15A/N As per popular demand, I will be using Dollhouse, for a flashback of Chloe's youth/past event. I apologize in advance for any verb tense/grammar mistakes. I skipped my re-reading part so I could post this faster since it's been so long. I'll correct as I slowly re-read it.
Hope you enjoy.
...
Hey girl, open the walls, play with your dolls
We'll be a perfect family.
Chloe's POV
"We're on our way."
I hung up and gave Shay the phone before putting money on the table.
"We gotta go." I said as I pulled her up.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
She squeezed my hand in a way she knew calmed me down.
"It's Beca. I think she tried to commit suicide."
I heard Shay gasp.
"The only thing Amy told Sarah was that Beca said she was done."
"Alright, I'll drive." Shay said as we arrived at the car.
I sent her a grateful smile and got in.
...
We got to the house and Amy and Sarah were arguing.
"Gimme the phone, I gotta talk to flat butt!"
"Not until you tell me exactly what happened."
"Gimme the phone!" Amy yelled while lunging at Sarah.
They wrestled and I ran out of the car.
"Guys, what the fuck? Stop it!" I yelled when I was close enough.
They both froze and looked at me.
They stood up and flattened their clothes.
"Sorry." they said in unison.
"Amy, what happened?" I asked.
She looked between Shay and Sarah.
"Now." I said.
"Beca got home and everyone still hates her for making you think she didn't love you. For treating you like that. She couldn't take it. I went to her place and found her in her room. She had cut her wrists open. She was barely conscious when I found her. I came as soon as she was in the hospital. She's ripped open her stitches twice already. They still haven't replaced all the blood she's lost because she keeps losing it. They're not sure she's gonna make it." Amy explained.
"Fuck." I whispered.
"I just got all four of us tickets to Barden. The plane leaves in three hours." Sarah said as she went inside.
She came back twenty minutes later with three bags, just as a cab pulled up.
She threw the bags in the trunk.
"Are you coming or not?" she asked.
We all jumped in the car.
...
On the plane to Barden, I realized how this was so similar to what happened to my sister.
The one that didn't hate me.
The one that was dead.
We stopped talking and she committed suicide.
That's exactly what was happening with Beca.
Everything was repeating itself.
I loved my family to death, but I couldn't face them at Erin's funeral.
I didn't even go.
They all blamed me.
Trent, Ruby, Mom, Dad, my grandmas, my grandpas, Uncle Rick, Uncle Mal, Aunt Jamie and Aunt Harley.
Everyone.
The only person who didn't blame me was Erin's girlfriend, Jillian.
She told me that Erin was depressed long before we stopped talking.
That she was just really good at hiding it.
She had self-harmed for years, the only person who knew was Jillian.
Erin had gone through a lot at school.
She was bullied throughout most of elementary and high school because of a stupid thing.
She told people that she had seen a ghost.
And the kids, being mean, called her crazy and bullied her, both physically and verbally.
It was torture for her.
Jillian told me that she stuck around for me.
Because I saw her like she had created the world.
She told me that Erin was trying to protect me from everything.
Jillian relayed that Erin had said Dad was having an affair.
That Trent was smoking weed ninety percent of the time.
That Mom and knew about the affair and was dealing with it by drinking.
That the reason I didn't see Ruby much, was because she snuck out with boys or girls, whoever could give her the most.
And Erin tried to tell everyone.
She's the reason Mom knew about Dad, and she hated Erin for ruining everything.
She told Mom about Trent, and she hated Erin for ruining the family's reputation.
She's the one who told Dad that Mom knew, and that she was drinking.
And he hated Erin for destroying Mom.
And she knew about Ruby, and Ruby hated her for it, because "Can't I have one goddamn thing going on that you guys don't fucking know about?"
When you walk away, is when we really play
You don't hear me when I say,
"Mom, please wake up.
Dad's with a slut, and your son is smoking cannabis."
At least she had had good times with the family.
She had memories that didn't involve degrading her.
At least, some people had still liked her when she died.
Before I met Aubrey, and after Erin died, the only person I had was Jillian.
