74After my wonderful little session of self-lovin' I go for a shower. As I come down from my high and the warm water jets hit me I start to finally notice things. What the hell had just happened? Well I humped the hell out of the good Doctor Cullen that's for sure. But then... did they actually jump out my window? Well I closed it after Carlisle's little stunt in coming through it and my bedroom door remained closed... This is all getting a bit too much. I thought I was ok with just accepting they weren't human but I mean I had almost fucked one of them. I need to know what they are. It can't be that bad... can it?
'Hey, I need to know now, just what the fuck are the Cullens Shit-for-brains?' I ask my best buddy inside my head.
I hear no response. I frown at this.
I make my way out of the shower and dry my body thoroughly.
'Hey asshole, gonna stop ignoring me' I speak again.
I brush my hair and teeth whilst waiting for a reply.
Still nothing.
I get a little concerned as I make my way back to my bedroom clad in a towel. This is weird. He usually always replies immediately and is always there, even when I want him to fuck off. Typical. The one time in my life I actually want answers from him. I did not need to know my fifth grade teacher was a paedophile or that the first boy I had a crush on had a nasty case of crabs. These were the things that asshole sprung on me over the years, he let me know all that but not what the Cullen's are? It surely can't be that bad... I hope.
I was still standing in my towel when I closed my eyes and concentrated.
'Hey, you there? I need some help here?' I ask again and no reply.
Although I am a little frustrated I decide that there really isn't anything I can do. He will talk to me eventually, he did seem a little pissed that I was making out with Carlisle. Wonder why.
With a heavy sigh I pull on some comfortable pyjamas and get under my covers.
As soon as I lay down, there is, yet again, a knock on my bedroom window.
I look in surprise to see Carlisle there again.
I shoot him an exasperated look before I nod and gesture for him to come in.
He enters my window and flashes to the side of my bed, looking down at me.
I prop myself up on my elbow.
I eye him and am very surprised to see him so dishevelled. His hair is a mess, his clothes are crumbled, ripped and even very dirty. He looks like he's been rolling around in the dirt. His eyes... well they are drowning in guilt and agony. I instantly feel the need to cheer him up.
"Carlisle, what's wrong?" I whisper and scoot over closer to him.
I notice him shake his head and see him tremble.
He looked back up to me and his eyes are burning into mine and pleading. Pleading for what, I don't know.
"Ashlyn" He says in such a pained voice and takes his dirty hands in mine, "I am so so terribly sorry. I cannot believe how I have behaved towards you. I have treated you atrociously and for that I cannot even begin to express my regret. I would understand if you never forgave me but I had to tell you how deeply sorry I am-" He began, his breath hitching at some points.
It broke my heart.
I moved forward and stood on my knee's on the bed to embrace him in a hug. He latched onto me quickly. I felt him shudder and tremble from where his from clung to mine. I made gentle shushing noises and I held him tighter when I heard him begin to sob.
"Sh, sh Carlisle, it is alright. I'm not mad. Everything will be alright. I forgive you. Please calm down" I began chanting and pleading with him to calm down. Seeing him so distraught was devastating. It felt like a hot poker through my heart. He should never be so upset. Ever.
Why was he so upset anyways and apologising? I don't understand. For bailing on her with Edward? It was him who interrupted us. I don't get it.
"-You have nothing to apologise for" I continue only for him to pull back sharply.
His eyes were wild and in agony as he looked at me.
"Of course I do! I behaved like a monster! I shouldn't of... I couldn't... I...-" He begin to get choked up again and I took his face in between my hands and looked him in the eye sternly.
"I don't understand. Tell me what you are freakin' out about" I demanded, I was now pretty dam worried.
Carlisle stepped back not completely out of my embrace. His gaze fell to the floor and even though I was no Jasper I could practically feel the shame oozing off of him.
