It took two hours but finally I am ready. I am half unaware of what I actually have on and how my hair is styled. I zoned out more than one, to Rosalie's ire. She and Alice have finally deemed me acceptable and even told Carlisle that I would be delayed to go through this madness. They are making such a big deal about this. I am dreading this so much because although I know this talk is necessary I know what I have to say. That I am not going to date him.
"Come on, Carlisle's waiting" Rosalie says in a pleased tone and makes her way to her car. Evidently, she is giving me a lift again. Will I ever be able to drive again?
We drive to the Cullen home in silence. I know that I need to tell him I'm not interested in a relationship but how? The man is god-damned perfect. I'm just not one for dating or romance. He wants to screw around, great, wonderful really, but no. A classy guy like him is all sappy and about commitment. Why does he have to be like that?! But then again, it's in his nature and a part of which draws me to him so much. Not just his good looks. And I wouldn't have him any other way.
Oh dear god, now I'm getting all sappy!
I just need to tell him that I'm not interested. Yeah, just say, I'm not in a place where I want to get into anything serious. I'm only eighteen, I don't want to be tied down. Yeah. Piece of cake.
Then why do I feel like my insides are being scooped out with a rusty spoon?
Rose stops the car. She sends me a serious look which I am not expecting, "I know how you feel about this... but just... go easy on him ok? And keep an open mind" She advises quietly. I get out the car before I start to panic. The blonde beauty drives away. No, I am not listening to her. I can't! I am not getting into a relationship with him and that's that.
I make my way to the front door but before I can knock it is swung open by a very handsome and beaming Doctor. I take him in. He is dressed casually, or more casual than usual with dark black trousers, converse and a grey dress shirt. Fuck, he looks so hot. But it's not his different attire that catches my attention, it is the warm look of affection and delight at seeing me. He is gazing at me like I am the most important person in the world. Like I'm an angel. A warm feeling spreads throughout me and I can't help but smile softly back.
"Hey Carlisle" I say quietly but filled with a tenderness I've never heard from my own voice before.
"Hello Ash" He replies and he gently lifts my hand to place a sweet and affectionate kiss on the back of it all whilst keeping eye contact.
I am so screwed.
"Please come in, may we speak in my office?" Carlisle's smooth comforting voice breaks me out of my slight panic. His golden eyes are staring at me with an intensity that makes me both nervous and at ease. Such focused attention made butterflies and affection swell inside my chest. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what have I turned into? Slightly frustrated at myself, I peer around the immaculate house of the Cullens for an excuse to look away from the good Doctor.
I nod at Carlisle warily, still avoiding looking at him and we walk in silence towards his office.
As we walk together, I look around the house to avoid to eyes a feel watching me like a caress. It is seemingly empty and I wonder where everyone is. Privacy, usually appreciated, is fucking annoying in this case. Why isn't anyone around to stop me from doing something stupid? Like blush and giggle like a little girl.
"They have all left to go hunting in order to give us some privacy" I hear Carlisle say as we mount the stairs. I finally look to him to see him watching me with anxious eyes but with a small hopeful smile plastered on his face.
He walks ahead of me and holds open his office door in a gentlemanly manner. I mumble thank you and feel even more rotten for what I have to say to him. I just tell him I'm not interested. I'm too young. Not interested in anything serious. You've got this Ash.
Carlisle takes a seat behind his desk and I take the one across from it. I feel a moment of irritation for it feels like I am in the principles office about to receive the scolding of a lifetime.
"You probably have a good idea why I have asked you here Ash" Carlisle begins calmly. Yes, definitely a principle vibe going on here.
I look at him cautiously to see him staring at me determinedly. He looks focused, resolute and confident. Everything that I am not feeling at the moment. I just need to stay sure of myself and what I want, no matter how wrong it feels and how much it feels like I'm making a mistake. I do not do serious relationships.
"I've got an inkling..." I reply in a hesitant voice and internally curse myself for being so obvious. Carlisle doesn't seem to note this he continues looking at me with a soft smile but burning golden eyes that contrast with his gentle demeanour.
"Yes, well, I suppose I should just get this out. I, Carlisle Cullen, would be honored if I could formally court you, Ashlyn Swan" He announces in a quiet and serious but emotion filled voice.
His words throw me for a moment. Court? He asked to court me... like in an old fashioned film about 19th century England. Don't you dare melt Ash! No! I do not feel my insides warming up and a little sheepish embarrassment fill my face with color! No no no! DAM IT!
