1Yet again, this was originally part of the main series but I ended up taking it out. For flow reasons and what not. I actually spent most of the time writing and perfecting this one. So, yeah…
Again, the prompt is from the rare pair prompt lists over on LJ.
I really don't know what I love you means. I think it means don't leave me here alone. – Neil Gaiman | Dark Sonnet
i'll be your… something-or-other:
She's not exactly sure why she's the one who volunteers to go with him.
Her hand goes up almost instinctively as soon as the question leaves his lips and yeah, she understands why they're all looking at her so strangely.
Up 'till this point the only real interaction her and the angel have had mostly consisted of awkward lunches, Dean dragging them both to places and glaring matches in the back of the Impala. And one very memorable incident where she ended up half covered in ghoul intestines.
"I… appreciate your help and support Ruby." The words sound forced and foreign leaving the angel's mouth and she fights down a wince. Is it really that shocking that she wants to help? She's a nice demon, she does good things!
Sam only offers a snort as he walks back into the motel room and Dean throws her a questioning look before he's following his brother inside.
The awkwardness only increases after that and she's just about to start shuffling her feet around when the angel reaches for her.
She steps back instinctively and yeah no, no touching. She must have said this aloud because he frowns and grabs her hand regardless. "Hold on."
And oh crap, she hadn't thought he'd meant for them to start right at this moment. It feels wrong traveling via angel. Makes her feel tight and small and she's pretty sure her blood starts to boil at some point. When they touch down it's in the middle of nowhere, grass as far as the eyes can see and trees tall enough to put most skyscrapers to shame.
He steps away from her immediately and she leans down, hands shakily clasping her knees. "Let's never do that again, m'kay?" She pushes back bile, wipes sweat away and then straightens. The angel is paying her no attention, is instead inspecting their surroundings.
"Where are we exactly? Don't tell me you zapped us to the wrong place."
"My Grace drew us here, I go where it goes."
She pauses. "Sure, okay, why not." She reaches in her back pocket for Dean's necklace and finds it lacking any glow, any special alterations. "You sure this is an amulet? Doesn't look like much to me." She hands it over as she goes to stand by him and the air thins, just enough for her to notice it.
"It might not look like much, but this is an old relic. Older than most. How Dean and Sam came upon it is beyond me." He pockets said amulet and begins walking away, steps determined and fast.
She sighs, sends a silent prayer to… whoever would even listen to her, and follows after him.
The night ends with the angel disappointed and her throwing up behind a bush that appeared to be identical to the other fifty before it.
He has the nerve to look uncomfortable when she's done and she scowls, spitting away at the ground. "Don't look at me like that wings, I told you no more angelic airlines."
"I didn't mean to make you sick. Do you require medicine of some sort?" His hands clench and open at this sides and she realizes that he genuinely wants to help and didn't get her sick on purpose. "No, just need to clear my head a little." She tries to keep her voice as casual as possible.
He thins his lips, look away from her and then nods. "We've been traveling for hours. Some rest would be wise."
When he makes no move to sit or start walking to a better, more secluded location she rolls her eyes and drops down by the nearest tree. "Any reason we're searching for you daddy in the middle of nowhere?"
"Human vessels are not the only form celestial beings can take, same as demons. This is as good a place as any to rest and hide out for my father."
She nods, okay, sure. "And when you find him, what's going to happen? He's going to round up your brothers, give them a good spanking and all will be well with the world? What happens to the boys?"
He doesn't answer for some time, takes a pause to rubs his fingertips together and then he's next to her, vessel as warm and as sweaty as hers. "I'm not sure. I'm… I'm hoping that yes, he'll put an end to this careless war. That I'll be able to go home. Dean and Sam able to live out their lives happily."
Her throat is tight. "And me?"
"You'll probably be disposed of. It'll be fast though, as you have been of service."
A rough chuckle leaves her and she closes her eyes, leaning back. "Yeah, that sounds about right feathers."
