You who keeps the wind and cold at bay, who rejects the light and casts it away, who takes on the darkness and holds it at bay, who blocks intruders from barging into my residence with the sturdiness of a thousand boulders…why must your greatest weakness be something so horrible? Why must creatures who knock against you echo so loudly into my abode? Why door do you betray me so?
… Well now that my dramatic side is done I should probably answer the door else I'll never get back to sleep. Perhaps pulling the all-nighter reading those books moonbutt gave me was a bad idea but I now know more about my enemy, where I can find the armourers in the country and a fifth of the country's population along with their names, addresses, and how much taxes they pay. Also I'm pretty sure Luna just grabbed random books off the shelf, put them into a pile and gave them to me. Mostly because that last one was Volume 3 of the series of censuses held by the kingdom… not that I could likely benefit from having the rest of the tomes it was not what I was expecting. On the other hand… hoof I know now the names of some of the guards in Canterlot, so pros and cons I guess. But this reading had a bad effect on me as I fell asleep while the sun was up.
And by fell I mean fell, as I'm surrounded by my books as I lie on the ground with hard covers and paperbacks cushioning my entire body as sometime while asleep a pile of books fell on me. The lack of sleep and crushed under what I love is not leaving me in a good mood. As I rise to answer the door's noise picks up in speed. I swear by the nine planes of hell if sparklebutt is on the other side. As I open the door… GOD DAMN IT TWILIGHT!
I can barely open my eyes or my mouth before she speaks, "I need your help Demostine, and you're my only hope." "That's not a good sign…relying on me. I'm barely awake and would prefer to sleep but I'm sure if I close this door you'll begin hitting it again, so for the sake of my growing headache and time. Give me the rundown on the problem." "Demostine… it's three in the afternoon." Bitch does it look like I care what time it is? "Miss Twilight, I'm a hermit I sleep and get up whenever I wish and I just pulled an all-nighter so would you hurry up with your problem." She looks sort of out of it with her mane in a mess and wet while she goes for her bag and pulls out… two golden tickets…oh.
"Celestia sent me two tickets to the grand galloping gala and said I could take one of my friends…" and at this point I zoned out. If the summary is twenty words or less I can listen but anymore and I stop bothering. But I can guess the problem 2 tickets divided by 5 equals a shitstorm waiting to happen. Probably all wanting to go for their own reasons and have been pestering her all day that she fled and made it up here where they wouldn't find her. So now she had two options: bother me in hopes I can fix her mess or return and disappoint the rest of her friends. Being an outcast is hard. And now she's looking at me expectantly… I though the explanation would take longer.
"Twilight you do realize I hate Celestia right? Like I want her dead and the first pony you thought of for asking for advice… was me?" "Well yeah I mean you don't want to go to the grand galloping gala do you?" Bitch are you trying to get me killed?! "A… fair point Twilight, well done. Now you know sunbutt better than being her student would you say she's generous?" "Absolutely with all the-""Shut up twilight I don't need your praise of her… now then she's a very giving pony right? Then just go and mail her asking for more tickets and saying you want to invite all your friends." "But tickets like these are hard to come by and very limited, I can't just ask the princess to give me for my friends." "Twilight you came for my advice. I just gave it, if the sunbutt is as giving as you say she is then she'll give you those tickets now shoo." I state waving my hoof at her. She backs up a bit before smiling, "Thank you Demostine, I will try." And then she left… I probably should have asked how she knows where I lived. Ah well no worries now back to sleep as I closed the door and collapsed back onto my books.
I woke up sometime at nightfall to the sound of an earthquake called my stomach having been ignored all day and finally decided that now it wanted food. Grumbling the hard covers piercing my back side I went into the kitchen and lit some candles to at least guide my path and found an apple… I still don't remember what the apple farm is called but they make some fine apples. As I ate away I pulled one of Luna's books into the kitchen for some more reading this time it was a history book of the Griffon kingdoms and the icy region of the crystal empire… aka the place that got shat on so hard that a constant blizzard had to cover the entire place up so no one could smell that shitstorm it made itself. True the storm was made by the king who kinda went crazy for power and may have brainwashed the entire populace into slavery and then kinda got sealed away by other parties before it could shit on every other region… but I'm sure it was a nice place at the time. It's been years since I've been to the griffon kingdoms, I enjoyed those times in King Ragnar's service but a self-imposed leaving of civilization was needed. He had much work and I needed more time for my books and comrades… gods I haven't seen them in forever either. Damn now I'm sad where the hell is everyone these days? Richard still has his mercenary company so he could be anywhere, Bianca and Steels were living at home last I saw them… Grundar is most likely drinking in some dive bar, talking about the old days to anyone would listen… I miss the old days.
Ah well sitting here won't bring them back and it seems to be getting brighter out again so might as well blow out the candles. Checking the fridge… I should have gone shopping yesterday, I don't care if the world could have been plunged into darkness a nearly empty fridge isn't going have me survive for long. And MY SURVIVAL is more important than the rest of the world's creatures. Besides I'm sure everything would have been fine if dark moonbutt succeeded… maybe… probably I don't know and I guess it doesn't really matter anyways. But yes it's time to go back to town for supplies… I would rely on delivery but I'd be dead since that shit takes a couple of weeks to get here, more so since the clumsy pegasus usually makes the deliveries. I do wish they'd send somepony else… even though she does make me chuckle at times with her poor coordination. Well I suppose I should get ready for my outing. Cloak… um blue this time, blue is a friendly colour right? Bits? Check. Bags… right where I left them. Alright Demostine it's a new day, full of opportunity let's do our best to avoid everything and get our shit done without dying or worst of all being attacked by hellspawn… although that tends to be impossible 90% of the time, but we can still try. Nodding to myself I exited the house, put up the wards and left for… um the city of Townsville… or something what's the town called again?