"I... forced you... I..." He seemed to take a deep breath here, "you told me to stop and I did not listen...I" Carlisle's voice was dripping with self-disgust, pleading, pain and pure and utter torment. She couldn't stand to listen to it any longer. She knew where he was going with this.
"Carlisle, stop" She said in a firm and commanding tone.
His head shot up and the honey depths continued to swim in pain, I needed to stop this, "You are blowing this way out of proportion. You did not in any way shape or fuckin' form force anythin' on me! I wanted it for fuck sake! I wanted it so fuckin' bad. Where the fuck did you get this crazy-ass idea from" I demanded, starting to feel so angry I was about to break something. Like a car or a tree.
Carlisle's eyes now met hers and although there was hope, relief in there they were also wary and still in pain.
"You told me to stop..." He began but I cut him off harshly, "No I said that we should stop. WE should stop. I didn't actually say stop and if I had wanted to stop I sure as shit would have tried to, not humped against you. I was more than willing believe me. I promise you Carlisle, you wouldn't be standing here in one piece if you truly forced me in any way" I explain, sounding more comforting towards the end.
It seemed as if his while face collapsed in relief as he broke down again.
Ash hugged him again in comfort but this time it wasn't as bad. He had accepted my explanation and was simply relieved. So relieved. I couldn't blame him. He actually thought he... I shuddered, a man like Carlisle couldn't do something like that, even unintentionally. Dam, idiot. Why the fuck did he think that.
After he calmed down he continued hugging me and admittedly it felt nice. His hard body pressed against my soft one. I sighed happily and ran little circles on his back and ran my hand through his soft golden locks.
"So, who got such a stupid idea into your head" I said lightly, not wanting him to get upset again but needing to know the fucker who made him this upset.
He sighed heavily and pulled back, I frowned.
"Edward" He said and she narrowed her eyes at him but he spoke quickly, "Do not be upset with him Ash, please. He misunderstood the situation, he could have been right" He finished in a mumble and I glared at him.
"No he couldn't have. You would never do something like that. I know you wouldn't. End of" I stated firmly and a little smile graced his beautiful face then.
He moved away from me and I frowned.
"Hey where are you going?" I ask, seeing him make distance. I was enjoying our little snuggle-fest going on.
He gave me a polite smile and began fixing his appearance, "I am just putting proper distance between us. I fear I have acted in a very ungentlemanly manner towards you and I want to rectify that" He said looking quite determined.
I sigh heavily, "Well come over here and act all gentlemanly" I threw my comforter open and patted a space beside me, "Your comfy, I bet you would make a good pillow for the night" I smiled genuinely then and I saw him eye the spot on the bed. 'Come on... come on... go for it...'
He averted his eyes, "No. I really shouldn't. I should go and speak with my family and explain things to them. Will you come over to my house after school? I would like to speak with you" He asks formally and looks at me hopefully. I can't think of a reason to deny him so I nod my head.
"Sure thing" I reply, stretch a little in my bed and then yawn. Dam, it must be really late, He looks both elated and relieved at my reply.
I close my eyes.
"Thank you Ash. Thank you so much. I shall see you tomorrow" His voice is so soft, gentle and so full of affection my eyes immediately open at his tone but he's already gone.
I close my eyes and drift off to the more normal land of slumber.
Ash wakes the next morning feeling like shit. I am so fucking tired and just know I am going to be a bitch today.
'Hey, what's the weather gonna be like?' I ask him as I riffle through some clothes.
No reply.
Ugh, I'm too tired to worry about 'SOME ASSHOLE IGNORING ME' so I dress in a basic jeans and tee.
I bee line straight for the coffee machine and drink two wonderful cups in favour for eating. I needed that.
"You alright Ash?" Uncle Charlie asks, looking worried. I smile at him, "Yeah fine. Just tired" I reply and then yawn.
I look at Bella and see her looking at me worriedly. I give her a disproving look. Guess Fuckward has already told her what never happened last night.
