6(A/N: I was kinda bored, and I had this idea in my head for a while so I decided to just write about it and see where it takes me. The song in this story is called Past Lives by BORNS, in case you wanna check that out. Enjoy!)
"Past lives couldn't ever hold me down
Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found
I've got the strangest feeling
This isn't our first time around"
I hate being like this.
I hate being so clingy.
But, I can't help myself.
He's my soul mate;
he just doesn't remember.
Yet again, he never does, but I'm just sick of this cycle. I try to move on, I try to just forget about him and sometimes I even contemplated moving away - somewhere so far that he would never find me.
But I'm just fooling myself, he always finds me - just doesn't remember me.
I don't know why I do though, I never understood that.
I can remember the countless of lives we have lived, the many times over where we found each other, settled down, got married (sometimes had kids) and live happily ever after.
Together.
This time, this time he was born with an abnormality. He was gifted the power of speed, and with that gift he has flourished into the adventurous wild spirit I have come to love.
Usually around our teenage years he would begin to fall for me, he would somehow feel the attraction I so openly felt for him; but this time was different.
He was distracted by other things.
Saving the world, going out for mini adventures, and my least favorite, girls.
I almost choked him when he met that auburned haired chipmunk. I wanted to grab him and shake him, shake him back into his senses that his destiny is to be with me.
And I guess through my frustration, I did act upon my feelings.
I would chase him around, constantly trying to get him to give us a chance because I knew once he given me a chance to prove to him how perfect we were together he'd be reawakened to the feelings he had somehow distanced himself from.
It kinda backfired though, the more I chased him the further he ran from me.
Which brings me to present day, me finally giving up.
He's so lucky.
I want to be like him, he lives his new life not ever remembering our past lives, our past love, completely oblivious of his reincarnation; he can live a normal life.
Unlike me, I have to go around remembering. I hate remembering, and I wish I didn't.
And sometimes, I even wish I wasn't reincarnated.
What's the point if the one you love, the one you are suppose to spend the rest of eternity with, doesn't remember you?
"I take you way back, countless centuries
Don't you remember, that you were meant to be my Queen of Hearts
Meant to be my love..."
I looked down towards the chilled coffee that I held in my palms. The styrofoam cup rough under my fingers as I slid them up and down the height of the cup boredly.
I'm twenty now.
He has been in countless of relationships, countless of dates, and to my misfortune, intimate with countless of those women.
And here I am dumbly saving myself for him, hanging onto that small slip of hope that someday, he will remember.
I heard the soft bell of the cafe yell, I looked up only to be met with the lime green eyes I've come to envy. I sighed as I looked back down towards my hands, he was probably here on a date.
I think I could actually hear my heart breaking - I can feel it too.
I stood up abruptly, leaving my now cold coffee on the table, picked up my winter coat and politely pushed past him.
He clearly wasn't expecting that.
I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head as I walked away, but I refused to turn around. I refused to let him see me cry.
I tried pushing past the tears as I walked down the line streets of our hometown, but the more I walked, the more memories flowed through my mind of how happy we use to be.
Of how happy we could have been.
And I guess I could just wait until our next cycle, and just try again. I might be successful that time, but what's the point? I'm sick of this, I'm tired, I don't want to remember anymore.
"Through all of my lives
I never thought I'd wait so long for you
The timing is right, the stars are aligned
So save that heart for me
Cause girl you know that you're my destiny
Swear to the moon, the stars, the sons, and the daughters
Our love is deeper than the oceans of water"
Suddenly I collided with a heavy shoulder. I had to take a few steps backwards in order not to lose my balance. I looked up towards the figure I bumped into preparing to apologize only to be met with a pair of concerned violet eyes. "Amy?" He whispered, "are you okay?"
I fused my brows, "Yes. Of course."
He sighed, then I felt his warm hand gently whip at my damped cheeks (I've apparently been crying more than I had realized). "You don't look alright..." He mumbled.
I shrugged, "I'll live."
"What happened?" He pressed, "Was it..?"
They always ask that.
Every time something is wrong with me their minds linger towards the owner of the lime green eyes, but I guess I was a major contributor to their mentality; especially from when I was younger.
I shrugged again, "I'll live." I repeated.
He snorted, "He doesn't deserve you Amy."
He just doesn't remember me.
"I guess." I said lazily.
Knuckles shook his head, lacing his hand with mine. "No Amy," his eyes now directed at mine, "He doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as you are, I'm just waiting for you to realize that so that you can leave his ass behind."
I smiled at his irritation, "I'm slowly waking up to it."
