We Are Not Calling Ourselves the Nudist Pirates!

(Working title)

Kill La Kill/One Piece crossover

AN: Welcome to the Plot Bunny Overflow Containment Unit! My policy with stories is to not start a new one as long as I have one ongoing. But I just keep getting more and more ideas! They keep multiplying!

*bang*

Excuse me, had to shoot another one. They get everywhere. Anyway, as I don't want to lose these ideas, and may even turn them into a longform story, I decided to store them here. If you want to see any of these become a full story, leave a review saying so! Now, be vewwy vewwy quiet. We'we hunting wabbits.


"Clear the deck!"

Tsumugu Kinagase paused in firing his DTR's sewing guns as he heard Aikuro's voice over the radio. There was only one reason Aikuro would want the deck cleared, and Tsumugu was not looking forward to the experience.

"Hey, what are you up to?!" Tsumugu shouted towards the bridge. "Don't tell me you're-"

"Oh, but I am!" came the expected answer. "The last ace up the Naked Sol's sleeve: Great Naked Dagger!"

The hinged flight deck of the Naked Sol flipped upwards, coming together into a massive blade perched atop the other massive blade that was the bow of the ship. Tsumugu looked up at the Original Life Fiber, seeing the yellow slit Ryuko had left in the mass.

"Oh, you want to use that blade to peel that gourd bare, huh?" Tsumugu said, grinning widely. "I like it!"

The Original Life Fiber, perhaps sensing the danger (or simply reacting to Ryuko trying to chop up its core) fired off another salvo of explosive shots as the Naked Sol began to accelerate. With the ship's much narrower profile, most of the shots missed, but enough hit to, along with the near misses, rock the already abused ship again.

"Damage report!" Aikuro called out.

"Major damage to #1, #3 turbines!" came the answer from the engine room. "Remaining #2 turbine is putting out all it can!"

Aikuro slammed his fist on his console in frustration. "Crap! This is as far as we can get on human power, huh?" In front of him, he could see the Original Life Fiber lowering its gaping maw, ready to devour the Naked Sol and every living soul on board.

Distracted by the Original Life Fiber, Aikuro didn't notice the ding as the ship's power meter started to fill. Soroi did.

"Mr. Mikisugi," he began. "What does that meter mean?"

"Huh?" Aikuro glanced at the power meter, only to double take in shock as it started to rapidly climb. "What's going-"

"Mr. Mikisugi, the turbine has started turning again!" came the engine room again. "Or rather, it's spinning like crazy!"

Aikuro grinned as he watched the meter shoot up to maximum capacity. "Yes! Strap yourselves in, everyone, it's- grrrrrn!"

Massive g-forces gripped the ship as the aft-mounted rocket ignited, propelling the ship forward at such great speeds that it lifted out of the water, aimed right at the open tear in the Original Life Fiber. The Naked Sol tore through the outer shell of the Original Life Fiber with ease, but in the process expended most of its momentum, stopping just short of the core and nudging Ryuko forward.

"Uwaah!" Ryuko cried out as she was pushed forward, Senketsu turning back to his standard Kamui form. "Mako? Is that you?!"

"Ryuko!" Mako cried out, still running on the giant mousewheel that powered the turbine. "Ryuko!"

"Mako! It's you, right?!" Ryuko called out, her expression morphing into one of joy as she realized that yes, it was her best friend calling out to her. "Mako!"

"The gang- The gang's all here!" Indeed, running alongside Mako on the turbine were the rest of the Academy's two-stars, their uniforms resewn by Iori.

"Ryuko, I can feel it! Your blood is all fired up!" Senketsu exclaimed in glee.

"Yeah! Let's do it, Senketsu!"

"Right!"

Ryuko and Senketsu transformed back into Shippu form again, tearing forward and through the core of the Original Life Fiber, the lack of resistance allowing the Naked Sol to accelerate forward again. The two went faster and faster, and were through the other side of the Original Life Fiber in less than a second, shooting past Satsuki and her elite four at speeds usually only attained by falling asteroids.

'W-What's… going…' Ryuko wondered as the wind tore past her. Somehow, the world was becoming brighter, despite it being night. 'I don't-'

And then everything. Went. White.

~o~

It was a bright sunny morning in this patch of sea, typical for this part of the North Blue. This far out to sea there were no ships, no birds, and barely any fish.

