Hi there. Um...

So as a heads up, I don't anticipate writing anything Justice League related for...an indefinite period of time. Truth be told, I'm just plumb-tuckered out when it comes to superheroes. My interests have moved on to other things that have a strangle-hold on my attention, and with school moving into the more...erm, shall we say, "terrifying" phase, I just don't have the inclination nor the inspiration to write anything involving DC characters. Or Marvel characters, but frankly I didn't have that to begin with.

Anyways, I'll still be around, working on some stuff that involves the new sources of my attention, so if you want to drop a line feel more than free too. But...yeah, no more DC stuff from me.

Except for this: I've kinda wanted to do something like this for a while.

Letters to the Editor

What the hell does Green Lantern even do?

Dear Daily Planet,

I'm curious. I'm legitimately curious. What exactly does he do? Why is he considered a hero?

Because all I see from TV is him running around with a giant green boxing glove and maybe like a machine gun and every time he tries to use it some joker with like flaming pumpkins for powers manages to sucker him a good one. There's a dude running around in his Robin Hood PJ's with a bow and arrow and even he doesn't get knocked down as much.

My son's five and even he thinks that's super lame.

Much love,

Jamie Delreo, Mission City.


Think of the Children!

Dear Godless sodomites.

I can't help but notice that you support Wonder Woman. I think that's a big mistake. I know that's a big mistake. Her costume is atrocious and her politics are even worse. Can you imagine the mindless anarchy that would follow if other women followed in her footsteps? If young women followed in her footsteps?

Thinking for herself, standing up to the traditions that have kept this country fair and safe since the 1860's, speaking her mind - it's all claptrap. It's all horrible. Her legs are far too skinny and yet her breasts are far too big. She makes a mockery of the very important social institutions that good, God-fearing Christians have sworn to uphold.

If she's so special, then she could clearly be a Wonder in the kitchen, without all the harmful pollutants she's putting in the heads of our youths.

Burn in Hell,

Phyllis Schlafly, proud MRA and mother of the founder of Conservapedia.


Superhero Tax

Dear Daily Planet Editors,

I was thinking the other day and I came up with this really cool solution to our budget problems! Hear me out - superheroes gotta be pretty wealthy, right? Cuz, like, they can afford all these cool planes and space stations and stuff. So that means they got a bunch of money, like rich people, right?

So if rich people don't wanna pay taxes, what if we just tax superheroes instead? Cuz, like, these guys are supposed to be the good guys, right? So they'd, like, understand that we need hospitals and schools and roads and, like, I donno, battleships and stuff, right? So they shouldn't complain or move to Ireland, right?

I mean, it probably wouldn't hurt them too much. I mean, they use the hospital a lot, right? Or, like, they put people in the hospital a lot, so obviously they'd know that we need good hospitals cuz otherwise all those bad-guys would die after Superman throws them in the ocean or whatever and then they wouldn't be good guys anymore if they killed anyone. Right?

I think it's a good idea! I keep calling my Congressman but he's never in, so I want you guys to know about it!

Thanks for the comics in the back,

Brian Garret, Metropolis.


I was frozen today!

So I live in Gotham City and we've got this freeze guy that has ice as a power or something and so I was walking down the street trying to get to a doctors appointment because I have high blood pressure and that's not a good thing when you drive and armoured car because people keep trying to rob us and anyways I was walking down the street and I started feeling really cold which is weird because it's July and it's really warm in Gotham when it's July and so I was kind of freaking out since they say that you get really cold when you have a heart attack and my doctor told me that high blood pressure can give you a heart attack and I didn't want that so I panicked and started shivering and then I realized I was shivering because my feet were frozen to the pavement and I couldn't go anywhere and the ice was climbing up my legs and I looked over and there was Mr. Freeze he was huge and he had his gun out and he was pointing it at me and he was like "Stay cool - I don't need any hotblooded younglings messing up my take" and then he blasted his way into the jewelry store and took a whole bunch of nice looking jewels and necklaces and stuff and the ice kept climbing up my body and I was getting really nervous because you can't breathe in ice and then he came out and said "Stay frosty - I can feel the Bat on his way" and I was hoping he wasn't lying because I was really starting to panic and so then he went away on an ice bridge he shot out of his gun and then some cops came and defrosted me because Batman was busy and I got out alright but it was really scary let me tell you.

Anyways I just wanted to tell someone this because no one believes me they all say stupid stuff like "there is no Mr. Freeze" or "what the hell? Batman's just a comic book character" and "you don't live in Gotham City you idiot, you live in New York!" so it gets kind of lonely when no one believes me. But I'm all warm now, thanks for asking.

Your friend,

Chris from Gotham.


Booster Gold doesn't get enough credit

Look, I'm just sayin' - the guy's pretty cool. Sure he doesn't have the exposure of the Big Guns or whatever, but that's because his prime is still years away baby! I can tell, trust me - the Booster Gold we have now is just the tip of the Booster Gold Iceberg. When the future comes, ho boy, we're all gonna look to Booster like we look to Jesus!

So what I'm sayin is that we ought to maybe, I donno, just let him know a little bit more how we appreciate him now, so that when he's flooded by fan-mail and propositions for baby's he can still hear all the little people. I mean, he's out there savin our butts day in day out - I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

Always happy to speak for Booster,

Micahael Jon Carter

Welp, that's it folks - last Justice League story for me. Um, sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to make a big deal of this - I'm honestly not. I just didn't want to disappear from the Justice League section without saying that I really appreciate you guys reading my stories and sticking with my evolution as a writer. I still suck a big one, but hey - at least I don't use semi-colons anymore!

But yeah, thanks for all the fish guys. Hope you all had a great New Years (probably not because 2017 is going to be a dark-as-shit year, but whatever), and if you wanna still keep a look out for some of my other stories, that'd be awesome.

Mmm...ok, I feel like I'm still making a big deal about this. So...sorry, that wasn't my attention. Just wanted to say thanks in a collective sort of way to the people that have been following me since I started writing seriously.

As they say, then - keep your stick on the ice.