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"Hurry! Or do you presume to have a King such as myself wait for you?" yelled the great King of Uruk impatiently. He had been expecting this event for an entire week and although he had managed to hide the fact well, he simply couldn't wait. During his mortal life he had experienced all of life's pleasures, that much was true. However there was this one thing he never got to experience. It was nothing more than simply lack of the proper technology at the time, however it still remained as an unnatained pleasure that he had to experience himself. At least according to all the romance anime he had been watching secretly.

As he watched the sadist exit the Fuyuki church he couldn't supress the feeling of how wrong this was. He was supposed to go with his Saber, his only love and nine hundred fifty-sixth wife. However, seeing as Saber was at least six years away from him still and Caren was out of the question for obvious reasons, he would be forced to attend with Kirei. There was always the option of simply finding a date on his own instead of dragging Kirei along, but he was completely unable to find any suitable woman to escort him. That and Kirei had proved himself to be a rather stingy man. He had straight out told him that he would either survive on the ten thousand yen per month he gave him, or he should just go out there and get a job like everybody else. Gilgamesh was unable to pinpoint the exact moment he lost the upper hand in his relationship with Kirei (although the moment he began living for free in the church should be an indicator) but the problem remained that with ten thousand yen a month he couldn't take his date anywhere that wasn't the church or a very notorious bar downtown from where he had managed to pawn a small amount of gold once, without KIrei's knowledge of course. With his A+ Charisma he could probably work something out anyway, even in the church, however with Kirei's (and from time to time Caren's as well) constant presence, even his A+ Charisma was doomed.

As things stood, he had no choice but to go to the fair with Kirei.

"I am here Gilgamesh. Let's go." the priest announced in his usual monotone. As he turned towards the exit of the church's courtyard however, a rather large orange wrench fell from his robe. The King of Heroes stared at it in shock for a moment before turning his gaze at Kirei in disapproval.

"Open the robe Kirei." he ordered sternly.

"No."

The Gate of Babylon opened behind Kotomine and the tip of Gae Bolg's prototype spear was aimed at his back. "Open the robe Kirei." the King repeated his order, eyes slightly narrowed. Free-loader he might be, but there were limits to his patience and Kirei saw that as well. Without a word he unbuttoned his robe. "Now spread it."

Kotomine obeyed silently, although the displeasure was clear in his expression. Gilgamesh's eyes widened at the sight. There, inside specially designed pockets that made the contents invisible from the outside were all sorts of tools. Screwdrivers, wrenches, a small saw and a variety of others. Open-mouthed he stared first at an expressionless Kirei and then back at the contents of his robe. Swallowing the lump in his throat he stared the man in the eyes.

"Did you make this specifically for the fair?' he asked horrified.

"No, this robe's designed for Inquisitors of the Church so the pockets were there from the start."

"That's not what I asked you."

"Yes."

Gilgamesh sighed. He did not really regret showing Kotomine the meaning of joy and pleasure in whatever form it may exist in every person, however he never quite expected him to be so... enthusiastic, so thirsty for more of it. From regularly ripping off his congression to targeting one individual after another, he was spreading misery in his way like an unstoppable force of nature. It was at moments like this though that he felt the need to lock the sadistic maniac to the church's shed and leave him there until the next Holy Grail War. He had a very good idea of what Kotomine planned on doing with all those tools in the fair and he knew that the fake priest would probably get away with it.

"Take them out. Every single one of them Kotomine." he commanded him, the tip of the spear now pressing firmly against his back. Kotomine did so without a single word or expression passing his face. After five minutes of this, a rather big pile of various tools had gathered at the priest's feet as he threw the last one on it. The King of Uruk stared at him suspiciously.

"I don't need to worry about the pants, do I Kirei?"

"No."

He closed the Gate of Babylon. "I plan n keeping a very close eye on you Kirei. Don't try to spoil my fun there today, or the concequences will be dire."

"Understood King of Heroes." the priest replied and to Gilgamesh it seemed for a moment that he had tried to give a tone of innocense in his voice, but quickly dismissed the thought. Kotomine Kirei was a very capable man in many aspects but in regards to cooking and his vocal range, he was as stale as they came.

"Now then, let us go!" the King declared happily, already out of the courtyard. It was one of the reasons he failed to spot the smirk that passed Kotomine Kirei's lips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"This... is not as fun as I expected."

The Fuyuki Fair had been fairly similar to the fairs of all the anime he had watched but it had been sorely lacking in the fun department. He had already won a few stuffed animals and rode the Ferris Wheel. Kirei had been under close supervision the entire time and although he had noticed his eyes straying towards the control panel of various games, the priest had kept his less socially acceptable tendencies to himself. Overall it was a fairly boring experience, nothing like he expected it to be.

"Would you like to return to the church then Gilgamesh?"

"No. There still may be a way to salvage this. Now let us move to the cotton candy stand."

"I don't like cotton candy."

"Listen to the King, Kirei, he always knows what is best for you."

Kirei did not answer to that, which was just fine with the King of Uruk. He moved towards the stand he was interested in, intend on finding some joy in the experience. He was certain that much of the boredom stemmed from the fact that the priest was the one accompanying him and not some young schoolgirl in a short skirt that would be all laughs and giggles and red cheeks, as they were in anime. In retrospect, Caren might have been a better choice than Kirei, however the little woman scared him. In the safety of his head he had less of a problem admitting it, which is not to say that he would admit it out loud. Plus, although Kirei had a sense of self-preservation that prevented him from going overboard with his treatment of the King, Caren had no such thing. He definitely didn't believe that he would be able to force her tools out of that dress of hers. Not if he didn't wish for the Cloth of Magdalene to turn him into one of those bandaged excuses for a King he had seen in museums.

Those were the thoughts that were going through his head when the "surprised" voice of Kirei snapped him out of his kingly musings.

"Rin?"