38(Hope it's still likable!)
"So, how have you been?" Combeferre asked him once they were seated in the Musain, cup of coffee and a sandwich in front of them. "It's been such a busy time lately and I feel like I haven't spoken to you properly in weeks."
Enjolras smiled and took a sip of his coffee. It was true, it had been a busy time. So busy that Combeferre hadn't even noticed his friend smuggling pills using prescriptions with his autograph. Enjolras felt guilty for betraying his friend like that, but he needed the pills to function and Combeferre would never let him take them if he knew about it.
"I've been… okay," Enjolras said, nodding. It's been a while since he and Combeferre sat down together to talk, or have lunch. His friend had put his entire life on hold when the accident happened, even stayed at Enjolras' apartment for two whole weeks, until Enjolras urged him to get back to his life before he'd get behind. It hadn't been easy and his best friend was reluctant, but Combeferre had missed so much already that if he ever wanted to catch up with all his work and studies, he had to agree with Enjolras. Since then, Combeferre had been drowning in his work and there was hardly ever time for anything more than a phonecall or text message. Enjolras missed his friend terribly, but he didn't want Combeferre to stop living his own life.
"Okay?" Combeferre questioned, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Come on, E… I've seen you lie better than that… Really, how are you feeling? Is the pain gone entirely? Are you managing everything at work with the internship? Just because it's been a while since we did this doesn't mean I ever stop worrying. You know that."
Enjolras let out a low chuckle and averted his eyes. If only Combeferre knew. His hand ghosted over the two pills in his pocket, ready to use once the others had worked their magic. "It's… okay, really. I don't have a better word to use. It's hard sometimes, you know. I've missed a lot and it's a miracle that Lamarque even allowed me to finish the internship after so much time gone, but it's going okay. The pain is basically gone… I only feel it when I haven't rested in a while and move the wrong way, but I can handle it. Doctor says I'm doing good too, so really… Nothing to worry about."
He smiled at his friend, putting up a perfect mask. His whole life consisted of lies nowadays. It was exhausting to keep up with it… to make sure no one knew what was really going on. Every lie that he told had to be solid, without any holes. He made sure to tell everyone the same lie, no loose strings.
He hadn't been to his doctor's appointments in weeks. Once he was released from the hospital, he just kept swallowing the pills, but he never returned to get a check-up. And his internship at Lamarque's office? He hadn't been there at all since the accident. He'd quit basically two weeks after he got released. All he did was sit at home and write. He wrote speeches, blogs, articles, essays… Most things he never let anyone read.
"Hmm," Combeferre retorted, taking a bite of his sandwich. There was something in his eyes that told Enjolras he didn't fully believe the story he'd been told. But the man didn't push, for which Enjolras was grateful. "I guess that's good news then. I have to admit I haven't been feeling all too comfortable the past few weeks with you at home alone. I mean, not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, but the accident took quite a toll on your life and I just want to be there for you. Help you wherever you need."
"I know that, 'Ferre… but I'm okay, really. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold just to help me get to the bathroom, or the kitchen or whatever… I'm okay, I promise. It was a good decision to move back home and get back to work." Enjolras reached across the table and briefly squeezed Combeferre's wrist to emphasize his words. "Promise."
It seemed to sooth his friend's concerns. Combeferre smiled back at him and nodded. "Alright then… Alright. Just… I want you to know that I'm never too busy for you. If you ever need anything, or just want to talk… I'm there."
Enjolras heart clenched and he felt the lump in his throat grow. If only Combeferre knew how much he needed his friend's help. If only Enjolras was brave enough to ask him. But he wasn't and he forced that horrible, fake smile back on his face. "I know that. Thanks 'Ferre…"
They ate the rest of their lunch like they always did, discussing ideas and possibilities for their next activity. Enjolras was happy to let Combeferre talk and tell him all about the bake sale he and Courfeyrac were organizing. All he had to do was nod along and give a few tips or comments now and then. Inside his head, he was screaming for help. Screaming louder and louder as the pills in his pocket got hotter and screamed for attention. He let his hands sink under the table to hide the persistent shaking of his fingers, clenching them into fists when the pain got too bad. He needed another fix. It had been four hours now since he took the first two and he needed the second two. The first time he started taking the pills, he only needed two to last the day. Now he took seven or eight.
He smiled at Combeferre when the man asked him why he was shifting in his seat so much and excused himself to go to the bathroom. It was the perfect opportunity. Once he made it to the tiny stall, he locked the door behind him and fished the two pills out of his pocket. He stared at them for a moment, briefly wondering if he should really do this. Then he swallowed them dry. Enjolras closed his eyes and let himself fall back against the door of the bathroom stall. What was he doing? Behind his eyelids, he could feel the tears start to form and he clenched his jaw to keep them from falling. Not now. Not today.