He grinned, "Good."
His hand lingered on mine as I stared into his violet eyes. I love Knuckles, I do, he is weirdly the only person who truly understands me. Sometimes I would have never expected since when we were younger we were always so equally hotheaded and easily fused.
But we shared a bond; a brotherly and sisterly bond rather than anything romantic though. He is madly in love with my other best friend, Rouge (although he still refuses to admit it to anyone but me).
"Wanna go get a coffee?" He beamed trying his best to lighten up the conversation.
I groaned, "Not really interested in seeing Sonic on a another date."
"Oh," he whispered, "Well what about some food?"
I cocked a brow, as a soft grin tugged at my lips. "Now you are talking my language."
The waitress stared down at us as she set the final plate down from our order. "Anything else?" She asked in awe.
Knuckles smirked at her shocked expression, I simply shook my head indicating we were fine as I watched her walk back into the kitchen.
"How are you so tiny, and be able to eat this much?" Knuckles teased.
I stuck a tongue out at him, "Jealous that I don't blow up like you?"
He breathed out a loud breath, "I don't blow up."
I pointed toward his tiny bell that was hardly any bit noticeable, but still an area to poke fun at. "I see you have the gut look going for you?"
Knuckles scoffed as he picked up his fork and began to dig into his mashed potatoes. "Shut it Pinky, or I'll make you pay."
I instantly picked up my vanilla milkshake and began to sip at it. He grunted in satisfaction.
We sat there in silence for a few minutes before Knuckles decided to pick up on the conversation, "Ames?" I peeked up from my food, placing a fry in my mouth as I nodded in attention. His brows fused together, he looked confused. "Why... Why do you like him so much?"
Looking back down at my plate, "I don't want to talk about this."
"Talk about what?" My body tensed as I heard his smooth voice. And to my irritation my body flared up in excitement like it always did whenever he was near.
I refused to look at him though, so I kept my gaze locked onto Knuckles who clearly looked as stunned as I was.
"Guys?" He asked slightly nervous. Scratching the back of his neck out of habit.
Knuckles simply snorted.
Basically leaving it up to me to make conversation. I looked to Sonic, the blue texture of his fur hitting my eyes harshly. He smiled welcomingly to me, something he has done for the past few months since my sudden cold demeanor towards him.
I took a sip at my milkshake before I grabbed my bag and decided to stand up. "Thank you Knuckles." He simply nodded, understanding my sudden departure.
But like always Sonic never seemed to get the picture, "Where are you going? I just got here." He coaxed.
I pointed towards my half eaten food, "I'm pretty much done. So you can just take my spot." I placed my purse strap over my shoulder, then turned to leave.
"Amy, just say for a little its been a while." His voice pleaded. Before I would have taken this as a sign, a door towards our destiny. But like Knuckles wanted I'm finally starting to realize how stupid my chase is, and now I have move on.
Though, I knew he was just saying it to be friendly I felt myself slowly begin to fall back into his spell. So I plotted my bottom back down in my seat, taking more sips at my milkshake quietly.
"So Ames," Sonic began, "How you been?"
"You saw me like an hour ago."
He chuckled lightly, "Well you kinda left before I could ask you. You've been doing that a lot recently." He mumbled the last part of the sentence but it was clear enough for me to hear at such a close distance.
"I had to meet up with Knuckles, and I was running late. Sorry."
Knuckles looked up at me, knowing what I was doing. A soft smile played on his lips, he liked how calm I was being around Sonic instead of my usual obsessed self.
Sonic nodded, "No problem."
"So," I huffed, "How have you been?"
He lazily laid back in his seat, placing his hands behind his head. "Pretty good, nothing exciting since Egghead is gone."
"I'm glad he's gone." Knuckles spoke. I nodded. Now that Eggman has disappeared from our lives, I felt that most of us have become closer. Without the constant stress of the world's future on our shoulders we could live a semi-normal life we were owed. "How's school Ames?" Knuckles asked trying to ease the tension that clearly bubbled between Sonic and I.
I smiled softly in his direction, "It's pretty rigorous, but I'm keeping up."
Sonic looked at me surprised, his brows rose, "You're in school?"
"Yes."
"Studying?"
"Psychology." I said blunty.
He cracked a mild smirk, "You, you are studying psychology?"
I glared at him, "Yes, me. Why is that such a surprise?"
Knuckles had clearly taken an interest in his response as he stopped eating his food and turned to look at him. He seemed to be contemplating whether to simply defend me or to pummel him into the ground; I would have taken either.
