Disclaimer: I do not own AHS
A/N: Sorry for the absence with this fic been updating all the others lol
CH 9- Sentimental Hearts
The word hung in the air so bold yet filled with so many hopes and fears bundled into one.
Short, sweet and to the point.
Rachel could repeat it over and over again without ever growing tired of it. She was sure of it. She had dreamt of it many times before only to wake up with great disappointment.
Lana grinned that brilliant smile when she heard that wonderful answer come out of Rachel's sweet lips, "Then, Ms. Dylan, you really are mine."
Rachel smiled, biting her bottom lip. She could barely contain herself. She glanced down to her hands, fiddling with her fingers. "I like the sound of that."
Lana lifted Rachel's chin with a finger, pulling her face closer, "I do too." and kissed her.
Rachel's head spun and she swore her leg had lifted in the air like she had seen it happen in the movies. Lana's lips were always so sweet like honey and Rachel couldn't fathom the fact that they were real. Her heart beat so wildly against her chest that she worried it would break through her ribcage.
"I'm not dreaming, am I?" Rachel asked when they broke from their kiss.
"No, you're not." Lana reassured her.
Rachel sighed in relief, "Good because that would really be a shame."
Lana laughed, "What a silly girl you are."
When Rachel closed the door to her apartment behind her, she leaned against it, glancing up at the ceiling as if it had a perfect picture upon it. She was running their conversation through her head, reliving every single little moment with a lazy smile upon her face. She could still smell Lana's perfume on her and instantly missed her.
Doyle meowed, breaking Rachel from her deep thoughts. When she saw the cat, Rachel pushed from the door and leaned down to pick up the purring feline in her arms.
"Guess what, Doyle?" She asked the cat, "Lana and I…" She pressed her lips together in a tiny smile, barely unable to believe it herself, "Lana and I are together now."
Doyle meowed, not in response but in hunger. Rachel lifted the cat before her, "Yes, together-together. Like an actual couple."
Doyle meowed again.
"I know right?" She hugged Doyle back to her chest, a gruff meow escaping the cat. "I still can't believe it myself." Rachel gasped, "What if I'm dreaming?" She looked down at Doyle, "No, that's silly. Isn't it?"
She walked to the kitchen and set Doyle down, reaching up into the cabinet to pull the cat's food down. "You should have seen her, Doyle. She looked so beautiful." Rachel beamed, just giddy with herself. "I still can't believe it."
After she fed Doyle, Rachel danced her way to her room where she twirled in front of her bed and fell backwards upon it, still foolishly numb from it all. She wished Lana hadn't said goodnight and left. If anything, Rachel wished Lana was there with her but was reassured that she would see her the following day at the office.
And sure enough, the next morning, Lana walked into the office the same time she always did. However, this time, Rachel noticed a tiny smirk along her face and when her brown eyes met hers, they shined in such a brilliant way that made Rachel's heart flutter.
"Good morning, my pretty doll." Rachel spoke in a soft voice so only Rachel could hear as she placed her hands upon the desk and leaned in close to her ear.
"Good morning." Rachel's cheeks blushed a brilliant red. She still wasn't able to handle Lana's undivided attention.
But it was the way Lana had called her "My pretty doll." The "my" hadn't been there before, or at least not that Rachel remembered but it made it all that much more real.
"And how are we doing today?" Lana backed away; Rachel wished she hadn't but she became aware of the rest of their co-workers that were beginning to enter the office.
"Very good." Rachel smiled, "And you?"
Rachel suddenly felt giddy at Lana's upbeat mood. She liked seeing Lana happy and it looked like she really was. Lana began to ask Rachel if she had gotten enough sleep when Lou came out of his office demanding his first cup of coffee. Embarrassed, as if her own mother had interrupted her, Rachel apologized to Lana and got up to make Lou's coffee.
Lana followed Rachel into the break room, making sure no one else was with them. "I don't know why you let Lou boss you around like that." Lana crossed her arms, rather annoyed.
"Lana, he's my boss." Rachel said sheepishly as she retrieved Lou's favorite mug from the cabinets.
"Still, it does not give him the right to treat you so."
Rachel turned around and gave Lana a small smile. "I really don't mind it. I know how he is."
"Well, I mind it." Lana went up to her, grasping her hand.
"Don't worry. It's just coffee."
Lana huffed, not amused at all and there was something about her that made Rachel a little nervous. She hadn't remembered until that moment that Lana was a very headstrong woman. She was tenacious and unwilling to back down.
"I'm going to have a word with him." Lana turned to leave but Rachel stopped her.
"Lana, please don't. I honestly don't mind. It's just a job."
Lana looked as if Rachel had offended her. "Doll, you deserve better than this."
"I know." Rachel admitted, backing away, "But if I move up I want to do it on my own. Not because my girlfriend yelled at my boss…" Her cheeks grew pink.
Lana chuckled softly, "Oh, Ms. Dylan, the world you live in."
Rachel was awfully busy through out the day, running errands back and forth. Lana had left the office on another story and Rachel was awfully sad to see her go but she toughed it out. By the time she was done, Lana was still out on the field and so Rachel went on home in a good mood, reminding herself that she and Lana were a couple.
She went home and cleaned her apartment from top to bottom. For some reason she just couldn't sit still. Doyle watched from her spot perched on top of a bookcase in the living room, watching with lazy green eyes. She swatted her paw when Rachel brought out the feather duster and dusted all the books. Bob Dylan filled the apartment and Rachel couldn't help but to think of Lana.
Girl from the North Country played and Rachel stopped suddenly, letting Doyle grab a hold of the feather duster with a single paw and bring it to her mouth. Rachel gazed off to nowhere, thinking of the first time she had kissed Lana in the office, late at night. She then thought of the day they spent together at the museum, Lana's smile radiating the entire evening. What a beautiful day it had been.
