"
The blonde begs of her girlfriend as she shakes her.
"Henry,"
she turns to face her son
"How long has she been out?"
Henry shakes his head
"Um a minute, maybe a little more. I ran up hear as soon as I heard a bang."
Emma nods as Regina slowly starts to come to, Emma sighs in relief and Henry rushes to Regina's side.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
Regina just shakes her head before proceeding to turn on her side and vomit on the carpet. While a flashback doesn't come the feelings do and Regina recoils from the touch her girlfriend and son were giving, and tears begin to flow
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't, I'm sorry."
This is the mantra that runs from the lips of the mayor.
"Regina, we are going to the hospital. Okay?"
Regina shakes her head,
"Please don't Em' I can't…"
Emma shakes her head
"Gi, you've been sick twice and passed out, now you're panicking. We need to go. I'll be there and so will Henry."
Regina turns to face her son as she slowly sits up,
"No, Henry needs to go with Snow and Charming. He can't see me worse than this."
Emma nods and looks to Henry.
"Kid go call grandma? Tell her you wanna hang out and just say your mom is sick but it's okay."
Henry nods and pulls out his cell phone to call.
"Okay, let's get you up, I'll grab some bags in case you need to vomit again."
Regina just nods and gets to her feet using the saviour as an anchor. With that they head to the hospital as Charming picks up Henry.
You're so alone
your sickness feels like home
Find some control
Starve 'till you're beautiful
Your reflection's all you're worth
Emma rushes into the hospital with Regina trailing behind shaking.
"Doc! Whale! Somebody!?"
With that Regina catches up to the blonde
"Emma please, be qui-"
and Regina slowly stumbles over just in time Emma catches her head.
"Nurse! Please get a doctor! She's been sick twice and now has passed out a second time!"
Regina slowly comes to, as Doc walks over.
"Mayor Mills, Sheriff Swan. I heard your shouts. Do we need a stretcher, or can you stand Madam Mayor?"
Regina stands up and looks to Emma searching the face that she knows perfectly and then looks back to Dr. Groves (or Doc)
"Emma will help me to the room if you have one, if not we will wait."
Emma looks back at her partner and then gets very close to Doc
"Get a room ready now."
The doctor nods and quickly pages his nursing staff.
"Come this was Ms. Mills, Miss. Swan."
Emma nods her thanks to the doctor and places a steadying hand onto Regina's back. Doc leads the ladies to a private room – as the hospital is fairly big for such a small town so there are spares. Doc takes one look at Regina and wonders in his head
'She is too skinny. I may get a psychologist up here soon. After I evaluate.'
"If you could just take a sit Mayor Mills on the bed. Sheriff Swan you can sit on the chair beside the bed."
Then Doc has a thought.
"Emma, I know we aren't a conventional-rule-following town, but may you please leave us for just a few moments while I evaluate Ms. Mills alone."
Emma looks strangely at the old doctor but complies when Regina makes no sound of refusal. Regina slowly sits up against the back of the gurney-bed and sighs
"Call me Regina Doc. Please?"
Dr. Groves nods and starts to speak
"Regina, on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad do you feel?"
Doc poses the question softly and Regina exudes a vulnerability that is unlike anything anyone other than Emma and Henry had seen, as she answers
"Physically I feel around a 7 right now. Dizzy and a little nauseous."
Dr. Groves nods as he takes down notes on a chart. Looking back up he coughs to get her attention which has been lacking,
"Would you mind if I gave you an examination? Just a quick, weight, height, ear nose throat passages. Obviously if anything is wrong, I will have to get a specialist."
Regina looks at the doctor and nods
"Yes, you may do an examination."
Doc smiles softly and places the weight-height chart towards the bed. Regina looks down nervously and stands on wobbly legs moving towards the machine. She stops just shy of standing and looks at Doc, shaking her head she starts to apologize,
"I'm sorry Dr. Groves I just c-can't do it… I n-need Em-Emma..."
She backs away to the bed and sits on it shaking her head
'I'm a disappointment! I know I'm underweight, I just can't stop it!'
Regina hadn't noticed at this point Doc had stepped out and let Emma in. As Emma slides onto the bed not touching her girlfriend but hoping the dark haired woman can feel her presence she looks into the glazed over lost eyes of her lover.
This time it's almost over
I watch you turn to dust
I know it's not much longer
until you faint
"You are nothing Regina!"
