Friday 20th May
Today is the day my mother decided to tell me I'm depressed. Today is also my birthday. When I woke up this morning I didn't expect to be crying waterfalls while tugging my knees closer to my chest while my mother tells me I have mental issues.
I am telling you this because I don't have anyone else to talk to. I've changed everyone's names so you don't find out who I am and I'm sorry if you don't want to listen. They said you would though.
Deciding that I need help, my mother has booked me an appointment to speak to somebody. I don't like speaking to people because I feel like everyone would judge me or would decide to tell people and they would all think I'm a freak. My first appointment is Monday.
The way my mother confronted me was vile. My family were sat quietly in the living room, watching the six 'o' clock news, in front of the fire when a news story came on about teens with depression. At this point I was in the other room listening to some music on the family computer. Thinking this would be the best way to mention something, my mother called to me "Right, Cassie, you would know all about that." Shocked at what my mother had just said, I slowly removed my earphones, which were projecting barely a whisper of noise, and walked into the living room. "What do you mean?" I mumbled with a dull, lifeless expression. "Well, with all the time you spend alone crying or listening to depressing music about death even you must realise how depressed you are." she simply replied. I stared at her speechless and decided the best thing to do would be retreat to my room.
I have been sitting here for five hours. I am unable to sleep and have been occupying myself with TV shows on my laptop. I heard my mother call the school to tell them that I need "help". I am dreading going back. At least it's the weekend.
Monday 23rd May
I was walking down the school corridors with the usual arsenal of names being bombarded upon me. The classics were "Hey, Spaz" or "Hey, Stupid". I have gotten used to these greetings but it doesn't mean I have to like them. I had just reached my locker before the school counsellor approached me with a patronising smile printed on her face. "Cassie, hi, I'm Lucy, the school counsellor. Your mom called Friday night and said she was worried about you. If you wouldn't mind, I would like to have a small chat. It's up to you but I strongly recommend speaking to me. It might help you get something off your chest."
It wasn't my choice. I had to follow her whether I liked it or not. I knew that otherwise she would contact my mother and she would go on about how I should let people help me and not keep things bottled up inside. But I like it that way. That way I can pretend that everything is okay.
Lucy led me to a small room outside the financial office located in our sixth form area. The room was very cramped and filled with motivational posters about how life will get better one day. My favourite poster was the one that stated that "Sometimes it's okay to not be okay. You just have to remember that it will always be okay in the end." I hope that's how other people feel. Sadly, I am not one of those people.
Off to one corner of the room was a small, circular desk with three blue chairs, two which were pulled out to face each other. She offered me a seat and I half-heartedly sat. "So, how are you feeling?" Lucy asked, leaning forward so her elbows were resting on her knees. "I'm okay," I replied, feeling uncomfortable with the situation I was faced with. "Your mom told me that she thinks you may be depressed. There is no need to worry. Moms usually think this at least once about their child but I'm here just to find out if this is an over-reaction or if, in fact, she was right. There is no need to worry, we're just going to have a couple of chats is all. I'm not going to force you into this at all, God no, I'm just trying to help." She must have rambled on for ages because I found myself glancing around the room a lot thinking about how many people must have been in here before me. I hope it's not many. I really hope everyone else in the world is okay.
"Cassie? Cassie are you listening?" Lucy started clicking her fingers in front of my face and I was forced back into reality. "Er, yeah. Um, what were we talking about sorry?" I murmured. "I was just telling you that I'm here for you and we'll get to the bottom of this situation together." Her use of the word "together" was unsettling. I had just met this woman and she had decided that she was going to peer into my personal life. "Oh, okay, well thanks. I best be off, I don't want to be late for computing." And with that I got up and left, I didn't even glance back but I could just imagine the shocked face of my new counsellor.
As soon as I got out of that god-awful room, I took a deep breath, looked around me to see empty hallways which, not long ago, contained a sea of students running to their lessons, and turned towards my computing class.
Long intro so you guys can get the barrings of the main character. More important characters to be introduced next time. If you think I should continue writing and publishing please review and let me know. Thank you :)