Ugh I am going to have to straighten it out with the rest of the Cullen, I bet.
Just then a horn beeps outside and Bella leaps in the air and I hold back a snigger. She would make a good circus performer. Or lapdog... Or slave.
That last thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I put on my Forks coat.
"See ya later Chief" I call out to Charlie.
As I go outside I'm surprised to see a fuck hot awesome car sitting on the curb.
I look around and see the usual volvo driving away speedily.
As I walk towards the car, I just know a Cullen is inside wanting to talk about the night before.
Jesus, will I ever get to drive my own car again?
I hold back the sigh and take the passenger side.
I am a little surprised to see Rosalie sitting their in all her inhuman glory. The only thing taking away from the perfect picture of her beauty is the worry lines on her forehead.
"Hey there, what's with the ride this morning?" I ask curiously even though I know.
Rosalie seems to sit there and study me for a few moments before sighing and smiling like she has just found out her kitten isn't dead and then pulls out.
Weird.
We drive for a little while until I decide to address the elephant in the car.
"I know why you are here Rose and... well, thank you" I smile at her.
She shoots me a confused look, "What do you mean?" She sounds very confused.
"Well... I know what you guys think might have happened. Which totally did not fucking happen at all. And it's nice of you to come see that I am ok" I smile at her genuinely and see her relax a little in her seat at my confirmation that nothing sinister happened. Does no one have faith in Carlisle? Jesus, he couldn't hurt a fly, never mind rape one.
She looks at me out of the corner of her eye for a moment then says, "... I didn't actually do it entirely for you... I did it more to see if I needed to light Carlisle's ass on fire"
I snort, "Please, if he'd done anythin' there'd be nothin' left of him to sent on fire"
We laugh loudly as she turned into the school.
I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
After she parks the car – across the lot from the volvo – she stays by my side making small talk and we make our way to the school.
The school day from then on is... strange, to say the least. Rosalie has become my new BFF/bodyguard. It is both heart-warming and amusing. She appears every time my class finishes and is there to walk me about. At the same time, while talking I have found out that Rosalie is awesome! Like if I was gay then I would be in love. Hands down. She has a wicked, dirty sense of humour, is a tough bitch to mess with, knows more about cars than Jeremy Clarkson and Lewis Hamilton combined, is extremely loyal and protective of those she cares about. Seriously, awesome combination.
It is pretty amusing watching her glare at the unsuspecting men that look my way. I can practically feel their balls shrivel up inside themselves and die.
I tell Rosalie this and she bursts into musical laughter.
We enter the cafeteria like that. Rosalie laughing and me smirking.
The Swan/Cullen table watches us and I see Alice smiling, Edward impassive, Emmett grinning and eyes sparkling on Rosalie, Bella watching Edward and Jasper... well his eyes are trailing my body but not in a lewd way... more a looking for injuries way.
I send him a small smile and it looks as if he relaxes a little. Man, he's uptight for a Texan.
I know that there's something I have to do now. Fuck, I am not looking forward to it.
"Edward, can I talk to you?" I ask and see the whole table whip their heads at me. At inhuman speeds I might add. Well all except for Alice. I give her the stink eye, she knew this didn't she? all she does is wink and giggle back. Dam Psychic.
Edward rises from his seat but not before kissing Bella on the forehead. Rosalie turns to look at me, a question in her eyes. I nod before she goes to sit down beside Emmett.
Bella looks worried and distressed Edward is leaving. God, I really need to do something about her clingy, unhealthy behaviour.
I motion for us to go outside and Edward follows silently behind me.
I take a seat on the picnic bench, ignoring that the thing is damp. Edward stands a few feet from me looking at me warily.
I brace myself and look him in the eyes.
'Thank you' I say in my head and watch his completely floundered expression. He gapes and his eyes are wide like a owl.
'What does Bella see in this guy?' I think and see him snap back to himself and mutter, "That sounds more like you, thought I'd lost it there"
I scowl, 'Hey' I think. He shakes his head before looking at me in confusion that clearly says - explain.