Silence falls over them for a few minutes as just as she's about to drift off into sleep, his voice pulls her back to the surface. "My name is Castiel."
She knew this would come up at some point so she doesn't bother lying. "Names hold power, especially angelic names. I have no idea what would happen to me if I called you by your true name."
"It's not my true name. My angelic name could neither be comprehended nor pronounced by human tongues and ears."
A low breath leaves her. "Well alright then," She swallows down some fear and, "Castiel."
Nothing happens, the wind continues to blow just as it had a minute before.
She feels some fear escape her and tension as well. "Castiel." It falls off of her lips easier now, smoother. She rolls it around her tongue, pushes it back out. "Castiel. Cas."
He doesn't question her, simply looks away, to where some flowers are in the process of dying.
"It's a good name."
"So is Ruby."
She refuses to let tears bloom forth so she squeezes her eyes tighter together. "Mariella. That's my real name, my true name." Her accent slips out, just enough for her throat to ache and this is why she's never told anyone. Not Sam, not Dean, no one. Names are dangerous, they hold leverage and power and she really shouldn't have done that.
She gets no response to her reveal so she opens her eyes and looks to her side. The angel is fast asleep beside her, breaths even and low.
A wave of relief washes over her and she allows sleep to come for her as well.
"Where we headed this week?"
"Not sure yet. Hold on."
She takes in one deep breath, nods and they're gone.
This time they pause for a break outside the border of North Korea. Well, not so much pause as…
"We really, really shouldn't be here." She whispers, breath low and harsh. She's lost track of how many men they'd sent after them but at this point she hardly thinks it matter. She can't exactly have Castiel laying anyone to waste and she'd sort of promised Sam she'd keep the bloodshed as low as possible. She sees the error in her ways now; she should stop promising things she really has no intention of following through with.
"Where do you want us to go exactly? I don't have enough energy to take us both right now and I don't think the boys would appreciate me leaving you behind."
She scoffs, jerks away as a bullet misses her forehead by an inch and rushes forward into the jungle. "Gee thanks, really feeling the love right now."
He frowns and scowls faintly, "You know I didn't mean it like – "
"Dammit!" Her shoulder's torn to shreds in six seconds flat, three nice bullet holes ripping away most of the meat and muscle on top. She exhales, rolls her neck and stands. "I'll be right back."
"Ruby, don't – "
She ignores him and the next thing he hears is petrified screaming.
"I don't get why you're so upset. It was them or us and you weren't going to do anything."
Silence.
"Oh come on, don't go all righteous Winchester on me. What was I supposed to do, let them mess up our vessels? Last I checked there are no Novaks lying around nearby and I'm pretty fond of blondie here."
Silence.
"Jesus Christ," The car's horn honks loudly under her punch and she just barely manages to get them back on the interstate. "Can you please say something?"
"I can't tell if you're speaking to reassure me or yourself."
She frowns, eyes the upcoming traffic cameras and makes a sharp left. "No conscious here buddy. Nothing to reassure."
"You and I both wished it was that simple."
"Don't." Her tone goes hard and she nearly crashes them into a lamppost.
"It's up to you whether or not you tell the Winchesters, it's no business of mine." His voice is too casual for her taste and she contemplates for a quick second letting the car smash into the next hard object she sees.
"Good. Conversation over now." She wipes some of the blood on her free hand on her jeans and tries to control the bleeding from her shoulder. No luck. She grits her teeth and pulls off the road, car jerking forward sharply.
With the engine off and no background noise it becomes painfully quiet as she tends to her wounds. She's lost a lot of blood, too much blood and she's so grateful her vessel's long dead.
"I imagine Sam would have a problem hunting if he knew about demonic souls. Maybe even Dean, depending on how it was explained to him."
She pushes into her flesh, digs in and with a sharp inhale pulls out a bullet fragment. "I don't have a soul."
"No, I suppose not. What's left there is too tattered to be salvaged at this point. But it's something. Explains a lot, doesn't it?"
