7I love JJ/Emily friendship, so I decided to give it a go myself. I edited and reworked this one so many times in the hopes of capturing the girls' characters and their friendship. I could have continued to tweak this one until the end of time, but I decided to just put it out there as is. #nervous so I'd love to know your thoughts!
"So are we going to talk about what just happened out there?"
"What?" Emily holds open the door to their shared hotel room and raises a questioning eyebrow at JJ.
"You. You running into that apartment with no backup, gun half cocked, pulling that 'I'm invincible' routine?" JJ responds, tossing her jacket onto the hotel bed closest to the window and plopping down with it.
Emily rolls her eyes.
"We got the unsub, didn't we?"
"That's not the point," JJ mumbles.
"Then what is?" Emily snaps, eyes icy, mouth set defiantly in a line.
JJ knows better than to push so when Emily suddenly retreats into the bathroom for a shower, shutting the door with a resounding thud, JJ just sighs and settles back onto her bed.
She silently curses the budget cuts that have subjected the BAU members to shared hotel rooms.
She does not know how much time has passed when she is suddenly roused from a light sleep by the steady drip drip of water on her cheek.
She opens her eyes, startled to see Emily standing above her. The raven-haired agent is fresh out of the shower and clutching a hotel robe around herself, and JJ notices she looks remarkably worn out.
"Huh? Emily? What's going on?" JJ sits up, alarm bells ringing in her head. Has Hotch called with another case?
When JJ's bleary eyes can finally focus, she notices the tear tracks down Emily's cheeks and suddenly feels the slightest touch of panic.
Emily Prentiss does not cry. Better yet, Emily Prentiss does not cry in front of people.
Her inky black hair and ivory skin are still wet from the shower and she stays rooted to her spot, hovering inches from JJ's bed.
JJ has not a clue what this is about, so she gives her a minute. She wonders for a moment if this has to do with the uncharacteristically reckless attitude Emily has adopted recently.
"I think I need help," finally comes the strained whisper.
JJ lets out a breath and doesn't say anything.
Emily is like a turtle. A turtle will come out of its shell only when it feels safe, but the second it feels uncomfortable or scared, it will retreat back into hiding. So JJ can't push; she has to wait for Emily to come out of her shell on her own.
JJ rubs the sleep from her eyes and settles with her knees to her chest, watching Emily with equal parts concern and confusion. She hopes she is successfully conveying some sort of "it's okay you can tell me" look.
Another few moments pass before Emily rubs a stray tear from her cheek and settles onto her own respective bed. Her legs dangle over the edge, reminiscent of a child.
She pulls the robe tighter around her slim frame and looks in JJ's general direction, although JJ notes that Emily doesn't make eye contact.
Emily swallows a shaky sigh. "I'm, uh, having these horrible nightmares."
"I think that's normal, Em," JJ responds gently.
"You don't understand. I barely sleep anymore because every time I close my eyes, I can feel him…branding me, touching me, and I wake up screaming."
Before JJ can respond, Emily presses on.
"Have you ever so unhappy that you couldn't remember the last time you laughed? Or the last time you felt anything at all?" A new set of tears fill Emily's tired eyes, and she wills them not to fall.
JJ's heart aches at Emily's pain and she feels the sudden urge to hug her.
"That's normal, too. When you go through a trauma like you have, it takes time to heal," JJ says what she thinks she'd like to hear if she were in Emily's situation.
Emily suddenly feels a combination of angry and foolish for this moment of weakness and for these pesky tears and for dragging JJ into her crap.
"Please don't give me that psychobabble crap, JJ." The words slip from Emily's mouth like sharpened daggers.
She's Emily Prentiss, damnit, and Prentiss women deal with their problems in private.
JJ bites her lip and weighs the notion of sharing her own secret with Emily. She decides suddenly to press on as intended, to utilize this rare crack in Emily's barrier to forge a deeper connection between them.
"Emily, I had severe postpartum depression after Henry, and it took me a whole three months to even want to pick him up." JJ's chest stings at the memory.
She hadn't told a single member of her team about the struggle she faced following Henry's birth, and she still feels guilty about the entire ordeal, but still, JJ has chosen to share in this fragile moment.
Emily's face twists in confusion. "But, you were – we saw-"
JJ cuts her off with a small laugh. "I hid it well."
