25Disclaimer: It's satire (If you haven't figure that out by now)
While perusing the vastness of the FanFiction site, more specifically, the Fairy Tail section, I conducted research. In this study, I observed the Lucy and Lisanna haters and each of their respective fanfictions. OOC Lisannas, Dragon Slayer Lucys, and plots to overthrow the evil tyranny of Lisanna by destroying Fairy Tail! By reading large quantities of these stories and after several hours of intense research, I believe I've condensed each and every one into one very short story.
This... is "HOW TO BE ORIGINAL!"
Our story begins a week or two after the LEGENDARY return of Lisanna "Stupid Useless Bitch" Strauss. She had been in Edolas like a stupid bitch for 2 years and her life goal after returning was to ruin Lucy's life and steal Natsu away from her. Every guild member was having fun until... Lucy walked in...
"Hey guys, whats up..." She looked cheerful until she saw the dark looks upon her guild mates faces. "What?"
Natsu walked up "Didn't you hear stupid bitch? You're out of team Natsu, because Lisanna returned! You are useless to me now!" he laughed evilly and pushed her to the ground.
Master Makarov jumps up from his seat "NATSU!" This startled Natsu, knowing he was going to get a beating but.. he holds up his hand waiting for a high-five "That-a-boy Natsu! We don't need useless stupid bitches like her in our guild! Lucy! you are hereby kicked the fuck out of Fairy Tail for the rest of eternity!"
Anger engulfed Lucy as she stormed out "FINE! I'LL JUST FIND A DRAGON AND TRAIN WITH IT FOR A FEW YEARS, THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!"
The whole guild laughed at Lucy's departure while on one end of the hall, was someone staring maniacally at the commotion. It was Lisanna "HAHAHA my evil plans have worked! Natsu is all mine and I've ruined Lucy's life FOREVER HAHAHAHAHAHA!" She laughed out loud getting the attention of the guild. They didn't care what she did, they just started laughing harder with her. 'Next... WORLD DOMINATION!' she thought as she smiled evilly.
A Week Later... in the forest with Lucy!
"I will get my revenge on that stupid bitch Lisanna!" Lucy screamed
"Revenge you say?" a mysterious voice echoed through the forest. "My dear, I like the way you think!"
"Dragon? TEACH ME HOW TO SLAY THAT STUPID BITCH LISANNA! I BEG YOU, PLEASE!" Lucy got on her hands and knees and begged.
"I am Slappahoe, and I somehow, out of a one in a million chance, survived Acnologia's dragon killing spree and am here to teach you how to slay a bitch!"
Over the time Lucy trained to become the Ultimate Celestial Bitch Dragon Slayer, Lisanna had taken control of the world and had been ruling it with a stupid bitch iron fist of Tyranny. Lisanna also trained with a dragon. She was now the Evil Tyrant Bitch Dragon Slayer!
Lucy stood as the summit to the new Fairy Tail headquarters, which Lisanna renamed to the "Tower of Evil."
"EVIL TYRANT LISANNA! I CHALLENGE YOU!"
Lisanna walked out. she wore a cloak drenched in the blood of thousands of victims of her evil bitchness. "My my... Is that you Lucy, you stupid bitch? I was expecting you HAHAHAHA!" she laughed evilly. an evil aura surrounded her "IT'S ABOUT TIME I FINISH YOU OFF!" she lunged forward with her Evil Bitch Dragon magic and the two clashed. They both were knocked back.
"You're not the only dragon slayer Lisanna! Slappahoe taugh me all he knew about slaying bitches like you!" Lucy stood tall with holy bitch dragon magic aura surrounding her.
"So have I! All of my evil plans have come to fruition and my evil reign will be unending! Time I took out the stupid bitch trash! Evil Tyrant Bitch Dragon's..."She breathed in, about to roar.
"Have it your way bitch! Ultimate Celestial Bitch Dragon's..." She too breathed in...
"RRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!" The two blasts of immense bitch energy clashed and blew up, destroying the whole world.
Everyone died..
No one ate dinner that night...
FIN
Moral of the Story: Don't do drugs, they're bad for you!
This might be the stupidest thing I've ever written... It was fun though!
I wrote this for two reasons.
1) I'm planning out the rest of "Bonds" (with what little spare time I have) and needed something fresh so I won't get bored of it too quickly.
2) I thought it was funny idea, some might even say a satire of the unending amounts of stories about "Lucy leaving" the Fairy Tail FanFiction community gets.
I also want to say that I'm not saying that the "Lucy leaving" stories are bad in any way, shape or form, some are really good reads! They're just a bit cliche at this point.
Just for the record, I'm partial to NaLi fanfictions and that pairing in general, but I still love Lucy as a character. Her magic is beyond cool (coming from my love of the Devil Summoner games), and she's had a lot of great character development. I love NaLu fans like I love NaLi fans, which is why I hate to see someone OOC Lucy or Lisanna to the point of them being unlikable and bitter enemies. The REAL moral of the story is: Broaden your perception of love interests for the main character. If your fanfiction has NaLu, don't make Lisanna a horrible tyrant monster.
I hope no one takes offense to anything above and as always, stay awesome!