She stops now, jaw tightening. "I don't need the boys second guessing themselves. If they haven't managed to find out by now it's not going to do them any good. Not like it's common information."
"Of course not, most demons aren't even aware of what's inside."
She ignores this and starts searching for napkins, a shirt, anything to bite down on. "I need you to reset my shoulder."
"Ruby – "
"Castiel. Reset it, now."
He does so without warning and a hoarse shout escapes from her throat. "Jesus… fuck, Castiel! You never heard of 1, 2, 3?"
"No point, it hurts either way."
She gives him her best unimpressed glare and leans back into her seat. "You're an asshole, you know that right?"
"I've been told by a few people, yeah."
"…Let's go home."
She almost doesn't go with him next time, has to be nudged forward by Sam when it's obvious the angel's waiting for her outside.
"But I don't want to." She doesn't whine. She doesn't. Demons don't whine.
Sam pulls out bitch-face number eleven so she simply shoves him back into the nearest bed and grabs her jacket on her way out.
"I should have brought something heavier." She barely manages to get the words out, teeth chattering dangerously.
Castiel is quiet beside her and okay, it hadn't been his fault entirely. She probably shouldn't have crushed the first guy's windpipe.
Their current location is… somewhere really freaking cold. She doesn't ask anymore really, it doesn't do her much good. More specifically however, they're trapped inside a meat freezer with the temperature dropping a little bit with each minute that goes by.
"So… you got any ideas on how to get out?" She can't hear anyone on the other side of the door so she could probably blast them out but she's far too tired for that. And she's not sure her arms will cooperate long enough to get the job done.
He moves to stand by the door, runs his trembling hands down the frame and nods. "Stand back."
Damn it, she as hoping to avoid any explosions on this trip. She does as he says and turns her back, moving a few feet away.
The actual explosion itself isn't that loud or hot but the pressure in the air changes and she can feel her breath leave her for a moment.
"Let's go."
She doesn't have much choice but to follow.
"How's the hunt for God going?" This is what she assumes Dean is trying to say. What comes out is: "Weh ta hu fo Goung?" He's lucky she's well versed in him by now to be able to translate.
She inches her plate away from his, frowns at the burger taking up most of his plate and shrugs. "It's going. Slow. We haven't really found anything yet to be honest."
The Winchester across from her burps, slaps his chest and then grins at her disgust. "So there's no reason for him to be stealing you from us is what you're saying."
"Stealing? Cute Dean, getting jealous?"
He scowls and grabs a handful of fries off of her plate. She decides to let him keep his hand. "What do I have to be jealous of?"
She'll never admit how much those words hurt. "True… pass the ketchup."
"Can you explain to me why in the ever loving – " She pauses, ducks and then continues her cursing. "Fuck, your brothers are trying to kill us?" The door besides her explodes just then, sending her flying forward. Castiel sends a look outwards, palms his angel blade and rushes out.
She turns over, ignores the blood running down her face and, "Or leave me behind. Whatever."
"I don't think I've ever seen you with these many broken bones." This is the third time Sam has said this in the past half hour.
She ignores him for the moment, pulls back her pinky finger and sighs in satisfaction when it snaps into place. "You should have seen me after Brazil." Now that had been a dangerous and stupid trip. All they'd gotten out of that was broken bones, more broken bones and a place on the Brazilian federal government's watch list.
Sam lets out a mildly distressed noise and passes her a splint. "Are you guys even finding anything on these trips of yours? They don't seem to be doing much."
She considers for a moment. "Well I now know how to fly a helicopter, for whatever that's worth."
"Helicopter? What?" It's cute when he gets confused like this. She pats his cheeks lightly and starts to work on her ankle. "Relax, Castiel returned it. I mean, we'll probably never be allowed in any Latin American country ever again but," She shrugs, ripping open her jeans. "We can vacation somewhere else."
He nods slowly, face blank and passes her the medical tape.
"Sometimes," Breathe, pause, exhale. "I think you like being chased by random people."