That didn't last either.
She died in a car crash the year before I got to Barden.
I remembered how much pain I put Erin through.
It killed me every day, but having Jillian around, reminding me that it wasn't my fault, helped.
But the day after she died, it was like I was back at square one.
Like Erin had just died again.
I remembered how I hadn't spoken to her for seven months before she died.
Seven months without my best friend.
I was already the laughing stalk at school, but she made it worse.
I was known as 'ghost girl's sister'.
No one knew my real name.
But I dealt with it.
I had Erin, and that's all that had mattered.
She hadn't done it on purpose, but back then, I didn't care.
I hadn't thought rationally.
I knew I was bi from a young age, but I knew my parents wouldn't like it.
They didn't know Ruby slept with girls, and they barely tolerated Erin being bi too.
I never came out, to anyone, not even Erin.
Until one day, she saw me online, texting a girl that I liked.
We were planning on meeting up when she came to visit.
She was dropping me off at school when she saw it.
"Who's the girl you like?" she had asked.
It was innocent.
She was just looking out for me.
But, someone had overheard.
And within the next five minutes, everyone knew.
And everything got worse.
No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens
Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen.
...
After that, the teasing was worse, and that's when I stopped talking to Erin.
I knew she meant well, because she didn't care what people thought.
She just wanted everyone to be themselves, no judgement.
But, the world is what it is.
I remember how my parents found out a few days after, and even though I was pissed at her, she stood up for me.
They were verbally degrading me, on the edge of beating me, and she stepped in.
She put herself between me and them and made sure I was always behind her.
But, I was pissed, and stupid.
I pushed her aside and told her to get lost.
She left with a sigh and Trent came in.
He's the one who beat me.
After everyone else was asleep, Erin came into my room and brought me to the bathroom.
She cleaned the cuts on my face and knuckles and covered my bruises so they wouldn't hurt as much.
I had told her to get off so many times, but she persisted until I broke down in her arms.
I sobbed and I sobbed because at the time I just wanted to die.
I didn't have friends and my family hated me.
I had no one.
But she held me and told me everything was gonna be okay.
I didn't talk to her again after that.
Places, places, get in your places
Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces
When Jillian died, it was the same as Erin's funeral.
Except I did go.
And pretty much got thrown out.
Her family had asked me to write a speech and I couldn't even get through the whole thing because people were booing and insulting me.
At a funeral.
Jillian was well liked, even by the younger kids, so everyone was there.
Including all my bullies.
I didn't even get to say goodbye to the one person I had left.
I remember how she took over Erin's protective side.
She protected me.
All the time.
She'd come to our house all the time and go through verbal abuse just to make sure I was okay.
She'd go through physical attacks to make sure I was okay.
She'd randomly drop by the school to make sure I was okay.
She was always there.
And she was always the sweetest thing.
She stood up for me against all of her friends, and their siblings and their friends.
I never knew why, because she never told me.
She'd only said that it mattered that I had someone on my side.
But then I didn't.
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains
A few days after Jillian died, I got a letter in the mail.
From her.
I almost didn't want to read it because then it would have been real.
But I did.
I had to.
'Dear Chloe,
If you've received this letter, it's because something happened. Something bad enough that I'm not there anymore. I assume I died, or I was framed for a crime and moved to Canada to avoid the FBI. Either way. If you didn't come to my funeral, it's okay. I don't blame you. I know how hard it was for you to go to Erin's and I know a lot more people will be at mine. Mainly your bullies. So if you didn't come, it's okay. It's absolutely fine and I don't blame you.
If you did come; how stupid are you? You could have been hurt, like really hurt. And I may be dead, but I will still do everything in my power to keep you safe. It's what me and Erin both wanted. If you came because my parents wanted you to say something, then thank you, I hope it was nice, but you're stupid. I know my family meant well because of how much we meant to each other, but they we're stupid too. They put your mental state at risk. I hope that whatever happened, you're okay.