I look away and think shyly, 'well... what you did was fucked up, completely wrong, misguided, foolish, ridiculous...'
"Is that all?" The cuts off dryly. I shoot him an annoyed look for the interruption.
'no, but you get the point. What I am saying is that... if you had been right then well... you went against your dad and... not many people would do that... it was nice you trying to help and for that... well... thank you' I finish awkwardly. I don't think I have ever had to thank anyone so sincerely before. It was uncomfortable.
When I look back up at Edward he is looking at me warmly.
"It is no problem Ash. I was just trying to do the right thing. Even if I was so wrong as you politely pointed out" He says a little accusingly.
I puff up, "Yes well... don't let anyone know. I can't let anyone think I was actually nice to a prissy boy like you" I say with haughtiness but more teasingly than anything. Edward is a good guy. Not that I would ever say that out loud.
He suddenly grins at me wickedly. 'Oh shit'
"Oh shit is right..." He begins with a pleased gleam in his eyes, "I heard that" He says with glee. FUCK.
He chuckles then and I move to get up and away from him.
He shakes his head.
"I don't think so" He then moves over to me quickly, boxing me into the bench. I send my evilest glare his way but he doesn't even flinch. He looks too amused. Asshole. His lips twitch at this.
"You... like me" He says in a quiet voice. I frown deeply and try to get away.
"No, I don't" I say strongly and look for an escape.
"Yes you do. You think I'm a good guy, I'm practically like a brother to you" He smiles so happily then and I just want to smash his face in.
He holds in laughter as he hears my thoughts.
"Come here little sis" He says in a gleeful tone and... oh god... oh shit!
The fucker hugs me. Hugs me.
I can feel him shaking in laughter as he hugs me or more like restrains me, I can't get loose!
"I am going to fucking kill you" I say in a serious voice. He snickers.
"I love you too little sister" He replies smugly. Arr. UH! ASSHOLE.
We hear a throat clear and Edward pulls back to see Bella standing a few feet from us.
She is looking at Edward smiling and he walks up to her with a grin.
"What's going on?" She asks and Edward chuckles, "Just messing about" he replies.
"messing about... fucker may well have just tied me up" I mutter very quietly. Of course Edward hears and laughs again. He then turns around and puts his arm around Bella.
They begin walking back to the cafeteria when something unexpected happens.
Bella peers back over her shoulder and... glares at me. A glare that clearly says, 'fuck right off'
I stand there in shock for I don't know how long.
Bella... she... but... what did... how can... but... Bella... I think her name full of pain and sorrow. What's happened to her? My little cousin...
God, she's really changed. 'What should I do?' I think.
I expect to hear his voice again but... nothing.
I frown and feel like utter shit. The voice in my head is ignoring me for some reason, Bella is acting like a completely different person, Edward knows that I don't completely hate him and I need to go see Carlisle after school to have some deep conversation. Today is not a good day.
I grumble to myself as I make my way to the parking lot, fully intending to drive myself home and ditch the last two classes.
Before I make it, I hear someone shout, "Hey wait up!"
I turn to see Rosalie walking towards me with a smile on her face. I raise my eyebrows in question.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" She smirks at me and walks in time with me to the lot.
"Eh, no" I reply and look at her from the corner of my eye as we walk.
She chuckles and it sounds like god-dam bells, "So, you were going to walk home hm?" She asks, in a smug tone.
I stop walking abruptly. Shit. She drove me and my car isn't even here. God, I'm such a fuckin' idiot sometimes.
Rosalie snorts, takes my arm and begins leading me to her sexy car.
"I thought so" She says.
"How did you know I was skipping anyways?" I mumble as I take the passenger side.
"Alice" She says simply, as if it is an explanation in itself. Well... it sorta is. Stupid all-knowing pixie.
