And so the rebuilding of this story begins! The Shinobi with a Mouth lives again!
Hunting a Cat
"Hey Stitches, who did you say we were looking for again?"
"A Kumo Kunoichi, the Two-Tails Jinchūriki. And don't call me Stitches."
"Yeah, yeah whatever you say Stitches. But anyway, why are we in a sewer?" Questioned the masked man while ignoring his partner's murderous intent.
"The Jinchūriki's trail lead us here, so she must be close." Answered the other man, all while trying to not kill his annoying partner.
"But couldn't she have chosen a better place to hide?! I mean come on! This place smells worst then Zetsu and that guy smells like shit... Wait does that mean that he eats shit? Because he's a plant and plants eat shit, cows shit to be precise. That guy must be nuts to even approach them. Cows scare the shit outta me, you know?"
The man just growled at his partner. "What nonsense are you even talking about?"
"Oh nothing, just talking about my unconventional fear for cows."
"You have bovinophobia?"
His partner just growled more. "Just shut up and be quiet, we are getting closer to the Two-Tails Jinchūriki."
"Yeaaaah, you just asked for two impossible things."
"I Swear I'm going to kill you someday."
"And there is another one!"
The man closed his eyes in irritation while rubbing his head, trying to prevent the coming headache. "I swear to god, that mouth of yours will be the end of you one day. Just keep walking!"
"You love me."
And the two masked men continued walking.
Nii Yugito could classify this mission as complete failure.
It started as an easy B-rank mission, but everything just went to hell after two cloaked men appeared out of nowhere, taking her team by surprise. Somehow they manage to kill all her teammates before she could do anything to stop them. Being the only one left, she was forced to retreat. But by no means she was escaping. No, she was making sure that they couldn't escape. After all, she can't let them live after what they did to her comrades.
She was not able to see their abilities, so she shouldn't underestimate them, but neither should them.
Right now she was standing in the middle of a huge room, waiting for the two cloaked figures as they steeped out of the darkness of the tunnel.
"Hey there little kitty, we been looking for you! Did the big stitched guy scare you? Don't worry, he can't harm you. Well, he can take out your heart and claim it as his. And I don't mean it in the romantic way." Shouted one of them in a playful voice.
The moment the two men got in contact with the light, Yugito could not help but frown at what she saw. "I should have known I was dealing with the Akatsuki." she said with venom in her voice. She knew that they were members of infamous organization that has been growing its influence throughout the Elemental Nations. They were wearing the black cloaks with red clouds.
"So you know about us."
Of course she knew about them. The Akatsuki, a criminal group that Master Jiraiya, one of the legendary Sannin, has warned hers and many of the other hidden villages. They were the group that has was behind the increasing disappearances of Jinchūrikis all over the map. One more reason that makes this group so dangerous is the fact that their entire group is made of S-rank missing-nin. Very dangerous people.
As she began to look at her attackers, she noticed that aside from their Akatsuki cloaks, they were also wearing masks. One wore a white hood and a black mask with his eyes being the only visible part of his face, along with a forehead protector of Takigakure, the Village Hidden by a Waterfall, with a scratch in the middle, showing his status as a missing–nin.
The other one was wearing a red mask that covered entirety of his face with black spots around his white eyes. Also, Yugito didn't fail to notice the two katanas that he was carrying on his back.
Those swords are not normal, I can tell that much. If I'm not mistaking, he must be a Kenjutsu specialist. If the years I have spent with B have taught me anything, is that I have to be careful around him. She thought as a big frown formed in her face.
Getting a clearer look on her face, the red masked man's eyes grew in surprise. "Whoa! Kakuzu, you didn't told me that we were after a hot chick!" He spoke with enthusiasm, earning a murderous look from the female Jinchūriki.
"That is irrelevant. Now shut up." The one called Kakuzu retorted in annoyance.
The other Akatsuki just let out a small laugh. "Damn Kakuzu, you really are a killjoy, you know that?"
Kakuzu just ignored him and continue to stare at the Kumo-nin. "If I would have to guess, I would say you already know why we are here. Good, that save us time. Now, I'll ask you to give yourself in and save us the trouble." He said, earning a glare from Yugito.
The red masked man only chuckled. "I apologize for my partner's rudeness. He isn't really a people person. You see, her mother always beat the living crap out of him when he was a kid…"
"…but anyway! You may call me Deadpool! And this gentlemen right here is my sidekick Kakuzu, nice to meet you!"
It took Kakuzu every bit of self-control that he had to not kill his partner. Maybe later, but not now.
The female Jinchūriki glare only hardened. She was getting tired of the two Akatsuki. But fortunately, she had a plan. She smiled, much to the two Akatsuki's confusion.
"You probably think you got me cornered, but you got it wrong." She said before making a hand sign. "You are the ones trapped in here."
