Ideas of how to drive Umbridge into insanity…

Characters: Hermione












Conjure up toads to follow the head bitch-toad around [including the bathroom – Hermione] whilst singing the Beer Song as they multiple randomly every five seconds

Give her love and lust potions tied to Snape or Mrs. Norris [or we could tie her up and dangle her from the top of the Astronomy Tower with her clothes off? – Hermione] [That's disturbing even for you Hermione – Neville] [I swear to Merlin and Morgona that you even think of doing that I will chop you into tiny pieces and place you into jars for some of the potions the Dark Lord forces me to make! – Snape] [How in the hell did you find this Snape? – Harry] [(Snorts in humor) please Potter, I have my own ways of finding information, not to mention three of my snakes are in on this whole stupidity – Snape]

Feed her to the Giant Squid [I'm sure Squishy does not like the flavor of frog legs very much – Luna] [I'm sure that Squishy would make an exception for this one though – Draco]

Buy a dragon and bribe it with the Basilisk meat down in the Chamber of Secrets [How are you going to pay for a dragon Harry? – Dean] [Simple Dean, with the combined money from both Hermione and I's vaults would be more than enough to cover the cost – Harry] [You also forget that's highly illegal – Draco] [Meh – Hermione]

Bribe the Centaurs from the forest with boiled toad stew and let them enter the castle [Uh, Hermione I think you need to go see a healer – Harry] [No, I don't Harry, I just happen to have great imagination! – Hermione]

Have the House Elves mix Marijuana into her food along with LSD [We's Elves shall be glad to do it Missy Cela – Dobby]

Lock her out of her room and change the room itself with the Anti-Gravity Charm along with the color changing charm [Hey, isn't that how the astronauts do the moon walk? – Collin] [Why, yes Collin – Hermione]

Lead her into the Forbidden Forest and right into the Centaur Village, in which the Centaurs will get so mad that will drag her away never to be seen nor heard from EVER AGAIN! [Hermione, I believe that Neville is correct I think you need to see Madame Pomphrey – Harry] [Fuck off Harry! Even if I were go to Pomphrey she'll find nothing wrong with me anyway! So, nah! (Sticks tongue out) – Hermione]

Have Peeves pelt her with dungbombs repeatedly and charm the suits of armor to follow her around whilst professing their undying love for her [I'm quite sure the armor would actually refuse the offer there Harry – Hermione] [Why? – Harry] [Because the suits of armor are linked to the castle, and I'm quite positive Lady Hogwarts would rather go skinny dipping in the middle of December in the lake than profess her undying love for Umbitch – Hermione]

Change the cats in her office into Voldemort's face whilst staring to grin and laugh at her [And how pray tell do you know what the old Snakeface even looks like Draco? – Harry] [How could I not know what he looks like? I fucking live with him! – Draco] [(Shudders) man, I hate to wake up to that every day – Hermione]

Order all of the snakes in the surrounding areas to chase Umbitch around the castle [No way! – Harry/Hermione] [Why not? – Neville, Luna, Draco, Blaise, and Daphne] [(Looks at one another) because this idiot (points to Harry) had managed to do the impossible and kill their king! – Hermione] [Hey! He's the one who petrified you in the first place, there was a better chance of snow and ice in Hell than me not killing the damn thing! – Harry]

Trick into to going to the most dangerous greenhouse on the grounds and lock her inside and have the room filled with scent-attracting bug fertilizer [Would Professor Sprout even allow you to do that Neville? – Harry] [Sure, I mean she hates her just as much as we do! – Neville] [I'm sure I can find some more, uh, sinister plants with the help of Lady Ravenclaw's help – Professor Sprout] [How exactly did you find this Professor? – Daphne] [Oh, I have my ways – Sprout] [How much? – Hermione] [I can't believe your actually going to go through with this! – Blaise]

Turn her horrible pink cardigan and clothes to be transparent and place a highly illegal and very complicated/strong notice-me-not charm on it [Eww – Hermione, Harry, Luna, Neville, Draco, Daphne, Blaise, Collin, Dean, and Seamus]

Have the chandelier in the Great Hall fall on her whilst she is walking to the head table [Dennis! How did you get this?! – Collin] [Aw, come off it Col, you're not the only one that wants her gone and/or dead! – Dennis]

Shoot her in her ass with a flaming arrow and watch as she slowly burns from the inside out [Okay Hermione, I think it's time to see Pomphrey now! – Harry] [How the hell do you know how to use a bow and arrow anyway? – Daphne] [Lots of practice, Daph. And the occasionally target practice. – Hermione]