AN: This is set sometime before Zuko and Azula's mother is banished. And I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender or any of its characters.
Demented. Insane. Disturbed. Cold. Evil. Crazy.
I can tell that's what she thinks of me. Whether it's hearing her mutter "What is wrong with that child?" under her breath or almost never spending time with me, I know Mother doesn't like me very much.
She says she loves me no matter what. I can tell she's lying. She just says that so she can feel good about herself. She wants to think of herself as a mother who loves her children equally. After all, no one likes thinking about themselves in a negative light.
It is painful to think of myself negatively, to doubt myself. And doubting myself is a weakness. It results in hesitation, and hesitation is never good. So, I try to not think about who I am. I do what I do because I want to. I do things for others because I want the results getting in their good favor could bring. Everything is about results. I take the actions that would result in the optimal situation for me. When you think of everything in statistics, you don't have to waste time trying to fight your conscience. (Because, let's face it, once you start listening to your conscience, you can never beat it. You can't override your conscience, but you can ignore it.)
And, right now, what would bring about the optimal results is listening to Father. He wants Zuzu and I to be powerful benders. As a prodigy, I have no problem with pleasing him in this respect. And his small smiles and nods of approval help me along with feeling good about myself.
Because I have to feel. I try not to, but sometimes I do care about what people think of me. And when those moments of weakness come upon me, it is so much easier to remember Father's approval as opposed to Mother's disdain.
Besides, it seems I can only have one of my parent's approval, as goes for my brother. He chose (although it wasn't really a choice on his part, his personality-his weakness- just matched up to hers) to please Mother, and I chose to please Father. And now all I have to deal with is her thinking I'm a monster. He has to deal with Father wanting him gone.
I don't even understand why Mother thinks I am a monster. So I like setting stuff of fire... big deal. Zuzu is obsessed with his swords, Mai likes throwing knives, and Ty Lee even knows how to temporarily take someone's bending away. But I never see Mother calling them demented.
Conclusion: I'm not a monster.
But Mother still refuses to see my side of the story. Still refuses to see that I'm not disturbed.
Well you know what, Mother? I may not be a monster now, but I will become one. That way someday you can call me evil all you want, and I'll just smile and agree with you.
Are you happy, Mother? Are you happy? I'll become a monster just so you can be right.
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH ME NOW, MOTHER?