The Evil Queen turns to her mother a fireball in hand
"You do not control me anymore Mother!"
She says with a snarl as the fireball is extinguished by Cora's overpowering magic,
"Idiotic girl! Will you never learn? I am always the controller! I will have that power!"
At this moment a young Snow walks in
"Grandmother? What are you doing here?"
Cora lifts her head and looks at her daughter who has turned away from the child
"I am here to give your step-mother a little talk… May you please leave us and run along to find your father?"
Snow nods her head, skipping off to find her daddy.
"Just like I told. I can control everything… Even if you don't realize it!"
Emma gingerly takes her partners hand as she was now kneeling on the floor staring up into tear-dropped dark eyes. The green eyes search eyes that are off somewhere that was not hospital.
"Regina, sweetie? Come here, come here."
Emma slowly broke through the mayor's wall and she started to crumple into herself and Emma grabbed the skinny woman who seemed to be out of it.
"Regina, you need help… Can you tell me what is going on?"
Regina shakes her head and then says something Emma never expected,
"G-Go to the vau-vault. There will be a cup-cupboard you will understand ho-hopefully."
Emma looks at Regina curiously but nods.
"I'll be back Gi. Dr. Groves, if she is up to it do an evaluation but if possible, could you wait until I come back?"
Doc nods and goes to grab Regina some water. Regina straightens up on the bed and sits crossing her legs she places her face in her hands and wipes the tears away
'Weak, why did you let them see your weakness.'
One side of Regina's mind says but the other side for the first time fights back
'because I need help, Emma loves me. I'm not afraid to show her my vulnerability.'
'But love is weakness'
'its strength.'
The thoughts race in her mind until she is holding her head in her hands her skin feels like it is ripping over the razor-sharp bones. Doc walks in and Regina immediately sits up wiping the excess tears from her face and shakily takes the plastic cup of water.
"Thank you doctor"
Dr. Groves just nods and leaves the room.
'Cause you'll never love yourself at all
'Cause everything you touch will fall to pieces
this time it's almost over now
Emma stands outside the vault nervous as to what she will find. She opens the door using her magic and slips inside. Quickly she notices the swarm of moths that escape, and she waves her arms to get them away from her, as she finds herself further into the vault she notices the mess that has formed and frowns.
'What is going on?'
All of the sudden she slips and notices that it is vomit she has slipped on. With a wave of her hand the vomit and disgusting smell is gone. When she turns the corner to the room that Regina had made down here all her suspicions are confirmed.
She covers her mouth to hold in the sob that escapes her mouth and walks towards the mirror with pictures and post-its. She slowly pics them up and sighs as she notices a timeline.
'These are in the enchanted forest?'
As she picks up a picture she had seen before many times clearly a painting turned to picture. One of Regina around 17 in a riding uniform
'she looks so happy, but a darkness is there…'
Emma thinks as she places it down, she knocks over a box with pictures in it the same style as her riding one. Except this is very different…
It's a picture of a 13-year-old girl in her underwear with numbers on her waist and chest – that had yet to develop – and legs, numbers everywhere. Emma immediately notices the small scars that she has seen on her girlfriend and small tears fall as she looks into a mirror the post-its have what seem to be weights and inches and calculations.
'Oh Gina…'
and with the realization she looks towards the bed and see's the drawers under it. She yanks them out of the bed and the stash of food flies across the room. Grabbing some of the pictures and post-its Emma runs out of the vault almost forgetting to lock it she slams into her bug
'metal coffin on wheels.'
Emma tries to think positively.
She opens her door after parking haphazardly and runs into the hospital.
"Doc! I know what's wrong!"
Dr. Groves nods
"Calm down Emma, so do I. I am going to let you in to see her. I assume she knows that you will know now."
Emma nods,
"Oh and Doc. Can you leave us for about ten minutes until you do the evaluation? And I presume you are gonna bring Dr. Hopper with you?"
Doc nods and leads Emma to the room Regina is in but at that moment Snow calls Emma on her cell
"Mom, I can't talk right now! I'll call you back."
Emma then ends the call and steps into the room as Snow calls again, but Emma turns her phone onto complete silent.
"Hey, Gi."
Regina looks up and the two stare at each other for a moment before Regina nods her hello,
"Regina. Why? Why didn't you tell me?"
at that Regina looks hurt and just shakes her head.