Castiel doesn't even bother denying it, his lips quirking up into a small smile and yeah, she's definitely holding this one against him. "I merely suggested he give up his illegal activities before I alerted the authorities about them."
The sound of a gun's safety going off hits her ears and she's rolling her eyes and pushing him to the ground before she can think about it. A moment later, right where Castiel's head had been appears a nice round bullet hole. "You owe me so much food for this shit."
She doesn't give him a chance to reply, leaving him behind as she goes to finish the rest of the gunmen off.
It was only a matter of time, she knows this. There were only so many trips around the world they could make before the angel finally decided to give up.
It just so happens that they're on a boat in the middle of nowhere when he breaks down. Which is, you know, oh so very typical of her life so far.
They've been steering themselves in circles basically for the last half hour and she smells far too much like fish to be in anything but a crabby mood. She's just about to give up and throw the paddles overboard because screw Sam, okay? She can teleport whenever she feels like it, thank you very much. (This is very much a lie).
"This is pointless, isn't it?"
Castiel's voice shocks her out of her murderous thoughts and when she gets a good look at him, she wants to sigh. He apparently stopped steering a while ago, which explains the circles thing and has an expression of what can only be described as pure exhaustion on. She knows the look well, has seen it plenty, has worn it herself plenty.
"Cas – "
"If he wanted to be found, it would have happened by now. He wouldn't be making it this hard right?"
The desperation in his voice has her pausing and she has no response for him, nothing to make him feel better.
"Dean was right." Pause. "We should go home. I'm sorry I've taken up so much of your time."
"Hey, no, you haven't. Look, how about we finish up here and we'll talk about this later okay? We're almost at the other side of the lake." They aren't, nowhere near close actually but whatever he needs to hear.
"Ruby, you don't have to placate me." His head falls into his hands and oh boy, here we go.
"I don't baby anyone. If I thought this was a waste of time I wouldn't be here." Another lie. She finally gives up the steering when she spins them into another circle. "Besides, we've narrowed down at least half of the damn globe by now, we're getting close."
He simply groans into his hands instead of responding and jesus christ, she did not sign up for this bullshit.
"Oh grow up. You knew what you were getting into. You knew this wasn't going to be easy."
"Yes but I did not realize it would be this hard." His voice is muffled, tired and strained and she fights the urge to awkwardly pat him on the back.
"Tough shits, come on pick up your paddle, we need to get moving before the sun goes down."
Castiel makes no move to follow her orders so she goes the next logical thing. She shoves him. Hard.
The boat tips dangerous to the side and the angel shoots up, gripping the sides tightly. His face is a mask of fury and disbelief. "Was that supposed to make me cooperative?"
She offers a smirk and a shrug. And then a sharp kick.
"What the – " He flails back, catches himself on the cooler by the small of his back and shoves her foot away. "Stop that." Her foot shoots out again and he catches it this time, holding onto it tightly. She blows out a breath and her hair goes flying. "Do that again and I'm going to retaliate."
"I'm so scared." Lough love is the only love she knows.
"What do you want from me?"
She pulls her foot away, pulling him forward and crosses her arms. "Well first, I'd like to be reimbursed for every article of clothing I've lost since I've started joining you on your trips around the world. I'd like an actual apology for getting me shot at more than three times. Maybe some Advil for my now constant headaches. World peace."
"Ruby – "
"Let's get to the other side, search the town and then we can talk. Come on." Her voice is the kind of gentle she's only every used on three people.
He looks away from her for a moment, considering, before picking his paddle back up.
"I… I just don't understand how you manage to get shot at so much. You're getting shot more than us now and that's impressive, let me tell you."
Dean's running commentary became background noise about five minutes ago so she merely hums a response, wincing slightly at the feeling of Castiel's fingers digging into her skin.
This is the fifth bullet this week she's needed pulled out of her so she gets Dean's concern but it's kind of hard to focus. Castiel's been at this specific one for a while now and she doesn't think her muscles can handle much more.