I clear my throat a little and look away from the good doctor in order to compose myself. That speech was... well very old fashioned and kind of sweet. It sums Carlisle up, an old soul, a kind old soul, a kind stunning old soul with golden hair and eyes that make the sun seethe in envy. And this particular man is turning me all sappy.
As my thoughts are bouncing back and forth Carlisle takes my silence for uncertainty, "I express my deepest apologies for my behaviour up until this point. I am aware that I have acted in a much less than gentlemanly manner and I cannot begin to express my regret at my deplorable actions. Please, accept my apology and understand that my intentions with you are most definitely honourable. Things may have started out rather... unorthodox with the two of us but I truly believe that we can make this work" Carlisle finished his rather lengthy speech and I noted a hint of an accent poking out but unsure of its origins.
"Your speaking in a rather formal manner Dr. Cullen" I say back in a light tone, hoping to ease some of the tension from the serious discussion.
Carlisle nods and lets out a small huff of laughter, running a hand through his curled blond hair, "Yes, my apologies, I speak like this when I am nervous" His voice is a little sheepish and I can't help but smile a little. Looking directly back at him I try to relax my muscles and posture to show that I am calm and collected. I am in control.
"It's alright, I used to have this friend who stuttered when nervous. Poor Gavin, never found a girl that one" I say in a friendly manner.
Carlisle looks at me indulgently before saying, "I can see you are trying to change the subject Ash and normally I would let it slide but I do need an answer. I want to rectify my actions so far so well... Ash... will you be mine?" He asks me again. This time I gulp, unable to look away from his warm, welcoming eyes. If I didn't know better I would say Carlisle was the empath in the family because the waves of hope and affection coming off of him are enough to make my heart pound and throat dry. I've never felt like this before. Hearing that this man... this wonderful man wants someone like me. Foul mouthed, rude, selfish old me. It is too good to be true. Aside from one big issue.
"Carlisle, I still don't know what you are. And you don't know my secret. How can you 'court me' if we don't know these basic fundamental aspects of each other?" I say in repute, giving myself a mental pat on the back for the excellent excuse.
Carlisle did not seem deterred, however, "I understand though might I suggest as our courtship develops and we naturally get to know each other more intimately then we will ultimately reach a stage where we feel comfortable enough to confess the more secretive aspects of ourselves" The Cullen patriarch did not look put out by my question. For some curious reason, a light that made his eyes a little brighter twinkled in his eyes. His firm and toned body leaned forward in almost a confrontational manner, ready to fight. I eyed his lean figure for a moment. Damn, he was hot.
I sighed and looked away from his fit and distracting body, "Right. So start slow and that? I don't think you get it. I'm not looking for anything serious. Your way too Prince Charming for me. I'm not interested in becoming a trophy wife with the perfect hair that does charity work and bakes on the weekends. I don't have the heart of a saint or bleed maternal feelings. Just because you want to fuck me doesn't mean we would be good together" I explained a little bitterly. Carlisle and her... were complete opposites. He was the fuckin' doctor. Why didn't he see that? Opposites only attracted in corny fiction books.
I spoke with a steady voice and maintained eye contact though it was difficult. Carlisle's frowned minutely and rose from his seat. I stood heavily also, fully expecting to be dismissed.
The Doctor walked towards me slowly with burning golden gaze. He stopped before me, too close for the 'proper' young gentleman inside of him. The proximity made my heart beat and stomach tingle pleasantly. I didn't move but stared at him in challenge.
He reached a pale hand up and drew the tips of his fingers down my warm cheek. His hands were cold, "Do you think me too immature to differentiate between lust and affection?" He asked strongly, though his face was soft, eyes darting across her face.
I swallowed but didn't reply.
Carlisle continued, "Do you think I don't see you as you are and would wish you to be anything other than yourself?"
I frowned but didn't speak. His breath washed over my face and I inhaled sharply. His fuckin breath even smelled amazing.
"I think your assertions not only demean yourself but insult my intelligence, character, and integrity" He said gently.
I blinked for a moment and wondered how on earth he reached this conclusion. 'Any help here? Are all men this mental?' I asked him. Radio silence answered me. His prissy little mood was getting on my nerves. When I need him most, he isn't there.
"Yeah, I insult people a lot. It's kind of what I do" I reply dryly with a raised eyebrow. Carlisle shook his head with a fond smile. Endless patience. Bloody endless patience.