I sigh in irritation, lean back on the seat and close my eyes. I am not in the mood and he won't even talk to me to give me a hint at what Carlisle is wanting to talk to me about tonight! UGH! I'm not too worried, he sometimes does this. Goes off in huffs and doesn't speak to me. Like the time I first kissed a boy. I made out with Joey Felton behind the bleachers. Fucker kissed like a washing machine. Oh and lets not forget about the first time I got my period. He didn't speak to me for two and a half weeks. So I knew this little tantrum would go away. But, still, I could really use his help right about now to know what to expect from Doctor handsome.
I sigh in exasperation.
"Worried about your little talk with Carlisle tonight, hm?" I hear a beautiful but smug voice say from beside me.
I open my eye slightly and peer at the stunning blond grinning at me.
"No. Why would I be worried?" I mutter and look away.
She giggles, "I knew it! So your interested in Carlisle? How long have you wanted to date him?" She asks happily.
I scowl at her, "I'm not interested in him, Rose, don't be ridiculous" I say in a derisive manner but secretly feel butterflies on the inside.
Rosalie sends me a knowing look, "Yeah, cos last night that totally shows that your not interested" She says pointedly.
The car stops then at Charlie's and I jump out for a hasty escape. No such luck. Rosalie is right on my heels expecting an answer.
"Yeah, so? Just cos I want to fuck the guy doesn't mean I want to hold hands and go on moonlit walks down the beach" I mutter.
Rosalie laughs loudly as I unlock the door. I try to shut it behind her but she grabs it swiftly and makes her way inside. Can't she tell she is obviously unwelcome? Her family has no sense of boundaries. Except from Carlisle unfortunately.
"Your thinking about him right now aren't you?" Rosalie grins at me and I throw my jacket at her half-heartedly. She catches it and tosses it to the side. I beeline for the kitchen but she follows there also.
"You have never been on a date before, have you? It's nothing like that and I think you and Carlisle would make a cute couple" Rosalie replies and gracefully sits down on one of the shabby kitchen chairs in Charlie's kitchen.
I don't even reply. I start making myself some food, ravenous now because I've not eaten anything yet today.
Rosalie sighs but doesn't give up, "Either way, you don't want to look like that, do you? Carlisle is obviously wanting to talk to you about something important and you don't want to show up dressed with that on"
She gestures to the attire I currently have on.
I frown and look down. It's true I'm wearing old jeans and a baggy tee but so? I don't look too bad. There may be a few unnatural holes in the jeans, but so what? They are well worn and my tee may have one or two little bleach stains and I didn't bother ironing them but...
I check my face in the refection on the toaster and suddenly see her point. I didn't wear make-up and my face is boring all the evidence of a short night and stressful day.
I huff and look at the smug looking blond watching me.
"What do you have in mind?" I say in a defeated voice. The grin she gives me is shark like.
I hate makeovers. Plain and simple. Getting ready for me is a time for me to relax and psych myself up for going out.
Not this.
Rosalie Hale is stretched out comfortably on my bed whilst I on the other hand am thrown articles of clothing to try on whilst she muses to herself about my colouring, body shape and other things fuckin' things that I have no idea about.
I am currently wearing a tank and white skinny jeans and twirling around in a nice pretty little circle to the assessing gaze of miss beauty queen over there.
Rosalie gets a contemplative look on her face and nods a little but not saying anything.
I frown. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Her phone buzzes and at lightening speed she reads it and grins.
Oh and that's another thing. She's been texting Alice non stop about what I am wearing. Apparently Alice loves make-overs. Shit, I knew that from the fist time she did this to me!
I can't hold it in anymore.
"Why the fuck are you texting her so much? Why the hell doesn't she just come over?!" I grumble irritably and send a fierce glare Rose's way.
Rosalie suddenly looks about as pissed off as me at that comment and it makes me feel better. Just a little bit.
She huffs and flips her hair in an exasperated way.