Deadpool looked at her with confusion. "Wait, what...?"
Suddenly all of the tunnel entrances connecting to the room exploded, covering all the exits in debris.
"I was planning to kill you both, but now that I know that you two are from the Akatsuki, then I can't risk any of you escaping."
"Hmm, if this is how you want it then so be it, it work better for us this way." Mumbled Kakuzu.
His partner just released a sigh and placed his hand on the handle of one of his katanas. "It's a shame, I was planning to invite you to dinner before we take the little kitty inside you and let you die in a very painful way. Oh well! Maybe next time."
Seeing that her words and tactics weren't striking any fear in her enemies caused her anger to grow.
"I swear I'm going to kill you both!".
In that moment, Yugito began to concentrate chakra in her body, causing her fingernails and toenails to became long claws while her appearance took a wilder look.
"Damn, those things are huge! You really need to cut those, you could poke someone's eye!" Exclaimed Deadpool.
Before anyone could do anything, the female Jinchūriki moved at a great speed and attacked the two Akatsuki members with one powerful swing from her claws, making them jump in opposites directions to avoid the attack.
"She is fast." Observed Kakuzu.
"No way, captain obvious!" Yelled Deadpool.
Good, they separated. Now I will take out the red one first, then I finish the other guy. She thought as she got ready to attack again.
Before Deadpool could land on the floor, he noticed that the female Jinchūriki was running towards him. Reacting quickly before she could hit him with one of her giant claws, he unsheathed his katana and blocked the powerful attack before it could get anywhere near him.
"Ha! You need to do more than that to even scratch me, little kitty!" Deadpool taunted as he landed.
Seeing that her attack didn't have any effect, she try one more time. This time using both of her claws.
"Oh oh." He said, aware of the incoming attack. Knowing that it was going to be stronger than the last one, he unsheathed his other sword and blocked the powerful double slash with his two katanas. When the two clashed with each other, a fight of strength began as the two fighters tried to push the other.
Yugito growled in frustration. He is…really strong! I don't know how, but even with some of Matatabi's chakra, he is still able to compete with my strength! Seeing that the battle of strength was getting nowhere, she separated from the red masked man, putting some distance between them.
"Oh please, don't tell me you're already tired! We just started dancing and I still haven't show you my best moves." He said while putting his swords back in their sheaths. "Check this out!"
Breathing heavily, Yugito just stared dumbfounded at Deadpool as he started dancing, moving his legs in a really weird and disturbing way.
Is he serious? Yugito thought with gritted teeth. I don't know who this guy is, but he is no ordinary shinobi. To be able to withstand the level of strength that I used is no small feat. Still watching the red man dancing like an idiot, she did not noticed the large drop of sweat that was falling from the forehead of the other Akatsuki who was also watching the scene unfold.
Deciding to ignore the idiocy of his partner, Kakuzu decided to this chance to attack. Taking off his coat, he extruded his fire heart and shot a powerful fire attack, surprising the kunoichi before jumping out of the way.
"What the… What the hell is that thing?" She questioned in shock while in midair, not aware of the presence behind her.
"Sneak attack!" Someone shouted behind her. Yugito turned, only to see Deadpool holding a sword in both hands and gaining momentum, ready to slice her in half.
Dammit! I got distracted! She was only able to block the attack with only one of her claws. The strike was way too strong from what she first anticipated. But what come next only shocked her beyond comprehension.
Her claw broke.
How... How can this be?! She could not believe what was happening, but when she took a closer look at her attacker's blade, she was able to spot a blue aura surrounding it. I see. So he coated his sword with his own chakra to make his attack stronger. But still, no ordinary blade or chakra could make such a clean cut that easily!
Taking advantage of her shock, Deadpool did not wasted time. He quickly sheathed his sword back and did a spin kick, sending Yugito away. But before Yugito could even recover, Kukuzo extruded his water heart and shot a strong current of water, hitting her and crushing her against the brick wall. When the shooting stopped, Kakuzu retracted both hearts and stared at the female Jinchūriki who was now lying on the ground.
"Ha! Got the little bitch this time, didn't we?" Said Deadpool as he stood beside his partner and raised his hand. "High five for team work!"
Kakuzu just stared back at his partner in annoyance before replaying with a simple "No" while approaching the Jinchūriki on the ground.
"Oh come on! Are you still mad because I call you stitches?" He asked but received no answer. Deadpool just growled. He crossed his arms on his chest and turned his back at Kakuzu. "Fine then, have it your way! I never wanted to 'high five' you anyway!"
As he ignored Deadpool, who was complaining about having the worst bromance in bromance history or something along those lines, he crouched besides the Two-Tails Jinchūriki and begin to inspect her, searching for any serious injuries that she may have. They still needed her alive after all. However, a strong presence of chakra suddenly made itself known.