A good thing, too, as anyone who saw the massive tear open up in the sky might have gone mad at the sight. Jagged and seething in black and crimson, it lasted for only a bare few seconds, long enough to disgorge a dagger-shaped ship and six small, human-sized figures.

'Wha- What's going-' Satsuki wondered internally, before forcing her shock to the back of her mind with the discipline born of years under Ragyo's "tender" care. 'No time for that. Falling out of sky. Companions?' A quick glance revealed that the Elite Four were all conscious, and Jakuzure was already diving down to pick them up. Behind her she could see the Naked Sol. It was sturdy, it would survive the landing. And Ryuko-.

Satsuki's eyes widened minutely. Ryuko - her sister - was unconscious, Senketsu deactivated. At this height, and without Senketsu's durability boost, an impact with the water would be devastating, Life Fiber hybrid or not. She gritted her teeth. And that was something she would not allow!

"Junketsu Senpu!" she cried out, Junketsu shifting into its flight mode. She rocketed down to the limp Ryuko, carefully pulling up beside her. It took very fine adjustments the Kamui almost couldn't handle, but Satsuki managed to get beneath Ryuko at the same speed, allowing her to bleed off velocity gradually instead of all at once. Unnecessary, perhaps, considering Ryuko had shrugged off worse, but Satsuki wasn't taking any chances.

Her sister safely in her arms, and keenly aware of her own building fatigue, Satsuki watched as the Naked Sol plunged into the water, carving a trench into the sea and throwing up large waves on either side. As the ship slowed, motive power winding down, the flight deck reverted back to its normal mode.

Satsuki touched down on the torn deck, deactivating Junketsu, just as Ryuko started to stir. "Satsuki…?" she muttered tiredly.

"Rest, Ryuko," she said in reply as she started towards the Mankanshoku aid station. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"Don't think so… just tired…" came the reply, followed by a yawn.

"Don't worry, you'll be able to rest soon," Satsuki assured her as she got to the aid station.

"Oh my, Ryuko-chan!" Sukuyo Mankanshoku cried out as she saw the two. "What's wrong with her, Miss Kiryuin?"

"I think she's just exhausted, but I wanted to be sure."

"Oh! That's no problem, then!" Sukuyo reached under the stretcher, pulling out a plate of steaming croquettes. "All she needs to do is eat a few of these and she'll be aaaaall better! At least until she needs to go to sleep."

Satsuki eyed the croquettes dubiously. "That doesn't seem-"

"They should work," came the voice of Tsumugu from beside her. "They sustained Mankanshoku and the other two-stars during the battle."

"Well, if you don't want to try Sukuyo's croquettes, then I should probably examine her," Barazo Mankanshoku piped up, a lecherous gleam entering his eyes. That gleam got the hell out of dodge the millisecond one half of Bakuzan came within millimeters of his forehead. "In a totally professional manner, of course." The doctor whimpered.

"I think I'll-" Satsuki cut herself off when she saw Ryuko already chowing down on one of the croquettes, color returning to her face.

"Man, I never get tired of these! Probably because the ingredients are never quite the same," Ryuko mumbled as she stuffed another croquette in her mouth. "Seriously, these are great, Mrs. Mankanshoku."

"I keep telling you to call me Sukuyo, dear," she chided, though not unkindly. "But I'm glad you like them." She blinked as she saw that the plate had already been cleared. "Ara, you must have been quite tired, Ryuko-chan. Do you need any more?"

"Nah, I'm good Mrs. Mankanshoku," Ryuko replied, wiping a few crumbs off her cheek. "Thanks for the meal." Sated and re-energized, she finally took in the bright blue sky and calm, clear sea. "Where the hell are we? I could've sworn it was night when we attacked that damn ball of yarn. And why aren't we being attacked, or space dust?"

"I don't know," Satsuki said simply. "Once I made sure you were fine I was planning to go talk to Inumuta and Mikisugi. Hopefully their sensors will have an answer for us."

Ryuko smirked and let out a light chuckle. Satsuki? Admitting when she didn't know something? She really had changed. "Well, what are we doing standing around for? Let's-"

A sudden chill fell over the deck, causing both Ryuko and Satsuki to shiver and break out in a cold sweat. Inumuta and Sanageyama were shaking, too, while Jakuzure, Gamagoori, and the Mankanshoku's were strangely immune.

