The original prompt here was, Femshep is captured on Purgatory. Who is willing to pay so much that they were willing to risk capturing a spectre and what do they intend to do with her?
Then someone filled it:
It was Joker! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN
Then he raeped her but she liked it ect.
I guess you could say I was inspired.
"You better explain yourself extremely quickly!"
Joker tugged at his collar. "Come on, they had guns! Lots of guns! What else was I going to do, bleed on them? Look, buying you was the only way I could get you out of there."
Shepard sighed and took a step back. "I... I know. I'm sorry, I'm a little on edge after that cell. I should be thanking you."
"You might want to save that. 'Cause, you know, Cerberus doesn't actually pay me, and I kind of got into a bidding war towards the end, and..."
She gave him a level look. "Just tell me how much."
He swallowed. "Three hundred and sixty-four thousand units of platinum."
Shepard blinked, took three stumbling steps, and sank down on the nearest chair.
"I think I'm gonna cry."
He patted her shoulder awkwardly. "There, there, Commander. I'm sure there are some planets we haven't depleted yet."
She gave him a look that would have frozen a lesser man solid. "Set a course for Omega," she ordered, and pushed his hand off her shoulder. "I am going to get really, very, extremely drunk."
Joker simply nodded and made for the exit.
It would probably be better if he wasn't around when she found that he'd blown all their credits on overnight shipping.