Me: "Hey, Other me."
Other me: "Yeah?"
Me: "You know what would be a good idea?"
Other me: "Not talking to yourself?"
Me: "Not that."
Other me: "Ok, what then?"
Me: "Blending real-world happenings with comic book superheroes in a newspaper format!"
Other me: "You're a fucking dumbass."
Me: "Hey fuck you man!"
...I don't know where this is going...
Wayne Entertainment to Buy-Out Daily Planet
By: Lois Lane
METROPOLIS- Business magnate and billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne has announced his intention to buy-out Galaxy Entertainment's remaining shares of Planet Incorporated, a deal that will see the paper added to a growing list of brands.
"The Daily Planet is a well respected paper filled with highly competent staff, even Jimmy" he told reporters. "I look forward to working with everyone to create the best paper possible."
As part of the deal, Mr. Wayne has promised a large influx of capital into the paper's budget in the hopes of upgrading, or replacing, any outdated or decrepit equipment that the paper is saddled with. Though neither the billionaire nor his companies Chief Financial Officer have confirmed a set amount, Mr. Wayne assured staff members that he had the paper's best interests at heart.
"People will be getting a hefty pay raise when this deal goes through," he stated in his press release. "Except for Jimmy; Peter Parker gets half of what he's paid and yet manages to avoid getting captured or falling down holes on a regular basis."
Perry White, the Planet's Editor-in-Chief, has been indifferent to the change of management.
"He's a rich, pompous jackass, but so long as he lets me print papers the way they ought to be printed, I wouldn't even care if he punted Jimmy from the top floor onto a bed of knives."
Other staff members have had conflicting reactions to the news. Clark Kent denied comment, mumbling something about "biting the hand that feeds [him]", while political columnist Ron Troupe, when approached, expressed concern at some of the technology being shipped into the building.
"Some of it seems like it's straight out of Star Trek. I'm talking massive computer monitors, AI databanks, something that looks like you'd store weapons in it. Could have sworn I saw a giant, bat-shaped laser canon getting hauled up to the roof too. Makes me jittery."
The deal is to be finalized by Wednesday as each company's lawyers pour over the contracts. In the meantime, the Planet will operate as normal, while Lex Luthor continues to have a very public hissy fit about Mr. Wayne "pissing in his backyard."
Lois Lane is a two-time Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, a National Book Award winning author, and in another universe is currently having her character bastardized by DC's Editorial Team.
Honest question; is Ron Troupe even in the New 52? Because the guy was pretty awesome, so it'd be just like the New 52 to cut him out or make him some whiney ass-hat...