A/N: Here you go Sinose, I made it a thing.
And for the rest of you, too, because this is the last thing I'm going to be posting for a while, unfortunately.
Warnings: canon level violence (non-graphic), Hibird's language, implied torture, and lots of minion deaths. Also, self-beta'd
Somehow there managed to be a rainy day where no one had a mission and Tsuna had finished his paperwork in record time, leaving the 10th generation of the Vongola at loose ends.
"Hahi! I have an idea! Let's rank people!" Haru suggested.
"Well, it can be a group bonding activity! We learn how everyone else views us."
"That's an excellent idea, Dame-Tsuna. You should lead this activity so that everyone in your circle becomes more aware of how their actions are viewed by their peers," Reborn says, popping up on Tsuna's head.
That was how Tsuna was officially identified as the Fluffy One and Gokudera as The Puppy. Yamamoto became The Happy Scary One, while Hibari was also identified as scary, but also honorable (which is not to say that Takeshi was not honorable, just that if someone was hurt, his objectivity tended to leave…for as long as it would take to slaughter the offender). Mukuro was officially The Creeper (Pineapple Edition) while Chrome took Baby Pineapple (Non Creeper Edition) and Ryohei was confirmed as EXTREME. Lambo was Younger Brother (Problem Child Edition) much to his ire, I-pin was The Younger Sister (She Who Makes Food To Kill For), and Fuuta as The Younger Brother (We're Kidnapping Him).
Unfortunately, the younger three didn't get nearly as good identifications as their elders, but they made up for it with their names for the other girls.
Hana was, like her boyfriend, confirmed in her position as Lawyers Can Kill You Just As Easily As Hitmen, Kyoko as She Who Makes Pastries To Kill For, and Haru as Mom Away From Mom (When Tsuna's Not Mom).
Alas this didn't actually describe any of their abilities (and usually not much of their personalities), but it was an entertaining way to spend one of the increasingly rare calm days with the close Family.
Gokudera spends the next few days eating antacid by the handful.
There are dozens of corpses now littering the interior of an absurdly opulent mansion belonging to the Mafioso currently pissing himself under Chrome's trident.
Ten minutes ago, the Don had been resting at the head of a long walnut table, polished smooth with age and complementing Gokudera on his choice of…companionship.
It didn't help that he was there with Chrome to deal with a rat who help the Estraneo and talks went deteriorated…quickly.
"Now, I do so hate being forced to repeat myself, Signor. But, I will, for your sake. Where." She punctuates by viciously stabbing his left hand, working her way further up his arm and consequently closer to his heart with every word. "Did. The. Estraneo. Send. The. Children. Once. They. Left. Your. Territory?"
"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Chrome pats his cheek, in a cruel parody of a mother and her child after a scolding.
Then suddenly, she straightens and turns away.
"W…wait! Please! Mercy!" Gokudera knows that Chrome has carefully, for all her viciousness, kept from stabbing anywhere that would grant the man a quick death, and with the number of puncture wounds in him, there' no doubt that he will bleed to death.
"Mercy…?" Chrome slows, but refrains from turning back to the man.
"Sí, Signora! Please!"
Obviously he wants her to use her illusions to somehow facilitate his body's healing. Gokudera makes a note of that. While Chrome had used her flames, the Don had a very weak affinity for Mist Flames as well, Chrome had created illusionary tridents and other weapons which she used to great effect in dealing with the dead man's minions.
"Then let me give you…Mercy."
It's then the man's screams truly begin.
Gokudera fully appreciates just how accomplished Chrome is, without Mukuro's help, and gives her a nod before turning himself.
They leave with the screams echoing at their backs.
Unfortunately, the reason of that visit had been to make a statement to the Mafia World.
That the remains of the Estraneo are being hunted, and everyone ill connected will suffer.
Still, that means that Gokudera has to play the Public Relations Manager for the Vongola again, and it's never not going to give him stress until there's absolutely no way that the police will ever arrest Tsuna.
He can only hope the current work he does is enough.
Dolore is a large enough group to warrant Tsuna's presence.
Of course, he doesn't go alone (not anymore), but Yamamoto and Hibari are the ones available when the mission parameters are sorted and so it is they who go with him.
Don Dolore, despite his wonderful family name meaning "pain," is apparently the furthest away from experiencing that condition.
Clothed in a simply ridiculous amount of velvet that does nothing to deemphasize the very prominent belly his belly and oddly proportioned legs.
"Ah, Don Vongola! It is indeed a fortuitous day that we can meet!" He can barely meet Tsuna's eyes, though he can meet Yamamoto's eyes for a few moments more. Hibari's eyes Don Dolore takes great pains to avoid.
"Good morning to you, as well, Don Dolore."
"Now, now, let us adjoin to the parlor for a light breakfast and then we may continue with business. It's barely nine o'clock, and it does no good to work with an empty stomach at such an ungodly hour of the morning!"
Tsuna nods with what appears to be good humor, though his eyes darken slightly, letting a sliver of orange to filter into the otherwise warm nut-brown eyes.
Still, he follows the other Don into the parlor.
Breakfast goes well, until the coffee is served, because where else would it be best to hide poison of unknown intention but in a rich cup of espresso?