"Cas, I know you're trying to be gentle and all that but I need this thing out of me okay. Can't you, you know, angel voodoo it out of there?"
She can't see his disapproving frown but she can hear it and it makes her grin. "Ruby it's not – I'll try."
"Angelic voodoo? Do I need to stand back?"
She shoots the eldest Winchester her sharpest glare without resorting to onyx eyes and steels herself for the pain out to come.
"Brace yourself." Castiel mumbles, palm spread out against her shoulder blade. She leans forward, blows away stray strands of blonde hair, grabs a hold of the bed's edge and nods.
The next second there's a burning, flashing pain spreading through her, suffocating her. She keeps her mouth shut, not sure she won't scream if she doesn't and squeezes her eyes tightly together. She can hear Dean shifting closer; out of concern or curiosity she's not sure. She pretends she doesn't care.
"It's out." As soon as the words leave his mouth she can feel relief coming over her, slowly, but there. She can faintly feel him cleaning up the blood and pressing a wet gauze pad on her skin behind her. She hadn't even needed to remind him this time.
"Thank you Nurse Jackie, much appreciated." She moves away, pulls her strap back up and grabs her jacket.
"I don't understand that reference."
She reaches behind her and pats his hand lightly. "I know sweetie. Come on."
"Mariella is a very beautiful name."
She doesn't bother to open her eyes at the sound of his voice because of course, he'd been faking sleep. Makes sense. She presses herself closer to him, lethargic and in no mood to get up.
"So you did hear me." She makes sure her words are soft, not displaying any anger. Because she's not, angry that is. If anyone has to know, she's glad it's the angel.
"Of course. We were having a moment."
A small smile flies across her lips before she schools her expression back into emptiness. "Yes Cas, a moment."
Silence.
"Italian descend?"
"Yep." She doesn't offer up anything else, burrowing deeper into his side. He doesn't move away, or make any move to try to accommodate her, which, figures really.
"Can I ask how it is you lost your humanity?"
All movement stops and if the angel needed to breath she'd swear he had stopped. She'll give him this. "I was in a coven. It wasn't big, just me and a few friends. Neighbors. The plague was big in my time, lots of death and whatnot going around. At that point I'd already sold myself, didn't have much time left. So I figured we could help, with the magic. We could try and find some solution, or at least protect our city. The rest of the coven didn't agree. We fought. So they sent me down under early."
Her throat is dry, feels thick and heavy. She's not surprised when Castiel's left hand falls over one of hers and she grips it tightly against her knee.
"When news that the righteous man had been born reached my garrison, I didn't yet know that it would be me. That I'd be chosen to save his soul."
"Oh yeah? How'd you get assigned such a glamorous job?"
A dry laugh leaves him and he shifts, sitting up straighter. "I'd like to say it was random but nothing my father does is random. I'm sure he had his reasons."
A thin blanket of silence falls over them and she thinks she'd like to carve out a space for herself inside of him.
"What a pair we make." She mumbles into his sleeve. He doesn't argue.
The next time all four of them are in a room together it's… different to say the least. Not awkward, at least not on her part, but the atmosphere is different then how it was before. Before she started letting Castiel drag her around the world in search for his wayward father.
See, before, what would happen was that Castiel and Dean would sit in one side of a booth, Ruby and Sam in the other. Castiel and Ruby ignored each other and shared suspicious glares from across the sticky counter. Dean tried to fit as many fries as he could into his mouth at once without triggering his gag reflex and Sam watched him, looking disturbed and slightly insulted.
Now, this is the set up: Ruby and Castiel huddled in a corner table, arguing over maps and old relics and what could possibly be a two thousand year old map (shhh, don't tell anyone, they're just borrowing it, they swear). They snip and snarl and steal each other's food and there is no sense of personal space. Dean and Sam sitting on the other side of them, confused and unsure of how to approach the situation.
"So, uh guys?" Sam tries first. Very noble of him.
