The Vampire Relationship Guide Volume one: Getting together & Copulating (Percy Jackson style)

Summary: Alisia is an average girl who just wants one thing out of life—to have a sexy vampire boyfriend. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of South Carolinas richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she just jumps into her favorite ensemble and heads out to the party of a lifetime, secretly hoping that she'll come home with the ultimate party favor.

But the mysterious undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Alisia's vivid imagination—they are dangerous. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her own scripted fantasies. Alisia has unwittingly propelled herself into the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her, because let's be honest the twilight saga doesn't count as a guidebook.

Note from the author: School's out for summer…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Heroes of Olympus series nor the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series or The Vampire Relationship Guide series. Rick Riordan and Evelyn Lafont. _

Part 2—Scoring a Date with a Vampire Human

Chapter 8

"He asked you out?" I was at work the following evening telling my coworker, Chelsea, the story of my phone call from Minos. I descried the entire event as she grappled with the steam iron. I really shouldn't have been distracting her but it was sort of funny watching her try to de-wrinkle an expensive, silk shantung wedding gown while calling me out on my nonexistent dating experience.

"Yes, yes, he did. After all, who would pass up a date with this!" I shouted while striking a ridiculous pose. Chelsea snorted and went back to ironing.

"Wow he must have been really interested. It seems to me that you may have been wrong about his 'creepy' status. Either that or he sees the sign 'virgin blood' tattooed across your expression."

"Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence, Hun. Oh, look at me poor little virgin no dating experience at all! Save me! Save me!" Chelsea laughs at my pouting face while raise one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"I'm just telling it the way it is honey."

I open my mouth to argue more when the bell above the shop's front door jangled and indicated that a customer had walked in. It was Thursday night, not a big 'let's go get a wedding gown' night, but I hurried out anyway, if only to spare myself more embarrassment at the hands of my coworker.

As I walked out from the back room I quickly scanned the shop to see where the customer went when, for the second time in five days, a Colum of black caught my eye. In a bridal shop filled with white gowns, someone wearing all black stands out. I also caught the faint smell of fresh cigarettes.


"Why, hello, Itty Bitty Diva! How I've missed your engaging jousting." He was standing by the dressing rooms with his hands held behind his back and he started walking toward me, his dark chocolate brown hair still in that long, attractive style.

"This is twice in one week you've been to my work, creeper, and I don't even know your name."

He reached me and was close enough to touch but kept his hands to himself. "Hmmm, that's fascinating. Do you want to know my name, piccolo*?"

For the first time, I looked at the nicotine enthusiast. I mean, I really looked at him. He was definitely a vampire, just as perfect as they always are, but there was something different about his eyes. They were somehow more soulful. They were amused on the surface but when I looked deeper I could see a myriad of emotions. Anger, sadness, pain, an entire lifetime splayed like a movie played on his face. It made him seem real, genuine in a way Minos wasn't and my expression softened before I went crimson.

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind." I tilted my head down and twiddled my thumbs. I felt embarrassed for some unexplainable reason, he gave me a considering look.

"Well, I don't know you well enough yet to give you my whole name but you can call me Di Angelo if you like."

"Of angles?" I said my voice little more than a whisper; he gave me a faintly surprised look.

"Yes" he said just as softly.

"Do other people call you Di Angelo, or is this just what I get to call you?"

"Other people usually call me The Ambassador of Pluto."

"That's quite the mouth full, not to mention sort of vague and shady. Oh, Hi Mr. Vampire that some people, address as The Ambassador of Pluto!"

He laughed. "There, now that's Alisia I'm comfortable with. The one who is immediately snarky, slightly impolite, and has an indulgently odd since of humor. Oh, how I've missed you these past few minutes."

I put my hands over my mouth to stop my laughing, but the sounds escaped anyway. I'd never heard anyone describe me like that before—it was nice not to be called adorably oblivious. "What do you want, my dear nicotine enthusiast? Either make me a commission or dash on back to your bat cave."

His arms came from around his back to show me a single white tulip**. He handed it to me. "I'd like to ask you out to dinner on Sunday."

I was flustered, which might explain the answer I gave him. "Uh…alright."

He looked at me with his head crooked and his eyebrows down, a sly smirk gracing his features. "Surely you want to make it harder on me than that, don't you? Are you feeling all right?" Just then he put his hand on my forehead as if to check for a fever. The moment that his cool, firm hand touched my forehead I felt a jolt of electricity race down my spine. My face flushed crimson for the second time in five minutes as my breath caught unexpectedly and my eyes widened. Judging by the way his eyes widened slightly, I think the enthusiast felt it to.

I backed away nervously out of the tomato-touch-blush-zone. I turned my head away to look out of the front window of the store. "I feel fine. Where are we going on Sunday? Should I be prepared for copious amounts of fast food?"

He laughed. "Well, as you can imagine, with me it's all about style. We'll be going to the Beacon Drive-In."

"Really, cool you know their world famous for their Beacon Iced Tea right!" Beacon Drive-In was a seventy-year-old burger joint. It's a regional landmark, a Carolina traditional food joint that ranks as the second largest drive-in restaurant in the US. It was also my grandfather's favorite place to eat and where he took my grandmother on their first date.

"Yeah, as real as you can get. I'll pick you up at eight."

"Okay…Wait a sec, how do you know where I live?"

He turned around and looked at me for a moment; smirk pulling at his lips, then said "Ever heard of Google maps honey." Then he left.

*Piccolo- Little one

**White Tulips- representing purity, innocence, forgiveness and respect, they would be a great flower for a wedding or to give with an apology. (Cream-colored tulips are closely related and have a meaning of commitment.)