(Reborn later commends Yamamoto on his work against such a Famiglia that would corrupt the sanctity of an espresso.)
Tsuna, however, pauses before taking a sip, but doesn't inhale, like the Don is quite obviously expecting – as if to confirm by scent that there is no poison in the cup.
Instead, Tsuna pointedly holds Don Dolore's gaze before up ending the cup.
That's the last thing Dolore sees for a very long time.
(Yamamoto, though somewhat desensitized to the various attempts on his friend's life, is still incensed by the attempt.
No one who comes to check on them escapes alive, though Yamamoto soon take it upon himself to remove all the rest in the mansion from the land of the living as well. It's population control, and Hibari has no problem with that. It is, after all, a part of the natural world.
Tsuna watches with weary, though no less resolved for it, eyes. He'd seen the dossier of information, and not one person in the building is innocent of the crimes their Don had committed by association with the Estraneo. Many had been even more involved.
Still, it does not make him happy to be in a mansion drenched in blood with two of his friends, kill counts increasing with every person they meet.
Except then there's one man, whom Hibari sees and runs interference for.
Yamamoto, occupied with other opponents, continues the slaughter. Tsuna, however, raises an eyebrow in question but moves after his Rain Guardian, to take care of any who would come at his back.
And then, it's over, in a mansion where white is dyed red and the gold that shines in the light glints wetly.
Yamamoto turns on the last member, but Hibari meets him, tonfa raised, and no matter what Yamamoto tries, he can't quite get passed his fellow guardian without unduly injuring him and the last man isn't – quite – worth it.
When Yamamoto returns from his state of cool bloodlust back at headquarters, Hibari thrusts a different folder under his nose.
One that details how a wife and three children are waiting in the Don's country house with far too many guards, how the man was a mole for the Vongola – had actually approached them of his own free will.)
Don Dolore opens his eyes to a room of cinderblock and a smiling Japanese man with a scar on his chin.
"Ah, I'm indeed luck today, if I have Hibari as my inquisitor! With his honor code –"
He's proven wrong before he can even finish the thought.
Hibari hates going to the omnivore's meetings because they're always in Italian, which he can now understand and even, if pressed, speak, but hates with a burning passion.
It's not Japanese. That's all that needs to be said on the matter.
So he takes this transgression against the Japanese language in stride.
Hibari needs some new vocabulary anyways.
"Stupid! Asshole! Shit-head!" Chirps the small yellow bird on the man's head.
"Bastards! Die, idiots!" It continues.
The rest of the Mafiosi on the other end of the table look slightly confused, and a flurry of whispers echoes through the group like a wind on the plains.
"I didn't know that Yamamoto had the bird."
"Yes, I thought it was Hibari."
"Well, perhaps it switches people? It was with Don Vongola earlier."
"What is it saying?"
"Complements? It's obviously with Yamamoto and he's supposed to have a very strict honor code."
Hibari's eye twitches slightly throughout the rest of the meeting and Yamamoto can barely hide the minute shakes in his shoulders for the rest of the day, even when Hibari attacks him, tonfa extended once they return to Vongola's headquarters.
Tsuna is going to kill Reborn, just after he finishes dodging the wreckage of the former Culo's mansion and kills himself first from embarrassment.
He's not sure who else could be cruel enough to send Lambo with Hibari as his guards for a relatively neutral family.
(Some poor minion in Organization sneezes. His coworkers back away quickly. No one wants to come down with the super bug that has the Storm Guardian incapacitated.)
Oh well, at least it sends the message of "clean house or else" well. Then Tsuna winces. This means he's going to have to take Gokudera's place as the public front of Vongola when he deals with this.
…At least the Culo Family won't expect him to pay for all the damages, since it was an attack by one of their (corrupt) people that set Lambo off into excessiveness, which Hibari ended up matching in an attempt to control the resulting chaos.
Of course, the hunting of the Estraneo can't be fully completed without police assistance. Still, Tsuna really wishes that sometimes some of his guardians weren't so helpful.
Ryohei is actually the one best suited to act as the go between from the Vongola and the police, which is fantastic in Tsuna's opinion because that means he doesn't have to do it, and Gokudera doesn't end up eating more antacids to deal with it.
He eats enough just coming up with the reports of what Ryohei needs to talk about, and when dealing with the higher ups of the judicial system.
Still, it's very concerning when Ryohei is the one chasing Mukuro around the mansion.
"It is in EXTREMELY bad faith to EXTREMELY trick our EXTREME allies on the EXTREME police force!"
"Kufufufu. But Ryohei-kun, the man seemed so happy!"
"IT IS EXTREMELY BAD TO MESS WITH OUR EXTREME ALLIES!"
And that's all Tsuna hears before the two are out of comprehendible hearing range.
Tsuna stares at the report in front of him, before burying his head in his hands and swearing to remove all anime from the house and enlisting the Tech Department's help in keeping Mukuro away from that genre of media.
Apparently, Mukuro had found some poor (thought quite intelligent) policeman by the name of Fuoco and "dropped" a "special" notebook in front of him and then assuming the appearance of one apple-loving shinigami.
And then acting as if said notebook worked.
Tsuna doesn't see Yamamoto replacing the anime he's just removed.
Fuoco = light (?) I think?
Please leave a review.