Life was but a weed, and I was its dirt. It constantly sucked the nutrients and energy from me until I was nothing but a decaying carcass left to rot in the wind.
Oh the pain. The pain and the rain. It always rained in my soul. Kuroo was going to leave me. I could taste the rejection stagnating through the air, as he looked down at me through eyes that only seemed to convey one emotion these days: pity.
"Good morning, babe!" He smiled down at me, but the smile was a fake twist of promising death.
I wanted to respond with a 'don't you mean good night' and then stab him in the neck with a spork. We had had sex the night before. I darted my eyes away from his gaze and crossed my arms. That fact alone wasn't anything new or surprising, but even though we had done it so many times that we had lost count, last night was.. different. I felt tears beginning to cloud my vision just at the simple thought. He had called out Kenma's name.
And now he stood over me with a smile and a breakfast tray: bacon and eggs served up fresh with a side of lies- like a few minutes spent in the kitchen could fix the fact that he was in love with someone else but would continue to deny it.
"Erika.. Are you still thinking about it?"
"How the shit could I not?" I huffed a sigh.
He placed the plate of food on my bedside table and sat down. "I really fucked up last night.. I've just spent so much time with him I-"
"NO! You fucking dildo! Enough with the excuses," I finally exploded. "You've spent just as much time around me! You wouldn't have called out his name if you wouldn't have been thinking about him in the first place, and if you really loved me that much, he wouldn't have even crossed your mind!"
I picked up the egg off the plate and punched it. "God, Kuroo you're so gay, and I'm so mad!"
I finally took a glance over at him, only to have every ounce of anger immediately sapped from my mind. He looked as depressed as I'd ever seen him, and I could tell if he uttered even a single word it would lead to a complete breakdown. I picked the egg up off the ground and sat it gently back on the plate.
"I love you, Kuroo," my tone instantly softened, and I placed a hand firmly on his shoulder, "which is why I think we should call off the wedding." I cleared my throat. "Uhm.. I mean breakup."
Kuroo's head snapped up. "Did you say what I think you just said?"
I nodded, choking back tears. To me, even though our relationship had only lasted a few months, it had meant everything. I had always been the racing car in our relationship, trying to speed through every stop light as fast as possible in order to reach that final destination of marriage. I blamed my mom. Maybe, if I had let things happen naturally and gradually, I could have slowed down enough to realize Kuroo was never truly in love with me. Kuroo's hands glided gently underneath my cheeks, and only then did I realize I had been crying.
"I love you, Erika," Kuroo whispered, his voice cracking a little bit, "but you're right.. I'm not in love with you."
I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate him so badly. I wanted a burning fire of disgust to ignite within me just by being in his presence, or by having his face inch its way into my thoughts. I wanted all of that, but as he looked at me through eyes darkened to death with depression, all my feelings disappeared, and I was left with only the emotion of sadness to keep me company. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed. He cried too, and we held each other like that for what felt like forever.
"I'm so sorry.. For everything."
He shut up and hugged me tighter.
BACK TO MY FAVE CHILD
It was empty. I checked out the window, under the couch, in the hallway, but there was no use. There was no sign of Kuroo anywhere. I had even made sure to show up 10 minutes late, just because of the internal debating on whether or not to come based on my last visit. After way too much time to think, I had come to the conclusion that I would never get anywhere in life by running away from my problems, so here I was taking control of my own life. All that built up courage, and in return the only results I seemed to be receiving were an empty room and an unrequited love.
I sighed and stalked grumpily out of the counseling room and towards the school's front desk. A lady covered in mold and snot sat waiting for me. She squinted her eyes at me before clearing her throat. "How may I help you, ma'm?" she asked, her voice hoarse from decades spent inhaling tobacco.
I decided to ignore the gender confusion, being so used to it that I was far past the point of caring. "Um, actually I h-had an appointment with my counselor, Kuroo, but he didn't show up. I was wondering if you heard anything from him?"
"Ahhh, yes. Kuroo tetsurou. What a ripe piece of ass."
I started feeling jealous but then remembered who I was talking to.
"He left this his first day on the job." She shuffled underneath her desk and pulled out a small business card. "I haven't heard anything, so why don't you call him and find out yourself?" She winked at me. "I've seen the way you overstay your welcome, and the look on your face you walk out with every single session... His address is on there as well."
I took the card from her and smiled. "Thank you so much!"
"Oh, you know I would do anything for love!"
I scraped off the old lady's crust left over on the card so I could read it clearly. On it showed a picture of Kuroo's face, along with his number and address. YAS.