On the front of being able to protect you, I came up with a solution. You don't know them yet, but they were my best friends, and Erin's. And they're really sweet. I told them everything and they'll protect you no matter what. They're just waiting for you to call after you've read this. They're names are Abby and Patty. Abby wants to be a scientist, and Patty wants to be a historian. They're interested in changing the world. Just like us.
I hope you'll like them as much as they seem to like you already.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you longer, I really am. I want you to know that you'll always have someone. Whether it be me, Erin, Abby or Patty, someone will always be there. No doubt about it. You'll always be loved. Always.
Your protector and savior,
Jillian'
There had been a sticky note attached with both Abby and Patty's numbers.
I called them right away.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi. Uh, am I speaking to an Abby or a Patty?"
"This is Abby. What can I do for you?"
"Um, ya, hi. Jillian left your number for me. Told me to call if ever I needed anything."
"Shit. Chloe?"
"Ya."
"You still live in your parent's house?"
"Yep."
"Okay, be outside in ten."
Then she hung up.
I quickly packed a bag and went to wait outside.
Picture, picture, smile for the picture
Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains
Not ten minutes later, a car pulled up and the window rolled down.
"Chloe?" asked the passenger.
"Ya."
"Patty. Nice to meet you." she said while sticking her hand out the window.
I got up and shook it.
"And this is Abby." she said, pointing to the driver.
"Hiya." Abby said.
"Hey." I said with a small smile.
"Hop in. We're going somewhere." Abby said.
I quickly got in and we were off.
"Oh, Jillian wanted us to give you something." Patty said.
She pulled something out of a bag and turned around to give it to me.
She dropped a Swiss Army knife in my hand.
I almost cried at the sight.
I could see the same scratches and indents as the one Erin used to have.
The one Jillian had originally given her.
I let a tear escape and started sobbing.
I felt the car pull over and two doors open.
And then they closed and two more opened.
I felt a weight next to me and an arm around my shoulder as we started moving again.
I leaned my head on whoever's shoulder and kept crying.
They kept rubbing circles on my back and I slowly calmed down.
"I'm sorry." I said as I pulled away.
"Hey, no need to apologize. This is what we signed up for when Jillian told us. It's all good. We understand." Abby said with a small smile.
I looked down and kept my head down for while, Abby still rubbing circles on my back.
"We're here." Patty said as she shut off the car.
I looked out the window and noticed my favorite ice cream place.
The one that was almost an hour away.
I smiled brightly at Abby.
"Let me guess, Jill told you?" I asked.
"She might have. But also, it was Erin's favorite too, so we took a guess." Abby replied.
I smiled again and hugged her tightly.
"Thank you." I said into her shoulder.
"Anytime kiddo."
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees.
(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees)
Abby and Patty are still around.
Thankfully.
I don't know where I'd be without them.
After Jillian died I had seriously considered committing suicide.
But then I got her letter, and she was so convinced that Abby and Patty would be good, that I had to give them a chance.
And they don't know it, but they saved me.
If it wasn't for them, I would have committed suicide and I wouldn't be here.
They're still there for me, even as all of this was happening.
I called them whenever I had fights with people, because it would remind me of when I pushed Erin away and then she died.
I called them whenever I was nervous or scared, because after years of helping me, they knew exactly what to say.
And I called them whenever the Bellas won a competition or we advanced or even if I just got really good grades, because they were the proudest.
They were my family.
No one knows about them.
I didn't want to introduce anyone to them unless they meant the world to me, and I'm not sure I've found that person yet.
Well, not entirely sure anyway.
Abby and Patty might not be gone, but there was a time where I almost lost Patty, and Abby in the process.
Jillian was an engineer, and she would build stuff constantly.
Even before Erin died, she'd show me how to make things.
Small things that people could use in their everyday lives.
So, when she died, I turned to that.
I built and I built.
It wasn't my passion like her, but it helped me calm down.
So at one point, I built a Bluetooth headpiece for Patty to use while she was driving since she got a lot of calls, but I messed it up.
And almost killed Patty.
She was driving with Abby one day and was using it when something sparked and she got electrocuted through the ear.
They said she was lucky to survive that alone.