Wordlessly, the four affected dashed for the edge of the deck, casting their eyes onto the sea. It didn't take long for them to zero in on a small speck on the ocean, moving slowly but steadily towards them.

Satsuki couldn't see any details, couldn't feel anything but a vague sense of dread, but from her companions' expressions they were sensing something. And it wasn't pleasant.

"What do you see?" she stage-whispered, though why she didn't know.

"Satsuki-sama…" Sanageyama breathed. "You can't feel it? The malevolent coldness, the sheer coiled power?"

"Yeah, I feel it too," Ryuko added. "And not a single scrap of Life Fiber either."

"I have a visual," Inumuta said. "It's a boat. Wooden, low-freeboard. Single mast with a single sail. Candles arranged around the deck. And a man, sitting in the center."

Satsuki didn't say anything. They needed more information, and for that, whoever it was needed to be closer.

So they waited, the boat approaching with agonizing slowness. After several minutes, the speck having resolved into something vaguely boat-shaped, Ryuko and Inumuta suddenly tensed.

"His eyes…" Inumuta breathed.

"Like a hawk's…" Ryuko agreed solemnly.

"Tch," Satsuki growled. "Mikisugi! Get the motors running!"

"Good idea!" Sanageyama exclaimed, Ryuko and Inumuta nodding in agreement. "We can go full steam ahead and-!"

Ryuko promptly punched him in the nose, staggering him long enough for Inumuta to whip out his Goku Uniform's dendrites and tie him down, Ryuko adding a few kicks to his ribs for good measure.

"Sorry, Satsuki, but engineering's telling me that turbine #2 is down after all the stress we put on it! We can get #1 up and running in an hour, but it'll be only good for five knots, at best!"

"Dammit, he'll be right next to us long before then," Satsuki muttered. "Mikisugi, get that turbine up and running as fast as you can! We'll have to do this the hard way."

"I understand. Good luck."

Satsuki sighed before turning to Inumuta. "Inumuta, can you calculate our chances of victory?"

Inumuta was already tapping away at his wrist-mounted computer. "According to my calculations, Satsuki-sama, we have a 95% chance of all of us dying horribly." His collar opened as he swallowed conspicuously, sweat shining on his brow. "Though I admit to possibly being biased out of sheer terror."

"So our chances aren't that bad?" Ryuko asked with a hopeful grin as she clenched and unclenched her grip on her blade.

"No, it means that I was as optimistic as possible when calculating. Our real chances are far, far worse."

The delinquent snapped a disbelieving look at him. "How could things get worse than 95%!?"

"I'm still trying to calculate at what decimal place the nines end at."

"He's right, that is worse." Senketsu admitted.

"Not helping!" Ryuko hissed at her clothing.

Finally, Satsuki could see the man on the boat. His eyes were indeed like a hawk's, slitted and piercing. She could almost feel herself being dissected by those eyes, but she shoved it aside with an effort of will. The man himself looked like he'd just walked off the set of a Zorro movie, feathered hat and all, and what appeared to be a very large sword was slung over his back. Satsuki blinked-

And then the man was suddenly right there on the deck. Satsuki's eyes widened in naked shock; she hadn't seen him move, and from the expressions on everyone's faces the only who had was Ryuko.

"Fascinating. I've never seen a ship like this." His eyes swept over those on the deck, from Aikuro and Soroi on the bridge, to Jakuzure, Tsumugu, and Gamagoori standing protectively in front of the Mankanshokus, and finally zeroed in on Satsuki, who only barely managed to not flinch.

"Are you the leader of this ship?" he asked as if talking about the weather.

"I am," Satsuki stated, ignoring the frenzied motions from Ryuko to stop.

"Then die."

~o~

Hawkeye dashed towards the self-proclaimed leader of this motley crew, his small knife drawn. His arrival had confirmed that only one could see him move, and none could move fast enough to stop him.

So he was rather surprised when he felt a hand clamp onto his wrist before he could reach the white-clad woman.

"Don't. Touch. My. SISTER!" the one with the red stripe howled, hurling him away. He flipped gracefully, landing back on his feet, and just managed to get his sword out in time to block the twin red blades the girl brought down on him.