"No you are honest and firm in your beliefs and attitude. You do not hide what you feel is right or true" He muttered.
I closed my eyes then, feeling conflicted. Is this man bloody insane? No one had everything so maybe he got the body of a god and the mind of a ten year old girl who saw the world as rainbows and unicorn farts. Carlisle's words made me warm. They made my eyes drift down to his lips and I wish remembered his taste. They made me remember how amazing it felt to have him close. Fucker was messing with my head as well as my body.
I open my eyes again and sigh loudly, trying to look apologetic, "Sorry doc, I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm not ready and doubt I ever will be. It's not you, it's me. I'm a lone wolf. Independent women living in the twenty-first century and all that jazz" I tried to keep the upper hand and drawled out with humour but my stomach dropped and a dark well of guilt overtook me. Why did it feel so wrong to reject him?
The blonde haired doctor didn't seem too heartbroken about it, however. He was still standing right in front of her though his eyes looked more thoughtful... assessing. I narrowed my eyes.
"I see... What is it that you want exactly Ashlyn?" He murmured. Thoughts flashed through my mind of tearing his shirt off of him and tasting his chest. Kissing him while I straddled him and grinding against him until I reached release. Reaching my hands under his conservative but perfectly tailored work trousers and feeling along his hard length.
Heat raced down my spine. An ache settled in my lower stomach, making me squeeze my legs together. The movement didn't go unnoticed by the doctor. His expression didn't shift but his eyes did darken slightly.
I decided to blurt out the truth, "I want to fuck you" I exhaled, staring straight into his honey eyes, "I want to kiss you and hold you close and not let you go. I want to lick you until I can feel your taste on my tongue permanently. I want you to touch me, feel me, make me cum. I want to explore every part of your brilliant body and see what you look like as you cum. I want to get rid of these thoughts and get this heat out of my system before I go insane"
The office was quiet for a moment but I noticed Carlisle's eyes had gone very dark. Something about his stance was more predatory and I almost prayed to god he would pounce. Instead, he swallowed.
"I see" His voice was at ends with his tense and powerful body language, it was faint and barely there, almost breathless. I wondered if he would sound like that if I touched him...
Carlisle stared at me and continued talking, "I propose a compromise then" He murmured and stepped closer still, body lining up with mine. The planes of his muscles against my soft curves. He was hard and cold. I was warm and soft. I wondered if all of him was hard...
I had to crane my neck up to continue staring, "Compromise?" I muttered, uninterested in the conversation. Why wasn't he kissing her right now?
"Yes" He almost whispered, "I... I will be yours. I will give you my body and... touch yours in exchange for exploring a formal relationship with you. We will..." He swallowed again and eyes shut for a moment, looking pained, "Touch each other but we will also meet each other and get to know each other on an emotional level"
I wasn't paying attention to his words. I heard them but taking them in wasn't my priority. I smirked at him and moved my hands to gently stroke his upper arms, reaching upwards to press my lips against his. Only touching, barely brushing against them, "I don't have an emotional side" I whispered against his cool lips.
Carlisle let out a breath. I took it in greedily, "Give me a chance to find that out myself then" His voice was low. It was so fucking hot.
I was the one that closed the space between them, needing the contact. A tingly ache settled between my legs, making me desperate for him. Our lips touched softly in contrast to the burning ache in my body and need to devour him whole.
I kissed him once, moving my lips gently over his. He responded equally as tenderly and brushed his cold lips against me. Carlisle's hands came up and rested on my hips, making a spark of anticipation jolt down between my legs. I needed more.
Soft kisses were exchanged. I lost myself in the feel of his hard body against mine, his firm and steady grip against me. His sweet, masculine and utterly enticing smell filled my scenes so completely. I reached out and bit his lips softly and tugged. His lips were a little hard but it didn't take away from how amazing this was. Fire was now running through me, I was sure. I needed more. I had probably soaked my panties. I needed more now.
I turned a little and pushed against Carlisle's chest in a motion for him to lean back. He obediently moved to lean against his office desk. I smirked as I moved into a more comfortable position, between his slightly open legs and almost leaning over his hard body. The thick ridge of his cock pressed against my stomach was heavenly. I needed to touch him.
I tried to pry open his mouth to taste him but he turned his head to the side. I peppered his cheek and face with kisses a little desperately.
"Do we have an agreement?" His voice was low, gravelly and rumbled in his chest that was pressed perfectly against her. She hated the clothes between them.