The car then went out of control and they were in the middle of a multi car accident.
Abby came out with only a few bruises and cuts that needed stitches, but Patty was in a coma.
I couldn't face them.
I had blamed myself, because it was my fault.
I went back home without saying a word to either of them, because I felt so bad.
I went through weeks of verbal and physically abuse just to avoid them.
I ignored all of Abby's calls and texts.
And eventually, they stopped coming in.
I woke up and checked to see if Abby had texted me.
She hadn't it had been three weeks since she had.
But I wasn't expecting anything.
I sighed and got up, getting ready for school.
I walked into the school at nine a.m. sharp and some guy walked up to me.
"You gonna put the rest of us in a coma?" he asked with a smirk.
I sighed and walked around him, going to class.
At the end of the day, I went home, but no one was there and I had forgotten my key.
I thought of where I could go, but there was only one place.
Jillian's apartment.
Abby and Patty still payed the rent because of everything she left.
And because they wanted to keep a piece of her.
I slowly walked over and found the spare key before going in.
I sat on the couch and looked around.
It was exactly how she left it.
Organized chaos.
I missed her.
I heard my phone ping.
It was a text from Abby.
'Patty's awake.'
I let out a sigh of relief.
'Tell her I'm sorry.' I replied.
I looked back around and noticed the things left.
I saw the blanket and pillow Jillian kept for me when I wouldn't want to sleep at home.
I saw her favorite mug and all the seasons of X-Files.
I hadn't really reacted to her death since the Swiss army knife, and everything I had bottled up, finally burst.
I sobbed into my hands.
I heard my phone ping but didn't react.
I felt empty.
I didn't have my sister or my best friend anymore.
I didn't have the two most important people.
And I didn't know what to do without them.
I sobbed harder and my phone pinged again.
I took it and threw it at the wall, shattering it to pieces.
I sat there, sobbing until I heard the door open.
"Chloe?"
I let out another sob.
"Jesus Christ." I heard Abby.
I just kept crying as she sat down and pulled me into her side.
"Shhh. Everything's fine. Everything's gonna be okay. You're safe."
...
Hey girl, look at my mom, she's got it going on
Ha, you're blinded by her jewelry.
When you turn your back she pulls out a flask
And forgets his infidelity.
I was grounded because my parent's found out that I was hanging out with Abby and Patty.
Or as they called them: The Dyke's friends.
They had never like Jillian.
And especially did not like anyone who encouraged me to be myself.
So when they found out, they prohibited me from seeing them.
Which meant, I was home.
Getting abused.
Abby sent me a text every day to make sure I was okay, and Patty would sneak a muffin in my window at night.
I managed to see them a month later when the whole family went on vacation except me.
"Chloe, Jillian told us that there was a lot that we didn't know. That one day we'd be able to ask you. Because, to be honest, you're mom doesn't look that bad. Like we know she is because we've seen your bruises, Erin's bruises and Jillian's bruises. But she's never seemed bad." Abby asked.
"Ya, well, it's just her rich persona. Her jewellery fooling everyone. She's drunk like ninety percent of the time. Dad's having an affair, but she doesn't want a divorce, so she drinks to forget his infidelity. And that's when we got bruises." I replied.
"Oh."
"Ya. You get used to it."
"Chloe..." Patty trailed off.
"Fuck. I gotta go. They're gonna be home in an hour. I'll see you guys." I said as I ran off.
I went home and acted like nothing had happened.
Like nothing was different from when they left.
I just sat on the couch, back straight, eyes looking ahead.
And the wallpaper glistened with my secrets.
Uh-oh, she's coming to the attic, plastic,
Go back to being plastic.
No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens
No one knew about the abuse except Abby and Patty.
Well, until someone did.
I was a month away from being eighteen.
A month away from freedom.
I was at Aubrey's when she saw the bruises on my arm.
When I had a panic attack in front of someone that wasn't Abby or Patty.
But Aubrey had been smart.
When she realized she couldn't calm me down, she found my phone and called one of the only two numbers in it.
"Hello?"