Rachel then grew worried and took the feather duster from Doyle. "It's so strange, kitty. I just saw here this morning but I miss her already." She glanced up at Doyle, scratching her chin, "Is it always going to be this way? When we're not together…"
Rachel sighed and stepped back from the bookcase, gazing to the record player where the song continued to play. A sense of worry began to grow in the pit of her stomach followed by a sense of longing. How long would the feeling last? Would it be ripped away so easily? Rachel thought of all the women before Lana. They held no importance in her life. They were all desperate attempts to fill the void that had been left inside of her. Acts of rebellion against her family for abandoning her. Reminders of who she really was.
A woman in love with another woman.
Why was it so abnormal?
Why was it so disgusting to others?
Rachel looked to her room where she had left the door open. Upon her bed sat the stuffed triceratops.
None of it had felt abnormal.
None of it had been disgusting.
It had all been heavenly.
Rachel plunked down on the sofa, legs over the armrest and covered her face with her arms.
Lana's sweet laughter came to mind.
Rachel was over thinking it all.
"Oh, Bob Dylan," She sighed, "Why must you hurt me so?"
Rachel lay there, listening to the music until the phone rang. She let it ring a couple of times before she got up and answered it.
"Oh, good, someone is home."
Rachel laughed, recognizing her voice. "Yes, I'm home."
"I thought you wouldn't be home."
Rachel leaned back against the sofa, hugging a cushion to her chest, "Would you have been disappointed if I wasn't?"
"I will admit so, yes."
Rachel smiled, "How was the field?"
"The same as always. How was the office?"
Rachel laughed lightly, "The same as always. Are you home now?"
"Yes. I just got home a little while ago."
Rachel remembered the song in the background and the feeling that had begun to eat away at it. "Can I ask you something, Lana?"
"Anything, my pretty doll."
"Is it crazy that I miss you already?"
There was a pause on the other line and Rachel grew a little nervous. "No. It's entirely sane."
Rachel leaned her head back, glancing at the ceiling. "Why do you think so?"
"Because I've seen crazier things. Not to mention that I feel the same way."
Rachel smiled and tilted to the side, falling upon the sofa and burying her face in the folded blanket she kept there, feeling giddy and overwhelmed. She could hear Lana laughing on the other end, "Are you alive?"
"I've never felt more alive." She said softly, her smile calming.
"You're the sweetest thing." Lana voice softened and trailed off. "Now. Tell me about your day."
"My day?" Rachel asked, "At the office?"
"But why? Nothing happened. I'd rather much hear about your day out in the city."
Lana laughed. "No, no, I asked first."
Rachel smiled, lying on her back, "Okay." She said and began to tell Lana every little part of her day.
Talking to Lana was so different than talking to other people. Rachel didn't have to hide who she really was and it was a burden off her shoulders. They talked for over an hour and then Lana announced she had to get dinner started for Johnny but she would see Rachel bright and early in the morning.
After they hung up, Rachel looked around her half clean apartment and realized that the sun was setting and she hadn't yet finished. Doyle had fallen asleep on the book shelf, unencumbered by her owner's chores left abandoned.
It was nearly eight 0'clock by the time Rachel finished cleaning the entire place and was far too tired to cook herself anything eccentric so she made herself some pancakes, lathered them with strawberry jam and sat in front of the television with a glass of milk. Rachel knew her mother would disapprove of breakfast for dinner but her mother wasn't around anymore to make such decisions for her.
Rachel glanced down to the coffee table where she had left the letter to her parents untouched. She had thought multiple times about throwing it away but always became too lazy to pick it up and do so. Perhaps she would deal with it another day.
Rachel often wondered what her family was up to and if they ever thought about her. She knew they didn't or else she would have heard from them. It was beyond Rachel how a parent could abandon their child for such a thing. And it got Rachel to thinking of how lucky Johnny Winters was. The boy had a wonderful mother that Rachel knew would accept him no matter what. Rachel wished her mother had been the same.
That night, Rachel went to bed with thoughts of Lana and her parents. However, Lana was the last person on her mind before she fell asleep.
The two women were in the back room bright and early the following morning. Lana pushed Rachel back against the shelves where they kept the extra paper and pens and kissed her passionately.
The thrill of being caught was always present and Lana was much more bold than Rachel had thought. She almost seemed like she didn't care if they were caught and that sent a little sense of fear through Rachel that she found to be quite exhilarating.
Rachel had mixed feelings about being found out. She didn't care to tell the world of about the woman she was with. What Rachel feared was being outcast again, re-living what she did back in her old life. All the ugly words and dirty looks terrified her.
"What if someone comes?" Rachel asked when she pushed away from Lana.
"No one will come." Lana assured her, leaning in for another kiss.
"What if they do?"
Lana pulled away, studying Rachel's concerned expression. She looked like a terrified little lamb. "Are you afraid of being caught?"
Rachel averted her gaze. "I guess I'm just nervous about…well, in my last job…when—um, it's because." She stopped herself before her mouth began to vomit out useless words, "When people in my last job found out about me, well, they weren't the kindest. I had to drop everything. My entire life and," She glanced up at Lana, "I'm not ready to give this up."
"Oh, you silly girl." Lana sighed, "You won't have to give up anything."
Lana's words left Rachel feeling more relaxed. "And you? Aren't you afraid of them finding out?"
"That I'm a lesbian?"
Lana paused for a moment, "Listen to me, Ms. Dylan. I've been hiding who I am for a lifetime and after a lifetime, you grow tired of hiding." She stepped closer to Rachel, placing a finger under her chin, "And I'm growing very tired of most things in my life." She pressed her lips against Rachel's.