A/N: Inspired by a story I heard on the radio. And I use the word 'inspired' literally, because that story in no way, shape or form resembles this one. Think The Little White Horse vs The Secret of Moonacre, but with fewer similarities.

Summary: In which Deidara fucks with people on his days off.

Warnings: puns, flirting, drinking

Word Count: 269

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or Deidara. Tragically.

Long, manicured fingernails clinked against glass.

"Do tell," the woman began, words slightly slurred, but comprehensible nonetheless. "Man? Or a woman?"

"How brazen. Most people resign themselves to wondering in silence, rather than risk incurring my rather... explosive wrath, un."

"I'm a brazen woman." She replied huskily.

"And the six drinks before that one have nothing to do with it, I'm sure, un." Her companion laughed slightly.

Deidara leaned closer and she mirrored the motion, black and blond hair pooling on the table between them.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Oh, yes."

His lowered voice and smirk were copied as well, causing the latter to grow almost involuntarily.

"Let's just say..." His voice was almost a whisper by now. "I have four pairs of lips on my body." He reached into his collar and withdrew the end of a bandage; an addition created purely to inspire empty confidence, to compensate for a lack of it regarding the integrity of stitches. (Although of course she didn't know that; all she had was the common knowledge that kunoichi often preferred bandages to bras- for practical purposes, obviously.) "And there's a reason I bind my chest, un."

He wiggled the fingers on his right hand and grinned with all three visible mouths.

The woman narrowed her dark eyes, pupils dilating visibly even in the dim light, smirk widening, leaning ever closer. "In that case, perhaps we should get out of here?" An eyebrow was raised in suggestion.

Deidara's smiles dropped. "Nah, I'm not really in the mood, un."

Blinking, the woman missed the exact second the door fell shut behind him.