"And I'm telling you this because although our experiences were vastly different I, too, couldn't remember the last time I had laughed. Or felt anything other than deeply, painfully sad."
Upon hearing her words, Emily's remaining composure crumbles under JJ's sympathetic gaze and with this newfound connection.
Face buried in her hands, Emily's protective walls come down and she cries willfully, freely, openly.
Another thing about Emily Prentiss: she is not one for tactile comfort. So JJ knows she is taking a risk when she stands up, shuffles over to Emily's bed, and sits down close to her.
JJ gently pulls one of Emily's hands from her face and locks their fingers together, bringing their joined hands to rest in between them.
JJ says nothing. Instead, she sits next to Emily, holding her hand, tracing circles on her porcelain skin and offering a quiet, unwavering sense of support.
Emily feels comfort like she has not felt in a long while and feels enough at ease to rest her head on JJ's shoulder.
And they sit like that for what feels like eternity. JJ clutching Emily's hand, or Emily clutching hers – it is hard to tell – Emily's head resting on JJ's shoulder, salty tears falling silently from her eyes.
When JJ finally senses the majority of Emily's crying has ceased, she whispers into Emily's hair. "I promise you'll feel again."
"How can you be sure?" A whisper back.
"I just am. You have to, you have no other choice. You are a fighter and fighters come back from the places you've been," JJ assures her. "You are so strong, Emily. You have to believe that."
Emily doesn't say anything in response for fear of losing another piece of herself.
JJ can hardly process the position they are in. If someone had told her 12 hours earlier she'd be holding Emily's hand while she cried on JJ's shoulder, JJ'd have choked on her coffee. In the nine years the women have known each other, JJ has not seen Emily cry.
Ian Doyle must have been one hell of a bastard.
"It just feels so daunting, y'know." Emily sniffles as she quells the last of her tears. She lifts her head from the comfort of JJ's warm shoulder to look her in the eye. "I'm not sure I know where to start."
"You take it one day at the time, Em." JJ feels certain of this. "And with help. You've just taken the first step by asking for help," she adds. "You are a stubborn woman, you know that?"
Emily cracks a watery smile. "I invented stubborn, you know."
"No shit." JJ swats Emily on the arm and lets another quiet moment pass before asking, "How come you haven't said anything before now?"
"Because it feels like it's only my burden to bear."
JJ's heart constricts at this admission. "Is that what you truly believe?"
"I don't know, Jayje," Emily mutters and sits up, suddenly twisting away from JJ's grasp.
And just like that, Emily's walls are once again erected, wrought iron and impenetrable.
JJ senses their conversation is over based on Emily's stiff posture, dry, albeit red, eyes, and curt response.
Not a word passes between the women as Emily stands up and begins to prepare for bed, leaving JJ dumbfounded and rooted to her spot on Emily's comforter. JJ wonders if she has pushed too hard.
JJ knows, god she knows, how complex Emily Prentiss is and that she does not share easily, she does not ask for help, and lord have mercy should she ever shed a tear in front of another human being. Considering she has just done all three, JJ concludes Emily must be feeling quite fragile…and so she lets it be.
It is another wordless half hour before both Emily and JJ are settled in their respective beds. The darkness that envelops the room provides a sense of privacy Emily is grateful for and the gentle hum of the AC unit acts almost like a lullaby, lulling both bone-tired women to sleep.
Minutes pass and Emily thinks she must be dreaming when she hears JJ's gentle murmur from across the room: "I'll take some of your burden, Emily."
Emily's throat constricts with unshed tears and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the scrappy blonde woman in the next bed.
When the team gathers for breakfast in the lobby the following morning, Emily is dressed to perfection: there is not a hair out of place, her makeup is impeccable, and there is no trace of her tears from the night before.
JJ eyes Emily from across the buffet bar and knows it wise not to say anything.
However, when Emily glances up and mouths a "thank you" in JJ's direction, JJ's heart soars when she understands her stubborn-as-hell friend has in fact, finally shared some of her burden.
I hope it's clear that Emily's emotions are all over the place given the crap she's gone through with Doyle, which is why she went from angry-door-slamming, to crying, to clamming up again, etc. Thanks for reading y'all. Drop a line and let me know what worked and what didn't.