"Hi. You don't know me. But you know Chloe. And right now she's having a panic attack and I'm pretty sure you know how to calm it better than I do, so could you please help?"
"Where are you?"
Within five minutes Abby was there coaxing me away from the panic.
I hugged her and she rocked me back and forth.
"Thanks for calling us." Patty said.
"I didn't want to make it worse. And you're the only contacts in her phone." Aubrey replied.
"Either way, thank you."
When I had calmed down enough to get up, I brought Aubrey to the couch and told her everything.
From the abuse to Erin and Jillian.
Everything.
As she was walking Abby and Patty to the door later, I heard her whisper to them.
"I promise I'll do everything in my power to help her for the next month, until she can get out of there."
One day they'll see what goes down in the kitchen.
Places, places, get in tour places
Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces.
I went to family wedding six months after I turned eighteen.
Six months after I had talked to anyone.
"Chloe, honey. Won't you be a good sister and pose with your brother?" Mom asked.
I stood next to Trent and he put his arm around my shoulder.
I faked a smile as I felt his fingers dig into my arm, drawing blood.
"Chloe. Will you pose with Ruby? We need some pictures for the album."
I faked a smile yet again as she wound her arm around my waist, fingers pinching the skin and leaving half moon marks.
"Chloe. Pose with Grandma Jackie and Grandpa Jack."
I felt their hands leaving marks on my back.
"Pose with your uncles."
Bruises forming on my arms.
"Pose with Aunt Jamie."
Death grips on my body.
"Pose with Grandma Taylor and Grandpa Charlie."
I felt my arms and back aching.
"Pose with Aunt Harley."
As we pulled apart she grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back.
I let out a whimper.
"Come near the family again, and all this will hurt more."
She let go and smiled at me like nothing had happened.
"Well, I should be heading home. Got a lot of homework." I said as I walked to my car.
Everyone smiled at me as I left.
"Your family is so sweet. I wish we got along that well."
"Your pictures were so cute. Honestly, you guys look amazing."
"Your family is perfect."
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains.
Picture, picture, smile for the picture
Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains.
When we were finally in charge of the Bellas, everything changed.
I met Beca.
She made me happy again.
Until she didn't.
I know she would never intentionally hurt me, but when she stopped coming home and talking to me, I didn't want to leave.
I was afraid that if I did something wrong, it'd be like my family again.
I was afraid she'd hurt me.
So I stayed, and I stayed, until I realized that she didn't love me.
Until I realized this was all shit.
That no one really cared.
But they did.
When everything went spiraling downwards, Aubrey had called Abby and Patty.
And when I went out to San Francisco, they followed, without question.
They stood by my side through the crying and the suicide attempts.
They stood by as I replaced my group of friends with people who treated me right.
And it was like everything was okay again.
It was like my life was falling back together.
It was like Erin and Jillian were still there.
Like that week my parents were out of town and it was one giant adventure to explore the city.
Friends.
Fun.
Happiness.
But I always felt like something was about to go wrong.
Like everything was going to shatter again.
And it did.
When I got a call from my parents.
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees.
(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees)
Hey girl (hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey girl...)
Hey girl, open your walls, play with your dolls
We'll be a perfect family.
"Chloe, honey. You're father's had a heart attack. And there just seems to be problems adding on. They're not sure if he's gonna make it. Will you come see him?"
I could hear the anger and the hatred in her voice.
I knew she couldn't care less about him, she just wanted to get to me.
"Trent and Ruby want to see you too."
My mind told me not to.
But they were my family.
"The family misses you and you might not see your father again."
They probably just wanted to hurt me again.
Blame me for everything that happened.
For how our family went to shit.
"Please Chloe. Your father just wants to be able to say goodbye.
I could snickering and arguing behind her.
And I knew they didn't care about actually seeing me.
"No." I whispered.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I said no."
"What?"
"You heard me. No. I'm not coming back and you can kiss my ass. After everything you put me through. After you ruined my life and treated Erin like shit. After you abused Jillian because she came to see me. After you stopped me from seeing Abby and Patty, you really expect me to just drop everything in my life and come home so you can degrade me? Well, think again. I'm done with this family. You can suck it."