The girl erupted into a flurry of strikes, each one fast and powerful but entirely graceless, as if they were iron clubs in the hands of a thug. As he blocked each one, he made sure to give them a good look, and what curious blades they were! The curving single edge, the holes near the handles, the handles themselves. They greatly resembled the two halves of a scissor, and he suspected that's exactly what they were.

'Hm. She's looking frustrated. I suppose now is as good a time as any to test those blades' durability.'

The black blade flowed seamlessly from a block into a strike, Ryuko just managing to interpose one of the Scissor Blades in its path before it chopped her in two again. Once again he was surprised as the red sword took the blow without even chipping. The number of swords in the world that could do that could be counted on both hands with fingers left over.

As he continued on the offensive, his impression of the girl's fighting style continued to strengthen. Speed and power to spare, but little technique and subtlety. He smirked. If she could develop her skills, she'd be quite a challenge. Perhaps even the one to take his title... if she beat the three-sword style master, of course.

Finally, the two broke the exchange through some unspoken agreement. Hawkeye remained in a ready stance, completely unwinded. The girl held a stance, too, but it was shaky, from exhaustion if her panting was any indication.

"What is your name, girl?" he asked, for it was just good etiquette to know.

"Ryuko Matoi," she replied between breaths. "And what's yours?"

"My full name is something you have not earned yet," he said simply. "You may call me Hawkeye."

"Well, Hawkeye," Ryuko stated, straightening up now that she had caught her breath, a confident smirk on her face. "You're pretty strong. And I can tell you're holding back."

For the third time Hawkeye found himself surprised. Oh, this one was one to watch, indeed.

"But-" she continued, slinging her swords on her arms and reaching up to the red glove on her left wrist. "I've got a little something in reserve myself."

She pulled the pin- and promptly fell flat on her face. "What the-"

"As I thought," Hawkeye said. "You are exhausted from a previous fight."

That prompted Ryuko to glare at him and try to haul herself back to her feet. "I'll show you exhaust- grrn!" And failed. She paused, seemingly listening to something he couldn't hear, and snapped at her clothing. "And ya couldn't've told me this five minutes ago?"

"A pity," Hawkeye stated, closing his eyes. "Perhaps whatever boost you would have gotten could have let you win. But now, you have to die lying on the ground instead of standing and fighting."

"No!" Ryuko snarled, her arms straining to lift herself up. "I refuse to die here!"

"Goodbye." And he brought the black blade down.

*Clang!*

Only for it to be stopped by the white-clad woman and the green-haired young man. Their clothes had changed, both far more armor-like and far more skimpy, and both were straining to hold back his blade - but they were holding it back.

"You. Do not. Touch. My. Sister." The woman intoned frigidly as she shoved against his sword. "Ever."

"Where Satsuki-sama goes, I go!" the green-haired man added.

The two heaved their blades, pushing Hawkeye back and breaking the deadlock. He could see the fear in their eyes, and yet despite that they stood there, protecting Ryuko Matoi. And the white-clad woman… Satsuki, her name was. He knew that presence. The presence of a conqueror.

He smiled. Oh, he was keeping an eye on this entire crew. He hadn't had this much fun in years. No, no, that was a lie. He'd had this much fun once before, a scant few months ago.

His grin widened a little more. Yes... why not? That would do nicely.

He strode over to the edge of the ship where his boat was docked and addressed the residents of the Naked Sol as he swung his sword onto his back. "My name is Dracule Mihawk!" he announced firmly. "It is too soon for you to die here."

And with that, he leapt off the ship and onto his own vessel. He waited for a moment, and as expected there was the young conqueror, flanked not only by the green-haired monkey, but three others: a loyal dog, a firm toad and a vigilant snake. A moment later and there was Ryuko, supported by a girl with a foolish expression who didn't seem in the least bit scared.

His grin widened as he indulged himself and spread his arms wide. "Discover yourself. See the world! And grow strong, Ryuko! You and your sister both!"

As expected, the pair tensed furiously, acknowledging the challenge wholeheartedly.

Mihawk swung his blade off his back and pointed it up at the children (mere children, yet with such potential!). It would have been simple to slice their ship in two, to leave them to the sea... but where would be the fun in that?