"Hm?" I replied, catching his mouth again, this time forcing my tongue inside his mouth. If my eyes weren't already closed they surely would have rolled back into my head at his intoxicating taste. A cool mouth and firm tongue. It was wet and wonderful and perfect. I moaned unashamedly against his mouth. Jesus.
He pulled away again, this time panting against my mouth. I opened my eyes to see his completely dark eyes staring at me wildly, darkly... full of intent and fixation. I pant against his mouth as he pant against mine. The hard cock was a blessing against my stomach but made the throbbing between my legs almost painful. I rubbed my legs together to try and ease it.
He stared directly into my eyes as he said, "We can continue this and we can have each other whenever we want... if you agree to try a formal relationship with me Ash" He said deeply, voice still thick with arousal though sounding serious.
Irritation and impatience swept through me. What was this man doing? I need him. I told him where I stood. I growled a little and started nipping at his neck and unbuttoning his shirt. I mapped the top of his chest with my tongue, relishing in his panting breaths and hard cock. Why did he want to ruin this with feelings?
Did he think they would run off into the sunset and have twenty children? No, he knew how this would end. They both did. I didn't want to hurt him but I had told him how I felt.
Carlisle's hand weaved into the back of my head, grabbing a fist full of my hair close to my scalp tightly but not painfully. I gasped in pleasure. He pulled my head up to attach my mouth to his. It was a perfect reunion. Their mouths moved against each other frantically and deeply. His mouth was wet and warming up from the heat of mine. I nipped and felt his chest rumble in response. I squirmed against him.
He detached their mouths again, "Ash" Carlisle hissed out, sounding desperate. I whined a little, "I-I need to know. Will-will you be mine. Please be mine. Give me a chance. An opportunity. To be mine" He growled.
I gasped in unexpected pleasure at the sound and feel of him growling. Vibrations traveled from his chest pressed against mine and the rough and demanding sound from his mouth made me want like nothing else.
"Yes" I whined and placed kissed frantically to his mouth, "Yes yes yes, I'll be yours. I will. Please Carlisle. Please" I shamelessly pleaded in a breathy voice. Our tongues met again with a frantic intensity that was going to burn. His in victory and mine in need. The throbbing between my legs was so uncomfortable I was close to rubbing against him to ease the ache.
Instead, I moved my hands frantically over Carlisle's firm chest, enjoying the feeling of his muscles. Similarly, Carlisle moved his arms across my back, sides and stomach.
I reached down and brushed against his length. Carlisle gasped in my mouth. I moaned. He was hard and firm through the material of his trousers. His length was completely rigid and I couldn't resist using my palm to stroke him firmly.
The Doctor let out a growl and moan. Suddenly, faster than I could track I was spun around and my back was pushed against the desk. Our mouths stayed connected as our kiss got even more demanding. It was all tongue, teeth and need by this point.
Carlisle reached his hands down and gripped my ass tightly before lifting me easily and swiftly and placing me on the edge of the desk. My legs opened before I had the concious thought and Carlisle fit between them perfectly.
They fit together perfectly. So different but so perfect together it was like a puzzle piece snapping in place to create something beautiful.
I tried to grind against him as best as I could from my position but it wasn't enough and I almost sobbed. Carlisle then began kissing down my neck and sucking on my skin. I arched up against him, frantic for more contact.
"Carlisle-please-fuck" I moaned in bliss as he nibbled on my pulse point that was drumming franitcally.
His dark eyes met mine for a second before he moved back an inch. His hand trailed down the seam on my jeans, across my mound gently. I cried out in response.
"May-may I touch you Ash?" He asked like a gentleman and I wanted to beat him and force his hand down my pants at the same time. Of course he would fuckin' waste time in asking for her permission.
"Yes" I almost shouted and to show how serious I was I hopped off of the desk, fumbled with my button and zipper, pulled down my white jeans and kicked them away. I didn't not give any fucks by this point. If I didn't get off soon I would start touching myself.
Carlisle watched me with intense and smouldering eyes. I went to smirk back at him when he fell upon me so fast it was like a blur. His mouth connected with mine but his cool hands idly stroked my thighs as if in preparation. I growled and moved my legs far apart in a clear invitation.
Carlisle moaned at my action. I bit him on the lip back.
His right hand moved between my legs but all he did was trail one single finger down the seam on my cunt. I gasped and seperated our mouths, throwing my head back.