A sharp sound brought his attention back to the world. With a slightly trembling hand he dug his phone out of his pocket and he stared at the screen. It was Grantaire. The cynic was the last person he wanted to talk to at this point. They had gotten into a fight the other night, because Grantaire was asking too many questions. Too many questions that Enjolras couldn't answer and so he had lashed out at the man. It wasn't fair, of course. Especially since Grantaire had been there in so many ways for him while he was at the hospital. They even grew quite close.
Enjolras let out a deep sigh and then answered. "Grantaire… No, I'm at the Musain right now, me and 'Ferre are having lunch why?" He listened as his friend explained the situation where he wanted to go out and clear his mind but Joly wasn't comfortable enough to leave him alone, so the question was if Enjolras was going to stay there so they could hang out together.
Enjolras wasn't in the mood for it. Going out to have lunch with Combeferre and lie to him was already hard enough. Now he was going to have to spend time with Grantaire as well? With whom he had a fight only yesterday because the man was prodding too much? Still though… Enjolras didn't want to leave Grantaire hanging. He was so proud of his friend for being strong and quit drinking. He wanted to support him… At least one of them was strong.
"Ehm, okay, yeah sure, I'll stay here. Lamarque gave me the rest of the day off anyway, so… I guess I'll just get some work done here then, if that's alright with you… Okay… yeah sure… See you later, R. Bye."
Grantaire sighed as he hung up the phone. It was clear from Enjolras' tone of voice that the man wasn't looking forward to spending time with him after their fight yesterday. Still though, the man was too kind to turn him down like that and Grantaire felt grateful. Of course he wasn't planning to go there just to hang out. He was only going to the Musain because he was worried about Enjolras and he wanted to know what the hell the man was up to.
His therapy session seemed to take forever and by the time Grantaire finally stepped outside of the building, it was already three in the afternoon. His therapist had kept him in a little longer, because he seemed to be absent during their session. Truth be told, Grantaire was indeed absent, because he was worrying so much about Enjolras. He didn't want to listen to some stupid speech he'd heard a hundred of times already. Not when he had a friend in need of help. Even though that friend didn't realize he needed help yet.
With a sigh, he stepped inside of Joly's car and told the man to drive. Joly had been present when Grantaire called Enjolras and he knew that their leader had agreed to stay at the Musain with him. "Alright, bro," Grantaire said softly, watching his friend type out a quick message to whoever. "Anytime now. You promised to bring me to the Musain, now do that, alright. If we keep waiting any longer, Enjolras is going to leave again and then I can't go after all."
"Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on, R. Be grateful I'm picking you up and dropping you off, alright?" Joly muttered, putting his phone away with a small blush.
"I am grateful. Even though I could've gone to the therapy and the Musain by myself. I am very grateful that you insist on taking me everywhere." Grantaire rolled his eyes and sank a little further in the passenger seat. He loved Joly for caring and he understood that the man was wary of letting him go everywhere himself, but Grantaire started to miss his independence.
Joly sent him an apologetic look. "You know it's for the best now, R… This won't be forever, I promise."
Grantaire sighed, nodding his head. He knew Joly was right. After his relapse of a couple of months ago, it was only logical that his friends took the necessary precautions. He couldn't blame them, he'd probably have done the same thing if it happened to any of his friends. "I know, Jol… I'm sorry… It's just, a little exhausting sometimes. But I know why you do it and I appreciate you looking out for me like that. Honestly."
They spent the rest of the car drive in relative silence. When they arrived at the Musain, Grantaire thanked Joly for the ride and promised him he'd be home before dinner. He'd ask Enjolras if the man could take him home and if he couldn't, then he'd call Joly or Bossuet. Grantaire made his promises and tried not to roll his eyes. He hated being this dependent on his friends. That alone was motivation enough to make sure he'd never fall back again.
Grantaire waved his goodbye and walked inside of the Musain. The familiar smell of fresh coffee and baked goods warmed his heart and he smiled. Since he'd stopped drinking and spent his days begin sober, he was able to enjoy so much more. The little things usually passed by him and he never gave them much attention. But now they amazed him.
He took a moment, just taking the smell in and then looked around the room. As expected, he couldn't find Enjolras downstairs, which meant his friend was probably already in the backroom, preparing for the meeting of tonight. Grantaire shook his head. It was only three in the afternoon. The Amis wouldn't meet for another six hours. He wondered if Enjolras ever took some time off to relax. Ever since the accident, all his friend seemed to do was drown himself in work and his causes. Truth be told, Enjolras was always a workaholic, but it had never been as bad as it was now. That, combined with the shaking fingers, the casual confusion and the different behaviour, had Grantaire worried.