"What the..." Kakuzu was not able to finish what he was saying before he was launched away by the powerful chakra that was coming out of the female Jinchūriki.
"I'm going to…kill you both!" She screamed in anger while her entire body glowed with chakra, earning a demonic look.
"Dammit Kakuzu!, didn't you know that cats don't like to get wet! you jackass!" Yelled Deadpool at his partner, who was now getting up while rubbing his head.
"I'm telling you Deadpool, if you don't stop talking right now, I swear I'm going to stitch your mouth shut again." He stated in a more raspy and angry voice.
His response came as nothing but silence
"That's what I thought."
The attention of the two now focused on the huge figure that begin to take shape in front of them. It covered them with it's huge shadow.
"Holy mama!" Exclaimed Deadpool, staring at the giant figure before them. "Kakuzu, I think I have a burrito stuck in my pants right now!"
Kakuzu decided to not question what a burrito was. He was also staring at the large figure in front of them that came in the form of a giant cat that was completely engulfed in blue flames. Its yellow eye and a green eye glared at the both of them with nothing but anger. The Jinchūriki growled and roared loudly, getting ready to attack.
"This isn't good…"
A giant ball of fire begin to form in her mouth.
"Dodge!" Warned Kakuzu.
When the giant ball of fire was complete, she shot it towards them, forcing them to look for cover. But when the attack hit the wall behind them, the entire place exploded around them.
After the explosion, almost nothing remained, but the structure remains were scattered everywhere. But some of the rubble of what was left began to move, it was until some moments later that Deadpool's head came out.
"Well that wasn't so bad".
Slowly emerging from the rubble, Deadpool began to accommodate every part of his body that was out of place,"Damn that hurt, but oh well, at least I'm still in one piece, wait, where is my butt?".
Before Deadpool could look for his butt, he noticed a giant shadow. Deciding to not waste time, he jumped away and avoid being crushed by the same giant cat from before.
"Come on, can't you give me a rest?, at least let me find my butt, I don't want to be butt-less!", he said, before once again avoiding being crush by a giant paw.
Now standing a little far away now, Deadpool unsheathed his swords, "Hmm, I need to get closer if I want to do real damage, ordinary jutsus won't work on her, and I can't risk killing her, so my best chance are this babes", he said, referring to his sword.
He then noticed Kakuzu emerging from the rubble, just behind the giant cat, "About time you decided to join the party, Kakuzu!".
After getting out of the rubble, Kakuzu saw Deadpool, swords at hand and standing right in front of the transformed Jinchūriki.
"This idiot, battling the Jinchūriki head on, what is he thinking", he said, standing in his two feet, "You know what, scratch that, he probably isn't thinking at all".
Having no other choice, Kakuzu extruded his wind and fire hearts and shoot a powerful blast of fire, which was amplified by a strong current of wind. The powerful attack sped toward its target, hitting the Two-Tails Jinchūriki in the back, gaining her full attention.
The cat, now angry, began to charge a giant fireball in her mouth, and threw it at Kakuzu, but before it could hit him, he extruded his water heart, and repelled the attack with a powerful current of water, filling the place whit steam.
Kakuzu was now breathing heavily, "Stopping that attack…took me…a lot of chakra", he said, while trying to regain himself. As the steam began to clear up, only Kakuzu and the giant cat could be seen, but no sign of Deadpool.
As the transformed Jinchūriki began to prepare another attack, she was not able to notice the movement between the remaining steam, and without realizing it, a figure came out of the steam with an incredible speed and began to slash her legs, covering them whit hundreds of deep cuts, and in the blink of an eye, the figure jumped in the air and landed in her back, followed by the feeling of two blades piercing her, making her roar in pain.
"Ha!, didn't expect that one, didn't you?!".
While Deadpool was holding the handle of his swords, which were buried in the Jinchūriki's back. She then started doing all sorts of sudden movements, trying to throw him off her back.
"Whoah!, easy girl!", shouted Deadpool, doing his best to not fall off.
As Deadpool continue struggling whit the Jinchūriki, trying to keep her occupied, Kakuzu prepare himself for a final attack.
'This better work Deadpool', thought Kakuzu, waiting for an opening. Deadpool didn't fail to notice this, and smiled behind his mask.
"Well it was fun playing rodeo whit you little kitty, not bad for our first date if you ask me, but still, duty calls and the reader is probably getting bore of this fight, so I'll end it right here", said Deadpool as he took his swords back, and before she could try to hit him, he jumped off her back and quickly put his swords in their sheaths before starting making hand signs whit an impressive speed.
"Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu!", shouted Deadpool.
Suddenly, from all the surrounding water in the area, a giant dragon made of water appear an launched itself against the transformed Jinchūriki, knocking her from her feet and sending her to the ground.
Kakuzu smirked under his mask.
