For the DragonQueen Week day 4: Awkward Situation/Caught

Hope you guys like it :D

Warnings: mentions of rape and so much angst.


Secrets Revealed

She told me to trust her, she said that as long as I was with her I was safe, so I did.

She told me to shut my eyes and my mind and to release myself from my pain and worries. She told me to forget and let go of everything but her embrace, so I did.

What I never heard coming from those alluring lips was a command to love her, but I did it anyway.

For some reason my heart followed a silent plea (mine or hers, I'll never know), perhaps it even obeyed to her most inner and denied desires. But I only think that in my better (by better I mean delusional) days for I know that to her I was, and still am, nothing but a game of lust.

I never let the words come out from my mouth, my feelings remained mine alone to carry and mine alone to know. From my voice she never heard "I love you" or any other sentence that could be used as a declaration of love, the act of saying it out loud was too hard and too painful, and every time I almost did it the fear of being laughed in the face was enough to halt my movements.

She once said that I brought her fire back, her velvet maddening voice whispering sweet lies to me about how much I had saved her in a way, how she was in debt with me for it. I dreamed of telling her that she was my fire, that before I knew her I only knew pain and brief moments of piece (that would be Daniel, the only one who could calm my troubled soul) and after seeing her blue penetrating eyes all I could see was the bright red of passion and feel a kind of flame that burned and healed me at the same time. But that I never did tell her either.

That was always how I saw our story. She being the master, the one holding all the power, my beating heart standing on top of them all and I forever in the role of the student, paying attention to her every move and making sure to fixate them in my love induced brain, hopefully forever.

'Silly little woman' is how I called myself all those stupid times I thought about us (and they were many), not that there ever existed an "US" like she stated once.

She hurt me many times, most of them whenever she refused to love me back and to make me more than just another one of her conquests. I can't count or remember all the times I've cried myself sleep begging for her to come and to safe me, but just like every one else she never did. So yes, I'm used to the idea that she can bring as much if not more misery into my life that she can bring light and calmness, but this? To this I was not prepared, at all.

"She is mine?"

Her strong blue eyes that never gave out her emotions were wet with tears but the ever growing rage inside me didn't let me give it too much thought. I stud there waiting for an answer, an explanation, simply begging for it to be a lie but none of it ever came. Was she too afraid that her voice would fail to deliver the harsh truth? Probably not, that would mean that she cares, which she doesn't.

"You lied to me all along. Did you know this then?"

She knows what I want to know, is clear in the way her jaw clenches and is moved to the side. I know her too well and even after all this time I haven't forgotten a thing. Her lack of words only fuel my despair and I feel my sanity slipping away from my fingertips and I fear it's outcome.

"Tell me!"

I yell, I don't care if they all listen to this, to the final touch she can give to the broken master piece that I've became. My whole body trembles and I'm aware of just how close to the edge of falling apart I truly am. I wonder if I will ever be able to get back to my feet after this. I look around and I see Merlin, Emma, Lily (Oh Lily!), the Charming's, Hook and even Robin but I don't care, I need to know the truth.

I barely remember how we got here in the first place, one moment we were all talking about a way to take away the darkness from Emma and the next thing I know the wizard is talking about my bond with Maleficent and how powerful our love must be that we were able to conceive a baby.

The crowd's face was priceless but not as much as mine I would imagine. I went from shock to anger in what felt like a blink, my magic rolling off in waves making me stand taller (like my dear loved mother taught me to) and all but grab the arm of the supposed mother of my daughter and shake her, forcing her to look me in the eyes.

"Yes."

A broken sob, is that all I get from her? It can't be all I deserve, can it? I don't want low voiced responses, I want to hear her voice even if it's going to cut me like no knife could ever dream of doing. I do what I know she hates to get something out of her other than just this, I say my next words with as much as venom as I can put on them, practically spitting every syllable.

"You are telling me that when you came into my castle telling me that we had to end our, what was you said?"

I make a pause like I needed time to remember that day, the day I almost ended it all, my life and pain, but the ugly truth is that I could never forget it. Not her, not her words, not even her emotionless face tossing me away once again and making me feel less than nothing. I snap my fingers in the air like those words just came to me in a big revelation.

"Right, 'meaningless encounters' was the way you described it."