Travelling through whitetail woods to insert town name here I decided not to go invisible for the sheer fact that shopping while invisible would freak the store clerks out and claim they are being haunted by ghosts… again. Do it once and no one ever lives it down. True I was short on cash at the time and yes I did get most of my stuff for free, but that's stealing and stealing is evil I guess in some cases. But I still got the stuff but trying it again had all these rumors come up and at least one attempted angry mob that got as far as whitetail woods before I stamped it out with some cheap tricks and the apparently 'slaying' of the ghost. So yeah no being invisible for me this time round. On the other hand, the hermit is now known sometimes as a ghost buster… whatever that means; I can't put ghosts in jail if that's what their implication is. Be pretty cool if I could though but that's not the point… actually what was my point? What was I even talking about? Was there a point to my ramblings in the first place? Oh look a town how wonderful… SHOPPING yes food that's why I'm here in… um… Townsville?
Note to self: write down name of town somewhere I can easily remember… note to self: also remember to carry around my notebook so I can write notes to myself… note to self: stop making mental notes to self because I'm unlikely to remember them in the first place.
Arriving at Ponyville as the large name outside of town said I wandered into the marketplace to find a whole variety of goods for sale. Which is good because sales mean I spend less and spending less means I can leave faster. Not that the town doesn't have its rustic charms it's just… it a very boring place. I mean the whole nightmare thing was probably the most action this place has had in a while. If you're into peace and quiet here is the best place but it's just… ugh you know. I know of course, exile yourself to the one place they'd never find you. Not that I'm being chased… anymore anyway hopefully I'm sure the Zebras in that one village have forgiven me by now. But yes shopping, shopping is good to do right now.
Which is what I did for an hour before I had everything basically squared away, the cart I borrowed will provided excellent coverage and can just magic it back here when I'm done so no one will accuse me of stealing carts. I pretty successful day since no one's attacked me yet. *THUMP* Though I probably should have seen this coming as a blue something crashed into me… well I wasn't attached to the cart so the food is fine. "Hey watch it you… wait you're that guy from a couple of days ago!" The blue one exclaimed as I actually look at her and find it's one of sparklebutt's friends, Miss Pride flag herself. "Yes it's me…Mario" I state the last part under my breath. "Yo dude thanks for that backup before with the big guy and the fire it was really cool." She's said two sentences to me and I already find her annoying. "Yes well all in a day's work…" I said just staring at her hoping she would go away. "Can you show me what crazy magic you did in trade I'll let you see the fastest Pegasus ever in action!" Please no go away. "I must decline as you see I'm out shopping and wish to return-" "But dude you're like never here I've flown all around Ponyville and like I only ever see you here every couple of months and sometimes it looks like you never come all year." For a very pink obvious reason kid, "Yes that's just how I am; now shoo shoo you probably have important things not related with me to do." "But the main reason I'm here is to say thanks." You crashed into me, why can't flyers ever learn to just land without destroying things in the process? "Uh thank me?" "Yeah with that advice you gave Twi we all got tickets and I get to live me dream and show my skills to the Wonderbolts." Oh yes the so called show offs who are totally not elite flyer agents for sunbutt no no they can't be just more than showponies, the inability to see this is baffling but whatever. "Uh sure no problem I guess." "But serious we gotta hang out sometime' she said putting her hoof over my neck 'we'd can hang out and stuff and I can show you my moves for the Bolts." "No thank you' using magic to remove herself from me 'I have no interest in your speedy suicide nor do I wish to 'hang out' as you say" using my hooves for foot quotes. "Hey why not? You seem pretty close with Twi if you're giving her advice" Stupid little, "You wish advice fine. My advice is to stop trying to show yourself off at every opportunity, the world does not revolve around you or your ego. Your speed demon ways can serious hurt someone if you keep crashing into them and I'm certain with the number of crashes you've had that you have some kind of mental problem similar to that of the hellspawn." She just stood their staring as well as half the market; I'm tired and have no time for such foolishness. Hooking myself to the cart I left the quiet marketplace.
A tad rude but a tired demonologist is a grumpy one and they should be rather glad I didn't start summoning stuff for my anger. But looks like I'm banned from coming here for the next couple of weeks just to cool off. "YOU!" By the Gods not now as I see the devil herself appear in front of me "You say sorry you meanie!" Ouch such cruel words truly wound my soul… what's left of it anyway. "Get out of my way hellspawn." I state in a monotone voice that I usually use on her. "No you say sorry to dashie right now!" Pet names… cute, lighting up my horn hellspawn is casually picked up as I pass by "No thanks, peace out kid." And just leave her floating there as I leave town back for home. Does one kind act and they assume too many things. I may be a good pony but that doesn't mean I'm the pinnacle of happiness and friendship and blah blah blah with such nonsense. I'll lend a hoof if it benefits me and isn't to out of the way anything else is to much to ask. Arriving home, and storing everything I sit down on my comfy couch and take a long nap for hopefully the rest of the day.