I hung up and dropped my phone on the couch.
I heard the door open.
"Chloe?"
I looked up and saw Abby.
I smiled at her.
"Where's Patty?" I asked quietly.
"She went out to get some booze."
"Why?"
"We were at the door throughout your whole conversation. We don't know what they said, but based on what you said, we're proud of you."
"Ya?"
"Ya. It's about time someone told them to suck it."
I chuckled at that and Abby sat next to me.
"You know we'll always be there right? No matter what? I'm pretty sure if you murdered someone Patty would either hide the body or plead guilty herself. You will always have someone on your side. You'll never be alone again."
I laughed and hugged her.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Always." Abby whispered back.
We sat like that for a while until the door opened.
"I got the booze bitches."
I chuckled and got up.
"Patty, you're a life saver. Honestly."
"Always aim to please."
Places, places, get in your places
Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces.
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains.
After that, I started doubting myself a lot more.
I thought that I had made the wrong decision.
He was family after all.
He was my blood relative not just some stranger.
I thought that maybe I had made the wrong decision when I left for good.
I thought that I made the wrong decision when I let Erin, Jillian, Abby and Patty check in on me, even though they were getting abused.
I thought that I made the wrong decision when I didn't blame myself.
So three days after the call, I bought a plane ticket and I was on my way.
I got to the hospital and went to the front desk.
"I'm looking for a Blake Beale, do you know what room he's in?" I asked.
The nurse quickly looked on her computer.
"I'm sorry honey, but he passed away last night. If it's any help, he passed in his sleep, it was peaceful."
I nodded gratefully.
"Thank you."
I sat down in the waiting room for a while.
My father was dead.
I hadn't seen him in years.
And yes he abused me and degraded me, but he was my father.
I took out my phone and called Aubrey.
"Hello?"
"Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while, but are you busy right now?"
"No. What's up?"
"Could you come pick me up at the hospital, I'll explain after."
"Ya, sure no problem. I'll be there in ten."
"Okay, thanks."
"Always."
We hung up and I waited.
I thought about my whole situation.
Abby and Patty were right.
They were proud because I had finally cut out the people that did me the most harm.
They may have been blood relatives, but they were shit.
They treated me like shit and lived in this shitty little snobby bubble.
They didn't deserve to see me.
Not now, not ever.
I met Aubrey outside.
"Hey, hop in." she said.
I jumped in and we were off.
"So, what's on your mind." she asked after a few minutes of silence.
"My dad died."
"What?"
"He died and I thought I owed it to my family to come see him before he died."
"Chloe. You don't owe them anything. Not after everything they've done to you."
"I know. But I had this moment where I doubted all my decisions since Erin died. And I thought I owed it to them because they were my family."
"Hey. You've made all the right decisions. You were right when you let everyone check in on you. You made the right decision when you left for good. And you sure as hell made the right decision when you stopped blaming yourself. You made it this far, don't let them drag you back to the start."
"Thank you."
"Always."
Picture, picture, smile for the picture
Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?
Everyone thinks that we're perfect
Please don't let them look through the curtains.
I sat on the plane as we landed.
I remembered all those times, but one thing I'll never forget one thing.
One thing that helped me get through a lot of this.
I know Beca doesn't remember, but we knew each other when we were younger.
Before everything happened.
Before Erin and Jillian died.
Before Abby and Patty basically saved me.
Before everything went to shit.
We were neighbours for a year or two.
And when I was getting bullied for being Erin's little sister, she comforted me.
She held me and protected me from all the hatred.
"One day Chloe, one day, you'll find someone who will make you feel like you created the world. Like you put the stars in the sky and they'll love you forever. They'll love everything about you and will protect you from all the bad in the world. And you'll do the same. You'll be so in love that none of this, none of these kids will matter. You'll be love like Erin and Jillian, or like your parents. One day, you'll find that person, and I hope I'm there to see them."
D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees.
(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E
I see things that nobody else sees)