Disclaimer: Murder by Numbers belongs to Barbet Schroeder, Tony Grayton and company.
Everything is unraveling so quickly and there's nothing that he can do to stop it anymore, maybe there was nothing that he could have ever done to have stopped it. Richard doesn't even know what's real anymore. Yet there are a few things that he desperately clings to because he knows that they are true. Or at the very least, they have to be true for him to continue.
He knows that no matter what this mess is, it's all his fault. It's one thing to talk about murdering someone. Even another thing to actually plan it out in the minute detail that they had. But he's the one that pushed Justin over the edge. He was the one who kept pushing and pushing and pushing until they both tumbled over that edge together, locked in their roles, unable to stop the course of action they had taken. And in the end, when it really mattered, he couldn't even do what needed to be done. It was Justin who had the nerve to finish what Richard had started.
Richard cradles his head in his hands, the cigarette clenched between his teeth. He knows that he's losing Justin now to that dumb cow Lisa. He knows that she'll never manage to appreciate Justin like he does but she can give Justin the things that he seems to crave. The things that Richard can't give him. The things that might keep them together. Richard might know just what she is but Justin doesn't. All he sees is her willingness to be soft and gentle and innocent. Richard could have fucked her a thousand times over and Justin would still see her as the victim. All because she can give Justin what he needs, what Richard never was able to, not even now, no matter how hard Justin pushed him.
Their is a push and pull relationship, forever adversaries, and now their constant pushing and pulling has gone too far. Someone has paid the price for the sin of their mutual pride and egotism and there's no turning back. They've gone past that point and Richard doesn't know how to stop things anymore, to stop the pushing, to stop this crazy downward spiral anymore.