He nervously bubbled a laugh, "No, No, it's not it's just," he looked towards Knuckles and smiled briefly before turning back to me, "It's just I would have never taken you for the school-type."
I scoffed, "Yeah, more like the smart-type, right?"
He instantly held out his hands in defense, "No, no, no, that's not wh-"
I pushed my chair back, gathering my purse again for the second time, and slipping on my coat to protect myself from the chilling winter storm that awaited me outside the doors of the restaurant. I faced Knuckles, "I've had enough, I'm sorry." He nodded in understanding. He would probably just end up coming over anyway, he always did around the weekends - sometimes I couldn't even get him to leave.
I walked towards the exit of the restaurant and this time Sonic didn't try to stop me; thankfully. I don't know how much more I could take of being around him, it was so suffocating. I know I couldn't have him, and that I'll never have him so why can't he just leave me alone? Let me grief over my loss in solitude - and recently the more I ignore him the more he seems to follow me around.
It's so annoying.
"Hey I need you now
I've waited oh so long yeah
Baby love, I need you now"
As if right on cue, "Where we going?" His deep husky voice asked.
I sighed, my breath causing a small puff of smoke to escape into the atmosphere, "Well, I'm going home."
"I haven't been to you place in a while." He continued to play along.
I stopped walking, causing him to stop walking. I stared up at him, looking at him only briefly before I looked towards the floor - the less I looked at him the easier it would be to let go. "Why do you keep trying to be my friend Sonic?"
"What?" He gasped, "I thought we are friends?"
I scoffed, "I'm not your friend."
"Well," he whispered, "best friends then?"
I glared up at him to see the smirk that had fully formed on his lips. His lime eyes beaming with amusement, he didn't get it. Of course he couldn't understand the damage he was doing, but that doesn't mean I'm any less angry.
But instead of completely spinning my top, I decided to continue walking - with my lap dog following me.
When we made it to my house he tried to start a conversation that I continued to ignore - in fact I pretended as if he wasn't there at all. The more I distance myself from him the easier it will be, I'm tired of all these false hopes, all these disappointments. I just want to move on, I want to move away actually, but I know I can't. I can't just leave my friends who have become so dear to me behind just because of some curse I dealt with.
"Ames?" he called out.
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
I laughed.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Everything.
The person I'm suppose to spend eternity with doesn't remember me or our past lives, but I'm stuck remembering every part of our old memories. I live inside a shell of my past lives and I don't know how to escape from them, I don't know how to escape from myself. I want this all to go away, I want it to stop for me to somehow forget or possibly for the endless cycle to end.
I don't want to be like this anymore.
"Amy?" His tender voice drew me back into reality.
I sighed as I ran a hand through my long hair ( I haven't really been taking care of myself since the decision to give up, my hair has grown relentlessly over the past months, and I haven't taken it upon myself to get it cut). "Sonic, just go." I mumbled.
There is nothing left to say, I can't tell him because he is just gonna tell me I'm insane - which I probably am.
"Amy why are you being so distant with me?" He now stood in front of me, his blue fur taking over my vision. I smiled softly at the sight, I've always loved the color of his fur, it reminds me of the ocean, the unpredictable restless ocean - just like him, even though he ironically hates water.
I shrugged, "I'm just tired."
"Of what?" he humped.
"This." I bluntly said.
A hand was gently placed under my chin, he lifted it upwards in order for me to look at him; and the more I looked at him the more I began to doubt my ability to walk away from him. The form he had taken on was beautiful, but it wasn't the outer apperance that weakened me. It was his eyes, the same eyes I've been staring into since the beginning of time; and through them I could see everything we have lived through, everything we had done together, everything we shared.
But it was pointless.
"Save that heart for me
And girl I'll give you everything you'll need
Here's to our past lives, our mothers and fathers
Our love is deeper than the oceans of water"
I softly pushed him away. He didn't remember, and there is no point of me trying to get him to remember if he so willingly wanted to reject it. "Talk to me Amy." He pleaded.
I shook my head, "Go home."
"No."
I glared at him, "Why?"
"Because," he bit his bottom lip nervously, "because you are my friend and I want to know what's wrong." I felt the tears I've been trying to hold back begin to edge closer and closer to making contact with the cold air that surrounded my home. He only saw me as a friend, nothing more - if only he could see what I do. He cautiously laced his fingers with mine, "What's wrong Amy?"
I quickly snatched my hand before I would slither under his charm. I shook my head vigorously trying my best to shake away the feelings that were building up within me but no matter how much or how hard I shook my body my eyes refused to contain the tears that were now streaming down my face uncontrollably.