'Hmm, it seems you are not as useless as I thought after all', thought Kakuzu. And before he finally activated his jutsu, he decided to put even more chakra in his final attack, and when it was finally ready, he extruded his lightning hearth and released the jutsu.
"Raiton: Gian!", yelled Kakuzu, before shooting a powerful lightning attack.
As powerful as the attack was, it probably wouldn't have done anything to the Tailed Beast in normal circumstances, but whit all the stabs and deep cuts she received earlier and the powerful water attack leaving her all wet, she was now completely vulnerable to any lightning attack.
When the attack make contact whit the transformed Jinchūriki, the electric shock made her roar in pain, which cause her to lose her balance and hit the ground.
As Kakuzu begin to stand up, Deadpool landed beside him, "Hell yeah, way to go Kakuzu!", yelled Deadpool to his partner.
"Shut up, this isn't over yet, we still need to suppress the Tailed Beast chakra", said Kakuzu while looking at the Jinchūriki, who was already trying to get up, "We were lucky she wasn't using her full strength".
"Damn, way to kill the mood", said Deadpool, looking to the ground whit a sad expression.
Kakuzu was still annoyed by his partner childish behavior, and he wanted nothing more but cut his head clean off, but there were more urgent matters right now. It won't be long before the Jinchūriki recovers and try to kill them again, time was running out.
"Well like I said, this is taking so long so I'll just end this quick", said Deadpool, returning to his usual behavior.
Kakuzu turned to look at his partner, "What are you tal-…Where the hell did you get that?", said Kakuzu, now staring at Deadpool who was carrying a huge scroll.
"You don't want to know".
When Deadpool opened the scroll, a huge cloud of smoke come out.
'What is he doing now?', thought Kakuzu as he waited for the smoke to disperse.
The smoke cleared, and Deadpool was standing there whit a lot of large wooden stakes.
Kakuzu's eyes winded as he recognized the stakes, "Those…those are-…".
"Wood made by the Shodaime Hokage's Mokuton!, awesome right!?", said Deadpool in excitement, "Unlike you stitches, I'm not afraid of buying things whit all my money".
Kakuzu growled, he knew that any wood made by the Shodaime Hokage's Mokuton was not only expensive, but it was almost impossible to find any. How this clown got his hands in so much of it was beyond him.
"Just be done whit it already".
"Well that was fun, now what?", asked Deadpool, seating besides the unconscious Kunoichi.
"We wait for Zetsu to come and take the Jinchūriki, then we go to look for our next target", said Kakuzu, now wearing his Akatsuki cloak.
Deadpool sighed, and continued poking the unconscious Kumo Kunoichi with a stick, bore out of his mind. The two were sitting on the floor, waiting for who knows how long without doing anything and Kakuzu didn't fail to notice the uncomfortable silence.
"What's up whit you?".
"Me?, what?", asked Deadpool.
"You are unusually quiet, especially because you are not even talking to yourself like always".
Deadpool tilted his head to one side, "Uh?, you are worried about me?", he asked, obviously surprise.
Kakuzu growled, "Is disturbing, you being so quiet makes me uncomfortable".
Deadpool chuckled and then sighed, "Well, to tell you the true I wanted to ask you something?".
Deadpool took a moment, he looked directly at the unconscious Jinchūriki, then at his own hands, "What's after all this?, I mean, what's after all this fighting, hunting bounty's, and being part of a creepy-ass criminal organization?".
"What do you mean?".
Deadpool now turned to look at his partner in the eyes, "You been around for like, I don't know one hundred fucking years or something?, I'll probably live that long too, probably more, so tell me, is there something else aside from all of this?, not that I'm tire or anything, I still love kicking ass, but is this all we got?".
Kakuzu was in deep thought, trying to come up whit an answer, "Sadly, I can't tell, I've been doing this for a long time now, and I haven't gotten tire of it, money has and still is my major motivator, so the Shinobi life is the only one for me".
"…I see", said Deadpool, before returning to his usual mood, "Where the fuck is Zetsu anyway?!".
The two turned around, just to see the Zetsu coming out the ground.
"About time you decided to show up!, why the hell did it took you so long?".
"There were some… complications", said the white half.
"Good to see you capture the Jinchūriki, good job", said the black one.
"No thanks to you, ass-holes", said Deadpool, earning a glare from Zetsu.
Zetsu then looked at the Jinchūriki unconscious body, "I'll take her from here, get ready for your next target", said the black half, and without saying anything, he begin to disappear in the ground, taking the Kunoichi whit him.
"Oh and Deadpool…", said the white one, earning Deadpool's attention, "…We don't eat cows shit".
Deadpool's eyes winded, "Wait you were-… Fuck you!, you fuck face!".
After Zetsu's fiasco from before, and some more minutes of rest, Kakuzu finally stand up, followed by Deadpool.
"Let's go", said the old Shinobi.
"To the fire country for our next target".