"You said it was over because I was getting pathetic and you were growing tired and had no reason to continue it. Don't you think that a child was enough?"

Angry tears filled with pain were now rolling down my face and Cora's voice telling me that a Queen should never show weakness could fuck itself for all I care. She moved for me, trying to hold onto something or maybe just to suport my weight because I think she knows how my legs were barely holding me up but I pushed her away. Something she was not expecting, or even the strength of it because is clear how she lost her balance there, to be honest not even I realized I had pushed her so hard.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

My voice, how can it echo so loud? I see everyone in the room moving closer to me, telling me to calm down but I ignore them and only focous on her, on her voice that is now more than that pittyful whisper.

"Please Regina, calm down, listen to me."

"Oh but I did. I listened to your voice all these years hauting me everywhere. I heard you over and over again putting the blame on me when that was not the case. You broke what was already broken for what? Was it for fun? Or was it just because you could? And now you dare tell me to listen to your shit again?"

Emma's hands on my waist keeping me at a 'safe' distante from Maleficent, grouding me, she is the only one that moved to stop or control the fight everyone else was still frozen in their place.

"Why?

I needed to know, it's a mistake but I can't help myself.

"I was afraid, okay? Rumple told me you would cast the curse and I knew what the cost was and I was afraid if you knew it would be her. I could not let that happen."

Was she that clueless to my love to her that she thought I would to this to her? She was getting defensive, there were red flags in my head telling to stop and let this talk to some other time, in some other place where we were not surrounded by people she was not comfortable with. I asked her even knowing that my answer would not be pleasant and both of us would regret it latter.

"You thought I would kill her?"

"Well you did your father, and it's not like it would be the first time you would do something like that."

It's like I was slapped in the face, this time she broke me for good and I think it was clear to everyone there that my soul had left my body. Do my eyes look dead? It's definitely how I feel and how I wish I was. She knows the story, she knows the truth and my pain and yet she is saying it like it was nothing, like it does not matter. How could she?

"He raped me, he forced himself into me every night, he humiliated and tortured me and you knew it and never helped me. I would never put something of his into the world, I could not look at it and love it if all I would see was its father cutting me and laughing, using me like a doll and breaking me just because he could, because he owned me. I didn't want it or him but I never had a choice because my life and body was never mine to begin with. I wanted a life, a good happy life with a family that I loved but I could never have it."

I could feel my heart beating in my throat, years of pain begging to come to the surface and this time I couldn't stop it.

"I wanted you but I was never enough, I wanted a family with you but you never chose me, I wanted kids to love and I would never hurt something that came from us. I cast the curse because you were gone, because if didn't have you I only had my hate towards Snow and the darkness and there was nothing else I could do but to cave in to it."

I can't speak anymore and the only reason that I can still breathe is because life is forever cruel and wants my misery to last longer. I regret the words I said and the secrets reveled, but only because Snow didn't deserve to hear them. I know what it's like to have a monster for a parent and I hate myself for killing her memory of him, I've protected her from this for so long and in the end it was in vain.

I doubt Maleficent even wanted to say it, we are too much alike, we always hurt others when we are hurting and in her face I see how it destroyed her to say it. But if this was easier than telling me the truth I can only wonder what the real reason was.

I'm wounded and if it weren't for Emma's arms holding me up I know I would be in the ground by now, my legs have became too weak for my burden. Funny how even through my pain all I see is her, her eyes are always have the power to hold my attention whenever she is close and right now I can see the shame she is feeling for her actions and for some reason I can't stop loving her.

The room has gone quiet, my outburst probably bringing images to their heads that no one should even imagine and suddenly I need to get out, I need to sort it all out. I look at Snow and I hope she sees something in my eyes that will help her digest it all, the next one is Lilly and her face is something I can't quite describe and when she locks her eyes into mine I can see that she knows what I'm about to do and that she understands it.

I don't need to look at my dragon to know that she will follow me and we will talk because I can feel it, her magic combining into mine in way that is all too familiar, in a way that breaks my heart a bit more for the family we never were and it gives me hope that someday we may be.


I could have gone with sexy times but I bet someone else is going to do it, and this has been kind of stuck in my head for quite some time but I hope you enjoyed it.

I would love to hear your thoughts.