77Disclaimer: RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth.
As it turned out, taking a large number hormonal teenagers, giving them access to highly destructive weaponry, sticking them on a cliff with nowhere to go and having just under twenty adults to supervise was a horrible idea. Luckily Professor Ozpin came up with an idea improve the situation. He probably didn't mean for the list to take on a life of it's own but it was Ozpin, so no one knew for sure.
Rules and Guidelines for a Better Beacon Experience.
Do not touch Yang Xiao Long's Hair
Ozpin looked at the results Yang's latest rampage. Twenty-three desks, thirty-five chairs, two black boards and one wall separating two classrooms had been destroyed and 6 students had to be sent to the infirmary. Ozpin just sighed and shook his head. "You'd think they'd have learned by now."
Do not convert your weapons into water guns.
It was surprising how many students forgot to change them back before going out into the field.
You are not allowed to start an independent business on school property.
Ruby had made quite a lot of lien converting her classmates' weapons into water guns before the list went up.
Pets are allowed on campus. However, they are your responsibility. If you can't keep them out of trouble they will be sent home.
a. Faunus are not pets.
b. Neither are Grimm.
As it turns out, Zwei had twice the energy of his owners and none of the restraint.
First Years should not trust anything Fourth Years tell them.
a. If it sounds important verify it with a Professor or a Third Year first.
"They hate you and want to see you suffer." Coco explained when asked.
Do not assist Ruby Rose with any weapon-based experiments.
If the weapon was an untested prototype she would get you to fire it and takes notes on exactly how and why it exploded. If the weapon was safe she'd use you as target practice.
Nora Valkyrie is not to be given or left unsupervised in the presence of following.
a. Sugar.
b. Anything containing sugar.
a. Coffee.
Nora had tried espresso once. The experience was horrifying for everyone involved.
"Oh come on. I've just gained the ability to break the fourth wall. It's not that bad." Nora pouted.
Especially me.
The cuter it is, the more likely it can kick your ass.
The First Years had been invited to watch a Third Year sparing session. After seeing what she could do Team CRDL stopped picking on Velvet.
Beacon is a pro-equality environment. Feel free to correct discriminatory behaviour in a polite, non-aggressive fashion.
Just because they never caught them doesn't mean the professors weren't sick of Team CRDL's shit.
Professor Goodwitch does not need a boyfriend.
a. Or a girlfriend.
Yang was of the opinion that Professor Goodwitch was too tightly wound and needed to get laid. She had spent a week trying to get the professor to go clubbing with her and had only stopped when threatened with detention for the rest of the year.
Dust is highly dangerous and must be treated with proper safety precautions.
a. Ms. Schnee you should know better.
Everyone involved with the snowball fight in the cafeteria said it was worth it, despite the month-long detention.
If you are injured, report to the infirmary immediately.
a. 'Tis not just a flesh wound.
It was surprising how many students and teachers were willing to sacrifice common sense for pride.
If you are playing a game of Cards Against Remnant LOCK THE DOOR!
a. Same goes for strip poker.
Velvet had walked accidentally in walked into one of RWBY and JNPR's weekly games of Cards Against Remnant and had stayed in the counselor's office for the rest of the week.
Never ask what's the worst that could happen. You will find out.
"Duh. It's, like, the first rule of narrative causality." Nora said.
If you don't know what a button does, don't push it.
a. Ms. Belladonna I'm surprised.
This, after Blake and Yang were found in the Beacon kitchens, covered in pancake batter.
"Yang, if you say one thing about cats and curiosity, I'll kill you."
Do not eat Grimm flesh. We don't know what it will do to you but chances are it won't be good.
It started as a dare between Nora and Cardin and ended with all of Teams RWBY, JNPR and CRDL in detention. This incident was also the cause of the next rule on the list too.
"For Science" is not a good excuse.
a. Neither is "He/she dared me."
b. Neither is "Peer pressure."
Needless to say Goodwitch was not pleased with the answers she got when she asked them what they had to say for them selves.
Do not say "with all due respect". We know you don't mean it.
Cardin somehow thought he could get away with flipping off the headmaster if he said those four words first.
Unless your weapon is a high-tech fishing rod do not use it as such.
"All I wanted was some fresh tuna." Blake grumbled.
There is no such thing as preemptive detention
a. Glynda.
"They're going to get in trouble anyway sir."
"Still, the rule stands."
Hey guys, what's up?
This was inspired by Supplemental Rules and Regulations by Sekhem and Things Not To Do At the SGC by Gothfaery, For something slightly different but with a similar sense of humor check out Neon Genesis Evangelion: A Missive From The Commander by Jesakofedo and Please Stop Eating The Hell Butterflies by Mistress Nika.
This is just another quick comedy for me to work on while I wait for my deck of Cards Against Humanity to arrive and I can continue working on Cards Against Remnant.
If you have any suggestions for jokes please leave them in a review.
And that's all for now. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go try and write something serious. Wish me luck.
Reviews are nice.
- Rex Heller.