A/N: After watching a documentary on Jesus one of the episodes being about Judas, I decided I wanted to add a missing night in their travels. Many people of theories on the relationship between Judas and Jesus, this just adds to mine. I mean no disrespect to anyone religious or otherwise or the the memory of the people mentioned in the story. I wrote it just for fun I suppose.
WARNING: Very mild hints of Slash.
It was another night like any other. Jesus and the others had ceased their travels for the day and were now all resting beside scattered campfires. Mary Magdalene and a few of the other women traveling with him and the other disciples were singing and dancing, giving quite a show. Jesus watched with a smile grateful for the few moments of fun and entertainment. Despite being the Son of God even he felt he deserved a moment to just be happy and his Father agreed with him he knew.
Glancing up he realized Mary was giving him that look again and he only shook his head. True the woman had repented but he knew her feelings for him and he couldn't return them. He could never explain to her why so he kept her at bay as well as he could. A friend a companion, a teacher, that's all he could ever be to her, her and the others.
But there was that one, the one whom always stood out among the others. It was he who would give him a glance of his own one that Jesus read easily yet pretended not to notice. At least not when the others were around. Judas had always kept his distance from the others fearing he didn't deserve Jesus' love but still grateful when he was chosen as one of the 12. Jesus knew how Judas felt and longed to show him that he did deserve his love and that part of him wished for Judas's love in return.
But was it platonic love between friends or was it more? His Father had never said anything to him about a man lying with another man being a true sin. Now if a man as married to a woman and betrayed his wife by lying with another man, that as a different story sure.
Jesus had grown so deep in thought he didn't even notice the hand on his shoulder.
"Rabbi, are you unwell?"
Jesus glanced at the hand and clasped it with his own "Perhaps a bit of fresh air and quietness will calm me." He stood up and looked at the other man, "Will you join me?"
Judas looked towards the campfires, grateful the others were too preoccupied by the woman and the drink being passed around. "Am I worthy?"
Jesus sighed, "You always have been and always will be. Now come. Let us go down to the river and drink there. You know how I feel about wine."
Judas chuckled lightly, "Yes, as I recall you only touch it on very rare occasions. I stopped drinking when I first met you."
Jesus looked up towards the stars, "Is there anything else I stopped you from doing?"
Judas, "A few things, and a few things you started. One, which I could never allow you to know."
Jesus knelt beside the river and scooped up a handful of the water. He held it out to Judas who hesitated before sipping the cool water slowly. Once the water as gone Jesus turned to scoop up some more for himself but stopped when Judas mimicked his own movements and after hesitating himself he slowly drank the water. Glancing up he saw droplets in Judas's eyes, "Tears? Why?"
"How can you be so beautiful? How can you be so perfect?" Judas asked softly, "How can I-" he turned sniffling softly, "How can you care for someone like me?"
Jesus grew concerned and placed a hand on Juda's shoulder only to be shrugged off. A look of genuine hurt plastered itself on his face, "Judas? Do you hate me now?"
"I'm the one who deserves hatred. I should be cast away I should be-" he sniffled again, "Oh Jesus don't you understand? I have one selfish desire, one thing I want almost more than anything else in the world, save staying by your side if you let me."
Jesus sighed and moved to turn Judas around. He had already guessed what the other man wanted and he had already prayed to his Father asking for permission. Allow me this one pass this one forgiveness and I'll never ask for anything again. The Father had answered him, "Only because of what he will go through will I allow you to give him this one comfort. But only once and it shall never happen again." Jesus had known then that the one whom would betray him was the man whom he had now pulled into his arms. "Say the words first then fulfill your desire. I will not judge you nor will I push you away."
Judas looked at Jesus through his tears confused. "You'd have every reason to. How do I know you won't?"
Jesus looked deep into Judas's eyes and bared his soul, "You'll just have to trust me."
Judas nodded as he returned the glance showing Jesus everything, "I love you." The words hung in the night air and Jesus heard the love in the tone, heard the need the desire coursing through Judas to want to stay beside him to always be with him.
Jesus couldn't take it anymore he leaned in and pressed his lips to Judas in a kiss that seemed to stop time. He kept the kiss going as he felt Judas pull him closer deepening the embrace. He was grateful he could breath out of his nose because he didn't' want this to end. He knew once their lips parted it could never happen again. As he kept the kiss up he heard a voice in his head. "He truly does love you. And I see the love you have for him is deeper than the others but not as deep as your love for me. Cease this embrace my son and you and Judas will be allowed to be together in the kingdom."
But Father if Judas will be the one to betray me surely his sinful act will deny him the rights to the kingdom.
"My son, he will betray you because it is my will. His love for you will repent him and he will be with you. Have faith my son."
Jesus knew never to doubt his Father and he kept the kiss going for a moment longer before reluctantly breaking it. He immediately wanted that taste again but knew he couldn't go against his promise. "I love you too."
"You love us all." Judas said softly.
"I'm not one to pick favorites but my Father feels the love you have for me runs so deep he forgives me for loving you just a little more than the others." Jesus explained. "But what just happened now cannot happen again. My father gave me one time to be truly human and in that moment I showed you my heart."
Judas sighed, "Your heart is more precious than anything in this world. Do you truly want to entrust it to me?"
Jesus knew he was walking a thin line when he leaned in and placed a kiss on Judas's cheek. "You had it the moment I chose you to follow me and will have it until I have risen to the Kingdom." He reached out for Judas's hand "Come the others will be wondering where we are. It's still a long way to Jerusalem and Passover will be upon us soon." He led Judas back to the camp where most of the disciples had all quieted down for the night. He walked over to his own sleep mat just a few yards away from the others and motioned for Judas to lay with him.
Judas hesitated but did as requested surprised when he felt Jesus pull him into his arms. He returned the embrace and stayed as close to Jesus as he could. No one would know about the intimate touches they would share that night. No hand would meet skin under their robes now lips would meet with the other lips but their touches their caresses were enough for that one night. That's all they needed to keep going, that one night.
A/N: There you have it something simple and to the point. If anyone reads I hope you will tell me your thoughts.