"Because apparently it would cause an issue with Edwards little human if Alice came. She would feel left out or some shit" Rosalie says in an irritated tone I could relate to.
"Yeah humans are the worst aren't they?" I say dryly and take a seat on the edge of my bed, "Why doesn't Bella just come along then too?" I ask, honestly curious. I wouldn't mind having Bella here. Hell, I'd like to spend some time with her.
Rosalie snorts again and looks positively indignant, "She's with Edward" Is her reply.
I take a few moments for this to sink in. She doesn't want me to hang out with Alice even though she isn't even with her? No words are really necessary.
"Wow" I shake my head.
"That is a fuckin' understatement. Bella is already 'upset as it is' that I'm hanging out with you. She makes it such a sob story that I don't fall all over myself to be her friend when she's never even made an attempt to talk to me. Christ, have some dignity" Rosalie rants.
I am pretty conflicted about this. She's talking about my little cousin here! But nothing I can say can really dispute what Rose is saying. I really need to have that talk with Bella. And soon. I've heard of irrational teenagers but she really takes the cake.
Just then Rose's phone buzzes. She read it and smiles.
"Okay so me and Alice agree that what your wearing is totally hot whilst still having a classy appeal and is just casual enough to make it seem like your not trying too hard but have definitely made an effort" Rosalie says nodding seriously to herself.
I rub my temples with my fingers and close my eyes, "and you wonder why I've never dated before" I mutter.
Rosalie laughs and flashes away looking for shoes now.
'Dear lord, if your really up there then please stop this. I don't care what you have to do, an earthquake, a flood, hell just smite this bitch where she stands, just, get me out of this' I pray.
"Oh try these on!" Comes the pleased voice of said evil bitch.
I groan but comply all the same.
It took two hours but finally I am ready. I am half unaware of what I actually have on and how my hair is styled. I zoned out more than one, to Rosalie's ire. Her and Alice have finally deemed me acceptable and even told Carlisle that I would be delayed to go through this madness. They are making such a big deal about this. I am dreading this so much because although I know this talk is necessary I know what I have to say. That I am not going to date him.
"Come on, Carlisle's waiting" Rosalie says in a pleased tone and makes her way to her car. Evidently, she is giving me a lift again. Will I ever be able to drive again?
We drive to the Cullen home in silence. I know that I need to tell him I'm not interested in a relationship but how? The man is god-dammed perfect. I'm just not one for dating or romance. He wants to screw around, great, wonderful really, but no. A classy guy like him is all sappy and about commitment. Why does he have to be like that?! But then again, its in his nature and a part of which draws me to him so much. It's not just his good looks. And I wouldn't have him any other way.
Oh dear god, now I'm getting all sappy!
Just need to tell him that I'm not interested. Yeah, just say, I'm not in a place where I want to get into anything serious. I'm only eighteen, I don't want to be tied down. Yeah. Piece of cake.
Then why do I feel like my insides are being scooped out with a spoon?
Rose stops the car letting me get out before she drives it to the garage.
She sends a serious look which I am not expecting, "I know how you feel about this... but just... go easy on him ok? And keep an open mind" She advises and I get out the car before I start to panic. No I can't! I am not getting into a relationship with him and that's that.
I make my way to the front door and before I can knock it is swung open by a very handsome and beaming Doctor. I take him in. He is dressed casually, or more casual than usual with dark black jeans, converse and a grey dress shirt. Fuck, he looks so hot. But it's not his different attire that catches my attention it is the warm look of affection and delight at seeing me. He is gazing at me like I am the most important person in the world. Like I'm an angel. A warm feeling spreads throughout me and I can't help but smile softly back.
"Hey Carlisle" I say quietly but filled with tenderness I've never heard from my own voice before.
"Hello Ash" He replies and he gently lifts my hand to place a sweet and affectionate kiss on the back of it all whilst keeping eye contact.
I am so screwed.