"Did you think something was wrong with you?"
Regina nods slowly as tears track her face, Emma slowly swipes the tears away
"Oh Regina, nothing is wrong with needing help. Dr. Groves, and Dr. Hopper are going to come to give you an evaluation, is that okay?"
Regina nods and then looks at Emma curiously
"Why is Archie coming?"?
Emma sighs,
"I'll let them explain."
"Emma."
Regina grabs her hand
"stay?"
Emma half smiles and nods
"I'll stay."
As Regina sits closer to the top of the bed, she crosses her legs still holding Emma's hand. Emma slides up on the bed and faces Regina, however her legs were tucked to the side.
Both of their heads turn towards the door that was opening.
"Regina, Emma. We"
Doc gestures to himself and Dr. Hopper,
"are here for the evaluation. Regina as mayor you have loopholes, so is Emma staying in the room for this?"
Regina and Emma nod, both responding with yes.
"Hello Regina,"
Archie replies to the lady's nods.
"Regina would you please lay down on the bed, and Emma if you could sit in the chair."
Both ladies make their moves – with Emma pulling the chair as close to the bed as she can. Doc slowly moves his measuring wheel for how far Regina's legs can bend to make sure no damage has been done to the bone.
"Okay Regina I want you to bend your knee so that it can go as close to your bottom as you can without pain."
Regina complies with that request,
"So, Regina your heel hits your bottom, which shows you seem to have no bone issues. However, the skin is rough across the knee indicating dehydration."
Regina nodded as Archie wrote down what Doc said. Doc then asked slowly,
"How much water do you drink? And do you know your daily count of how many fruits, meats, starches, et cetera that you eat?"
Regina shrinks down into herself and Emma grasps the bony and veiny hand that she can't believe she didn't notice how thin her girlfriend was getting,
"Gi, be honest, please? We all want to help you."
Regina glares at her girlfriend.
"I don't need help Emma! In fact, all of you leave the room!"
'I need control, I need control.'
Emma doesn't make a move to get up however Dr. Hopper and Dr. Groves have moved to the side of the room.
"Emma LEAVE! You too doctors!"
Emma nods to the doctors and slowly gets up to leave the room.
"Okay we will leave you for a few minutes, but I will come back in. Okay?"
Regina glares at Emma clearly saying it's not okay, and then just points to the door. Her head lifted defiantly.
Until you're skin and bones
your sickness feels like home
(Your sickness feels like)
your sickness feels like
Home
'Need control. Worthless. No one cares.'
The thoughts continue to assault her until she has run to the small toilet room in the private suite. Quickly turning on the sink to try and drown out the sound she slowly lifts her fingers staring at the small scars and tiny scabs on her knuckle from where her teeth have scraped previously. She shakes her head and grips the toilet seat with one hand and with her right hand her first and middle finger scrap to the back of her throat. It doesn't take any time at all any more to bring up the small bit of water they gave her and the rest of the candy that wasn't brought up before her first collapse.
"Regina, I have a new potion for you!"
Regina shakes her head now 17 and being sold off, essentially, to a king whom her mother is waiting for.
"No mother. I have had enough of the magic that you inflict on me!"
Cora just shakes her head and smiles in an evil sort of way,
"Very well. I guess you will have to endure two bouts of magic"
she says and with a flick of her wrist Regina is completely still, as Cora walks towards her daughter Regina shakes her head seeing the green liquid in bottle
"What is that? Mother!?"
but within a second of her mouth being open Cora pours the liquid into her mouth, Regina begins to turn a shade of red and then green as all of the sudden she is growing thinner with the sensation of vomiting and yet no vomit is there.
"M-Moth-Mother?"
Cora just laughs and undoes her spell of stillness and Regina slumps over gripping her abdomen and stomach crying in pain.
Her fingers move down her throat another time and another until she is only puking up acid and now some blood, Emma had walked in about three seconds ago but then heard the tap running so she ran to the toilet room and listened closer when the sound of gagging and crying came about she walked out and called Doc and Archie in.
Slowly all three made their way to the toilet room and quietly Emma steps in and slowly walks forward, turning off the tap Regina jumps slightly and then Emma sees her girlfriend slumped over the toilet her hair almost dirty but not.
"Regina, honey? May I touch you?"
