I swear to God, sorority life is tearing me apart.

I love my sisters, I honestly do. It's a beautiful family with a dark side, a sharp edge to the glamour that others see.

For starters, I can't eat a goddamn Milky Way without my sisters being worried, like I'm gonna get fat and gross from one freaking Milky Way.

Like, I'm gonna keep it down anyway. Yeah, right. God, I'm messed up. I hate my body, and I utterly despise it when I have to squeeze into my size 0 clothes, I cry for hours when I have to get a size 2. I'm so effing messed up.

I don't blame my sisters, I blame sorority culture. This dumb expectation that we're supposed to be perfect, hot, and utterly brainless. Screw society. Where did we get this damn idea? I blame Marilyn Monroe, unfortunately my BFF's idol. I do love Marilyn, but as an idol? That's literally the only thing we disagree on. (there are obviously also highs of sorority life, including that it's like being part of a family where everyone gets you. Anyway, let's continue with the horrible side that's eating me alive)

Also...

I don't want to be a freaking stereotype, a ditz, a dumb blonde. I dream of being smart, genius, even. That boat sailed back in high school, but I guess I can hope for normal intelligence, and I'll crave that until the day I die. I desire to be special, but I know that won't happen. I have a desperate need to be at least normal, however, to at least partially break the cage I'm currently living in.

I know I'm an entitled brat. I know it's too much to ask for, wanting to be hot, smart, and popular.

But, honestly, I try to study, but I never understand. Like, at all. Everything just kinda... blurs until my sorority sisters pulls me out of my necessary hell of... word mush. Then the apple I just ate turns into real mush inside my stomach, and I tell my sister that I'll be there in one second. THEN MY VISISON BLURS, when I sob into the fancy freaking toilets. And puke, of course.

There must be another place, where I can escape from this hell. I doubt that I'll ever find it, though. For now, I'm stuck in sorority hell.

Send.

I press the button, and hope my sisters don't see that.

The most emotional Experience Project confession EVER.