He get no response from the duo and nudges Dean slightly. The eldest Winchester clears his throat a few times and when that does nothing, slams a fist down on the table.
Two heads whip around to face him, disbelief and anger in them. Ruby grabs hold of the map and Castiel the relic that looks closest to crumbling onto itself. "Do you want to explain to the Algerian government how we broke these?"
Dean takes a pause, shakes his head and then, "Do I even want to know how you got those?"
Ruby considers for a moment before shaking her head. "Probably not." The angel besides her is already back to ignoring them, head bowed down.
"Guys, is this what you're going to be doing the whole time?" Sam is gentler but it gets about the same result.
Ruby's face goes blank and she shrugs. "Order first, we need to get this done."
And then she's gone too, head pressing against the angel's and hard words being thrown back and forth.
Dean shrugs at Sam and eats Ruby's lunch when it arrives.
What happens next is this:
Dean and Sam get murdered in bed while Ruby and Castiel are off chasing rumors. They get murdered and sent up to heaven and when the angel and demon return the bodies are cold and there is no air left for breathing.
Castiel stays, communicating with the boys via angelic airways and Ruby goes off to visit from hunters.
How it ends is this:
Dean and Sam back, alive and healthy and whole. Castiel, with nothing left in the world gives back Dean's amulet and walks away. Ruby, after putting two hunters into the ground goes after the angel without a moment of hesitation.
"I never considered that he did not want to be found. It never even crossed my mind to be honest." His words are heavy with sadness and they sound wrong to her ears. She leans against him, letting him take most of her weight. The heat radiating off of him is comforting and she takes his closest hand in hers.
"We don't need him. We're going to be fine."
Castiel's face morphs into exasperation and it looks so damn tired. "Ruby please don't lie to me."
She tightens her hold on him, drags them both down to the cold grass. The familiar tree is cold behind them and she wishes she could find the right words to say. "I'm not lying. We're going to win. There's no other option here."
She's not used to being the one providing the comfort, can barely find something to say that doesn't sound cruel or judgmental. She wants to make this better for him, wants to find some way to make him understand that it's okay, that he has her now. And she's not going anywhere.
"We're going to win and the boys will be able to stop hunting and I'm going to get the vacation I deserve and you – " she swallows around sudden gravel. "You'll be able to go back home."
There's no air in her lungs suddenly and her eyes have gone glossy. The idea of loss is a new one to her, seeing as how she's never had anyone she was ever afraid of losing until now. But the feeling of cold skin from Dean and Sam's lifeless bodies, the thought of Castiel going away… she wasn't aware loss hurt this badly.
She turns her head and catches the angel's eyes, tries to smile and mean it. She doesn't know how to ask him to stay. So she doesn't.
"Come on, we'll figure this out." Together.
He doesn't respond, but he also doesn't argue. And it's all the same to her.
In the end, she's right. Which, of course.
They win and they do it without God. Barely, but they do make it out alive.
She walks over to him once she can breathe without feeling her ribs shift and offers a sharp grin. "Didn't I tell you we'd be fine?"
His look is more fond than exasperated so she forgives him for it. "If you're waiting for me to thank you for not predicting our doom…"
She scowls lightly. "You're killing my buzz, stop it."
His face warms and then he's nodding over to where the boys are laying on the Impala. "It's finally over, they can rest now."
She nods, watching her favorite idiots try to not spill beer over themselves. It's faintly amusing, in a familiar way. "I did my job that means." And that was always the mission wasn't it? Help Sam fight, help him fight the whole damn world if need be. Help them make it to the next week with their bones and souls still intact.
"You can get your vacation now."
There goes her good mood.
"And you can go home." The words leave her empty. He shouldn't have the power to do that to her. She doesn't move away when his hand goes for her but she does look up in shock when he brings her hand up to his lips. The kiss leaves a tingle behind.
"Ruby… ask me to stay."
The smile that overtakes her face is just this side of blinding. "Stay."
He does.