I don't care anymore.
"That's exactly the problem." I cried.
He cocked a brow confused, of course he is confused; completely oblivious of my true feelings.
"I don't want to be friends." I hissed, "I've never wanted to be friends!" My voice was progressively getting higher as my emotions freely ran through me. "I've spent years, years, trying to show you how I feel about you. Being friends would be just a slap to my face Sonic!" I bubbled out a harsh laugh, "But you don't even remember, you can't. So just do us both the favor and stop trying to be my friend, stop trying to fix something you can't even understand." I pointed towards the door, "Just go."
He stayed silent for a few seconds, probably thinking of what his next move would be. Walking out the door or mindlessly trying to continue to push a friendship onto me. But when his voice lowered to a sweet tender tone, and when his hand forcefully collided with mine, I was taken by surprise. "Help me understand Ames."
"You don't even know what you're asking." I spat.
He shook his head, a soft frown on his lips as his brows smashed together, "Ames, I do." And even more surprisingly a soft, almost invisible blush crept onto his cheeks, and if it wasn't due to his closeness I probably wouldn't have seen it. "I want you to know," he began softly, "that I've always felt some sort of attachment to you. Everytime I'm around you - even when we were kids - I wanted to take you into my arms, and just," he smiled sweetly, "run."
No.
Stop.
He's going to ruin everything - I was so close to moving on.
But no matter how much I wanted to protest his sudden telling of soul, I couldn't my voice had been cut off somehow as I stood there leaning against a wall with him hovering over me. He continued completely unaware of my internal struggle, "I don't know what it is about you," he chuckled warmly, "okay, I do but I'm not willing to share why just yet." That caused me to smile. "But, I've always had the strangest feeling around you, like I've always known you somehow. And recently you've been avoiding me, and, and it's killing me." The blush that linger on his cheeks became more visible, "I find myself seeking you out, it hurts to be away from you for so long... I tried to date other girls in the past, even now, but I can't, it never works out with them no matter how badly I want it too because I always, always imagine you in their place."
"I ran away from you for so long, because I didn't want to be tied down. I couldn't. I'm always on the move, I'm never in one place for too long and sometimes if a threat appears I have to pack my things a move without question." His other hand had now lingered towards my face, as he gently caressed my cheek, as well as pushing away the silent tears that fell from my eyes. "I kept my distance, because you deserve someone better than me. Someone who will always be there for you no matter what, someone who will never leave you, someone you know will always, come back."
I met his hand on my cheek, as I let my head fall into his hold. "Sonic," I whispered.
But suddenly he roughly placed both his hands on my face, holding me in place, "I can't," he screeched lowly, "I can't do this anymore Ames. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm so selfish."
"You don't have to be so-"
I was cut off instantly as I was pressed against the wall behind me, he hand grabbed onto my thighs and wrapped them around his hips as he trapped me between him and the wall - his lips hungrily syncing with mine. My heart was imploding inside my chest, it hurt like hell. But I pushed through the pain, through the anger I felt for him waiting so long, and I allowed myself to indulge in the pleasure I felt as he kissed me.
I've waited so long for this.
And apparently, so had he.
He roughly placed his hands on my hips, sliding them up and down the length of my torso. I giggled at his roughness, at his desperation. It was like he had been holding his breath all these years, and with me, he could finally breath; and I will allow him to take every breath I had left as long as I could have him like this for a brief moment.
Surprisingly, his kisses began to linger downward towards my neck. I could feel my skin burning intensely everywhere he pecked, like a bee sting that lingered even when the tail is removed. I was swimming in the flaming ocean that he cause inside me, but when I noticed he was advancing too quickly I gently pressed against his chest. "Sonic." I moaned.
He rested his forehead against mine, grinning sheepishly, "Sorry, I just, I've waited so long to be with you."
I giggled at his embarrassment, "Don't worry, we'll get there."
His eyes instantly illuminated at the sound of that, "Really? When?"
I playfully shoved his shoulder, "Soon enough." He kept his forehead rested against mine, as my legs lingered around his waist. I bathed in his warmth, and in his gaze as I had for centuries, but never before had it felt such a wave of euphoria slither through me as I did so. I wrapped my arms around his neck, sighing softly, "I love you." I breathed. Finally those words out into the open, the words I have waited so long to say due to fear that it would scare him beyond belief away from me; finally I gave them a voice.
When I looked at him, he clearly seemed confused on whether he should return the gesture. I pecked at his troubled lips, "You don't have to say it," I eased, "I know you will anyway, you always do."
"Hey I need you now
I've waited oh so long"