"Please" I begged, scrunching my eyes up and concentrating on the wonderful feeling.
Carlisle took two fingers then and stroked again, a little harder this time. I bit my lip and panted. I could feel my panties had been soaked through. They were warm and damp. Carlisle was growling a little and I swear I heard him snarl 'mine' under his breath for a moment.
The tearing sound from below wasn't as loud as their sounds of pleasure or my panting. The last barrier between his hands and my pussy was gone. His fingers met my warm flesh. I startled a little at how cold his fingers were but soon all rational thought left me. Sparks of sensation flooded my body and I moaned. The ache built.
He moved his finger up and down my slit and rubbed my clit gently before exploring my folds throughly. Carlisle's face was tucked against my neck as I continued arching my body. My legs began to tremble.
Two fingers examined me and dipped into my opening teasingly before I practically snarled, "Fucking hell! Stop teasing"
A small breath of laughter puffed against my neck. Bastard. Though the doctor did stop teasing and inserted one long finger into me. I couldn't catch my breath. It felt so good. So perfect. I was completely soaked and the finger glided easily. He rubbed against my walls as he retreated and then pushed in again.
"More" I moaned and he obliged. Carlisle then pushed two fingers in. I shuddered. My legs shook. I was almost close to cuming on his fingers right then and there. He started off slowly and gently but got deeper and harder as I continued to moan. The sounds coming from my mouth were obscene but I couldn't help it. It was just so good.
Carlisle had two fingers inside of me, pumping hard and deep. My mind went numb and I bucked against him. He murmured unintelligible words into my neck and I blabbered praise to him.
I felt myself creeping closer to that wonderful edge, "A-almost there. Oh god, please" I choked out. Carlisle's fingers sped up and I called out in pleasure. Deep and hard his fingers went, rubbing against me. I could feel his hand was soaked but I didn't care, I was too lost in the sensations.
My orgasm hit me suddenly and I shuddered, shaking and moaning through it all. Carlisle's fingers didn't falter but pushed through, prolonging the most intense feeling of my life.
I did eventually tire out though as my muscles turned to mush and I trembled from the feeling. Peace and tiredness crashed into me. I sighed and let myself slump against the good doctor.
Carlisle gently removed his fingers from me and then lifted me in his arms. I was placed on his lap as he sat behind his desk, tucked safely and comfortably into his side. I relaxed in complete and utter bliss for a moment before breaking the peace,
"How pissed are you that I came and you didn't?" I mumbled against his chest, nuzzling my head. The lack of response made me look up.
Carlisle wasn't looking at her but his face was tilted away. Alarm and worry shot through her until she studied him more closely. He wasn't looked... sheepish? Embarrassed?
"Care you share you thoughts with the class?" I asked suspiciously.
Carlisle's now light yellow eyes looked down at her warily, "I" He cleared his throat, "I hope you do not mind but I did... finish with you" He explained.
I watched his suspiciously for a moment or two before blurting out, "You came from getting me off? Jesus, that's amazing and flattering" I winked too ease away the tension. I was in a too good mood, feeling boneless and protected in his arms.
Carlisle's lips twitched and he shook his head, "Ah no. I was touching myself along with you" He admitted. Honest heat shot through her and she groaned a little in arousal and amusement.
"If you'd told me what you were doing I would have finished a lot faster" I sighed, being honest. The whole idea of Carlisle touching himself was so hot and next time I would defiantly be exploring that idea.
I snuggled closer to the doctor, not feeling uncomfortable at being fully dressed from the waist up but naked below. It was perfect. It was peaceful. She was almost sleepy.
I smiled. How did they even get here? I thought through my haze. I had come here to let him down gently didn't I? Well there was not much gentle about what they did. It was brilliant and so fucking hot. They would be doing it again. Carlisle didn't take no for an answer. No he insisted that he 'court' her. I snorted softly as I started to drift off. Trust Carlisle to be so gentlemanly before finger fucking her into complete ecstasy.
I kissed him, didn't I? Thank god I did. It's all so hazy in my mind. Wonderful and hot haze but still. Did I manage to seduce him? No. He agreed didn't he? Wait... Iwas the one who agreed... didn't I? Agreed to what?
I frowned a little, feeling safe secure and falling deeper into slumber, encased safely and snugly against Carlisle's chest.
What did I agree to again? There was only one thing Carlisle was wanting.. but... no.
'Oh shit' I thought with dread as I finally fell asleep.