He walked up the stairs and as expected, Enjolras was occupying a corner of the room. The table he sat at was covered in papers, one soaking wet due to a coffee spilled. Enjolras didn't even seem to notice as he was writing fervently on a paper. His friend didn't look up when Grantaire called his name; didn't stop what he was doing when Grantaire stood right beside him.
Grantaire frowned, placing a hand on Enjolras' shoulder. The blonde man jumped and turned around, eyes wide and pupils dilated. "Jesus Christ, E," Grantaire said softly, squeezing the man's shoulder before sitting down opposite of him. "What's got you so hopped up? You didn't even notice me coming in? I called you like two times… Are you alright?"
Enjolras' heart was in his throat as he looked up at his friend. He blew out a soft breath, listening to Grantaire talk. He hadn't heard his friend come in, not at all. He hadn't heard him calling and he only realized he was there when the man placed a hand on his shoulder. He pulled a hand over his face, hoping to hide the stress and replace it with a smile.
"Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine, I was just working… Guess I got a little caught up in it, sorry." Then his eyes fell on the soaked paper and he groaned. He'd just written that page. How had he not noticed that he spilled his coffee? He reached out and took the paper from under the coffee cup. "Damnit, I needed this for the speech tonight," he mumbled.
Grantaire drew his eyebrows closer together the longer he watched Enjolras. His friend had spilled a coffee over one of his speech papers and he hadn't even noticed? That was so far from normal, Grantaire felt his stomach clench further in worry. He leaned forward, placing one hand on top of Enjolras', hoping to get his attention. He tried a little smile when it worked and his friend looked up at him. "Hey.. uhm, E… Are you-uh… Are you sure you're alright?"
Enjolras pressed his lips firmly together, settling Grantaire with one of his glares. They'd had this discussion yesterday and it hadn't ended well. He liked Grantaire, saw him as one of his closest friend, but the man needed to know when to stop pushing. "I'm fine," he said shortly.
Grantaire nodded, looking down at the table top. "Yeah… but, you see, you're spilling coffee over important papers and your hands… I can feel your hands shake and I-"
"I told you I'm fine, Grantaire," Enjolras snapped, pulling his hand away from under Grantaire's. "We've had this discussion yesterday. Nothing has changed since then. Stop meddling in my business, there is nothing for you to worry about."
"But…" Grantaire tried.
"I'm drowning in work, alright. I haven't slept well and my head aches, if you have to know. I'm just distracted, that's all. I don't need you to provoke me on top of that. I thought we were passed that."
Enjolras huffed angrily. He really wasn't in the mood for Grantaire's prodding. After his lunch with Combeferre, Enjolras had agreed to stay at the Musain for the man's sake, but he hadn't realized that he'd only brought enough pills to make it through his lunch with Combeferre. Now he didn't have anything with him and he needed it. He was hurting, his fingers started to shake and he knew what was coming next. If he didn't get his next fix, his friend's would be carrying his ass back to the hospital by tonight. Enjolras couldn't let that happen. What would they say? What would they think of him? He'd lose every credibility he had. He needed to find a way to get home before the meeting started.
"I'm not trying to provoke you," Grantaire said quietly, biting his lip. Was that really what Enjolras thought? "I'm just… you know what, never mind. If you say you're fine, then you're fine. Just-uh… You've always been there for me the past six months and I guess… I just want you to know that I'd always return the favor should you ever need it."
Grantaire didn't say the exact words, but Enjolras knew exactly what he was aiming at. Hi stomach dropped and he clenched his hands into fists. It took all his self control to remain calm. If he exploded now, he'd only prove Grantaire right and that was the opposite of what he wanted. Because if Grantaire found out that he was taking the pills he'd tell Combeferre and if 'Ferre knew, Enjolras didn't know what would happen.
"Great, thanks." Enjolras said shortly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes like a childish teenager. "Now, have you come here to push my buttons, or do you want to hang out like we agreed to? You've arrived a little later than I expected, so I'm afraid I only have an hour left. I need to go home before the meeting starts."
Grantaire offered Enjolras a sad smile, but didn't say any more on the topic. Enjolras wasn't ready to talk. Which was fine, Grantaire wasn't going to push. Not when he wasn't even entirely sure what was going on with his friend. But he swore to himself, then and there, that he'd keep a close eye on the man. If he caught but a swift of what he feared, he'd make sure to step up.
"Sure, that's fine. I can help you with your speeches, if you want? First let me send a quick text to Joly that he'll have to come pick me up in an hour, alright? Then I'll go get us some drinks."
TBC.