Emma sees a nod and goes closer to Regina pulling back her dark hair and rubbing her back she looks into the toilet and see's the remains of Regina's breakdown and flushes the toilet holding Regina now she puts the toilet sit and cover down and looks back to the doctors.
"Regina, you need help. Please let us help you…"
'They want to hurt you, they don't care, they want you to lose everything. They don't know what I need. I need this!'
"NO! I don't need help."
Regina says with a snarl in her voice that makes Emma turn to the doctors with tears in her own eyes,
"Regina. You need some fucking help! You do not even know how much you are hurting everyone and worse you don't know how bad you've messed up yourself! You need the damn help that we are offering you!"
Regina turns away in fear of Emma, she has never seen Emma shout at her – at least not when they've been a couple. Emma lets go of Regina and moves her off of her lap. Standing she pulls at her jeans which had crumpled and smooths them out.
"I'm going to go update Henry and my parents, stay in bed and I hope when I get back you will have changed your mind."
She leans down and kisses Regina on the top of her head
"I love you."
And with that Emma leaves the toilet room and hospital room.
This time it's almost over
I watch you turn to dust
I know it's not much longer
until you faint
Emma slams the door of her bug – for the first time hating the sunny colour – and screams while tears run down her face and she slams her forehead against the wheel, it hurts but she doesn't care.
'Why? What was so wrong with Cora? Why can't Regina see she needs help?'
Emma slowly sits up and wipes her eyes reversing from her spot she then drives forward to Snow and Charming's house. As she gets there, she quickly looks at herself using her front camera on her phone – just now seeing that she has 4 missed calls from Snow and multiple texts as well – and knocks.
She can hear David yell to Henry to get the door. Opening it Henry looks at Emma,
"Ma! How is mom? What's wrong with her? Can we see her? Is she home?"
Emma grabs Henry's shoulders and shakes her head
"Kid slow down. Mom will be okay, I need to talk to your grandparents first, and no she isn't home nor is she good for visitors right now..."
She says answering all of his questions. Turning to her parents,
"Mom, Dad can we go talk in Neal's room please? I need to talk to you guys first."
Snow and David nod as Henry stays downstairs and talks to Neal.
"Guys 'Gi has an eating disorder… And I don't know what to tell Henry. I also gotta be back at the hospital soon."
Snow covers her mouth in shock as David looks at Emma with concern,
"How are you doing Emma?"
David asks, Emma just shakes her head and looks as though she is going to cry again
'I'm all cried out.'
Emma thinks sadly as Snow moves towards her daughter to give her a hug, and then steps back
"How bad is she Emma?"
Emma once again shakes her head looking down.
"She-She isn't good…"
And with that Henry who had been eavesdropping can't contain his concern and pushes the door open
"Ma, um… what do you mean mom has an, an eating disorder? She ate all those pancakes this morning! Mom can't be sick like that! Ma!"
He slams his body into hers,
"Henry… You shouldn't have been listening. But you're going to have to stay here tonight while I go to the hospital. I'm sorry Kiddo…"
And with that she hugs her parents and brother, kisses her son on the head and leaves saying
"I love you and will call you guys later".
'Cause you'll never love yourself at all
'Cause everything you touch will fall to pieces
this time it's almost over now
Emma goes into the hospital preparing herself to talk to Regina when Dr. Hopper and Dr. Groves come out of Regina's room with relieved smiles on their faces and bump into Emma. Emma frantically looks at the doctors her eyes asking the questions that her mouth can't seem to form and the doctors nod
"She is gonna have to stay here, but we think after today she has finally realized her problem."
Dr. Groves answers and then Dr. Hopper speaks up,
"I believe she always knew she had a problem. I think today she realized that the control she craved wasn't coming from her eating or lack thereof. She hit her rock bottom and I hope she is ready to put her work in."
Emma sighs in relief,
"Can I go into her room?"
The doctors both nod and she walks past them opening the door
"Hey honey, I'm back."
She says softly. Regina looks up her eyes red-rimmed and her arms hugging her legs.
"Em-Emma. I'm five foot four and a half and I-I am only nine-ninety pounds… I-I need help."
She says nodding finally looking up fear and shame evident in the dark-haired woman's eyes. Emma nods and walks towards the bed.
"And we will get you that help, and we will work through it."
She says nodding and with that Regina leans into her blonde-haired girlfriend,
"We will work through it."