"However long it may take..." He grinned viciously. "I shall await you at the top." He pointed his blade high into the air, stabbing the heavens themselves as he bellowed. "STRIVE WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND MIND TO BEST THIS BLADE, FIERCE ONE! STRIVE TO SURPASS ME, RYUKO MATOI!"

And so he sheathed his blade and sat in his seat, preparing to leave…

"OH, NO, YOU DON'T GET TO LEAVE IT AT THAT, ASSHOLE!"

"INDEED!"

Hawkeye heard the click of a high heel as he turned, and he saw Satsuki and Ryuko standing together, glaring defiance at him in fire and ice. A bright orange spotlight, half icy white and half fiery red, seemed to be shining down on them from no discernable source.

"WE SHALL BECOME STRONGER!" Satsuki promised, pure imperial might resonating in her voice. "THE BOTH OF US!"

"AND THEN WE'RE GONNA FIND YOU!" Ryuko roared, indignant fury and unholy vengeance radiating from her being. "AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

"TOGETHER!" They chorused in tandem, a wave of almost corporeal power erupting from them and causing the world to ring like a bell.

It was too much. All of it was too much. Hawkeye threw his head back and laughed, a deep hearty laugh of pure joy.

One after another after another they came! The best, the greatest, the most magnificent the world had to offer!

Ah, what an age this Great Pirate Era was to live in! What a great and glorious age!

Finally, his laughter subsided, and he looked the two dead in the eye. "I look forward to it."

Sitting back down in his chair, he let the wind and the current carry him away to Reverse Mountain.

He had to return to Kuraigana Island to train, to prepare. After all... he would be entertaining guests, one day soon. It would not do for him to disappoint them.

He trembled with excitement at the mere thought.

~o~

The crew of the Naked Sol didn't relax until the small boat was well and truly out of sight. Everyone on deck slumped bonelessly to the ground as the tension ebbed out of them.

"Who was that guy?" Ryuko breathed.

"I don't know," Satsuki growled. "And that should be impossible. A swordsman of that caliber, capable of taking on a Life Fiber hybrid in single combat? Ragyo would have flagged him for immediate assassination, and then I'd know about him." She sighed, shaking her head. "I think- no, we need to talk to Mikisugi first and compare notes."

"What are you thinking, Satsuki-sama?" Gamagoori rumbled.

"Right now it is a wild hypothesis of the sort Mankanshoku would cook up," Satsuki replied, looking more unsure than any present had ever seen her. "I dearly hope I am wrong." The moment passed, and Satsuki was back to her commanding self. "But that will have to wait until we all get some rest and Mikisugi's engineers get that turbine up and running. Dismissed!"

The Elite Four quietly dispersed, and Ryuko huffed tiredly as she leaned on her sister. "Geez, I'm exhausted." She let out a jaw-cracking yawn. "'Least I'm not dead on my feet like when we arrived."

"You have been pushing yourself all day," Satsuki observed. "Sleep, Ryuko. I shall watch over you."

"Geez, sis," Ryuko yawned again, not noticing her sister tense. "Don't… treat me like a kid… alla time…"

Satsuki smiled contentedly as she watched Ryuko fall asleep. She was really quite cute like this, softer. That hardness that always seemed to suffuse her when she was awake just… fell away.

A yawn threatened to escape, and was hastily suppressed. She was pretty tired, too. Ah, well, a quick nap wouldn't hurt.

~o~

"Mmmrgh..."

"Are you awake, Ryuko?"

"Mmm...? Ssuki?"

"Indeed."

"Mmmaaaaagh. Geeze... how long have I been asleep?"

"Approximately six hours. The sun has fallen."

"Huh, well alright then. So why are we laying on the deck?"

"Apparently it was decided that it would be prudent to sleep on the deck."

"Huh, alright then. G'night..."

"Ryuko."

"Mmm?"

"Look at the sky."

"Huh? Why?"

"Humor me."

"Geeze alright, alright. I'm looking. Now what?"

"Do you see anything odd?"

"Huh? Well, I dunno. I mean, the stars are a bit brighter than usual, but other than-! ... Satsuki..."

"Yes Ryuko?"

"Do... you recognize any constellations?"

"No. No, I do not."

"...soooo, that theory of yours?"

"We may consider it confirmed."

"...fuck."

"Agreed."