Disclaimer: How many times… Oh, alright. I don't own Harry Potter and all subsidiary characters, places and the like.
A/N: I'm just writing this one on a dare. No need to take this one seriously. Thanks to frustratedstudent for the quick beta and putting up with all the crazy ideas I have in my head.
Death by Swan
The Dark Lord has fallen and Jugson decides to run into the muggle countryside after the battle of Hogwarts.
After apparating around the country, he ends up crawling besides the river Cam. He takes a moment to catch his breath and then surveys the area around him. Besides the flowers, flowing clear water, vegetation and swans, something catches his eye.
He spots an old woman carrying a bag of groceries and decides she's an easy target after being worn down from all the spellcasting he did a few hours back.
Taking careful aim, he casts a cutting hex at her neck. A moment later, he finds himself on the receiving end of a can of prune juice to the face.
"Come here you hooligan and I'll show you what for! Fight like a bloody man so I can wallop you in the bollocks, you nancy!" The granny shrieks, pelting him with cans of prune juice and various vegetables.
Just as Jugson was about to cast a killing curse, a can of creamed corn broke his wand in half and he was forced to run further towards the river with swans.
"You're off your rocker, you old bint!" Jugson shouts back which earns him a winning hit in the noggin by a larger can of milk and knocks him out cold towards the river.
"And come back if you want to mess with me, duffer!" The old woman threatens and then picks off the cans she tossed and scurries off home.
Jugson surfaces a few minutes later after his attacker is gone. "Bloody muggles," he mutters, seeing a male swan swim towards him.
'That is a pretty swan' He thinks to himself.
Gracefully, it swims towards him, until it spreads its wings and begins to bite and attack him. The eyes of aggressor and trespasser meet and Jugson sees pitch black darkness hidden beneath the swan's soul.
A chill runs up his spine and he urgently swats the fowl away from him.
Already exhausted and severely bleeding, he makes an effort to get to the nearest shore to his left after swatting the swan attacking him.
But just as he was a few strokes away from salvation, something blocks his vision and the same angry swan smacks him in the face with its wing and he passes out to drown.
The only witness was a small blond-haired boy in Cambridge, who re-enacts the scene of a famous anti-social swan that viciously killed a dirty bald man on the river Cam to his distracted but humored parents.