Hi my name is Kevin Dark'ness Dementia Smith Price and I have precise ebony black hair and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like the angel Moroni (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Joseph Smith but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white like me?! I have pale white skin. I'm also a missionary and I go to a Mormon school called Ridchester in Salt Lake City where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a Mormon (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly ties. For example today I was wearing a black tie with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, black fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, foundation, black eyeliner and eye shadow. I was walking outside Rodchester It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I fought them.

"Hey Kevin!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Connor McKinley !

"What's up Connor?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some coffeee from a bottle I had. My bed was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my bed and took of my temple garmets which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dungarees, a key ring fingy, lace up boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of ties around my nice neck, and put my hair with lots of gel.

My friend, Arnold) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his long curly hair head and opened his forest-green eyes. He put on his Star Wars t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFReaking gosh, I saw you talking to Connor McKinley yesterday!" He said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Connor?" He Skwarked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so freaking don't!" I shouted. "I am not a homosexual man."

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Connor walked up to me.

"Hi." he whispered.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he exclaimed .

"What?" I asked anticipatedly.

"Well, The Prophets are having a sermon in our church." he squealed at me.

"Oh. My. Actual. Gosh! I screamed. I love The Prophets They are my favorite preachers, besides Joseph Smith.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. Connor was my sbf (straight best friend) but going to a sermon with him would still be kind of gay I was so conflicted on the inside of myself.

"I will go" I replied swiftly. He smirked and hissed at me in s sexy vampire way. (AN: he isn't a vampire he just acts like one to fit in with Keven)

So later I put on a new tie (black with dark Gray stars) and I went with Connor to listen to the sermon.

I was glad they said my favourite parts, but Connor seemed sad for quite a lot of it. I asked him what was wrong but he just cried and sexily hissed 'turn it off' so I thought he was okay

HOWEVER when we left the sermon Connor looked at me and said:

"Can I tell you a secret." He sniffled

"Sure." I replied in my coolest voice.

"I'm having gay thoughts." He wailed.

I gasped "CONNOR BUT THATS BAD."

"I know." He screamed whilst crying

"Oh no." I screamed too because he was my friend.

"You're my friend Connor. I smiled at him as he cried. I didn't care that he was having problem thoughts, he was still my sbf, and I loved him. (In a no homo way!)

I felt bad for him because he looked sexy when he was crying and that made me feel bad on the inside so I lead him back to the school and took him into the kitchen.

"Food makes you feel better." I said as I started making him a poptart sandwich.

"What about you." He cried still crying

"I only have blood and coffee" I replied.

"BUT COFFEE IS SINFUL." Connor gasped.

I smiled and shook my head, laughing to myself about something.

Connor was sad for a while but he cheered up when he'd had a poptart. He was not even crying when he finished. My blood and coffe mix was also good, I lived ciffee because I wasn't meant to have it.

Suddenly, the mission president came into the kitchen.

"WHAT ARE YOU DONG YOU MOTHERFLIPPERS?"

Author's Note: I am sorry.